STT – Chapter 52

Fulfill your blue sea and sky.

Xu Botao sat inside the coffee shop, hands interlocked on the table, watching the sun outside the window gradually disappear, watching street lamps light up one by one, observing as the time to meet Jiang Wang approached, rubbing his thumbs together, inexplicably becoming nervous.

With five minutes left until the agreed time, his gaze suddenly locked on a graceful, tall long-haired woman outside the window. The woman wore high heels, narrow-leg pants, a white shirt, and a long coat, walking briskly with a calm expression from afar. Xu Botao immediately stood up, intuition telling him, this is Yun Bo after twelve years…

His intuition was not wrong; that woman indeed walked step by step towards him, growing closer with each step, her expression calm and unchanging, finally standing still before him.

Xu Botao carefully observed Jiang Wang.

Her appearance was more outstanding than many years ago, her temperament seemed softer than before, no longer as cold and harsh, but her eyes, emotionless and unreadable, remained unchanged.

After a moment of hesitation, Xu Botao extended his hand, a slight smile on his lips, his usually clear voice slightly hoarse with excitement, yet filled with sincere joy and relief, “Fourth sister, it really is you, you are still here, that’s great, that’s great…”

Jiang Wang merely inspected the refined, upright man in front of her for a moment, extending her hand to quickly and gently clasp his, a faint smile on her lips, lightly exhaling as she said, “Long time no see…” Then, she calmly sat down in her seat.

In an instant, Xu Botao felt somewhat awkward; in that light exhale, he keenly sensed his previous perception was wrong. Jiang Wang was not more gentle than before, at least, not towards him; her every word and action, her every slight smile or frown, remained consistently cold and slightly ironic.

He had not guessed wrong, indeed many years ago, Yun Bo did not like him. Only because Yun Bo knew, this boy who grew up with Xu Baihan held significant weight in Xu Baihan’s heart, perhaps surpassing herself, making her both envious and resentful.

Many years later, Yun Bo’s envy and resentment towards him only increased, not decreased.

Xu Botao also sat down, extending his hand to call over the waiter, ordering two cups of coffee with Jiang Wang. Then, he looked at Jiang Wang, who was resting her chin on one hand and gazing out the window, and after a moment of silence, he began to speak: “Fourth sister, after so many years, why haven’t you come back to find us? Don’t you know how much the family has been saddened by your absence?”

As soon as he finished speaking, he saw Jiang Wang turn her head back, the smile on her lips deepening, her eyes sharp and cold, her voice indifferent. Yet, Xu Botao heard the mockery in her tone: “Is that so? I really didn’t know. You see, without me, haven’t you all been living well?”

Xu Botao frowned slightly and immediately spoke up to refute: “It’s not like that. Uncle often mentioned you over these years, saying he owed you, and whenever he mentioned you, he would…”

Before he could finish his words, Jiang Wang interrupted him coldly: “I don’t want to hear these things. These matters have nothing to do with me anymore.”

After speaking, she paused for a moment and said: “I don’t have much patience for reminiscing or small talk. Please get straight to the point and speak about the important matter concerning your sister.”

That father, that family, that once longed-for so-called kinship had died long before her physical death, over ten years ago. Besides Xu Baihan, everything about that family was already unrelated to her. She didn’t want to understand, didn’t want to know.

Xu Botao’s throat choked, the unfinished words silencing at his lips. He gazed at Jiang Wang for a long time with disbelief and couldn’t help but sigh: “Fourth sister, you have become even colder and more heartless than back then.”

The coffee arrived.

Jiang Wang rested her chin on one hand and used a small spoon to gently stir the coffee with the other. Upon hearing his words, she merely closed her eyes slightly, a faint smile on her lips, neither agreeing nor disagreeing.

Xu Botao felt his heart gradually growing colder…

Silent for a long time, he finally found his voice again, this time, without a trace of a smile in his words: “Do you know that last night my sister braved the cold wind, waiting for you at the hospital entrance for a very long time, until she was so feverish she couldn’t get up today?”

