STT – Chapter 59

But if there is a chance, I still want to love you.

Xu Baitao bent over, covering his lower body, and with difficulty cast his gaze toward Jiang Wang, seeing her walking step by step into the sea. The seawater gradually covered her knees, and she reached out to embrace the floating wheelchair. Her entire body seemed to lose all strength, collapsing as she held onto the wheelchair. In an instant, the seawater covered her body, showing a determination to risk her life…

Xu Baitao, gritting his teeth, stood up with reddened eyes and ran toward Jiang Wang, sinking into the sand with each step. Using all his strength, he grabbed Jiang Wang’s arm, ignoring her struggles, and with great difficulty, dragged her toward the beach through the seawater, angrily shouting: “What are you pretending to show now? Do you realize you love her now? What were you doing before?”

Jiang Wang, choked by the seawater, glared angrily at Xu Baitao, coughing uncontrollably, unable to speak.

Xu Baitao, with fists tightly clenched, his body aching and exhausted, looked at Jiang Wang’s half-dead appearance and was filled with anger. He fiercely slapped Jiang Wang’s arm and viciously questioned her: “Madman, Yun Bo, you’re just a madman. Why would you rather die with her than live well with her? Does my sister have to prove her love by dying for you to believe she truly loves you?!”

Jiang Wang finally caught her breath, supporting herself with one hand, and with a hoarse voice, she lowly roared at Xu Baitao: “What do you know? You know nothing!”

At some point, her cheek was cut, and blood slowly seeped out, while tears rustled down from the corners of her eyes, mixing with the blood and dripping down, just like her heart…

Xu Baitao knew nothing, unaware of her struggles, her sadness, her reluctance, her despair, her grievances… he knew nothing…

Xu Baihan is a fool, she also knew nothing… how could she be so foolish, Xu Baihan, you fool…

She just hopes that from now on, Xu Baihan can live well, can live better. The sentence Xu Baihan said to her, that from now on, there would be a life without her meddling, she hopes she can be happy, and isn’t that exactly what she also wants to say to Xu Baihan.

She admits that she once doubted Xu Baihan, doubted that Xu Baihan loved her as much as she imagined; she also blamed herself, for her own self-delusion, her one-sidedness; and even hated Xu Baihan, hated her betrayal, hated her abandonment.

But, for many years after being rescued, she continued to hate Xu Baihan, just as she loved Xu Baihan. In the middle of the night, she’d wake from dreams, smiling, crying, and still thinking of her. Whether it was love or hate, Xu Baihan, from beginning to end, was always the reason she kept going. How could she possibly bear to drive Xu Baihan to death?

However, she knew Xu Baihan too well and also knew herself too well. Xu Baihan was gentle, kind, soft-hearted, preferring to wrong herself rather than others; whereas she was selfish, indifferent, domineering, dark, preferring to wrong the world rather than let the world wrong her. She clearly understood Xu Baihan’s difficulties but was always unable to empathize. She feared that one day she would still succumb to Xu Baihan’s difficulties, and she, understanding but unable to forgive, would only add to the torment.

She is a paranoid madwoman; she once believed Xu Baihan could be her perfect salvation and had demanded so much from Xu Baihan. But dreams eventually end. After their reunion, she saw Xu Baihan’s tears, saw her exhaustion, saw her suffering. Her conscience finally awoke to the realization that it was unfair to Xu Baihan.

She was confident she loved Xu Baihan the most, but she was not the most suitable person for Xu Baihan. Xu Baihan had promised her a beautiful dream, and what she returned to Xu Baihan was a nightmare that took twelve years to wake from. So, she thought, let her truly end Xu Baihan’s nightmare; as dawn breaks, the dream ends, and everything is forgotten. She and Xu Baihan can begin new lives in a new reality.

But, Xu Baihan, how could you be so foolish?

