But If I Don’t Go, How Will You?
Lin Xizhao listened to the three siblings’ conversation. “Are you saying you want to go?”
At her words, all three of them turned to look at her. They did have such a plan, but without an invitation card, marching in there would risk beating the grass and startling the snake.1
For months, their people had been making inquiries and setting up watch posts, but Yan Fengwu2 had made no move. Now, he was suddenly causing a stir, first meeting with wealthy merchants from all over and then hosting a birthday banquet for high officials in the capital. It was clear to them that he was brewing up another scheme.
“How can we go without an invitation card?” Qu Yu’s3 expression was anxious.
Lin Xizhao thought for a moment. “My Father probably won’t go. I can have Xirui4 take Sheng’er5 and me inside.”
“No. It’s too dangerous if something really happens.” Qu Sheng6 refused immediately. It was one thing for her to go alone, but bringing Lin Xizhao7 along was too great a risk.
“But if I don’t go, how will you?”
It was common knowledge in the capital that Qu Sheng had followed Lin Xizhao around like a little tail since childhood. If Lin Xizhao went with Lin Xirui, it would be perfectly natural for Qu Sheng to be at her side, arousing no suspicion.
Qu Ting8 considered this, his gaze dropping for a moment before landing on Qu Sheng. “I think it’s worth a try. I’ll have men waiting outside. If there’s trouble, you can send someone out to inform us or just set off a signal.”
Qu Yu agreed. They had no other options. They were like the Guizhou donkey, having exhausted all their tricks,9 and could only hope to find some shred of evidence or uncover the plot at this birthday banquet.
They could, of course, try to enter using another family’s invitation, but they were neither relatives nor friends10 with the host. With Yan Fengwu having sent no card to the Qu Family, it would be improper for them to attend.
But Qu Sheng was different. Everyone knew she was a fool and wouldn’t be on guard around her. Her presence would allow them to scout the situation, which was far better than their current state of having wiped their eyes black11 and knowing nothing.
Qu Sheng didn’t immediately agree to Qu Ting’s suggestion. First, she accompanied Lin Xizhao to Prime Minister Lin’s Residence. With this sudden development, any plan to lay her cards on the table with Lin Jianhai12 would have to wait.
The two of them arrived at the residence, and it wasn’t long before Lin Xirui found them.
They had eaten a late breakfast and skipped lunch, so they were hungry now. Lin Xirui had come to freeload a meal.
“Is Sheng-meimei13 feeling better?” Lin Xirui shoveled rice from his bowl, looking up at Qu Sheng.
Lin Xizhao placed some vegetables in a small bowl and held it out for Qu Sheng to eat from, glancing at her brother without a word. When she had returned a few days ago, Lin Xirui had already asked about Qu Sheng’s condition, and she had answered all his questions.
Qu Sheng showed no reaction to his query. She ate the food Lin Xizhao offered, only sparing him a glance after a long moment. “I’m fine now.”
A smile instantly spread across Lin Xirui’s face when she answered him. “That’s good.” He paused, as if choosing his words carefully. “Sheng-meimei has only just recovered. You mustn’t overexert yourself. You should focus on recuperating and go out less in the future.”
The first part of his statement was fine, but the latter half sounded like he was trying to manage her. Qu Sheng’s brow twitched. Before she could open her mouth to tell him not to interfere in her affairs, Lin Xizhao cut in. “Sheng’er has been resting for many days. It’s not a problem.”
“Girls are delicate. It’s better to—”
“Xirui, now that you’re here, what did your tutor say?” Lin Xizhao forked the topic of conversation,14 doing her best to keep her brother from saying anything that would displease Qu Sheng.
Lin Xirui let out an “oh.” “My tutor has business today, so there are no lessons this afternoon.”
“Where did he go?”
“He said one of his former students came from the provincial capital and invited him out for drinks at a tavern.”
Lin Xizhao nodded and asked no more. The tutor’s students were generally outstanding. Since this one had made a special trip from out of town, he certainly couldn’t be neglected.
After the meal, Lin Xirui sat in Lin Xizhao’s room for a while before leaving.
The moment Lin Xizhao returned from seeing him off and passed by, Qu Sheng shot out a hand, precisely catching her fingers. A gentle tug was all it took to pull Lin Xizhao into her lap.
Thrown off balance, Lin Xizhao tilted and found herself sitting on Qu Sheng’s thighs.
“Sheng’er.” Lin Xizhao jumped. It was broad daylight, and the door was wide open because of the heat.
A smile spread across Qu Sheng’s face as she pecked her on the lips. She felt restless if she went even a short while without holding Lin Xizhao. Only in her arms did Qu Sheng’s heart feel settled.