Jiang Wang heard the phrase “so feverish she couldn’t get up,” and her hand stirring the spoon paused slightly, her heart like being pricked by a needle. Then, in just a moment, she replied to Xu Botao with a light tone: “I don’t know…”

Xu Botao, hearing her indifferent tone and expression, couldn’t help but feel some anger. He clenched one hand into a fist, trying hard to suppress his anger, and asked again: “Then do you also know, that day in Juzhou, in order to call you, she fell from the steps, hit her head, had nearly ten stitches, suffered a mild concussion, and the next day, regardless of everything, came to Linzhou to find you?”

Jiang Wang felt a bitterness in her heart, remembering that day, Xu Baihan’s slightly pale face and somewhat low, hoarse, powerless voice… she was actually completely unaware. Was it the bangs that covered it? No, she felt she was not that careless, it must have been Xu Baihan deliberately not letting her discover.

Jiang Wang’s heart ached and was annoyed, yet her face remained calm. Clenching her teeth, after a moment, she lightly uttered a sentence: “Should I have known?” After speaking, she raised her eyes, a light smile hanging on her lips, unusually mocking.

Xu Botao, what right did he have to question her? As the initiator and winner of that incident, what right did he have to sit here and blame the abandoned her?

Xu Botao could no longer bear it, thinking of Xu Baihan’s sad, desperate crying yesterday, and that sentence laden with tears, heavy as a thousand pounds, “But, I love her,” looking at Jiang Wang’s indifferent demeanor, his anger surged uncontrollably, loudly rebuking: “Yun Bo, do you have a heart or not?”

Hearing this sentence, Jiang Wang, for a moment, clenched her fists, almost crushing her teeth, finally, extremely angry, laughed instead, saying word by word: “Xu Botao, this sentence, please return it to your sister, and ask her, does she have a heart or not?! Ask her, have I, Yun Bo, ever wronged her in the slightest?” She coldly said: “This sentence is not for you to ask me!”

She gave everything for this love, never holding back in the slightest, but what did Xu Baihan give her? She always regarded Xu Baihan as the most important in her life, but what was her position in Xu Baihan’s heart? Not above her parents, not above her own brothers, not even above those gossiping outsiders! At that time, blinded by love, she could still deceive herself, but now, when all the truth lay so nakedly before her, she hadn’t questioned Xu Baihan with this sentence, so how dare Xu Botao ask her this?

Xu Botao’s eyes were red with anger, his neck stiff, and after calming down for a long time, he spoke again: “You don’t know anything, Yun Bo. During these years of your uncertain life and death, my sister hasn’t had a single good day. For many years, we always thought she was tormenting herself out of guilt, but until yesterday, when she told me she loves you, I finally understood, these years, she has lived more painfully than we ever knew…”

But in the next second, Jiang Wang firmly denied Xu Botao: “No, she does not love me!”

At this moment, Xu Botao could no longer contain himself and slapped the table as he stood up: “Yun Bo, don’t go too far! You know nothing! Have you seen my sister’s legs?”

Jiang Wang’s heart trembled, and her hand holding the spoon began to tremble lightly, unable to hide it…

Xu Botao was determined to cruelly reveal the truth, vowing to tear off Jiang Wang’s mask of indifference and calm: “That’s for you! That year after you were swept away by the tide, she wanted to turn back to save you but was held back, cried until she fainted. After waking up in the hospital and realizing you were gone, she seized a moment when my mom wasn’t there and, with a determination to die, jumped from the hospital! Fortunately, she was rescued in time, but her legs could not be healed. Later, she repeatedly sought death, and the family was terrified, monitoring her 24 hours a day, finally tricking her into believing that you still had a glimmer of hope, that as long as she waited, you would definitely return. Only then did she slowly get better and continue waiting. Later, the hospital experts said that given the domestic medical level, there wasn’t much hope for her legs, but going abroad offered a glimmer of hope. Yet she refused to listen to anyone, stubbornly waiting at home for you. This dragged on for a month, a year, ten years… Yun Bo, tell me, doesn’t this count as loving you? What more do you want from her?”

