The Hand of Confession – Chapter 387

Volume 11: The Days of Traveling on a Train

The Train

Tranquility Yields Transcendence¹

When people who rarely get sick fall ill, it’s always especially severe. Sickness comes like a landslide, but leaves like pulling silk.² Lou Jingmo transformed from a lone wolf into a kitten, earning plenty of nosebleeds from Shen Maomao.

For the first three days of the new year, Shen Maomao stayed home with Lou Jingmo. By the fourth day, Lou Jingmo’s fever still hadn’t broken, so Shen Maomao dragged her to a small nearby clinic and sat with her for a day while she was on an IV drip.

A week later, Lou Jingmo had mostly recovered, though she still had a slight cough.

They had originally planned to go home once Lou Jingmo’s cold was better, but with the Lantern Festival³ approaching, the city was hosting an ice lantern exhibition and a fireworks show on the bridge by the lake, so Shen Maomao didn’t want to leave anymore.

Fortunately, Lou Jingmo could handle her work from anywhere, and Shen Maomao herself was a genuine unemployed wanderer, so she didn’t have to worry about work at all.

By the day of the Lantern Festival, Lou Jingmo’s illness had completely healed. The fireworks were scheduled for eight o’clock. After dinner, Father Shen drove the three of them to the event.

Before they left, Shen Maomao, afraid that Lou Jingmo might get sick again from the cold, pulled out her thickest clothes and equipped her with a hat, scarf, gloves, and a mask. She managed to wrap the slender, beautiful girl into a clumsy bear. She even stuck a ring of warming patches on the outside of her thermal underwear and pants, striving for all-around protection to eliminate any possibility of her getting sick.

This was the first year the event was held, and quite a few people had come to join the fun. Father Shen had to search for a long time before finding a parking spot.

Night had already fallen, but the streets were hung with all sorts of small, colorful lights, so the surroundings didn’t feel dark. Shen Maomao held Lou Jingmo’s hand and, like a wild dog running free, pulled her into the crowd. They took commemorative photos in front of various colored lights. She even pushed the movement-impaired Lou Jingmo, who was dressed too clumsily, into a snowbank on the side of the road. She watched her struggle for ages without being able to get up and burst out laughing, even recording a two-minute-long video that made Lou Jingmo so angry she wanted to break up on the spot.

Just after eight o’clock, one or two fireworks exploded sporadically in the sky. The speakers in the nearby square began to play Escape Plan’s 《The Brightest Star in the Night Sky》. As the music swelled, everyone stopped in their tracks, looked up at the sky, and let out excited cheers.

I pray to have a transparent heart

And eyes that can shed tears

Give me the courage to believe again

To cross the lies and embrace you

Whenever I can’t find the meaning of existence

Whenever I’m lost in the dark night

Oh, brightest star in the night sky

Please guide me closer to you…

Fireworks of all colors and styles bloomed one after another, their light making the area as bright as day. Lou Jingmo listened to the lyrics, looked at Shen Maomao, and felt as if her heart was about to fly out of her chest.

Shen Maomao was undoubtedly a child who had grown up surrounded by love. Now, she was giving all of her love to her, giving her the courage to love and be loved. She was the brightest star in her life. As long as she was by her side, it felt like no matter how difficult the road ahead was, she would never have to be afraid again.

…

Once the Lantern Festival was over, the new year’s atmosphere seemed to fade.

Shen Maomao prepared to head for home⁴ with Lou Jingmo.

Home was nice, but you couldn’t go on outings or play games. Where was the fun in that? She hadn’t driven in over half a month, and she still wanted to get her driver’s license. She definitely had to go back and practice more.

Before she left, her mother called her over for a private talk. It was mainly about the two of them and their future. She asked how she felt about Lou Jingmo and whether she was worth entrusting her life to.

Actually, Shen Maomao had thought about this question back when they celebrated Lou Jingmo’s birthday. Lou Jingmo was a person with many worries, so she wanted to wait until after they escaped the game to propose to her. As for proposing from her end… she felt it was still lacking a little something.⁵ So, she told her mother not to worry about it and said that she knew what she was doing.

Mother Shen believed her nonsense. Shen Maomao had never known what she was doing since she was a child, so hearing her say that made her even more worried.

