Is meeting her truly fortunate or unfortunate?
Outside the window, in the deep night, Jiang Huaixi sat on the sofa by the window sill, hugging her knees, with her head tilted, looking at the city that had already fallen into silence, watching the remaining lights twinkling like stars from people’s homes, her expression lonelier than the night.
I wonder, without her beside her, will Zizheng suffer from insomnia?
The wind blew in from the half-opened window, bringing threads of coldness, stimulating Jiang Huaixi’s increasingly painful nerves, making her unconsciously furrow her eyebrows more tightly, hug her legs tighter, and bury her face into her knees.
She recalled again and again the evening when Lu Zizheng said to her, “Having the care and nagging of family, having a home to return to feels really good. If it could always be like this, it would be wonderful,” the sweetness, happiness, and longing in her expression, and at that moment, the feeling of satisfaction and happiness born in her heart from Lu Zizheng’s joy.
In her mind, along with this scene, echoed the words that had entangled her like a nightmare for years, when she overheard the chief doctor confessing to her parents, “Even if the surgery is successful now, the lifespan will still be affected. If the recovery is good, she might reach fifty.” Jiang Huaixi’s palms, hugging her legs, gradually tightened, leaving faint bruised marks on her calves.
A person who cannot even guarantee their own future ultimately has no qualification to pursue so-called happiness and eventually will only groundlessly drag others down.
When leaving, Lian Xuan questioned her, “Jiang Huaixi, what are you afraid of?”
This question, many people have asked her, including herself; she has also asked herself countless times, Jiang Huaixi, what are you ultimately afraid of?
Actually, the answer is indeed so obvious.
Except for Lu Zizheng, what else does she truly care about, and what else does she fear?
Afraid of Lu Zizheng’s regret, afraid of Lu Zizheng’s sadness, afraid of Lu Zizheng’s disappointment, and most afraid of seeing Lu Zizheng’s tears.
With great difficulty, she finally made Lu Zizheng a little bit happy, with great difficulty, she finally let Lu Zizheng regain a little bit of confidence in life, with great difficulty, she finally gave Lu Zizheng a home again. How can she tell Lu Zizheng that life has played another joke on them, giving her another heavy blow?
How can she tell Lu Zizheng, “I’m sorry, I’ve been deceiving you all along. Actually, I knew long ago that I couldn’t give you forever.”
Zizheng, I’m sorry, how should I tell you? Knowing clearly that you are so afraid of losing, knowing clearly that you are the type of person who would rather not start or possess because you know you will eventually lose it, knowing everything clearly, yet I still harbor this wishful thinking, not being honest with you.
Sorry, I’ve been deceiving myself and others, hoping extravagantly to hide it from you a little longer, a little longer, to let your beautiful dream last a little longer, a little longer, and hopefully, in the end, I can perfectly hide it from you for a lifetime, making the beautiful dream come true.
I am actually just such a bad, despicable, cowardly, and weak person…
Jiang Huaixi, you are just a liar…
Crystal tears seeped out from the gaps between Jiang Huaixi’s arms and knees, sliding down her smooth calf, finally disappearing into a patch of wetness on the sofa in the dead silence of the night.
Without Jiang Huaixi beside her, in this unfamiliar home, Lu Zizheng tossed and turned, unable to sleep until it was past three in the early morning, when she finally drifted into a drowsy sleep.
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The next day, just as the morning light broke, Lu Zizheng was startled awake. Her first reaction was to lift her head to look at Jiang Huaixi’s sleeping face, but seeing the pillow and quilt neatly empty, she was dazed for a while before remembering the fact that Jiang Huaixi was not at home, and she couldn’t help but laugh silently. She had actually maintained the usual posture of being embraced by Jiang Huaixi, sleeping motionlessly for the entire night; Jiang Huaixi seemed to have helped her develop quite a remarkable habit.
In the morning, Lu Zizheng waited and waited, but Jiang Huaixi did not come. Obviously, even Father Jiang and Mother Jiang were not sure what Jiang Huaixi was busy with. Knowing that Jiang Huaixi did not return all night, they asked Lu Zizheng with some surprise, “Did Huaixi say what she went to handle?”
Lu Zizheng shook her head, indicating she knew nothing.
As noon approached, Mother Jiang noticed that Jiang Huaixi still hadn’t returned. Seeing Lu Zizheng looking absent-minded, wanting to call but holding back, she understandingly made a call to inquire about what Jiang Huaixi was busy with and when she would return.
