STT – Chapter 54

I no longer love you, I beg you to let me go.

On Wednesday, Jiang Wang unexpectedly applied for leave on Friday, which shocked her colleagues at the hospital. In their eyes, Jiang Wang is like a Superwoman workaholic, having never taken a day off or left early in the years she has been at the hospital. If a colleague occasionally needs someone to cover a shift, Jiang Wang is the go-to person, as she seems to have no life outside of work.

Privately, a little nurse who has worked with her for many years couldn’t help but gossip. Taking advantage of Jiang Wang’s lunch break in the office, she nonchalantly asked, “Doctor Jiang, are you feeling unwell? Taking leave on Friday? Or…”

Jiang Wang didn’t have much of an appetite and was just picking at her lunch. She was about to tidy up and leave when the words caused her hand to pause slightly. She gently closed her eyes for a moment, not speaking.

The little nurse could only see her long eyelashes like small fans, veiling eyes that could barely reveal her emotions, her face calm and unruffled. Seeing no answer for a long time, the little nurse grew uneasy, thinking she might have been too nosy and asked an inappropriate question. As she hesitated, wondering if she should find a way to excuse herself, Jiang Wang gently sighed, stood up, and while walking out, casually replied to the little nurse, “No, it’s probably considered, going on a date?”

She gradually walked out of the office, her voice so light as she went further away that the little nurse couldn’t hear her final, almost self-muttered words: “Last time…”

The little nurse’s hand holding the lunch box shook, and she almost choked on her saliva. Did she hear some incredible big news?! In an instant, she couldn’t eat anymore, holding the lunch box as she quickly ran to other offices…

Thus, by the afternoon, the hospital was abuzz with the news that the hospital’s first cold beauty’s famous flower had an owner…

The next day, as soon as Jiang Wang started work, she inexplicably received many sad glances from male doctors. At the same time, everyone keenly noticed that Doctor Jiang’s ring finger bore a simple, plain, inconspicuous platinum ring.

Thursday night, after finishing surgery and getting off work, it was already past eight in the evening. Jiang Wang washed her hands and stood silently by the window next to the sink, gazing up at the sky full of stars she once watched lying side by side with Xu Baihan over ten years ago, gently stroking the window frame with her hand. After a long time, as if making up her mind, she picked up the mobile phone on her office desk, slid the phone’s lock screen, and pressed that well-known number in her heart, one key at a time.

Xu Baihan did not let Jiang Wang wait long. The phone was very quickly connected, and Jiang Wang heard on the other end, Xu Baihan’s voice, noticeably surprised and gently calling: “Yun Bo?”

Jiang Wang looked into the distant tranquility, softly responding with “En,” then remained silent, as did Xu Baihan. Thus, they only heard each other’s slightly rapid breathing, clear as if by their ears, yet distant as if on the horizon.

After a while, Jiang Wang spoke to explain her intention: “Do you have time tomorrow? I’m taking a day off to rest; would you be able to accompany me for a little outing?” After speaking, she paused again, her faint voice tinged with some loneliness: “Come to think of it, I’ve been in Linzhou for so many years and still haven’t properly gotten to know this city…”

Xu Baihan, moments before, was overjoyed by Jiang Wang’s invitation, not yet having the chance to eagerly accept, then felt heartache upon hearing Jiang Wang’s last words. She unconsciously tightened her grip on the wheelchair, hesitated several times, but still mustered the courage to promise Jiang Wang: “Yun Bo, if you’re willing, I can accompany you, to every corner of this city.”

But on the other end of the phone, there was only Jiang Wang’s faint “hehe” sound, and Xu Baihan couldn’t discern whether it was ridicule, regret, or something else… She could only hold the phone tightly, repeatedly pleading in her heart to Jiang Wang: “Yun Bo, please believe me once more…”

The next morning, before dawn, Xu Baihan unusually got up, nervously beginning to dress up. The maid, Xiao Xia, who always served Xu Baihan, while helping tidy her hair, laughed and teased Xu Baihan: “Miss, do you have a particularly important date today, being so attentive…”

In these years, due to her legs and feet, everything was inconvenient, and also because the one who appreciated her was no longer by her side, Xu Baihan hadn’t cared about her makeup and clothing like this for a long time, generally prioritizing convenience and comfort. Today, she truly went against her usual way, picking out outfit after outfit, redoing her makeup again and again…

To Xiao Xia’s inquiry, Xu Baihan did not respond, but just smiled full of tenderness, and with her slightly red face, Xiao Xia immediately understood, and couldn’t help but feel some joy, her tone brisk: “I, Xiao Xia, will certainly do my best to lend you a hand, Miss.”

