Sheng’er… I… I want…
Lin Xizhao saw the displeasure on Qu Sheng’s face and knew she was already sulking.1 But it was a situation she couldn’t refuse. Besides, when they had gone out that morning, they had said they would be returning to the residence.
“Go and call the Second Young Master over. I’ll be there shortly.”
She had no choice but to go and greet them. As for the Jin family’s intentions, she had a rough idea from Qu Sheng’s reaction the day before.
“Sheng’er, come with me,” Lin Xizhao said, her gaze expectant.
Qu Sheng stood up. She looked at Lin Xizhao’s gentle expression and said nothing, simply taking her hand. Taking the role of the host,2 she led her directly toward the Lin Residence’s reception hall.
Just as the two of them arrived, Lin Xirui3 happened to be entering the courtyard.
“Ah Jie.”4
A smile appeared on Lin Xirui’s face when he saw Lin Xizhao, but his expression fell slightly when he saw Qu Sheng. Back at Yan Fengwu’s5 estate, he had only thought of running, nearly getting Qu Sheng and his own sister killed.
As a man, he had shown no courage. He had failed to be a pillar of support for the two young women; instead, the person he admired, Qu Sheng, had protected him with her own life. This made him feel utterly ashamed.6
After taking Qu Sheng back to Marquis Qu’s Residence that day and learning she was unharmed, he hadn’t had the face to see her again.
Qu Sheng stopped and glanced at Lin Xirui, her expression still sour. Lin Xirui thought she was angry with him. He hurried over, his lips trembling for a long moment before he managed to say, “Sheng-meimei, that day… it was my fault for not protecting you both. I…”
“It’s nothing.” Qu Sheng shot him a look before her gaze shifted back toward the reception hall.
Qu Sheng had been about to lead Lin Xizhao forward when a thought struck her. She turned back to Lin Xirui.
“The visitors are the Lingyi Jin Family.7 Marquis Jin8 has come with Heir Jin,9 likely to propose marriage and have my Jiejie become a stepmother10 to his grandsons. Xirui-gege, you know what to do now, don’t you?” Qu Sheng knew that Lin Xirui was vehemently opposed to Lin Xizhao marrying into the Jin family.
Lin Xirui was stunned for a moment. Hearing Qu Sheng explain their purpose, he mulled it over, and a fire ignited in his belly. “What? How do they have the nerve!” Furious, Lin Xirui started stalking toward the reception hall.
“Xirui,” Lin Xizhao called out hastily to stop him. Although she knew the reason for the Jin family’s visit, they were still a marquis, not to mention Qu Sheng’s maternal uncle and cousin. They couldn’t afford to offend them.
Lin Xirui looked up at Lin Xizhao. “Ah Jie, don’t worry. I know what I’m doing.”
Lin Xirui’s days as a reckless youth11 were behind him. After receiving Lin Xizhao’s pointers12 that day, he had conversed with the court officials so skillfully that no one could tell he was a newcomer to the political arena. Now that the Jin family had come to their residence with such intentions, he might not be able to chase them out with a big stick, but he certainly wouldn’t let them get their way.
Qu Sheng watched Lin Xirui storm toward the reception hall. She lowered her eyes in thought for a moment before she and Lin Xizhao hurried after him.
They arrived just moments after Lin Xirui. As he stepped through the door, he bowed to the two men. “I was not aware that Marquis Jin and Heir Jin were visiting. Please forgive me for failing to welcome you from afar.”13
“Worthy Nephew,14 there is no need for such formality,” Jin Yunyou15 said with a smile. “I told your father yesterday that I intended to visit today. It’s merely our misfortune to have arrived a bit early.”
As the two of them exchanged pleasantries, Lin Xizhao and Qu Sheng entered the hall.
“Maternal Uncle,” Qu Sheng said with a nod. Lin Xizhao followed with a curtsy.
From the moment Lin Xizhao entered, Jin Mingjun’s16 eyes never left her. Qu Sheng looked up and shot him a sidelong glance. “Maternal Uncle, weren’t you looking for my Biaojie?17 How do you have time to pay a visit here?”