Jiang Wang clenched her fists, her chest heavy as if she couldn’t breathe, her eyes sore and unable to open, trying desperately to hold back the tears about to fall, her whole body faintly trembling. It’s not true, none of this is true… lies… all lies!

She bit her lips so hard they almost bled, her voice low and hoarse: “No, she doesn’t love me, maybe, it’s just guilt, just to make her own heart feel a bit better…”

In the next moment, warm, thick liquid splattered on Jiang Wang’s beautiful, delicate face.

Xu Botao finally lost control, picked up the coffee from the table, and with a swing of his hand, splashed it onto Jiang Wang’s indifferent, mean face, furiously shouting at her: “Yun Bo, you’re not human, how can you say such things? Are you worthy of my sister? Worthy?” At the end of his words, his voice even carried a faint sob…

Jiang Wang forcefully stood up straight, with equally reddened eyes, coldly looking at Xu Botao. She picked up the coffee in front of her and, in the same manner, fiercely splashed it all over Xu Botao, her voice low, hoarse, and chilling: “Xu Botao, this coffee was not yours to throw on me. You have no right. If it weren’t for you, we wouldn’t be in this situation today.”

At that moment, this grown man, who hadn’t cried since adulthood, Xu Botao, finally let tears slip from the corners of his eyes. Over these ten years, seeing Xu Baihan torment herself with guilt, he too couldn’t endure it many times, hitting the sandbag in the gym until his hands were bloody and he collapsed, questioning himself, wishing that year he hadn’t insisted on going to the seaside, wishing that if anyone had to die, it should have been him…

But if, in those years, Xu Baihan had given up on herself, would she have blamed, resented, or hated her?

Xu Botao did not know, and he did not dare to answer…

He knew that, in reality, no matter what decisive action Xu Baihan took that year, she could not feel better or find relief. His poor sister…

He lowered his eyes, as if exhausted and slumped down, his voice weak as he said: “Fourth sister, I secretly sent my sister’s medical information to an American orthopedic expert. He said that if it drags on, my sister will truly never stand again. These years, not a single person in our family has had a good time. My parents, because of my sister, have sighed and shed countless tears. We are begging you, okay? If you still love her, then forgive her, accompany her, and walk forward together well. If you truly do not love her anymore, then allow her to completely give up and no longer wait. From now on, let bridges be bridges and roads be roads. She owes you a life, and she has repaid it with two legs and twelve years of youth, so you are mutually not in debt.”

He did not see Jiang Wang’s body shaking violently, almost collapsing. She used one hand to press forcefully on the table to barely support herself from collapsing.

After a long time, Jiang Wang said nothing and did not respond to him; she just turned around and walked away, step by step, slowly, staggering, desolate, out of Xu Botao’s sight…

In the car in the parking lot, Jiang Wang could no longer pretend, laying on the steering wheel, tears gushing like a spring, for the first time crying out loud, crying, heart-wrenchingly.

These years, no matter how wronged, painful, or unbearable it was, she never cried recklessly like this…

In this lifetime, almost all her tears were shed for Xu Baihan, and now, still…

And in the first half of her life, almost all her smiles were because of Xu Baihan…

Xu Baihan, tell me, how can I not love you?

But what does it matter if I love you, even if you also love me?

I love only you, but you also love countless others in this world. You want to be the obedient and good daughter in your parents’ eyes, the outstanding role model in your juniors’ eyes, the knowledgeable and elegant lady in outsiders’ eyes. How can you achieve being the lover Xu Baihan that I wish for, who loves only me and loves me the most?

She cried until she couldn’t breathe, cried until she was drained, unable to lift her head anymore…

She didn’t know how much time had passed before Jiang Wang finally lifted her head from the steering wheel, bit by bit, wiped away her tears, started the car, and drove into the distance…

Xu Baihan, I am twenty-seven years old this year, and no longer naive. I understand your past fears, your hesitation, and know that I am still not significant enough for you to love me the most.

Whether it is guilt or love, I still thank you for letting me understand that everything was not just my wishful thinking, a solo performance where I was the only one dressed up and present.

So now, let me love you one last time, fulfill you, fulfill your blue sea and blue sky.

LP: Re-translated on September 12, 2024