However, she did agree that Shen Maomao and Lou Jingmo hadn’t known each other for very long. They should date a bit more and work things out, so she stopped pushing and let them go.

Life back in Nancheng didn’t seem much different from before. Once you started living like a salted fish,⁶ time seemed to speed up.

March 23rd was the anniversary of the three of them meeting. That day, she had been traded into the game by Ren Yue with a card and met Lou Jingmo and Golden Retriever in an instance. That was when their story began, making the day quite memorable.

Golden Retriever wasn’t short on cash. He flew over and treated them to a big meal, getting completely wasted at the dinner table.

He had cleared a few instances on his own during this time, all of which had been dangerous but he’d made it through safely. He was now considered a semi-old player. However, his courage hadn’t been tempered in the slightest. He was still as timid as ever, crying and begging the two girls to take him back to his hotel, which left Shen Maomao not knowing whether to laugh or cry.

After dropping off Golden Retriever, they stood by the road waiting for a car. Lou Jingmo had also had a little to drink, and the alcohol was just starting to show on her face. But aside from her flushed cheeks, her movements and speech were perfectly clear, making Shen Maomao think she wasn’t drunk.

In the car, she dozed off on Shen Maomao’s shoulder without any drunken antics. But the moment she got out of the car, the jolt of cold air immediately chased away her sleepiness. She threw her arms around Shen Maomao’s shoulders and started kissing her, whispering “I love you” between kisses.

Shen Maomao… Shen Maomao was over the moon. She supported her as they swayed their way home.

Once they finally made it back, she stripped the other woman naked, threw her in the bathtub, and gave her a bath. Then, she hauled her onto the bed like a sack of grain, nearly jostling her so much she almost threw up.

Lou Jingmo lay on the bed, her eyes open, watching as Shen Maomao took off her own clothes, went into the bathroom, and then came out wrapped in a towel.

Seeing that she was still awake, Shen Maomao waved a hand in front of her face. “Not sleepy?”

Lou Jingmo’s eyes followed her hand back and forth. “I want to sleep holding you.”

Shen Maomao grinned so wide her eyes disappeared. “You’re usually so sharp-tongued, but when you’re drunk, you’re just a clingy person,⁷ aren’t you?”

This bastard,⁸ Lou Jingmo, was the epitome of someone who doesn’t say what they mean. She was as difficult as could be, and she was obsessed with saving face,⁹ paying extreme attention to her image and persona. Things like acting cute were absolutely unheard of when she was sober.

And perhaps it was related to her upbringing, but she always showed a strong, fearless side to others, as if there was nothing in the world that could stump her. But Shen Maomao could feel that she was actually terrified of being alone and was full of uncertainty about the future. She was just used to days without anyone to care for her, used to hiding her scars and letting them heal on their own, so she never took the initiative to share this negative energy with her.

Just thinking about it made Shen Maomao feel like her affection for Lou Jingmo was about to overflow.

Lou Jingmo hugged one of her arms, rubbing her face, which was hot from the alcohol, against it. She murmured, “I want to hear you sing…”

Shen Maomao was silent for two seconds. “…Are you serious?”

Lou Jingmo looked at her with sleepy eyes, her mind replaying the fireworks and music from the Lantern Festival. “Sing ‘The Brightest Star in the Night Sky’!”

Shen Maomao laughed. “You asked for it.” With that, she opened her mouth and began to howl.

Lou Jingmo jolted and nearly fell off the bed, instantly sober. “Stop!! Stop, stop, stop! Don’t sing!”

Shen Maomao said, “You’re looking down on me?”

Lou Jingmo said, “…No, I just had a nightmare.”

Shen Maomao narrowed her eyes. “You hesitated for a second. Were you trying to find an excuse?”

Lou Jingmo said, “Absolutely not. It’s dark, let’s get to sleep. Thanks for taking care of me.”

Shen Maomao rolled her eyes.

Lou Jingmo really had a talent for yanking her out of a tender moment and back to reality in a single second. If she weren’t so reluctant to part with her, she would have definitely given her a shoulder throw¹⁰ to teach her a lesson!