Hearing this, Jin Yunyou glanced at Qu Sheng, then at Lin Xizhao beside her, and smiled. “Your Maternal Uncle told Prime Minister Lin months ago that I wished to visit, but matters in Lingyi kept me away. This visit was part of my planned trip to the capital.”
Qu Sheng looked up at Jin Yunyou. His plan never included a trip to Prime Minister Lin’s Residence. That was just a sudden idea from yesterday or today.
“Biaoge,18 why do you keep staring at my Jiejie?” Qu Sheng asked directly, seeing the infatuated look on Jin Mingjun’s face.
Jin Mingjun froze for a second, then quickly averted his gaze in embarrassment. “I just thought that Xizhao-meimei bore a striking resemblance to someone I once knew, so I couldn’t help but look a few more times.” He offered an excuse.
Qu Sheng’s lips curled into a slight smile. “I was starting to think my Biaoge was going to act like a lecher19 and plot something improper against my Jiejie.”
Hearing Qu Sheng’s blunt and truthful words, Lin Xirui let out a subtle, cold snort. He moved to Lin Xizhao’s side, physically blocking Jin Mingjun’s view of her.
The Jin father and son were left feeling rather awkward by Qu Sheng’s words and Lin Xirui’s actions. They had come to inquire about and secure the marriage to Lin Xizhao. But Qu Sheng’s sudden accusation made them feel as if they were guilty of the ten unpardonable crimes,20 leaving them rooted to the spot, unsure whether to stay or go.
Just then, Lin Jianhai21 returned.
He entered the reception hall and saw everyone standing. “I’ve been swamped with official duties today,” he said with a smile. “It’s my fault. I knew Marquis Jin and Heir Jin were coming, yet I still went to the yamen.22 My deepest apologies.”
At the sound of his voice, everyone looked over.
Lin Xizhao and Lin Xirui quickly bowed. Qu Sheng remained standing where she was. Jin Yunyou and Jin Mingjun took a few steps toward the door and bowed as well.
Jin Yunyou raised his hands in a salute. “No, the fault is mine for disturbing Lord Prime Minister during such a busy time.”
“Nonsense! No matter how busy I am, I can always find the time. Marquis Jin, please, come inside.” Lin Jianhai entered the room and invited Jin Yunyou to take a seat.
With her father present, it was no longer appropriate for Lin Xizhao, as an unmarried noble daughter,23 to remain. She and Qu Sheng took a few steps forward. With a graceful expression, she said to Lin Jianhai, “Father, since you have returned, this daughter will take her leave.”
Lin Jianhai nodded. Lin Xizhao then bowed to Jin Yunyou and Jin Mingjun once more.
She reached for Qu Sheng’s hand. Qu Sheng’s chest heaved for a moment as she suppressed her displeasure, and she left with Lin Xizhao.
Once they were out of the room, Lin Xizhao looked at Qu Sheng, truly worried she might make herself ill with anger. She had no such romantic intentions, but she understood why Qu Sheng was upset.
They hadn’t yet been able to come clean24 to Lin Jianhai about their relationship. The last time he had proposed this marriage, he had known about Jin Mingjun being a widower. Yet he still wanted to make it happen, for no other reason than to ensure Lin Xizhao would have a glorious future and someone to rely on.
After returning to their courtyard, Qu Sheng thought it over and sent one of the maidservants to eavesdrop by the door of the reception hall.
Seeing Qu Sheng looking as if she were sitting on pins and needles,25 Lin Xizhao felt uneasy as well.
They waited in silence until the maidservant returned. Qu Sheng shot up from her chair. “What did they say?”
The maidservant was startled by Qu Sheng’s urgency. She paused, glanced at Lin Xizhao, and replied, “Marquis Jin is here to propose marriage.”
Qu Sheng’s brow furrowed. She had guessed as much, but hearing it confirmed still sent a jolt of anger through her.
“Did Father agree?” Lin Xizhao asked quickly.
“The Master said—”
“What did he say?” Qu Sheng demanded icily.
The maidservant looked at Qu Sheng’s expression and, for some reason, got the feeling that Qu Sheng didn’t want her master to agree.
“The Master said he needs to ask for the Young Miss’s opinion.”