She didn’t need to do anything else, as long as she could hold her.
“My Father isn’t back yet. He’ll likely be very late.” Since Qu Sheng wasn’t doing anything improper, Lin Xizhao let her be.
Qu Sheng hummed softly and nestled her head against Lin Xizhao’s chest. “It’s fine. Yan Fengwu’s birthday banquet isn’t until the day after tomorrow.”
She hadn’t agreed earlier because she wanted to see if Lin Jianhai would attend. They had come back today so Lin Xizhao could try to sound him out.
Lin Jianhai rarely attended banquets hosted by other officials. It was hard to say if he would make an exception this time.
Lin Xizhao raised a hand to stroke Qu Sheng’s head, her fingers combing down through her hair. She gazed at Qu Sheng’s handsome features, her eyes shimmering as she traced a fingertip over Qu Sheng’s thin lips.
“Tell me.” Qu Sheng still hadn’t told her the full story of how they came to be investigating Yan Fengwu.
Qu Sheng looked up at her, and for a fleeting instant, her eyes were filled with sorrow.
She wasn’t grieving Qu Ming’s death, but over the years, she had cultivated a habit of never showing her emotions. That, combined with the state of her eyes and the constant anxiety of losing Lin Xizhao, had buried that sorrow deep inside.
“Jiejie,15 do you remember the parrot Xirui gave me?”
That evening, when Lin Jianhai returned, Lin Xizhao brought Qu Sheng to see him. Qu Sheng had told Lin Xizhao what the parrot had said, and with it, the horrifying details of the plot that would have been Qu Ting’s cause of death. Lin Xizhao was aghast.
But Qu Sheng had promised her she would be extremely careful. Now that they knew their enemy was Yan Fengwu, everything was out in the open, and they wouldn’t let him get away with any petty tricks.
The two entered Lin Jianhai’s study, where he was busy examining memorials and documents16 submitted by officials.
Hearing footsteps, Lin Jianhai glanced up, his expression gentle. “Zhao’er,17 you’re here.”
“Father.” Lin Xizhao curtsied.
Lin Jianhai’s gaze fell on Qu Sheng. Seeing the healthy color in her cheeks and no lingering signs of illness, he smiled. “Is little Sheng’er all better?” He already knew the answer.
If she weren’t, the Qu Family wouldn’t have allowed her to come, nor would his own daughter have left home to stay with them for several days.
Qu Sheng looked up, her eyes meeting Lin Jianhai’s with a hint of uncertainty.
Seeing her still acting like the same quiet, foolish girl, Lin Jianhai chuckled and turned his attention back to his daughter.
Lin Xizhao’s lips curved. “This daughter18 thanks Father for his concern on Sheng’er’s behalf. Sheng’er’s illness is completely gone.”
Her eyes were healed, as were the wounds on her body.
Lin Jianhai had only heard that Qu Sheng’s later illness was the result of a beating from Qu Jinian. He had no idea what madness had possessed the man to suddenly strike his own simple-minded daughter.
He nodded, a warm smile on his face. “It’s good that you’ve recovered.” He looked at his daughter. “It’s so late. Is there something you need?”
Lin Xizhao moved to help her father grind his inkstick. “A couple of days ago, didn’t our residence receive a birthday invitation from Lord Yan, the Hanlin Academy Scholar?19 This daughter came to ask if Father has decided to go.”
The question concerned a matter he had nearly forgotten. Lin Jianhai thought for a moment. “Does Zhao’er have something planned?”
With one hand steadying the inkstone and the other grinding the inkstick, Lin Xizhao replied with perfect composure, “This daughter was thinking that if Father does not go, I could have Xirui attend.”
Lin Jianhai’s face showed his confusion.
Lin Xizhao continued, “Xirui is growing up, but I find his temperament a bit soft. I wanted to use this opportunity to let him gain some experience. Doesn’t Father also wish for Xirui to be able to support our Lin family in the future?”
Her words dispelled his doubts. He smiled. “Very well.” Just as he was about to agree, he remembered that Lin Xirui had been sheltered at home his entire life. He had also heard that Yan Fengwu had invited many high-ranking officials and their families. He worried his son wouldn’t be able to handle it.
Before Lin Jianhai could offer to take Lin Xirui himself, Lin Xizhao spoke again. “If Father is busy, this daughter can accompany him. Father needn’t worry about Xirui’s ability to cope.”
Lin Jianhai’s eyes narrowed slightly, then he smiled. “That works too. This Father20 may have to return very late that day. With you there, This Father can be at ease.”
