Zizheng, don’t cry.
It was late at night, and the surroundings were enveloped in pitch-black silence. Mother Lu had invited Lu Zizheng and Jiang Huaixi to stay over at her place. Seeing Lu Zizheng’s hesitation, Jiang Huaixi gently suggested, “It’s been a while since you kept Auntie company. How about you stay tonight? I can come early tomorrow to take you home to change clothes and then drop you off at work. There’s plenty of time.”
Lu Zizheng hesitated for a moment, then gently shook her head.
Jiang Huaixi raised an eyebrow and asked, “Is there a problem?”
Lu Zizheng licked her lips and said, “Do you have plans tonight?”
Jiang Huaixi replied succinctly, “No plans.”
“Um, then you should stay too,” she said. This was the first time Lu Zizheng had invited Jiang Huaixi to stay over, and it was clear that Jiang Huaixi was a bit surprised, momentarily stunned and unable to hide her reaction. Trying to seem casual, Lu Zizheng added, “Otherwise, it would be a hassle for you to come and go. I—I would feel a bit embarrassed.”
Hearing this, Jiang Huaixi’s lips curved into a smile. “It’s rare to hear you say you’re embarrassed to me. My ears are feeling a bit warm from the novelty.” She then turned her head playfully towards Mother Lu, saying, “Auntie, could you check if my ears are turning red?”
Mother Lu just squinted her eyes with a smile, watching the two of them.
Feeling both embarrassed and annoyed, Lu Zizheng shot Jiang Huaixi a glare and said to Mother Lu, “Mom, I’m going to take a shower.” With that, she ignored them and went to her room to grab her pajamas.
In the living room, only Jiang Huaixi and Mother Lu remained, watching TV together.
Mother Lu handed a slice of apple from the tea table to Jiang Huaixi and sighed, “Huaixi, I still remember the first time Zhengzheng brought you home. In the blink of an eye, so many years have passed.”
Jiang Huaixi took a small bite and smiled, “Yes, Auntie, you have no idea. That first time, Zizheng was so reluctant to bring me home. When she saw how warmly you welcomed me, she was practically fuming.” Recalling Lu Zizheng’s stubborn demeanor back then, a deep, gentle warmth filled Jiang Huaixi’s dark eyes. Those were the days.
Mother Lu smiled knowingly, “How could I not know? But, Huaixi, from the moment I first saw you, I knew you meant no harm to Zhengzheng. I knew you were a good child who wanted the best for her.”
Feeling a bit embarrassed, Jiang Huaixi finished her apple and lowered her head without speaking.
Mother Lu continued, “Over the years, thanks to your companionship, Zhengzheng has been much happier. You have no idea what she was like before…” She paused and let out a heavy sigh. “In any case, Auntie wants to thank you for being so good to Zhengzheng all these years. She’s sometimes too awkward and doesn’t know how to express herself. If, during these years, she has been thoughtless or unintentionally hurt you, Auntie apologizes on her behalf.”
Jiang Huaixi quickly shook her head and said, “Not at all, Auntie. I should be the one thanking Zizheng. She’s brought me a lot of joy too.”
Mother Lu said, “Huaixi, Auntie really likes you, but it’s such a pity…” She trailed off, but the regret in her tone was clear to Jiang Huaixi.
Jiang Huaixi could vaguely guess what Mother Lu wanted to say and felt the same regret. Yet, she still smiled and reassured her, “Good friends can walk the longest paths together.”
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Mother Lu glanced thoughtfully at Jiang Huaixi, smiled, and said no more.
It was late at night. When Jiang Huaixi came out after taking a shower, Mother Lu had already prepared everything on the bed, adding an extra quilt and pillow to Lu Zizheng’s bed. Lu Zizheng was lazily leaning against the bed, her head down, reading a book.
For a moment, Jiang Huaixi felt a bit dazed, her actions slowing down as she leaned against the door and quietly watched Lu Zizheng.
Staying the night at Lu Zizheng’s mother’s house for the first time without any prior preparation, she was surprised to find that the bathroom in Lu Zizheng’s room had matching couple’s cups, toothbrushes, and towels. In her wardrobe, there were brand new undergarments and pajamas in her size.
It seemed that after all these years, she had finally managed to warm Lu Zizheng’s stone-cold heart.
Jiang Huaixi squinted her eyes, feeling a great sense of accomplishment.
Mother Lu knocked on the door and brought in two glasses of milk. Jiang Huaixi, who always maintained a good routine, drank her milk and, seeing that the clock’s hour hand pointed to ten, pulled up the covers and lay down to sleep.
Lu Zizheng drank her milk as well and, seeing Jiang Huaixi already settled in and ready to sleep, closed her book, turned off the light, and lay down to rest. This wasn’t her usual bedtime, and with her eyes closed, she couldn’t fall asleep right away.
After a long while, Lu Zizheng gave in. She opened her eyes, turned her head to look at Jiang Huaixi beside her, and found her peacefully asleep. Lu Zizheng watched her quietly for a long time, finally smiling slightly before closing her eyes. She didn’t know when, but she eventually drifted into sleep as well.
However, her sleep was far from restful.
She dreamed of the scene when Lian Xuan first spoke to her.
It was not long after she had started high school when a new transfer student joined their class. The student was said to have returned from England, with an impressive family background, excellent grades, and, most notably, stunning looks—like a princess straight out of a fairytale castle. She quickly became the center of attention. Lu Zizheng, who sat at the neighboring desk, naturally noticed her but only as an observer. At that time, she only wished to live quietly in her own world without disturbing anyone or being disturbed by anyone.