Hearing the maidservant’s report, Lin Xizhao understood. Just because Lin Jianhai hadn’t agreed now didn’t mean he wouldn’t later.
He knew perfectly well that she had already refused once, yet he said this today.
The Jin family’s visit was sudden, and they hadn’t even brought a matchmaker.26 They had come prepared to be rejected. Lin Jianhai could have easily found an excuse to turn them down, but he hadn’t.
“Have they left?” Lin Xizhao asked.
“No. The Master has ordered a banquet to be prepared,” the maidservant replied, subtly glancing between Lin Xizhao and Qu Sheng.
The furrow in Qu Sheng’s brow deepened. She immediately pulled Lin Xizhao up to leave. They would surely be asked to join the meal later.
Of course, that wasn’t her only reason. She needed to find Jin Yunfei.27
The two of them went to Marquis Qu’s Residence. Qu Sheng first took Lin Xizhao back to their courtyard and asked her to wait while she went to see Jin Yunfei.
Qu Sheng had been silent on the way over, but she hadn’t lost her temper. Lin Xizhao had no idea what she planned to do.
When Qu Sheng left the courtyard and found Jin Yunfei, her mother was sewing new clothes for the two of them.
“Mother.” Qu Sheng arrived in a great hurry.
Seeing her approach, Jin Yunfei put down her needlework. “Sheng’er, what is it?”
Qu Sheng bowed, then glanced at the servants in the room. “You may all leave.”
The servants looked to Jin Yunfei for confirmation. Seeing the urgent look on Qu Sheng’s face, Jin Yunfei waved her hand, dismissing them.
Qu Sheng watched the door close before turning back to her mother. “This child wants Mother to go to the Lin family and propose marriage.”
Back in the room, Lin Xizhao heard a noise and quickly stood up, looking toward the door.
It wasn’t Qu Sheng, but a servant delivering the formal lunch.
They had gone to the Lin Residence near noon and hadn’t arranged for food upon their return. Lin Xizhao asked, “Did Sheng’er send you?”
The servant, holding the tray, replied, “Yes.”
Qu Sheng had been gone to see Jin Yunfei for a long time. She must have guessed that Lin Xizhao would forget to have food prepared. In that regard, no one could compare to her.
Although lunch had arrived, Lin Xizhao had no appetite. She wasn’t worried that Lin Jianhai would agree to the Jin family’s proposal; even if he did, it could be broken off, just as the Jin family had silently broken their promise before. Right now, she was only worried about Qu Sheng’s mood. She had already told her on the way over that even if Lin Jianhai forced her to agree, she would never yield.
Lin Xizhao hadn’t been sitting at the table for long when Qu Sheng returned.
“Jiejie, why aren’t you eating?”
Hearing Qu Sheng’s voice, Lin Xizhao looked up. She thought she was seeing things when she saw the smile on Qu Sheng’s face. Her own eyes crinkled in a smile, and she said softly, “I was waiting for my Sheng’er to come back and eat with me.”
Qu Sheng’s lips curved. She walked to Lin Xizhao’s side, unable to restrain herself any longer, and leaned in to kiss her soft lips.
It was not a fiery kiss; it merely stopped after a shallow taste.28
“Sheng’er will eat with Jiejie.”
Looking at Qu Sheng’s expression, Lin Xizhao could see that her earlier anxiety had vanished. But she didn’t know what Qu Sheng had said to Jin Yunfei to put her in such a good mood.
As they ate, Qu Sheng looked up and casually remarked, “Let’s go back and stay there tonight.” She meant Prime Minister Lin’s Residence.
Lin Xizhao, chewing her food delicately, looked at Qu Sheng with confusion. “Why?”
“Does there need to be a reason for me and Jiejie to stay somewhere?” Qu Sheng laughed.
They could stay at either residence as they pleased; there was no rule that they had to be in one place or the other, as long as they were together.
Lin Xizhao realized her question had been a bit unnecessary, but she still felt that Qu Sheng’s suggestion had to be related to the Jin family’s marriage proposal.
