STT – Chapter 4

It’s not that I can’t forget you, it’s just that I can’t forget the pain.

The next morning, when Lu Zizheng woke up, Jiang Huaixi was no longer beside her. On the white single pillow, only a small indentation and a few strands of Jiang Huaixi’s long, soft black hair were left. Lu Zizheng reached out and grabbed those strands of hair, staring at them blankly for a while.

When Lu Zizheng finished washing up and changing clothes and went to the side hall, she saw Jiang Huaixi had already changed into a new outfit, standing refreshed and elegantly made-up in front of the dining table, helping Mother Lu set the tableware.

Seeing Lu Zizheng get up, Jiang Huaixi handed her an extra pair of chopsticks and said, “It’s rare to have breakfast with Auntie, and you don’t even know how to make a good impression, sigh.”

Lu Zizheng took the chopsticks and sat down, defending herself, “If I do too well, wouldn’t you lose the chance to show how considerate and well-behaved you are?”

Mother Lu, ever the sharp-tongued one, chimed in, “Huaixi doesn’t need to show it; I already know she’s considerate and well-behaved.”

Lu Zizheng: “…”

After breakfast, Jiang Huaixi first took Lu Zizheng back to her place to change into clean clothes, and then she drove her to the company.

One has to admit, Jiang Huaixi has always had a sense of punctuality. Just like in the past when she would always arrive earlier than Lu Zizheng for classes. When Lu Zizheng arrived at the company, there were still fifteen minutes before work started. Back in university, Jiang Huaixi’s punctuality used to make Lu Zizheng grind her teeth in frustration, but now, she just felt thankful, thinking, oh, thank goodness I’m not late.

As she got out of the car and walked into the building, she bumped into a colleague. Lu Zizheng had no impression of her at all, but the female colleague greeted her enthusiastically, “Translator Gu…”

They entered the elevator together, and the female colleague, still enthusiastic, asked her, “Was that your boyfriend who just dropped you off? Nice car!” Her tone was filled with envy.

Lu Zizheng was too lazy to explain. She responded with a lukewarm “Hmm” and didn’t say much more.

Sometimes she felt that if people in this world weren’t so curious, weren’t so concerned with others’ private affairs, and didn’t have such vivid imaginations, wouldn’t there be a lot less gossip and trouble?

It seemed like most people in this world didn’t understand the weight of their words or the potential harm they could cause. So they were used to asking whatever came to mind, saying whatever they wanted, talking nonsense, and speaking without care. Fortunately, it seemed she had already learned to pretend that she was invulnerable, that nothing could hurt her.

Lian Xuan, dressed in an elegant black short skirt and stepping on slender high heels, walked gracefully into Lu Zizheng’s office. She knocked on the door, pushed it open, and greeted with a smile, “Good morning, are you getting used to the work?”

Lu Zizheng didn’t think Lian Xuan had come just to say that. She nodded slightly, “It’s alright, don’t worry, Director Lian.”

Sure enough, Lian Xuan continued, “That’s good. The next period might be quite busy, so it will be tough. Please review the materials Secretary Zhang gave you yesterday carefully. Come to my office at ten o’clock so we can discuss some issues.”

Lu Zizheng responded with “Okay” and then buried herself in organizing the related documents.

She lowered her head to look at the documents and heard the sound of Lian Xuan’s high heels clicking as she walked towards the door. Then suddenly, the sound stopped. Curious, she looked up and saw Lian Xuan turn back, adding, “After all these years, you still tend to zone out in the mornings, huh?”

For a moment, Lu Zizheng almost forgot how to smile in response.

At 9:55, Lu Zizheng left her office, ready to meet Lian Xuan. On the way, she happened to run into Lian Xuan and her entourage seeing off some guests. Lu Zizheng stood to the side, prepared to wait until Lian Xuan finished seeing the guests off.

The leading tall and handsome young man suddenly greeted Lu Zizheng, “Hello, Miss Lu.”

For a moment, Lu Zizheng didn’t recognize him.

Lian Xuan smiled and asked him, “Director Jiang, do you know Zizheng?”

Jiang Huaichuan replied with a gentle smile, “Miss Lu is a friend of my elder sister. We’ve met a few times.” After saying this, he politely added to Lu Zizheng, “Miss Lu, whenever you’re free, please come visit our home. My mother has been wanting to meet you.”

Lu Zizheng finally recognized the young man in the suit before her as the sincere boy who had once come looking for her. Upon closer inspection, she could still see traces of Jiang Huaixi in his features.

She smiled slightly and nodded, acknowledging Jiang Huaichuan’s polite invitation.

Closing her eyes and leaning against the wall, Lu Zizheng’s mind echoed with the youthful and earnest voice of Jiang Huaichuan: “Miss Lu, even if you don’t like my sister, please don’t hurt her, okay? I’m begging you.”

That was not long after her first inexplicably unpleasant encounter with Jiang Huaixi in the library.

How had she responded to him back then?

She had just looked at him curiously and said indifferently, “I’m sorry, I don’t know your sister.”

The young man lowered his head and said, “My sister is Jiang Huaixi…”

At that moment, Lu Zizheng, furious to the point of laughter, sneered, “Young Master Jiang, you really love to joke.” Who was hurting whom? He seemed to have confused the subject and object.

The young man’s face instantly turned red, but he sincerely repeated, “Even if you don’t like her, please don’t hurt her, I beg you…” That plea, spoken in a low voice, was filled with genuine sincerity.