On the other end of the phone, Jiang Huaixi’s voice was a bit hoarse. She hesitated slightly before saying to Mother Jiang, “I didn’t sleep well last night and seem to have caught a bit of a severe cold. I just went to the hospital to check, and the doctor prescribed some medicine, saying that there’s a bit more flu going around recently and advised me to be careful. I’m worried that the next couple of days will be busy at home and it wouldn’t be good to infect you all, so I won’t come back for now.”
While listening to the phone, Mother Jiang scanned her eyes over at Lu Zizheng, who was intently listening to their conversation with pricked ears, and frowned, saying, “Knowing well your body is weak, you still don’t take care. Don’t think we’re as fragile as you; not coming back is going to worry us to death. Aren’t you afraid of us worrying, and aren’t you afraid of Zizheng worrying?”
On the phone, there was silence for a long time before Mother Jiang finally heard Jiang Huaixi concede, saying, “Then I’ll take some medicine and go to sleep now. I’ll return in the evening.”
Mother Jiang was satisfied and said, “Okay, we’ll wait for you to come back to eat.”
After hanging up the phone, Mother Jiang smiled warmly at Lu Zizheng and told her, “I called Huaixi. She said not to worry, she has a bit of a cold and needs to go to the hospital to check it out, but she’ll be back in the evening. It’s nothing serious.” Mother Jiang felt sorry for Jiang Huaixi, afraid she was too tired and unwilling to let her skip a nap and rush back. But she also felt for Lu Zizheng’s anxiety, afraid she might be unhappy to hear that Huaixi was fine but still not coming back, so she made a compromise.
Upon hearing this, Lu Zizheng’s expression showed some obvious worry. Seeing this, Mother Jiang comforted her in a warm voice, saying, “It’s nothing, just a small cold. It will get better in a few days.”
Lu Zizheng reluctantly nodded, but still had some lingering concerns. In the past six months, Jiang Huaixi caught colds too frequently, and she felt she wasn’t doing well enough in taking care of Jiang Huaixi. How could she make Jiang Huaixi’s body stronger and her immunity better?
In the evening, just in time for dinner, Jiang Huaixi finally returned. She wore a large medical mask that tightly covered the lower half of her face, but the fatigue in her exposed brows and eyes was unmistakable. Seeing this, Lu Zizheng felt worried and distressed, and hurriedly went up to greet her and inquire about her well-being.
Jiang Huaixi subtly put some distance between herself and Lu Zizheng, and a faint, gentle smile appeared in her eyes as she reassured Lu Zizheng, saying, “The doctor said it’s nothing serious, just a common flu. The day after tomorrow, Huaichuan and Qiao Xin are getting engaged, and I’m worried about infecting everyone, so that’s why I’m all masked up. Don’t worry.”
Lu Zizheng’s worried expression relaxed slightly, and she tenderly suggested, “Wearing a mask is too stuffy. Once we’re back in the room, with just the two of us, you can take it off.”
Jiang Huaixi shook her head and said, “What if I infect you?”
Lu Zizheng replied firmly, “I’m not afraid.”
Jiang Huaixi’s eyes darkened, and after a long pause, she smiled helplessly and said, “But I’m afraid.”
Lu Zizheng frowned and pleaded, “Huaixi…”
Jiang Huaixi blinked and smiled, saying, “Wearing a mask is indeed somewhat stuffy, so I’ll sleep in the next room tonight. This way, I can take off the mask.”
Mother Jiang frowned in dissatisfaction and said, “It’s okay, take it off. You’re uncomfortable wearing it, and we feel uncomfortable watching.”
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Huaichuan also nodded in agreement.
However, Jiang Huaixi insisted on not taking it off, and seeing her seriousness, Lu Zizheng sighed. Not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable, she agreed, “Okay, then.”
Jiang Huaixi’s brows slightly relaxed, and she felt somewhat relieved.
During the meal, Jiang Huaixi took off her mask and, unlike her usual slow and methodical pace, ate unusually quickly today. She only ate some white rice and drank a bowl of soup before putting down her chopsticks, indicating she was full, and put her mask back on.
Fortunately, at home, everyone used communal chopsticks, and after washing the bowls, they were placed into a sterilization cabinet for disinfection, which allowed Jiang Huaixi to breathe a sigh of relief.