Jiang Wang shakily stood up, stumbling again toward the sea, she said: “You know nothing, don’t know… I also don’t know, your sister is a fool, this fool…”

Xu Baitao reached out and grabbed Jiang Wang, giving a fierce push. Jiang Wang, without the strength to resist, fell backward onto the beach unexpectedly: “Right, we all know nothing, nothing at all, anyway, the whole world f*cking thinks you’re the most wronged…”

In the distance, a sudden loud “clang, clatter…” was heard, and Xu Baitao suddenly stood up, looking toward the road on the beach…

Vaguely, Jiang Wang seemed to hear Xu Baihan calling her: “Yun Bo… Yun Bo…” along with the sea breeze. She closed her eyes, thinking it was an illusion, and in her heart, she gently comforted Xu Baihan: “Baihan, I’m sorry, I’m so tired, just wait a little longer, I’ll come to accompany you…”

But the voice seemed to grow more urgent and louder with each call…

Jiang Wang couldn’t help but tiredly open her eyes, just in time to see Xu Baitao quickly running toward the road, shouting in terror, “Sister, what are you doing, go back…”

Jiang Wang was completely dazed, a beat behind, before suddenly realizing what Xu Baitao was saying. She struggled to prop herself up and looked in the direction Xu Baitao was running. That face, the one that haunted her dreams, suddenly appeared in her vision—Xu Baihan was sitting in a car, holding onto the car window, leaning most of her body out, trying to get out.

Seeing Jiang Wang finally sit up again, Xu Baihan stopped her struggling, both crying and laughing, desperately calling out to Jiang Wang, “Yun Bo, don’t go there, Yun Bo…”

In an instant, tears poured down Jiang Wang’s face like rain. She stared intently at Xu Baihan’s face, clenching her teeth tightly, and once more, shakily stood up, staring unblinkingly at Xu Baihan, step by step, walking toward her…

This is not a dream, this is not a dream, right, Baihan…

Jiang Wang finally burst into loud laughter, and then, she cried heart-wrenchingly. Her legs were in piercing pain, yet she walked faster and faster, finally even breaking into a jog…

Xu Baihan, Xu Baihan, I regret it, wait for me, wait for me…

As she got closer and closer to Xu Baihan, almost reaching the road from the beach… Xu Baitao rushed ahead of Jiang Wang, quickly unlocked and opened the car door, pulled Xu Baihan into the car, and with a roar, started the vehicle and sped away, leaving Jiang Wang with a trail of exhaust and shattered glass on the ground…

Jiang Wang paused, watching the dust-raising car depart, standing there for a long time, until the car completely disappeared from her sight…

She grinned, both crying and laughing, as she collapsed backward onto the beach, no longer having the strength to get up.

She raised her head, her tear-filled eyes blurred as she looked at the azure clear sky, with not a cloud in sight. For the first time, she discovered that when it’s sunny, the sky is so purely blue, so beautiful. She slightly squinted her eyes and murmured softly: “So nice, so nice…”

In the car, Xu Baihan struggled continuously against Xu Baitao, who was holding her arm, with a tearful voice, constantly turning back and pleading bitterly with Xu Baitao: “Baitao, please go back, go back, okay? Yun Bo is hurt, Baitao, please go back…”

Xu Baitao tightly furrowed his brows, looking at the sister he had finally regained, feeling both heartache and anger. After reading her farewell letter and rushing to the seaside, Xu Baihan had already started advancing into the sea. If he had been a few minutes later, he would truly never see her again. For Yun Bo, she really has such a cruel heart!

Xu Baitao, frustrated, roared: “Sister, in this life, is she really the only one for you? What’s so good about her, is she really worth it?!”

Xu Baihan bitterly smiled and replied: “Baitao, without her, my world would stop turning. Tell me, is she not truly the only one for me…”

“Baitao, please turn around, I beg you…”

Xu Baitao’s hand on the steering wheel gradually tightened…

The car drove back to that beach, slowly stopping beside where Jiang Wang was lying. As soon as the car stopped, Xu Baihan couldn’t wait for Xu Baitao to get out and help her down. She impatiently opened the car door and rushed out, falling directly onto the sand with a painful muffled groan.