After lunch, Qu Sheng had someone inform Jin Yunfei of their plans. They were preparing to leave for Prime Minister Lin’s Residence when they ran into Jin Yunyou and Jin Mingjun, who were just returning.
“Maternal Uncle.”
Qu Sheng bowed, and Lin Xizhao followed suit. This Jin family is truly interesting, she thought. To just show up at the Lin Residence unannounced and propose marriage.
“Xizhao-meimei, Biaomei,29 where are you two headed?” The smile on Jin Mingjun’s face had not faded since he laid eyes on Lin Xizhao.
Lin Xizhao lowered her head. Before she could speak, Qu Sheng smiled and said, “We’re going to see my Jiejie’s sweetheart.”
At these words, the smile on Jin Mingjun’s lips slowly vanished. He looked at Lin Xizhao, as if in disbelief.
But Lin Xizhao kept her head down, neither looking at him nor offering any denial or explanation.
“Let’s go, Jiejie.” Qu Sheng took Lin Xizhao’s hand. When they reached the carriage, she swept her up in her arms and boarded with her.
Only when the carriage’s shadow had disappeared did Jin Mingjun finally snap out of it.
Inside the carriage, Lin Xizhao saw the faint smile playing on Qu Sheng’s lips and didn’t feel angry about her rash words. Qu Sheng hadn’t lied. She really was going to see her sweetheart.
It was just that her sweetheart was right in front of her.
The moment they returned to the Lin Residence, Lin Xirui came to “tattle.” “Ah Jie, you absolutely cannot agree. That Heir Jin… he’s not… not a good person.”
It wasn’t that Jin Mingjun was unattractive. With a beautiful aunt like Jin Yunfei, he was naturally quite handsome himself.
Lin Xizhao glanced at Qu Sheng, who was looking back at her. Their eyes met, and a deep affection welled up between them.
“Are you… are you two even listening to me?” Lin Xirui asked, his face falling as he watched them gaze at each other.
They both turned to look at him. Lin Xizhao smiled. “What else did Father say?”
Lin Xizhao knew that Lin Xirui would later add oil and vinegar30 to his story to convince Lin Jianhai not to agree. But for now, it seemed her father was quite taken with Jin Mingjun. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have left the door open for discussion after she had already refused once.
“Father said he would discuss it with you, Ah Jie, before deciding,” Lin Xirui said, still angry just thinking about it. “Ah Jie, don’t worry. Even if you never marry, I can support you.”
She certainly didn’t need him to support her, but she worried about the idle gossip it would stir up in the capital.
“Aren’t you afraid of what people will say about our Lin family?” Lin Xizhao asked, testing him.
Lin Xirui’s eyes blinked with emotion. “Let them talk! As long as we don’t care, it doesn’t matter what they say. But if they start to chew the root of the tongue maliciously,31 I’ll…”
“You’ll what?” Lin Xizhao asked, her brow twitching.
Lin Xirui wanted to say he would rip their mouths apart, but he realized that was something a woman in the inner courtyards would say. For a grown man like him to say it would be laughable. He glanced at Qu Sheng. “I’ll have them beaten to death with a flurry of clubs.”32
Lin Xizhao chuckled at her brother’s foolish talk. “Alright, I understand. Has Father gone back to the yamen?”
“Yes,” Lin Xirui nodded.
“You should go to your lessons with your teacher. I will think carefully about what to say to Father.” Lin Xizhao already had a plan forming. To be precise, ever since she had committed to being with Qu Sheng, she had a vague idea of how to handle the confession to Lin Jianhai.
But that was only to be used as a last resort.
That evening, when Lin Jianhai returned from the yamen, he sent someone to summon Lin Xizhao, with specific instructions that Qu Sheng was not to come.
Qu Sheng didn’t have much of a reaction to this; she simply went to take a bath.
“Father.” Lin Xizhao entered Lin Jianhai’s study and curtsied.
A smile touched Lin Jianhai’s face as she entered. He set down his ink brush33 and turned to her. “You must know by now why Marquis Jin and his son were here today.” He didn’t need to guess; he knew his own son would have told her everything.
“Yes, this daughter knows,” Lin Xizhao replied obediently.
Lin Jianhai nodded and went back to reviewing and approving the memorials and documents.34 “What are your thoughts?”