Lu Zizheng felt a bit surprised but still couldn’t hide her anger. The inexplicable humiliation Jiang Huaixi had left her with was something she would never forget. Looking at the handsome young man in front of her, she couldn’t help but think that rich people were always like this, always talking to themselves, making no sense.

She ignored him and walked away.

It was truly an unpleasant meeting. Who would have thought that so many years would pass in the blink of an eye?

However, Lu Zizheng smiled slightly. Little brother, you’re really overthinking it. Jiang Huaixi seemed to have an indestructible body and a heart as solid as a diamond; how could she be easily hurt by anyone?

When Lian Xuan returned, she saw Lu Zizheng standing with one arm around her own, eyes closed, smiling, leaning against the wall opposite, looking serene and peaceful.

She had to admit that time had been particularly kind to Lu Zizheng. After so many years, Lu Zizheng was still as she had long remembered: beneath her charming exterior, there was a purity and innocence that Lian Xuan could see at a glance.

Lian Xuan took a deep look at her, closed her eyes, rubbed her temples, then stepped forward and gently patted Lu Zizheng’s shoulder. She then saw Lu Zizheng open her eyes in panic, instinctively take a step back, and her head hit the wall with a loud thud…

Lu Zizheng didn’t even have time to rub the back of her head; she just hurriedly moved aside, putting some distance between herself and Lian Xuan. She then said, somewhat embarrassed, “Sorry, Director Lian, I got a bit distracted.”

Lian Xuan, however, grabbed her hand, leaned in close, and tilted her head to look at the back of Lu Zizheng’s head. She softly asked in her ear, “Is your head okay? Did it hurt when you hit it? Should I ask the secretary to bring some medicine?” Her voice was pleasant and filled with concern.

They were only a fist’s distance apart; Lu Zizheng could clearly smell the faint perfume on Lian Xuan. This was the proximity to Lian Xuan that Lu Zizheng had dreamed of many years ago. Back then, such closeness would have made her heart race with excitement. Even now, she felt her heart race, but she knew it wasn’t out of joy.

She turned her head to the side, took a step back, and awkwardly smiled, changing the subject, “It’s nothing. Director Lian, I’ve reviewed the documents. You see…”

Lian Xuan glanced at her; the awkwardness vanished in an instant, and she smiled again, “Okay, let’s go in.” With that, she turned and opened the office door.

The discussion went very smoothly. Lu Zizheng had a double major in International Economics and Trade and Japanese, and her professional knowledge was solid, so nothing stumped her.

During the discussion, Lian Xuan’s serious demeanor made Lu Zizheng feel a bit unfamiliar; her face, without a smile, was unexpectedly cold and stern.

Lu Zizheng couldn’t help but wonder if beneath Lian Xuan’s gentle and beautiful exterior, there was an unexpectedly cold and unyielding heart.

All these years, she had never learned to see through people’s hearts. She wondered if that made her rather foolish.

At noon, she declined her colleagues’ invitations and went to the cafeteria alone for lunch. After getting her food, she deliberately chose a corner by the window to sit. She occasionally glanced out the window and took a few bites of her meal.

The seat opposite her at the dining table had been empty more than ninety percent of the time over the years. However, looking at the scattered groups of people sitting side by side or facing each other in the cafeteria, Lu Zizheng didn’t feel envious at all.

She had long been accustomed to eating quietly by herself.

Besides, just because someone is eating with you doesn’t necessarily mean they are a friend. Their reason for accompanying you might not be out of friendship; perhaps it’s just because they are lonely, too.

Suddenly, she saw a couple holding hands and walking into the building across the street. The man was tall and handsome, and the woman was elegant and charming. They were chatting and laughing, making others envious. It was clear they were heading to the new Western restaurant on the second floor.

At a glance, Lu Zizheng recognized that the woman was Lian Xuan, who had enthusiastically invited her to lunch right after their discussion at noon. At that time, Lian Xuan had said that if Lu Zizheng wasn’t interested in going out to eat with her, she would have to stay in the office and eat fast food. Lian Xuan’s expression was so earnest and pitiful that Lu Zizheng almost believed her, and when she declined, she felt a bit reluctant.

Thinking about it now, Lu Zizheng felt her appetite disappear.

So, she hurriedly took a few bites, then cleaned up her tray and returned to the office in a daze for her lunch break.

But Lian Xuan wasn’t someone who would let her off so easily. Resting her head on the desk with her eyes closed, Lian Xuan’s image remained vividly in Lu Zizheng’s mind, and her voice lingered in her ears.

Lian Xuan, dressed in a spotless school uniform, holding a tray, stood across from her at the dining table, smiling and asking, “Zizheng, can I sit opposite you?” At that moment, Lu Zizheng clutched her chopsticks, her heart pounding so hard it nearly jumped out of her chest. Overwhelmed with surprise and joy, she almost forgot how to respond.

In the beginning, everyone smiled as if they were harmless, pure and clean like angels, and their warmth and friendliness seemed genuine.

These are all just bygone memories, so why can’t they be let go with a carefree “I’ve forgotten it all”?

Lu Zizheng couldn’t understand herself either.

Why did she always remember all the hurt so vividly, unable to resist revisiting that pain over and over again, as if she were holding a dull knife and slowly grinding it into her flesh—not a fatal pain, but unbearably uncomfortable.

LP: Re-translated on June 25, 2024