Xu Baihan just glared at Xiao Xia in the mirror with a shy and slightly angry look.

At 9:45, with fifteen minutes left before the appointed time with Jiang Wang, Xu Baihan went out, sitting at the entrance of the Xu family’s mansion waiting for Jiang Wang. Xu Baitao, feeling uneasy, also followed her out and stood beside Xu Baihan.

At 9:55, Jiang Wang arrived at the Xu family’s mansion five minutes early. Seeing Jiang Wang’s car inching towards her, approaching her, Xu Baihan’s heart almost jumped out of her chest. She couldn’t help but turn her wheelchair and move a few steps outward.

The car steadily stopped at the gate, with a straight, long leg first appearing in Xu Baihan’s view. Then, the face that haunted Xu Baihan’s dreams and thoughts finally emerged—beautiful lines, delicate features, and a captivating temperament.

Today’s Jiang Wang was different from the intellectual attire of previous meetings. She wore black suspender pants, a simple white shirt with sleeves rolled to three-quarters, and a pair of black Martin boots. Her posture was tall and straight, her beauty infused with a touch of alluring heroism, just like many years ago, making Xu Baihan unable to look away…

Jiang Wang approached Xu Baihan, her tightly pressed lips finally curving upward the moment she saw Xu Baihan. Her tone, brisk and light, was something Xu Baihan had not heard since their reunion: “You look very beautiful today, Baihan…”

At that moment, Xu Baihan felt as if she heard the sound of dead wood in her heart coming back to life, feeling surprised, delighted, and shy all at once, with a blush spreading from her cheeks to her ears.

Jiang Wang noticed Xu Baitao standing behind Xu Baihan, always frowning and staring intently at her. She withdrew her gaze, lowered her head, and asked Xu Baihan, “Can we set off?”

Xu Baihan naturally nodded in agreement.

Jiang Wang then naturally walked behind Xu Baihan, slowly and steadily pushing her towards the car parked outside the door. Upon reaching the car, Jiang Wang first went around to the front, opened the car door, and then returned to Xu Baihan, looked down at her, with a faint smile on her lips, and said: “The time to test the arm strength I’ve trained over the years has come.”

Xu Baihan hadn’t yet reacted to her enchanting smile when she felt her body lighten, as Jiang Wang lifted her in a princess carry and gently placed her into the car’s back seat. Xu Baihan only caught the faint fragrance on Jiang Wang, the scent she loved years ago, and even after sitting in the car for a long time, she remained immersed in that long-missed embrace, unable to pull herself away.

After closing the car door and folding the wheelchair into the trunk, Jiang Wang finally addressed Xu Baitao, who had been following them closely with concern.

The faint smile on her face had long disappeared, replaced by a stern, calm expression. Her voice was clear and cold as she informed Xu Baitao: “After today, everything will be over.” After speaking, she was about to reach out to open the driver’s seat car door.

Xu Baitao’s heart tightened as he reached out to stop Jiang Wang’s actions, urgently saying, “What do you want to do? What do you want to do to my sister?”

Jiang Wang looked at Xu Baitao, with an obvious mockery on her face: “What can I do? Just as you wish.” After speaking, she coldly stared at Xu Baitao.

Xu Baitao’s expression stiffened, he turned his face, looking at Xu Baihan in the car, who still had a faint joyful smile, his heart grew cold little by little, and the hand grasping Jiang Wang’s also gradually weakened and sagged down. After a long while, he said softly, “Then, I entrust her to you.”

Jiang Wang’s thin lips almost pressed into a line. She did not answer Xu Baitao, merely opened the car door silently, started the car, and left in a cloud of dust before Xu Baitao’s eyes…

In the car, Xu Baihan finally came back to her senses amidst the sweetness and joy, beginning to feel somewhat uneasy about Jiang Wang’s sudden change. She had no time to pay attention to the scenery outside the window, lightly biting her lip, looking at the clear, handsome back of Jiang Wang in front of her, several times wanting to speak but stopping herself.