After the celebration, Golden Retriever flew back to school. With less than a hundred days until the college entrance exam, his academic performance was a mess, and he was cramming to hopefully get into Nan University,¹¹ to be a little closer to Lou Jingmo and Shen Maomao. That way, he’d feel a bit more secure.

In May, the two of them celebrated Shen Maomao’s first birthday since they got together—they hadn’t been close at that time last year.

In her spare time, Lou Jingmo took on a few more jobs as a power-leveler¹² and obtained many items,¹³ but she was never able to find the two cards they were missing. Shen Maomao had wanted to enter an instance with Lou Jingmo, but Lou Jingmo felt that bringing her along would just give her one more thing to worry about, so she ruthlessly refused.

Her girlfriend’s disdain deeply wounded Shen Maomao. During this period, Shen Maomao truly began to clear instances by herself. This time, there was no Lou Jingmo, no Golden Retriever; she could only rely on herself.

Although the process was thrilling, her growth was also incredibly rapid. She was no longer the girl who would be scared shitless¹⁴ by ghosts. At times, she could even act as a leader, guiding those she found agreeable out of the instance, which earned her a round of fierce praise from Lou Jingmo.

Of course, outside of the instances, their daily life was still very peaceful.

Lou Jingmo’s new book was published, and she took Shen Maomao along to several book signings, which basically announced their relationship to her fan circle.

At one signing, a fan asked Lou Jingmo a question: “Author Shukuang,¹⁵ may I ask if the first and second female leads in your new book are a cp?¹⁶ Why did you suddenly find a cp for the female lead? Is it related to your relationship? Is the first female lead in the new book based on you?”

Lou Jingmo smiled, a corner of her lip curling up. “They have a socialist sisterly love.”¹⁷

Beside her, Shen Maomao, who was pretending to be an assistant and serving her tea, fell silent.

She suspected Lou Jingmo was trying to subtly insult¹⁸ her, but she had no proof.

When she first met Lou Jingmo, she really thought they had a socialist sisterly love. Who could have imagined it would turn out like this?

She had evolved from a fan eagerly waiting in line to an assistant sitting beside her, pouring tea, and was even written into the book as a prototype… She didn’t know if this counted as another form of successful star-chasing.¹⁹

After the book signings ended, the college entrance exam results came out. Golden Retriever scored over three hundred, more than enough to get into Nan University. The day his acceptance letter arrived, he bought a house in Nancheng. He chose the apartment next to Lou Jingmo’s, on the same floor, one to the left and one to the right, so they could see each other just by opening their doors. Lou Jingmo was thoroughly disgusted.

The apartment opposite them hadn’t been for sale. Apparently, Golden Retriever had traded a fully furnished apartment of the same size in a prime school district for it, even covering the moving fees and throwing in a few new appliances. The neighbors moved out immediately without a second thought.

Perhaps this was the world of the rich. Shen Maomao had thought she and Lou Jingmo were quite wealthy, but compared to Golden Retriever, they were probably just moderately prosperous.²⁰

Spring turned to autumn, and by the time Golden Retriever started school, Shen Maomao was also thinking about becoming a power-leveler.

She had this idea for two reasons. First, she felt she could easily handle low-level instances. Although she couldn’t reach the level Lou Jingmo was at when they first met, she could at least ensure her boss’s safety. Second, she was planning to complete hidden quests in low-level instances to see if she could draw any cards.

Considering her preferences and various other factors, she accepted a quest from a newcomer on the forum.

This newcomer was female, with the forum ID Ningjing Zhiyuan.²¹ She had only cleared one instance and claimed she had escaped in a complete daze. After exiting, she found the forum in her phone’s browser bookmarks. She decided to lurk²² and observe for half a month, gaining a general understanding of the game’s rules, before finally deciding to find a power-leveler.

But she didn’t have much money, having spent it all on bound items, so the payment she could offer was very small. As a result, no one had taken her request. As the time to enter the game drew closer, she became like ants on a hot pan.²³ When she finally found Shen Maomao, she agreed immediately without even asking about her conditions.

Shen Maomao added her as a friend on the forum and told her clearly that this was also her first time as a power-leveler, so she should consider it carefully.