Lin Xizhao had followed her mother in the palace since she was a child and understood perfectly how to conduct herself in official circles. Hearing that she would accompany her brother, Lin Jianhai was naturally reassured.
“Good. Father, please attend to your work. This daughter will ensure nothing happens to Xirui.”
An incident was unlikely, but he might show his nervousness.
Having secured her father’s permission, Lin Xizhao didn’t rush to leave. She helped him grind his ink, then tidied the stack of memorials on bamboo slips21 he had finished reviewing.
Qu Sheng sat cross-legged by a low table in the study, her eyes fixed on Lin Xizhao’s every move. She had known Lin Xizhao for more days and nights than she could count, yet she could never get enough of looking at her.
She watched Lin Xizhao bustle about, even pausing to massage Lin Jianhai’s shoulders and back when he rolled his neck. Lin Xizhao must deeply respect and love her father, she thought. She worries for him. But as a woman, she can’t help him with matters of the court, so she can only fulfill her filial piety22 through these small, everyday acts.
“Alright, it’s getting late. Take little Sheng’er back to rest. This Father will go to bed after finishing these.”
Hearing the hoarseness in Lin Jianhai’s voice and seeing the weariness in his eyes, Lin Xizhao felt a pang of worry but knew she couldn’t stop him.
In the past, when he was this busy, her mother had been there to help. Later, she had tried to persuade him not to work so hard and to take care of his health, but he had always said these memorials and documents were urgent matters that had to be reported to His Majesty in court the next day. After several failed attempts, she could only let him be.
Lin Jianhai saw the pain in his daughter’s eyes. He reached up and gently patted the hand she had placed on his shoulder. “Go on. This Father won’t be joining you for breakfast tomorrow.”
Lin Xizhao nodded, her soft lips pressing together as she stepped aside. After a final curtsy, she said, “Then this daughter will not disturb Father any longer.”
Lin Jianhai inclined his head. Lin Xizhao turned and looked toward Qu Sheng.
Qu Sheng had been watching her the entire time, and their gazes met instantly. When Lin Xizhao held out her hand, Qu Sheng rose, walked over, and took it, following her out of the room.
Back in their own quarters, Lin Xizhao curled up in Qu Sheng’s arms, looking preoccupied.
Qu Sheng noticed and lowered her head, gently nudging the top of Lin Xizhao’s head with her chin. Lin Xizhao felt the movement and looked up.
The moment she saw Qu Sheng’s face, a smile touched her eyes.
“What is Jiejie thinking about?” Qu Sheng murmured, gazing down at the smiling woman who, as her cousin Jin Mingyi had said, was as beautiful as a fairy.
“The affairs of the court are so numerous. As a woman, I shouldn’t comment, but His Majesty is suspicious by nature. He doesn’t trust his officials and wants to attend to every matter personally…” Lin Xizhao’s voice trailed off, her gaze falling. “His Majesty has handed everything to Father. Although Father is not yet old, I worry that if this continues, his health will eventually collapse.”
The current Emperor had once ordered his officials to report every single detail, no matter how big or small. In the beginning, he did attend to every matter personally, but as the memorials to the throne23 piled up, he grew tired of reading them. Even Qu Jinian24 had been kept in the palace back then to help him review the documents.
Although the requirement for reporting on most matters was later relaxed, the sheer number of prefectures and counties meant that the flood of memorials from officials was like the hairs on an ox, impossible to get through in a day. And in recent years, the Emperor had grown increasingly lazy, delegating everything to Prime Minister Lin.25
Lin Xizhao finished speaking and looked up at Qu Sheng again. “Does Sheng’er know when His Majesty has decided to confer the new titles?”
Qu Sheng’s eyes narrowed slightly. “I don’t. But His Majesty will certainly choose a time when all the court ministers are present.”
Seeing the worry clouding Lin Xizhao’s face, Qu Sheng cupped her cheek, turning her head to face her. “Don’t worry too much. If you feel Uncle is overworked, you could have Xirui help him with some things.”
Lin Xizhao’s eyes lit up. Her mother used to help her father. She herself didn’t understand these matters, but she could ask her brother to help. But after a moment’s thought, she felt it was inappropriate. Lin Xirui still had the Imperial Examination26 to prepare for.
Helping out once in a while was fine, but if it became a regular thing, it might interfere with his studies.
Qu Sheng watched her sink back into thought. After a moment, she released her embrace and let her hands slide downward.
Lin Xizhao suddenly lost her support, and a weight settled upon her. She gasped in surprise, but Qu Sheng had already untied her inner tunic.