Lin Xizhao looked up at her father, then lowered her eyes for a moment. “This daughter does not wish to marry him.”
Lin Jianhai’s hand paused, leaving a blot of ink on the document. He stared into the distance for a moment before turning to look at Lin Xizhao. “Why?” he asked. “You saw Jin Mingjun today. I could tell the young man is very fond of you, and he speaks and carries himself with the air of a great family.”
Lin Xizhao showed no sign of fear. She looked at Lin Jianhai, her expression serious. “Father has brought this matter up once before. Perhaps this daughter was not clear enough then. Today, I will tell Father my thoughts plainly.”
Hearing her words, Lin Jianhai grew serious as well and set his ink brush aside.
“Back then, the Jin family made a verbal marriage contract with Mother, only to break it without reason, without so much as a single letter in reply.” Lin Xizhao had heard this from her own maternal uncle. “This daughter believes the Jin family is untrustworthy.35 That is the first reason. Second, Jin Mingjun wrote to you less than three years after his wife’s passing. That is disloyal.36 Even if I were to agree to this marriage now, his late wife’s family would not permit him to remarry so soon. Third, although Father already refused him, he and his father came to propose marriage after only seeing me once, all while they were supposed to be searching for their family’s young miss. They are unable to prioritize what is important and are utterly shameless. And fourth, he already has two sons. Does Father wish for this daughter to go and raise sons for him?”
Lin Xizhao’s last statement was not overly blunt, but Lin Jianhai understood the implication. If she married Jin Mingjun, even if she bore a son, he would still be preceded by two others. The whole point of this marriage was to ensure she would be cared for and not be bullied in the future.
But the two children were not her own, and they were not young. In proposing now, did the Jin family not fear that the boys would resent her out of loyalty to their deceased mother? In any case, Lin Xizhao’s child would never inherit the title. Was she expected to harm the two boys?
Even if she didn’t harm them, if anything at all happened to them, the blame would fall on her head. That was human nature, and no one could control it.
Hearing his daughter’s analysis, Lin Jianhai’s eyes flickered. Her words made him hesitant to bring up the matter again. He pondered for a few moments, then said quietly, “We will speak of this again in the future.”
He did not press her further. Lin Xizhao was right. Even if the Jin family was in a hurry, they should have brought a matchmaker. Their visit today suggested they had no intention of settling the marriage and wedding right away.
“Father—”
“Go on back now. Father will think carefully on what Zhao’er has said.”
Hearing his reply, Lin Xizhao’s brow tightened uncontrollably.
“Go,” Lin Jianhai said, seeing her still standing there. He glanced at her before picking up his ink brush again.
Lin Xizhao’s gaze fell on the brush, which was still dripping ink. She lowered her eyes and quietly withdrew.
When she returned to the courtyard, Qu Sheng was still in the washroom. Lin Xizhao hadn’t been gone long, but Qu Sheng usually bathed quickly. Why was she taking so long today?
Lin Xizhao walked to the washroom door, which was guarded by a maidservant. “Is Sheng’er still inside?”
The maidservant curtsied. “In reply to the Eldest Miss, Sheng-xiaojie is inside.”
“How long has she been?” Lin Xizhao asked with concern.
“Jiejie.”
Before the maidservant could answer, Qu Sheng’s voice called out from within the room.
Hearing her, Lin Xizhao looked toward the door and, without a second thought, pushed it open and went inside.
“Why are you taking so long today?” Lin Xizhao asked as she turned to close the door behind her.
The door creaked shut. Lin Xizhao looked toward the carved screen.
“I was waiting for Jiejie.”
Lin Xizhao walked over and froze for a second, seeing Qu Sheng still dressed in her previous clothes. “Why haven’t you bathed?”
A small smile played on Qu Sheng’s lips, and a starlight twinkle appeared in her eyes. “I was waiting for Jiejie to join me.”
She wanted to bathe with Lin Xizhao.
“I’ll have someone bring a change of clothes,” Lin Xizhao said, about to turn away, her face flushing crimson.
She knew what Qu Sheng wanted. It hadn’t been long since they had been like that in here, and her body still held the memory.