The other party replied: 【Actually, someone else contacted me. He said he could carry me for free, but he would be bringing other people too. If you hadn’t contacted me, I might have gone with them.】

Ningjing Zhiyuan was very meticulous. When sending messages on the forum, she would type out everything she wanted to say at once and wait for a reply. Every sentence was perfectly punctuated, ending with a period, exclamation mark, question mark, or ellipsis. It gave Shen Maomao the feeling of being a student facing her elementary school Chinese teacher.

She replied: 【Got a link? Let me see.】

Ningjing Zhiyuan didn’t reply for a long time. After a while, she said: 【[Link] I’m sorry, I wasn’t familiar with how to use this function. I spent some time figuring it out. I apologize for taking up your time.】

Shen Maomao seriously suspected this person was not young, which made her feel even more constrained. She replied: 【It’s okay, I’ll get back to you after I take a look.】

Ningjing Zhiyuan: 【Okay, thank you for your trouble.】

She clicked the link and took a look. The moment she saw the poster’s name, she closed the page and replied: 【Alright, no need to look. How can there be so many good things like pie falling from the sky?²⁴】

【I know the poster. He’s an old schemer²⁵ who specializes in luring in and screwing over newcomers. This bastard used to just find newcomers inside the game to screw over, but I didn’t expect him to be so organized now, pre-selecting a scapegoat²⁶ in advance.】

Ningjing Zhiyuan: 【What does “old schemer” mean? What does “this bastard” mean? I thought so too. One can suffer a big loss for a small gain,²⁷ so I chose to wait and see. I’m glad I met you.】

Shen Maomao suspected that if the forum had the feature, she would have sent her emojis like [Smile], [Handshake], and [Rose].

Xiaobai two:²⁸ 【Ah, I’m just cursing him out for being a scumbag, the kind who harms others for his own benefit. When exactly do you enter the game? Remember to transfer the item to me the day before. We’ll meet directly in the game.】

She had only learned later that bound items could be transferred remotely; there was no need for a face-to-face binding. The rope Lou Jingmo had mentioned that required them to be tied together face-to-face was actually the lowest-tier method. People with means would usually buy items with a 100% success rate and refuse face-to-face transactions to avoid exposing real-world information. A situation like Guan Qiwen’s was because the amount was too large, and he was afraid they would take the money and run, though it wasn’t out of the question that he also meant that if he died, he wouldn’t let them get away with it either.

Ningjing Zhiyuan’s instance date was in three days. The two agreed to meet directly in the game then. Considering Ningjing Zhiyuan probably didn’t have money for a face-sculpting item,²⁹ Shen Maomao asked her for a photo, saying she would find her. She also arranged a secret phrase with her: “Meeting is hard, and parting is too,” with the response, “A farewell to the west wind, another year through.” They would recognize each other by the poem.

Ningjing Zhiyuan replied with an “ok” and sent her a picture.

The picture wasn’t a selfie, but a photo of another photo. In the photo was a woman who looked to be in her thirties, wearing gold-rimmed glasses and holding a book. She was sitting at a desk, on which there was a pot of lush green snake plant. The woman’s face bore the traces of time, a maturity that a little kid like her wouldn’t have.

After sending the photo, Ningjing Zhiyuan went offline. Shen Maomao also logged off the forum and went to report the situation to Lou Jingmo, also mentioning the matter with Yun Shengjin.

Lou Jingmo said, “Some people will never learn their lesson. They treat others’ lives as worthless, so it’s only right that they are trampled by those who see them as worthless.”

Shen Maomao said, “I don’t get it.”

Lou Jingmo took a deep breath and shot her a sideways glance. “It means he won’t live much longer.”

Shen Maomao said, “I’ll go warn the newcomers. Everyone’s life is a life, right?”

Lou Jingmo asked her, “What if the newcomers don’t appreciate it?”

Shen Maomao said, “None of my business.³⁰ They can take it or leave it. I’m doing this so I don’t feel guilty, not for whether they live or die.”

Lou Jingmo was satisfied. “Go on, then. Get your things ready. Bring Simon Peter, and if things get really bad, use it immediately.”

Shen Maomao nodded. “Mhm, I’m not stupid.”