After dinner, the dining table was left to the aunt to clean. Father Jiang and Huaichuan went into their respective studies to work, while Mother Jiang supported Grandma Jiang to the living room to watch TV. Jiang Huaixi said she was a bit tired and took Lu Zizheng upstairs to their room to rest.
After going upstairs, Jiang Huaixi first accompanied Lu Zizheng back to their room. With no outsiders around, Lu Zizheng unabashedly reached out to touch Jiang Huaixi’s forehead to check her temperature, and her hand continued downward, intending to remove the mask that might be making Jiang Huaixi uncomfortable.
However, Jiang Huaixi quickly stopped her action, smiling and saying, “Want to play a sneak attack?”
Lu Zizheng said helplessly, “Huaixi…”
Jiang Huaixi stubbornly shook her head, indicating it wasn’t possible, and Lu Zizheng sighed and had to compromise.
Jiang Huaixi sat on the sofa by the window, reaching out to flip through the book that Lu Zizheng had casually placed on the tea table. Looking at Lu Zizheng, who had also sat on the opposite sofa, she gently rubbed the book page with her index finger and thumb and suggested, “Zizheng, after talking with you before, I contacted the professor at X University that you’ve always wanted to go to. After Huaichuan and Qiao Xin’s engagement, let’s go back to school to review and take next year’s graduate exam, okay?”
Lu Zizheng was slightly stunned, and then, realizing it, she was both surprised and happy, half-believing and half-doubting, she said, “I thought this matter might still need some time to realize. Huaixi, is it okay with Uncle and Aunt, and the company?”
Jiang Huaixi relaxed her brows and eyes, her gaze gentle, and she smiled, saying, “Just tell me, do you want it or not, okay?”
Lu Zizheng hesitated for a moment, but still followed her heart’s choice, nodding and saying, “I want to, let’s go together.”
When Jiang Huaixi heard the words “go together,” it was as if her heart was pricked by a needle, a pain slowly spreading. She pretended as if nothing happened, lightly tapping the glass of the tea table with her index finger, and continued, “However, my health wasn’t very good before, and it’s been a long time since I had a check-up. I don’t know if there will be any issues during the entrance physical examination. So, I want to take advantage of the time before going, and first go to the hospital for a physical exam myself, to check and see if any part is sub-healthy, and while there’s time, slowly improve it. Will you come with me?”
Lu Zizheng had never worried about her health, so she wasn’t clear about what a graduate entrance physical examination required, how strict it was, or what illnesses might affect entrance. But hearing Jiang Huaixi say this, she also felt it made sense, and hearing that they could see which parts of Jiang Huaixi’s body needed improvement, she naturally nodded and agreed, saying, “Okay.”
Jiang Huaixi pondered for a moment and said, “Speaking of which, you probably haven’t had a check-up in a long time either. Since we’re going together, let’s both get a check-up.”
Lu Zizheng naturally had no objections and nodded.
Jiang Huaixi silently breathed a sigh of relief in her heart, took a breath, and continued energetically, “Then, how about we go tomorrow? This way, the check-up report will be ready in a few days, and if there are no major issues, we can depart as soon as possible.”
Lu Zizheng was slightly surprised, obviously not expecting Jiang Huaixi to be this urgent. But after a brief thought, she also felt it was reasonable and fair. She indeed had no reason to oppose, right? So, she smiled and nodded in agreement.
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Lu Zizheng rested her elbow on the tea table, with one hand supporting her chin, and looked at Jiang Huaixi. It seemed like she thought of something, and she smiled somewhat openly and slyly, saying to Jiang Huaixi, “Huaixi, I feel like you seem to have gotten your wish. In the end, it seems like I’ve been kept by you.” Obviously, Lu Zizheng was reminded of their first official meeting back then.
Jiang Huaixi’s thoughts were heavy as she looked at Lu Zizheng’s carefree smile. Her eyes darkened, yet she still forced a smile, faintly denying, “Aren’t you wronging me? I did give you a status.”
Lu Zizheng couldn’t help but burst into laughter, laughingly echoing, “Yes, yes, yes, it was my mistake.”
She looked at Lu Zizheng’s smiling face and asked herself in her heart:
Meeting Lu Zizheng was the luckiest thing in her life. But for Lu Zizheng, was meeting her ultimately a fortune or a misfortune?
In the end, was she still wrong?
LP: I’m back! Sorry, I was sick this entire time. I hope I won’t get sick again for at least a few years, I hate it 🙁
Re-translated on October 05, 2024