But as she turned, Qu Sheng caught her hand. With a gentle pull, Lin Xizhao tumbled into her embrace.
Her warm, soft body was almost scalding.
Qu Sheng’s lips curled. She lifted her chin slightly, gesturing for Lin Xizhao to look toward the bench in the washroom.
A set of her clothes was already laid out there.
Lin Xizhao bit her lower lip gently, then looked back up at Qu Sheng.
At the sight of her tender eyes, which seemed to brim with moisture, Qu Sheng nearly lost control.
Qu Sheng lowered her head, her voice a little sweet and soft. “Will Jiejie undress herself, or shall Sheng’er help you?”
Lin Xizhao lowered her gaze, avoiding the heat in Qu Sheng’s eyes as if to shield herself from the flames within. “I’ll do it myself.”
After so many days, she had grown accustomed to being bare with Qu Sheng.37 But here, she felt less grounded than she did in bed, where at least a quilt offered some cover.
Qu Sheng was already undoing her outer robe, while Lin Xizhao was still hesitating, slowly loosening the sash at her waist.
“Sheng’er…” Lin Xizhao felt the urge to flee before battle.38
“No.” Qu Sheng knew what she wanted to say, but she had her own plans.
Qu Sheng slipped off her outer robe and walked to Lin Xizhao’s side. She moved Lin Xizhao’s hand from her sash and took over.
As Qu Sheng peeled away Lin Xizhao’s outer robe, the sight of her deeply flushed cheeks made her heart itch. She swallowed, unable to resist pressing her lips to the side of Lin Xizhao’s neck.
The slide of her warm, wet tongue sent an unconscious, trembling moan through Lin Xizhao.
And with that single trembling sound from Lin Xizhao, Qu Sheng lost herself. “Jiejie…” She simply couldn’t resist Lin Xizhao’s allure.
She would take her fill first and think later.
Qu Sheng lifted Lin Xizhao directly into her arms, walked to the large bathtub, and stepped inside using the wooden ladder. They entered the water fully clothed. The moment they sank into the water, Qu Sheng began to kiss Lin Xizhao’s soft lips with unrestrained urgency.
Amidst the kisses, articles of clothing were continuously tossed out of the tub.
A short while later, their gasps and pants filled the air.
In the tub, Qu Sheng had eaten Lin Xizhao clean,39 but Lin Xizhao still had some strength left. Qu Sheng, however, after just one time, seemed to be exercising restraint and carried her out.
They returned to the bedroom, where Qu Sheng immediately removed the fresh clothes Lin Xizhao had just put on, forbidding her from wearing them again.
They lay on the bed, Qu Sheng holding Lin Xizhao, their skin pressed together, yet she made no further moves.
Lin Xizhao looked at Qu Sheng’s restrained expression, at her own moist, slightly swollen lips. Swallowing her shame, she whispered, “Sheng’er, if you still want to, I…” I still can.
Usually, she was exhausted to the point of collapse. She didn’t know if Qu Sheng was being considerate of her today.
Qu Sheng looked at Lin Xizhao’s hesitant expression, and for a moment, flames seemed to leap from her eyes. But still, she did not move.
After a moment, Qu Sheng swallowed, and the arm propping her up fell to the side.
She frowned, cursing herself internally. How can I shrink back when the roles are reversed?
As Qu Sheng berated herself, a cool, soft body shifted on top of her.
Lin Xizhao moved to lie on top of Qu Sheng. She looked into her eyes, uncertain if she was allowed, and if Qu Sheng would agree.
Her glistening eyes rippled, like a rising tide drawn by the moonlight beneath her.
“Sheng’er… I… I want…” Lin Xizhao whispered, fighting through the shame that welled up in her heart and her body. Her soft voice was uncharacteristically slow and halting.
The author has something to say:
Qu Sheng: “Wife, if you want it, then hurry up. What are you waiting for!”
Lin Xizhao: “……I’m waiting for you to make a move yourself.”
Qu Sheng: “……”
Thank you to the cute readers for your nutrient solution and landmines. I’ll post a list once I’ve organized it.
Thank you all for your unwavering subscriptions~
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