Xu Baitao exclaimed in surprise and hurriedly opened the car door, running toward Xu Baihan.

Ignoring the pain, Xu Baihan immediately propped herself up, using both hands to support her body, and little by little, she dragged her legs through the sand to Jiang Wang’s side. Gently, she lifted Jiang Wang’s head onto her lap, softly calling her name: “Yun Bo… Yun Bo…”

Jiang Wang felt warm liquid dripping drop by drop onto her face and lips, tasting salty and bitter.

She was already so exhausted that she was about to lose consciousness, yet she still struggled to open her eyes, and the first thing she saw was Xu Baihan’s tear-stained beautiful face. She stared unblinkingly at Xu Baihan, with difficulty raising her hand to touch Xu Baihan’s face. Xu Baihan, noticing her intention, hurriedly held Jiang Wang’s hand and placed it on her own face.

Jiang Wang gently touched Xu Baihan’s cheek, looking deeply at her, and softly called, “Xu Baihan, Xu Baihan…”

Xu Baihan gently responded to her, “Yun Bo, I’m here, I’m here…”

Jiang Wang tiredly squinted her eyes, gazing at Xu Baihan. Weakly but seriously, she said, “Xu Baihan, I give up. I gave you a chance to be free, to leave me, but you didn’t cherish it. If you chose me, then, in this life, you must never think of letting me go again.”

Xu Baihan, with tears, smiled and shook her head, saying: “I won’t, I will never let you go again in this life.”

Jiang Wang weakly smiled and asked: “Then if the past happens again, would you change your choice?”

Xu Baihan’s body stiffened, speechless for a moment, not knowing what to say. Beside them, Xu Baitao couldn’t bear it and scolded Jiang Wang softly: “Yun Bo, that’s enough!”

Jiang Wang, as if understanding, smiled helplessly and said: “Baihan, you wouldn’t, right?” This was a definitive tone, and Jiang Wang did not expect Xu Baihan to rebut. She continued: “I’ve always known, you wouldn’t, if it happened again, you would still choose this way. The person I initially fell in love with is actually this kind of person. Over the years, I resented you and even more hated myself. I hated myself for knowing you are this kind of person, who cannot give me equal love, yet still loving you; I also hate myself for clearly loving you, yet not being able to empathize with you. Because of your gentle kindness, I fell in love with you, and finally, yet because of your gentle kindness, I hated you. Xu Baihan, actually, I know you are not wrong, but I still blame you. Probably, I really am not the most suitable person for you.”

Xu Baihan, holding Jiang Wang’s hand, desperately shook her head, crying: “But, Yun Bo, you are the person I love most. I admit I wouldn’t change my choice, but not because I don’t love you the most, just because Baitao was closer to me, and I couldn’t stand by and do nothing. Yun Bo, in this world, without anyone else, I can strive bravely to continue, but I cannot be without you.”

This was the first time Xu Baihan frankly said she loved her the most. Jiang Wang was momentarily dazed, her tired and dim eyes slightly brightened.

Xu Baihan said: “Yun Bo, I’m sorry, back then, I was so cowardly. Over the years, I’ve regretted endlessly that back then, I didn’t frankly tell you I love you, love you the most, love you forever. I’m sorry for making you wait alone for so long, sorry, sorry, I love you…”

Jiang Wang’s gaze gradually softened, and a relieved smile appeared at the corner of her lips. She said: “Xu Baihan, don’t say sorry, prove it with the rest of your life.” Her voice grew weaker and lighter: “In this life, don’t think about leaving me again. If one day you regret it, I’ll kill you, and we’ll die together.”

Xu Baihan smiled through her tears, lowered her head to kiss Jiang Wang’s forehead, and promised her: “Okay.” She said: “Yun Bo, thank you for still loving me.”

But Jiang Wang closed her eyes heavily, no longer responding to Xu Baihan, motionless. Xu Baihan cried out in terror: “Yun Bo, Yun Bo… Baitao, to the hospital, quickly to the hospital!”

LP: Re-translated on September 25, 2024