Qu Sheng sought out the soft flesh, her lips covering it as her tongue began to tease.
“Sheng’er…” Lin Xizhao had been so lost in thought about her father that she hadn’t even noticed when Qu Sheng had untied the sash of her nightgown.
She raised her hands, wrapping them around the head still bent over her chest. As Qu Sheng’s movements grew more insistent, a soft moan escaped her lips.
While Qu Sheng’s mouth was busy, her hands were not idle. The heat from her palms was like a fire searing Lin Xizhao’s skin. It wasn’t long before her lover gradually warmed to her touch, allowing her to do as she pleased.27
Two days later.
Yan Fengwu’s birthday banquet was scheduled for the evening, a time when officials were free after returning from their various government offices. Lin Xizhao had spent the previous day coaching Lin Xirui on the art of speaking28 in official circles and how to handle officials who might try to flatter him or extend invitations.
Lin Xirui was Lin Jianhai’s son. While Prime Minister Lin was known to be impervious to oil and salt,29 his son might not be. Lin Xizhao anticipated that some would try to win over30 Lin Xirui, and she explained the serious implications to him.
The reason Lin Jianhai had earned the Emperor’s trust, to the point where he was entrusted with matters of the court, was because he did not form deep friendships with other officials and acted without favoritism. This was why the deeply suspicious Emperor valued him so highly.
If the Emperor ever learned that Lin Jianhai’s son was close to certain officials, Lin Jianhai’s favored position at court would come to an end.
Fortunately, her brother was not foolish. After Lin Xizhao gave him these pointers, he committed them all to memory.
That evening, the three of them dressed in splendid clothes. Lin Xizhao wore a warm yellow top with a decorative striped collar. Auspicious red floral patterns adorned her chest, and a red sash31 was tied at her waist. She was so beautiful that the word “fairy” no longer seemed adequate.
Lin Xirui’s eyes sparkled as he looked at his sister. Qu Sheng, meanwhile, wished she could carry Lin Xizhao back to her room, lock the door, and admire her all by herself.
“Stunned into a daze?” Lin Xizhao reached out and touched the cheek of the girl who stared, completely captivated.
Qu Sheng leaned into the touch, rubbing her cheek against Lin Xizhao’s gentle fingertips. Something dense and tight coiled in her heart, a feeling that urged her to do to Lin Xizhao what she had done two nights ago.
“We should get going. We don’t want to be late and seem rude.”
At Lin Xizhao’s words, Lin Xirui tore his gaze from Qu Sheng. “Right. Let’s go.”
Lin Xirui walked ahead, with Lin Xizhao and Qu Sheng following behind. Lin Xizhao held Qu Sheng’s hand, a smile never leaving her lips, while Qu Sheng kept stealing glances at her as they walked.
“Sheng-meimei, why do you keep staring at Ah Jie?32 Be careful not to trip,” Lin Xirui called from the front.
Qu Sheng and Lin Xizhao both looked over at the same time. Lin Xirui had his head turned, watching Qu Sheng.
Today, Qu Sheng wore an orange top that complemented Lin Xizhao’s dress. On its own, however, her beauty was no less than Lin Xizhao’s.
Lin Xizhao’s beauty was gentle and serene. Qu Sheng’s was quiet and profound—at least, when she wasn’t pretending to be a fool.
In front of Lin Xizhao, Qu Sheng transformed completely, adopting a soft, pliant demeanor that perhaps only Lin Xizhao would ever experience.
Lin Xizhao followed her brother’s gaze to Qu Sheng, who was now looking up at him. The sweet, vulnerable look in her eyes had vanished completely.
The moment he saw the change in her expression, Lin Xirui awkwardly turned his gaze forward again.
A shadow of worry once again crossed Lin Xizhao’s face. Lin Xirui knew nothing about her and Qu Sheng. If he ever found out about their relationship, would it create a rift between them?
The three took two separate carriages. The moment Lin Xizhao was inside, Qu Sheng pulled her onto her lap and began to kiss her.
For Qu Sheng, the torment of being able to look but not touch was unbearable.
Qu Sheng wanted to soothe her hands as well, but the moment she cupped that softness, Lin Xizhao’s hand pressed down on hers.
“You mustn’t,” Lin Xizhao said, breathless and urgent.
She had just put these clothes on. If they got wrinkled, there was no time to change.
Qu Sheng didn’t ignore her words. On the contrary, it was because she heard them that she reached for the sash at her waist and untied it.
If there were no clothes in the way, they couldn’t possibly get wrinkled.
