I thought you would remember how much you hate me.
After getting in the car, the car was unusually quiet. Jiang Huaixi turned on the music, soothing piano sounds flowed in the car, she spoke lightly, as if explaining to her why Lian Xuan appeared at the school: “Fengshang donated a dormitory building in the name of Lian Xuan, in the future, there will be another neighbor beside Hua Tong building, Lian Xuan building, it sounds like not a bad name…”
Lu Zizheng drew a big X on the misty water vapor on the car window, indifferently said: “It’s better to be on one person’s mind than to be on a thousand people’s lips.”
Jiang Huaixi seemed thoughtful: “Sounds like it makes sense.”
Lu Zizheng cheerfully hummed: “Of course.”
The car passed by an iron-fenced, egg-shell-like roof, with only a small iron gate open on weekends, an open-air ten-thousand-person stadium. It was raining, the vast track was empty, on the stands, there were a few people sitting seemingly waiting for the rain to stop.
Lu Zizheng suddenly turned her face to ask Jiang Huaixi: “At that time, you clearly didn’t take physical education class, why did you still come to the sports field on time for every class?”
Jiang Huaixi nonchalantly countered: “Wasn’t it just to make you commoners envious, jealous, and hateful?”
Lu Zizheng sneered coldly, really thinking of herself as royalty.
Jiang Huaixi turned her head, seeing Lu Zizheng’s face full of undisguised disdain, lightly added: “Don’t you think, the air on the sports field is particularly fresh, and the sky seen from a 45° angle on the stands is particularly blue, exuding a bright melancholy?”
Lu Zizheng thought she might have lost the ability to communicate with Jiang Huaixi.
Seeing that Lu Zizheng didn’t respond, Jiang Huaixi turned the steering wheel, made a turn, and said: “Alright, I’ll tell you the truth…” As she spoke, her voice gradually became soft and gentle: “Actually, it was to see you every class…”
Lu Zizheng’s heart moved with the sound, for a moment, rising and falling so fast it was ridiculous. Her hand on the seat slightly tightened its grip on the seat cushion.
Who knew, Jiang Huaixi was just taking a breath while speaking, after a slight pause, she revealed her signature mischievous smile, raised an eyebrow, and curled one side of her lips: “To see you every class, with your dog-paddling running style, no matter how bad my mood is, it suddenly brightens up.” Thinking for a moment, she continued, with a tone containing some sincere curiosity: “Zizheng, I’ve always been quite curious, why is it that you can’t even master the basic running posture correctly, yet you can run so fast? It must be a natural gift, right?”
Lu Zizheng looked at Jiang Huaixi’s smiling face expressionlessly, and said coldly: “Stop the car, I want to get out.”
Jiang Huaixi turned her head back, leaving Lu Zizheng with a graceful and beautiful side profile, her voice calm and full of confidence: “Haven’t you noticed? You always like to be so harsh on yourself. Other people like to listen to the good things, but you are the opposite, can’t hear the good, but the bad immediately sticks in your heart. What I just said, wasn’t I seriously praising you for running fast?”
Lu Zizheng gave a forced smile: “So, I should thank you for your appreciation and praise?”
Jiang Huaixi smiled, her words full of joy: “You’re welcome, I always speak kindly, what I just said was merely a polite remark, you don’t have to take it to heart.”
Lu Zizheng leaned back in the seat, closed her eyes, unwilling to waste any more energy looking at Jiang Huaixi, deciding to adhere to the saying “silence is golden.”
After a while, she heard Jiang Huaixi turn down the music in the car and gently make a phone call: “Auntie, Zizheng and I are on our way back now, we’ll be passing by the supermarket, do you want us to bring anything?”
“On rainy days, Auntie, you shouldn’t go out anymore. We’ll do the shopping, you just wait to cook. Mm, okay… hanging up now.”
Hung up the phone, the car drove out of the campus, Jiang Huaixi then changed from the tenderness on the phone just now, and indifferently hinted to Lu Zizheng: “Let’s divide the work, you think about what you want to eat tonight and be responsible for paying and putting in the effort. As a return, I will be responsible for sending you to the supermarket. I think this is quite fair, don’t you think so?”
Lu Zizheng sighed in her heart, the master of currying favor and winning affection, Jiang Huaixi, the considerate and gentle good child in front of her mom just now was her, but the one who had to pay and put in effort was herself…
After parking the car, Jiang Huaixi walked in front, Lu Zizheng followed a few steps behind, watching Jiang Huaixi skillfully pull a shopping cart, one hand in her wool coat pocket, the other leisurely pushing the cart. Seeing Lu Zizheng walking slowly, Jiang Huaixi turned back to urge: “Come to the front to pick things, let’s go back early, I’m cold and hungry now.”