From the car’s mirror, Jiang Wang could see all of Xu Baihan’s struggles and hesitations. After a long while, she considerately spoke, her voice rarely gentle: “Don’t ask. When today ends, I will tell you the answer.”

Hearing this, Xu Baihan felt even more uneasy. Her voice, slightly nervous, somewhat hesitantly called Jiang Wang: “Yun Bo…”

Jiang Wang pressed her lips and smiled lightly, but changed the topic, saying: “Today’s itinerary is all arranged by me, you have no objections, right?” It was the familiar, usual domineering manner of Jiang Wang that Xu Baihan knew.

Xu Baihan smiled lightly and said warmly, “Of course not.”

Finally, the car drove into the cinema’s parking lot. Jiang Wang opened the car door, bent down once again, and gently carried Xu Baihan out. This time, as her heart pounded like thunder, Xu Baihan finally hugged Jiang Wang’s slender body tightly, feeling the real presence and fulfillment in her arms, and she almost shed tears in that instant.

Jiang Wang, with a gentle smile near her ear, teased: “Baihan, if you don’t let go, I might not be able to hold on…”

Xu Baihan instantly turned her tears into laughter, her face fully blushing.

At the cinema’s ticket check entrance, when it was their turn, Jiang Wang handed the tickets to the ticket checker, slightly bent down, and asked Xu Baihan: “Shall we leave the wheelchair outside?”

Xu Baihan was stunned, not yet understanding the meaning of her words, but due to Jiang Wang’s exceedingly gentle tone, she involuntarily nodded. In the next moment, her body felt light as she fell into Jiang Wang’s warm embrace, carrying a fresh fragrance.

Behind them, there was a simultaneous “ah” of surprise, and Xu Baihan could almost feel the astonished gazes from everyone, so intensely hot that they seemed about to burn her face red.

Jiang Wang’s arms powerfully encircled her body, and Xu Baihan listened to Jiang Wang’s slightly rapid yet reassuring heartbeat, feeling her calm and steady steps, and closed her eyes, wishing that this road could have no end…

Jiang Wang’s slightly teasing voice sounded above her head: “If it were before, you would definitely exclaim for me to put you down. It seems now you’ve become a bit bolder.”

Xu Baihan opened her eyes, raised her head to gaze up at Jiang Wang, with her eyebrows curved, revealing an extremely gentle and happy smile: “I only wish this road could be a bit longer, best if it had no end…”

Jiang Wang’s footsteps slightly paused, then she lightly laughed and replied with a smile: “That won’t do, I might get exhausted to death…”

Xu Baihan amusingly used her head to gently bump Jiang Wang’s chest.

The movie started, and surprisingly, it was an animation, a Disney one. Xu Baihan, perhaps due to her connection with Jiang Wang and her own background in the Chinese department, found her imagination running wild. The more she watched, the more she blushed, feeling that there was an overt tension between the queen and the princess. Whenever their eyes met, it seemed as if one could hear the sparks of love crackling in the air.

When the queen sang “Let It Go,” Xu Baihan’s heart sank, and then she felt a sudden clarity… Listening to the open-hearted “Let It Go,” she almost couldn’t resist singing along with Elsa…

At the movie’s end, when Elsa kissed Anna and true love’s kiss melted Anna, Xu Baihan couldn’t help but turn her face to look at Jiang Wang. Jiang Wang seemed to sense it too, and she turned to give Xu Baihan an understanding smile. She extended her gentle hand to hold Xu Baihan’s soft hand, their fingers interlocking.

Xu Baihan tightly held Jiang Wang’s hand, and involuntarily, her eyebrows curved into a smile…

As the movie ended, Jiang Wang still steadily picked up Xu Baihan. However, this time, she lowered her head with a teasing smile, using a reference from the movie, and changed her address, saying, “Sister, it might be a bit chaotic now, so you must hold me tight.”

Xu Baihan, shy and smiling, tightened her hold around Jiang Wang, leaned her face against Jiang Wang’s chest, and at the heart area of her shirt collar, placed a light kiss: “Can my true love’s kiss melt you?”

Jiang Wang’s steps suddenly became unsteady, and she slightly stumbled. After a long while, Xu Baihan heard her lightly reply: “Don’t cause trouble, or I’ll throw you out…”

Xu Baihan, fearless, just smiled without speaking.