Lian Xuan was an unexpected intruder into her world.
At that time, Lu Zizheng was the only student in the class who sat alone because the homeroom teacher didn’t allow boys and girls to sit together, and none of the girls wanted to sit with Lu Zizheng.
During a small English quiz, the teacher asked everyone to take out their test papers, but that day, Lu Zizheng, who was usually well-prepared, had forgotten hers.
Everyone else was ready with their paper and pens, and the teacher was about to start the test. Lu Zizheng bit her lip, having no other option, and was just about to use a blank sheet when a lined English test paper was suddenly handed over from the neighboring desk. Lu Zizheng was momentarily surprised, and the classmates around her were also shocked, murmuring in astonishment.
But Lian Xuan, the owner of the paper, simply smiled kindly at Lu Zizheng and then turned back to focus on the teacher’s dictation.
Little did Lian Xuan know that her unintentional act and casual smile brightened Lu Zizheng’s otherwise bleak first year of high school, bringing a touch of life to her almost withered heart.
That was how Lu Zizheng cautiously began her friendship with Lian Xuan, carefully guarding their bond with almost all her effort.
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When Lian Xuan moved a bit closer to her, Lu Zizheng felt ecstatic, her heart surging with joy. She knew that her feelings for Lian Xuan had already crossed the line.
But Lian Xuan didn’t know, and that was okay. Lu Zizheng could endure it, she could wait, she was willing. She humbled herself into the dust, hoping that one day Lian Xuan would see her humility and be willing to hold her sincere heart.
However, one day, Lian Xuan still pushed her away. Using the same disdainful and scornful tone as everyone else, she said, “Lu Zizheng, you’re disgusting. They were right about you. You’re just like those people who cling to power and influence, trying every possible way to gain benefits from me. I was wrong about you. Get lost.”
In that moment, her heart trembled and turned cold, as if it had turned to ashes. Yet, she still struggled to plead with her, “Lian Xuan, it’s not what you think. Can we just pretend that I never brought up that matter?” She forgot that she was still holding an umbrella and reached out with both hands to grab Lian Xuan’s left arm.
However, Lian Xuan forcefully used her right hand to gradually pry open the grip of her hands. Finally, she looked at her with a complex expression, boarded the car waiting to pick her up on the side, and disappeared in a cloud of dust. As the car started moving, the splashes of water from the road harshly drenched Lu Zizheng, becoming Lian Xuan’s final gift to her—a body covered in dirty water, in a state of complete disarray.
In despair, she abandoned all her dignity and called out Lian Xuan’s name, chasing after the car for a long, long distance, until she couldn’t chase anymore, unable to see the shadow of the car…
“Lian Xuan, you promised me that you believed in me…”
She collapsed weakly onto the ground, completely soaked and in a sorry state. She knew that many passing classmates were looking at her, mocking her. She also knew that this incident would become another topic for people to ridicule and humiliate her. But she no longer had the strength to stand up and defend what little dignity she had left.
That day, she couldn’t remember how she got home. In her memory, there seemed to only be an overflow of tears…
That night, she developed a high fever and took three days off from school, plus the two days of the weekend, making a total of five days hiding at home. On Monday, when she went to school, she still naively thought that she would explain things to Lian Xuan and maybe there was still hope, that Lian Xuan would believe her.
However, when she arrived at school and saw the disdainful glances and whispers from others, she learned that Lian Xuan had transferred to another school.
She could distinctly hear the sound of her heart breaking.
Lian Xuan had disappeared.
She would never come back again.
Taking with her Lu Zizheng’s shattered yet rarely sincere heart.
Lu Zizheng cried on the desk for a whole morning.
She knew that all her classmates said it was her who drove Lian Xuan away. They said Lu Zizheng was a disgusting lesbian, and Lian Xuan left because she was tired of her harassment. They said Lu Zizheng was poor without a father, so she only knew how to cling to rich people. Look, she got dumped, didn’t she? They called Lu Zizheng a despicable person, using her somewhat attractive appearance to seduce both women and men. They said Lu Zizheng…
Lu Zizheng also forgot how she went home that afternoon.
After that, she never went back to that high school.
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She disappeared just like Lian Xuan, leaving her former classmates with something to gossip about after tea.
When she woke up from her dream, Lu Zizheng heard the echo of Lian Xuan’s cold voice saying, “You’re truly disgusting, go away.” Her gaze was filled with disdain, piercing her heart like a sharp sword. Lu Zizheng opened her eyes in panic, feeling the dampness at the corners of her eyes. A few strands of hair stuck to her face, and the corner of the pillow was already wet.
She turned her head and looked at Jiang Huaixi beside her. Luckily, she didn’t wake up.
Jiang Huaixi slept so quietly, her long and dense eyelashes naturally curled. Her breathing was calm and peaceful. Lu Zizheng suddenly felt a rare sense of tranquility in her heart.
She extended her hands from under the blanket, turned her body, and gently, through the blanket, embraced Jiang Huaixi, resting her head softly against her chest. The blanket was too thick, so she couldn’t hear Jiang Huaixi’s heartbeat, but she could feel the rise and fall of her chest as she breathed, one after another…
The sense of fulfillment in her embrace filled the emptiness in her heart after waking up from her dream. Lu Zizheng felt a deep affection and tenderness. She buried herself in the blanket, smiling slightly, whispering silently in her heart, “I love you…”
She didn’t know that while she was embracing her, Jiang Huaixi, with closed eyes, repeated in her heart again and again, “Zizheng, don’t cry…”
LP: Re-translated on June 24, 2024
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