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Lu Zizheng quickly walked to her side, picking food on the shelf while asking her: “Do you know, the first time I saw you, I thought you seemed like someone who didn’t partake in worldly affairs. But later, the words you said to me the most were, I’m hungry.”
Jiang Huaixi pushed the cart a few steps forward, stopped to pick up a box of curry, carefully checked the production date, and replied to her indifferently: “Really? I thought the first time you saw me, you just remembered how much you hated me…”
Lu Zizheng stopped in place, a pause in her heart, stunned for a long while, then lowered her head with a complex expression.
It turns out, she didn’t know when, she had already been able to easily recall this matter. When remembering it, the indignation and grievances of that year had all been replaced by calmness and indifference.
Lu Zizheng gazed at the serene woman in front of her, who was lowering her head, frowning, and seriously comparing the same sauce of different brands with both hands, only feeling as if it were a lifetime ago. With a bitter smile, maybe, she should thank that inexplicable beginning back then?
While lost in thought, she saw Jiang Huaixi raise her hand to lightly put back one can, place another can into the cart, then extend her beautiful little finger to gently brush away a few strands of black hair that had fallen in front of her eyes, and continue pushing the cart forward. That lowering of the head, the unique charm in that gesture, actually stunned Lu Zizheng, and for a moment, she was lost in thought.
Until Jiang Huaixi, without knowing when, stood beside her, looking at her with a half-smile, suddenly spoke: “I think when you go out with me, you should slightly maintain your image, so as not to lower my image.”
Lu Zizheng then awkwardly returned to her senses, blankly asked in return, “So?”
Jiang Huaixi, with an expression of a child beyond teaching, shook her head and sighed, “I think it might not be able to be sold anymore, where is your always-proud public spirit?”
Lu Zizheng was puzzled, looked down, and only then discovered that at some unknown time, the instant noodles in her hand had already been crushed.
Jiang Huaixi smiled, “The evidence is conclusive, no room for argument.”
Lu Zizheng dejectedly, “…”
When the two people, full of interest, carried the groceries back to Mother Lu’s house, they opened the door only to find Mother Lu sitting on the sofa, pressing her lower left abdomen with one hand, a clearly painful expression between her brows. Seeing Lu Zizheng and Jiang Huaixi return, Mother Lu still endured the pain, stood up and walked towards them, forcing a smile and wanting to take the bags from Jiang Huaixi and Lu Zizheng into the kitchen.
In an instant, the smile on Lu Zizheng’s face was replaced by deep concern. She put down the bag, quickly stepped forward to support her mom, and softly asked her, “Mom, what’s wrong with you?”
Jiang Huaixi bent down to pick up the bags that Lu Zizheng had placed on the ground, carried them to the side and put them down, then turned around to open the door, instructing Lu Zizheng, “Support Auntie, let’s go to the hospital.”
But Mother Lu pushed away Lu Zizheng’s hand, barely smiling and said, “I’m fine, it’s just some stomach pain, an old problem. You and Huaixi don’t make a big deal out of it, don’t make a fuss. I’ll be fine after sitting for a while, why go to the hospital.”
Lu Zizheng naturally was not reassured, insisted, “Mom, look at how uncomfortable you are, let’s go to the hospital to check it out, how can I be at ease otherwise.”
Jiang Huaixi also stepped forward, gently persuading, “Auntie, let’s go…”
But Mother Lu also insisted, “You kids just like to get so nervous, I’m really fine. Do I not know my own body? It’s an old problem for many years, I’ve tried both Chinese and Western medicine, it’s useless. It rained a bit today, the weather got cold, so there’s a bit of a reaction.” She stood up, patted Jiang Huaixi’s shoulder, and kindly smiled saying, “Huaixi, save the energy to take Auntie to the hospital, and come help Auntie in the kitchen instead.”
Jiang Huaixi glanced at Lu Zizheng’s worried face, then looked at Mother Lu’s determined face, and helplessly, unable to argue with Mother Lu, could only compromise, “Alright, Auntie, since you don’t want to go to the hospital, at least go lie down and rest for a while. I’ll handle dinner.”
But Mother Lu wouldn’t agree, “How can that be, Auntie already said I would cook dinner for you, how can I let you…” She hadn’t finished speaking when she was interrupted by Lu Zizheng, “Mom, go rest, Huaixi won’t mind.”