After exiting the cinema, Jiang Wang carried Xu Baihan to the car, leaned over, and considerately fastened her seatbelt—this time, in the front passenger seat. She turned the car around, left the downtown area, and drove towards the suburbs.

Due to the earlier happiness, Xu Baihan’s inner unease gradually faded. She tried to ask Jiang Wang: “Where are we going?”

Jiang Wang glanced at her with a slightly sly smile and said: “When we arrive, you’ll know. It’s just to let you experience this feeling of anxious anticipation.”

Xu Baihan dotingly looked at Jiang Wang’s somewhat proud appearance, smiled, and silently agreed.

The car finally stopped on a lush green lawn in the suburbs, and not far away was a vast blue sea. Many people were already picnicking on the lawn.

Jiang Wang found a spot under the shade of a large tree, spread out a picnic cloth, and sat down. She helped Xu Baihan lean against the tree trunk, adjusting her to a comfortable position, and lightly smiled, explaining: “It’s my first time here; I didn’t expect it to feel quite nice.”

Xu Baihan nodded in agreement.

Jiang Wang asked Xu Baihan: “Are you hungry?”

Xu Baihan nodded and smiled, saying: “Seems a bit.” In reality, she just noticed that Jiang Wang seemed eager to show something special, so she couldn’t help but continue the conversation.

Sure enough, Jiang Wang took a large meal box out of a big backpack, followed by drinks, napkins, and various small snacks.

Jiang Wang placed the meal box in the center and asked Xu Baihan: “Can you guess what’s inside?”

Xu Baihan smiled, thought for a moment, and answered predictably: “Sushi?”

Unexpectedly, Jiang Wang furrowed her brows for a moment, sighed, and said: “Ah, I didn’t expect you to be so smart.” Saying this, she opened the box, revealing beautifully arranged various kinds of sushi.

Xu Baihan couldn’t help but ask: “Did you make it?”

Jiang Wang pressed her lips and smiled lightly, prompting Xu Baihan to change her words: “Where did you buy it? It seems quite good…”

Jiang Wang took chopsticks and picked up a crab roe sushi, Xu Baihan’s favorite, bringing it to Xu Baihan’s lips. She watched as Xu Baihan opened her lips, smilingly took a bite, and then lightly said with dissatisfaction: “I didn’t expect you to have only this little confidence in me. Just a bit of doubt, and you wavered.”

Xu Baihan smiled and simply praised, saying: “Delicious.”

Thus, a satisfied smile appeared again on Jiang Wang’s lips as she reached out, picked another piece, and brought it to Xu Baihan’s lips…

After eating their fill, Jiang Wang leaned beside Xu Baihan, and together they watched the distant sparkling sea surface, observed the wind blowing, the grass bending and rising in waves, and the children playing around their parents…

Little by little, Xu Baihan gathered the courage to lean her head on Jiang Wang’s shoulder.

To her surprise, Jiang Wang showed no resistance, simply following her movement, and even raised her shoulder slightly to let her lean more comfortably.

After a long time, Jiang Wang suddenly spoke, asking Xu Baihan: “Baihan, in the afternoon, shall we paint together here? Then, the painting you make, give it to me, and the painting I make, I’ll give it to you, okay?”

Xu Baihan was slightly taken aback, looking at the couple taking wedding photos and instantly had an idea, then immediately agreed.

Thus, the two of them, just like before, sat back to back and began to paint.

Before they started painting, Jiang Wang smilingly teased: “You’re not allowed to turn around and peek, okay?”

Xu Baihan lightly bumped Jiang Wang’s back with her shoulder, smilingly retorted: “You’re the one who often peeks.”

Jiang Wang laughed and said: “I wasn’t peeking at the painting, I was peeking at you, okay…”

Xu Baihan thought for a moment and said: “Then today I allow you to turn around and peek…”

Jiang Wang lightly smiled and said nothing more.

When evening came, Jiang Wang finished her painting earlier than Xu Baihan. She stood up directly, quietly put away the painting, not allowing Xu Baihan to see it, only saying that she would give it to her when she sent her back in the evening.

Xu Baihan’s painting depicted two girls in wedding dresses dancing on thin ice, and she named it Courage.

Jiang Wang looked at that painting for a long time, and finally said nothing, carrying Xu Baihan to the car.

Xu Baihan did not see the faintly flashing tears in her eyes, which disappeared in an instant…

While driving back to the city, Jiang Wang suddenly spoke softly: “Do you know, Baihan, today, everything I took you to do are things I imagined for my future life when I was fifteen.”