Prime Minister Lin’s Residence was only a half-hour ride from Yan Fengwu’s estate. When they arrived, the carriage remained parked for a long time before the two of them finally, slowly, disembarked.
Lin Xirui had grown anxious waiting outside. He had gone to call for them, but Lin Xizhao had told him to wait a moment. He had no idea what had happened.
When they stepped out of the carriage, Qu Sheng’s expression was normal, but Lin Xizhao’s face was flushed. The darkness of the evening, however, concealed it from view.
Lin Xirui held out their visiting card33 to the steward34 standing by the gate. The steward glanced at the invitation card and, seeing such a young man, deduced he must be the Prime Minister’s son. His demeanor became much more polite.
“My Father is occupied with official duties and has sent me and my older sister35 to attend Uncle Yan’s birthday banquet in his stead. I hope you will grant us your ocean’s capacity36 for forgiveness,” Lin Xirui said, bowing with his hands clasped in a formal greeting.
The Yan residence’s steward beamed, his eyes crinkling into thin slits. “Oh, my, what are you saying? To have Prime Minister Lin send the young master and young lady in person—it truly makes our humble home shine with radiance!37 Please, come in, come in.” The steward bowed low, making an inviting gesture.
Lin Xizhao, holding Qu Sheng’s hand, also nodded in greeting, and the three of them entered the Yan estate. They had arrived early, and there were not yet many guests.
A servant led them toward the banquet hall. Just as they were about to enter, a man by the door stopped their accompanying guard.
Feng Qi38 was blocked and glanced up at Qu Sheng’s back.
“Eldest Miss,” Feng Qi called out to Lin Xizhao.
The three of them turned around. The servant from the Yan residence bowed. “An esteemed guest will be arriving at the banquet hall today. We ask for your understanding.”
Qu Sheng and Lin Xizhao exchanged a look. Lin Xizhao understood. She turned to Feng Qi. “Since there is an esteemed guest coming, the guest follows the host’s convenience.39 Feng Qi, you can wait here for now.”
“We won’t have your guards just standing here. Our master wishes for all the servants who have accompanied our guests to have a taste of his hospitality. We have prepared food and wine for them in a side hall. Please, follow me in a moment.”
Qu Sheng’s eyes lowered for an instant, but she didn’t look at the servant. Lin Xirui smiled. “Uncle Yan is truly thoughtful. In that case…” He looked at Feng Qi. “Guard Feng, please go with them.”
Feng Qi looked to Lin Xizhao for confirmation. After she nodded, he led the other guards away with the servant.
The three were shown inside and, being of the younger generation, were seated away from the front.
Qu Sheng’s eyes were fixed on the host’s table, where an extra setting had been laid out. She wondered who could possibly receive such treatment, to be seated with the birthday star40 himself.
Even a prince of the Royal City, she knew, should not let the guest’s noise drown out the host’s.41
As they sat waiting, many officials who heard that the Prime Minister’s son and daughter had arrived came over to greet them.
Knowing that Lin Xizhao had brought an extra person, they would, despite knowing Qu Sheng was a fool, still ask, “This must be the thousand pieces of gold42 from Marquis Qu’s house, correct?” It was a way to show they respected Qu Jinian and to avoid giving the Qu Family any handle for conversation43 that might lead to a grudge.
Lin Xizhao responded with polite smiles. Qu Sheng, after sizing up the officials, lowered her head and went back to eating.
Just before the banquet was about to begin, the fruit and pastries on the tables were replaced with a fresh round.
Yan Fengwu, who had been absent from the hall, finally appeared at the entrance just as the dishes were being served.
Dressed in raven-blue robes, Yan Fengwu stopped at the threshold and bowed his head to the person beside him, making an inviting gesture.
“Your Highness, after you.” At Yan Fengwu’s arrival, the hall fell silent.
Everyone heard his voice and the words “Your Highness.” As they wondered who it could be, they saw the current Crown Prince of Tiansheng, the Heir Apparent44 and future Emperor, step into the banquet hall.
The author has something to say:
Qu Sheng: “Delicious.”
Lin Xizhao: “! Never again in the carriage.”
Qu Sheng: “Okay, we’ll pick a different place next time.”
Lin Xizhao: “…”
✨ Unlock Early Access to Chapters! ✨
Choose your perfect membership at bamboopandatl.net:
📚 Full Access ($4.99)
• Advanced chapters of ALL ongoing novels
• Access to complete finished novels
• Ad-free reading experience
📖 Single Novel Access ($1.49)
• Advanced chapters of ONE specific novel
• Ad-free reading for chosen novel
PayPal is the only current payment option!