…

Two days later, Ningjing Zhiyuan transferred the item to her. Shen Maomao tied it to her hand, and just like that, she was bound to her. The next afternoon, Shen Maomao sat on the sofa waiting for the transfer. As usual, Lou Jingmo waited by her side for her return.

At three in the afternoon, the transfer arrived on time. The world started sky spinning and earth turning³¹ before Shen Maomao, and soon she appeared in another scene.

She opened her eyes and immediately observed her surroundings.

Clack-clack, clack-clack echoed in her ears. Outside the small window, fields and windmills blurred into a single line. She was on a moving train—thankfully, in a sleeper car.

Besides her, there were many other people in the car. Some were sitting in the aisle, some were curled up on their beds, some were watching videos on speaker, and some were eating snacks. It all looked very normal. For now, it was impossible to tell who was a player and who was an npc.

She didn’t rush to find Ningjing Zhiyuan. Instead, she first reached for the backpack in front of her.

Inside the bag were a charger, a phone, a wallet, keys, and other common accessories, as well as a folded piece of paper.

She opened the paper and saw it read: 【06 Middle】. It was right in front of where she was sitting.

Then she looked at the small, narrow table in the aisle. On it was a bottle of mineral water and two red hats. The hats had a small line of text that read “Tiantang Island Tour Group.”³²

Shen Maomao had a feeling and looked at the man sitting across from her.

The man met her gaze, showed no reaction, and went back to looking at his phone.

Shen Maomao couldn’t determine if he was a player or an npc.

She stood up, holding her bag, and prepared to go to the other compartments to find Ningjing Zhiyuan. She hoped she was in the same car as her, otherwise it would be troublesome.

She walked slowly toward the back, observing the people in the compartments as she went. She saw several more of the same little red hats, though she couldn’t make out the words on them. But it was easy to guess they were all part of this “Tiantang Island Tour Group.”

Tiantang Island… they were probably planning to send them straight to heaven.

She walked back six compartments and finally saw a lower bunk with a small red flag stuck by the head of the bed. A young-looking man was sitting on it, and on the bunk opposite him was the person she was looking for, Ningjing Zhiyuan.

Ningjing Zhiyuan looked a little older than in her photo, but she had a very good temperament. She was wearing a pair of glasses and flipping through a book, seeming not at all scared or anxious.

Shen Maomao plopped down beside her and whispered, “Meeting is hard, and parting is too.”

Ningjing Zhiyuan looked at her, obvious surprise in her eyes, but she quickly recovered and replied, “A farewell to the west wind, another year through.”

The man across from them laughed. “Hey, what kind of code are you two exchanging? Isn’t the line after ‘Meeting is hard, and parting is too’ supposed to be ‘The east wind is weak, the hundred flowers wither’?”

Ningjing Zhiyuan tapped her head. “Look at my memory. The older you get, the worse it gets.”

Shen Maomao looked at the man, who was likely the tour guide, and asked, “By the way, how long until we arrive?”

The man said, “Seven days. This is only the first day, so you’ve got a long ride ahead of you. But the route we’re taking passes the Hubei Prairie and Lake Baikal. Lake Baikal was known in ancient China as the North Sea and is called the ‘Pearl of Siberia.’ UNESCO listed Lake Baikal as a World Natural Heritage site in 1996. The train will stop by the lake for ten minutes. Although you can’t get off, you can open the windows to take pictures. Don’t miss this once in a thousand years opportunity!”

No doubt about it, this guy was definitely the tour guide.

So this train was an international one. Judging by the route, it probably went from Inner Mongolia through Outer Mongolia and then into Russia.

She put on an expectant expression and looked at the man. “So how long until we get to Lake Baikal?”

The man said, “If there are no accidents, it should be in three days.”

Shen Maomao caught the key part of his sentence. “How could there be an accident? There isn’t any danger on this train, is there?”

The man quickly said, “No, no, I just misspoke. Pei pei pei!³³ Look at this stupid mouth of mine!”

Shen Maomao smiled. “It’s fine, we’re not the type to hold a grudge. Actually, I came over because I wanted to discuss something with you.”

The man said, “What is it? Go ahead.”

Shen Maomao immediately launched into her script. “I want to know why my mom and I are so far apart. Is there any way you can help us swap seats?”

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