She said: “I thought that after busy work, in my leisure time, I would take you to watch movies, show affection openly, go for picnics in the suburbs, sing and paint in the gentle breeze. If time allows, we could also travel together, hike mountains, row boats, explore famous mountains and rivers, and taste foods from all over the world… In all of this, you must be there, definitely, you must be there.”

Xu Baihan’s heart felt both sour and warm, her nose tingling with emotion. She turned her face to quietly gaze at Jiang Wang, waiting for her to continue.

But throughout the journey, Jiang Wang never spoke again…

Jiang Wang drove straight home, taking Xu Baihan with her.

Initially, Xu Baihan looked at Jiang Wang’s tightly closed door, watched as Jiang Wang inserted the key, and the door slowly opened, feeling infinite nervousness and anticipation… She thought she might be able to open Jiang Wang’s heart, have a chance, and understand everything about Jiang Wang that she couldn’t be part of all these years.

However, as the door opened, her heart seemed to suddenly sink to the bottom…

She saw two pairs of couple slippers placed at the entrance. One pair was obviously large men’s slippers.

She dared not ask more, telling herself she might just be overthinking. Thus, she silently and anxiously followed Jiang Wang inside.

As she moved through the space, she slowly saw clearly the photos placed on the living room TV wall.

They were photos of Jiang Wang and Li Liwen holding hands, traveling, working together, and even kissing…

In an instant, Xu Baihan couldn’t hold the water Jiang Wang handed to her and spilled it all over the floor. With a trembling voice, she immediately couldn’t help but turn around and ask Jiang Wang: “You and Doctor Li…”

Jiang Wang was silent for a moment, wiped the water on the floor, sat on the sofa opposite Xu Baihan, looked at her, and after a while, said: “Doctor Li and I have been dating for a long time and are preparing to get engaged.” As she said this, she lightly turned the ring on her ring finger.

At that moment, Xu Baihan noticed the ring, feeling as if pierced by ten thousand arrows.

How could she not have noticed, how could she have never seen…

Jiang Wang let out a long breath, looking directly at Xu Baihan, and said seriously, word by word: “Baihan, everything I did with you today was my fifteen-year-old imagination of the future. I thank you for fulfilling the dream I had at fifteen, letting me understand that it was just like this, no longer with regret, no longer lingering.

Now, I am twenty-seven years old, and when I met Liwen, I slowly began to understand that I have a new vision for the future. In this life, I never had a complete family, and now, I want one. I want a man I can rely on, a harbor that can shelter me from the wind and rain, a lovely child to whom I can give the warmth of a family that I never had. I want to watch her grow up, start a family, and a career.”

Xu Baihan’s hand on the wheelchair trembled slightly, feeling as if she had fallen from heaven to hell in an instant. She frantically asked Jiang Wang: “Yun Bo, what’s wrong, weren’t we very happy today? Don’t do this, okay, Yun Bo, give me another chance, okay, Yun Bo…”

Jiang Wang saw Xu Baihan’s lips trembling, her makeup ruined by tears, her face full of tears. But she still lowered her eyes, calmly continued to pierce Xu Baihan’s heart: “Don’t call me Yun Bo anymore. Call me Jiang Wang, from now on, I am only Jiang Wang; Yun Bo died long ago in the past. Everything from the past, I have let go, and you don’t need to feel indebted or guilty anymore. Between us, there is no need to talk about love and hate, what I want, you can’t give, and what you want, I can’t give either… Don’t entangle anymore.”

In an instant, Xu Baihan turned her body, frantically wheeled her wheelchair, urgently interrupting Jiang Wang, shouting: “Don’t say anymore, don’t say anymore, take me back, I want to go back…”

But Jiang Wang relentlessly and firmly held Xu Baihan’s wheelchair, not allowing her to escape, determined to break Xu Baihan’s last psychological defense: “So, Xu Baihan, go heal your leg, go live your own life, go enjoy your own life, let’s settle everything between us.”

She saw Xu Baihan self-deceptively cover her ears, biting her lip, fiercely saying: “Xu Baihan, please don’t try to use your leg, use guilt, to bind me, don’t let your family look at me with the eyes of a sinner! I don’t love you anymore, I want a new life, please let me go!”

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LP: Re-translated on September 19, 2024

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