After that, Jiang Huaixi carried the groceries into the kitchen, Lu Zizheng supported her mom into the bedroom, then went to the living room to get a cup of hot water, brought it into the bedroom for her mom to drink, and only then closed the bedroom door, returning to sit on the living room sofa.
Sitting on the sofa, Lu Zizheng didn’t turn on the TV. As the day gradually got darker, the night slowly descended, she was completely unaware and even forgot to turn on the lights.
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Jiang Huaixi, wearing an apron and holding a spatula, turned her head and saw Lu Zizheng’s lonely figure sitting in the darkening night. She turned back, a small frown forming between her eyebrows, and then, her clear and calm voice sounded in the silence, “Zizheng, come in and help…”
Lu Zizheng’s thoughts were interrupted by her sudden voice, her body couldn’t help but shiver lightly. Coming back to her senses, she realized that it was already dark around her, with only the kitchen emitting a warm orange light in the midst of the gloom.
She heavily stood up and walked towards the kitchen, standing beside Jiang Huaixi, silently picking up the potatoes next to the cutting board, and mechanically peeling them one by one.
Her thoughts, after briefly returning, went back to the bedroom where her mother was lying. She was originally a person prone to negativity, and at this moment, all kinds of terrifying thoughts filled her mind, making her uneasy and almost unable to control herself.
After her father left, her mother became her entire world. Her mother promised her that she would never leave her, how could anything happen…
That year, she had just started her third year of junior high school. It had only been two weeks since her father passed away, and she was forced to stand with her mother in the principal’s office, standing in that suffocatingly oppressive office, listening to the principal earnestly say to her mother, “Zizheng’s mom, I suggest you take her to see a psychologist. If this had happened in the past, she would have been arrested for hooliganism and obscenity crimes. I just can’t bear to see this child destroy herself like this.”
She lowered her head, fearfully holding onto her mother’s hand, feeling the light tremble from mother’s hand.
The principal continued his hypocritical persuasion, “Moreover, you see, given the current situation at the school, it may not be suitable for her to continue studying here. This incident has brought a lot of negative impact on her class, her classmates, and even the school. Zizheng’s mom, you should consider changing the environment for Zizheng, transfer her to another school.”
Her eyes reddened as she looked up at this well-dressed man in a suit. Not long ago, this man had stood in front of the entire school and awarded her the first prize for the Municipal Science and Technology Innovation Award, encouraging all the students to learn from her and take pride in her.
Those classmates who bullied her were, not long ago, still politely borrowing her homework to copy. But now, they would only throw her homework for no reason, tear her textbooks, and even spit on her desk.
Why did they change so quickly, so strangely?
Is it that she really did something wrong?
Is it that she is really sick?
Is it that she really is, as they say, a pervert, so they treat her like this?
Lu Zizheng felt her world, as if suddenly darkened, everything started turning upside down, swaying back and forth, everything around was so gloomy and terrifying…
She heard her mother’s hoarse voice saying to the principal, “Give me some time, we will transfer schools.”
She held her mother’s hand, with heavy steps followed her mother out of the principal’s office, behind them, curious classmates waiting outside the principal’s office cast various glances, and from time to time, she could still hear their whispering discussions.
Her mother covered her ears, half-embracing her, walking quickly outside, almost in a fleeing posture.
Finally, they left that campus, left that gloomy darkness…
Her mother embraced her, the tears she had been holding back in front of the principal finally fell.
Lu Zizheng had only seen her mother’s tears three times, the first was at her father’s funeral, the second, was at that time. She felt her chest stuffy and painful, when she opened her mouth, it was choking, crying uncontrollably, guilt filled her heart. She kept admitting her mistakes: “Mom, I like girls, is it… really very wrong… is it really very perverted and scary… I’m sorry, mom, it’s all my fault, I was wrong, don’t cry, it’s my fault…” She cried almost to the point of not being able to breathe, after admitting guilt but also feeling extremely wronged: “Is it because I was wrong, so everyone wants to stay away from me, exclude me, so the school doesn’t want me, the teacher looks at me with disdain. Mom, is it because I committed a crime, so Dad took the punishment for me and left us?” She was extremely scared, tightly hugging her mother, asking her: “Mom, will you also not want me because of this, will also leave me, mom… mom, don’t dislike me… I will change, I will change, I will change everything…”
Her mother, however, embraced her back with heartache, comforting her continuously in her ear: “No, Zhengzheng, no, you are not wrong, mom will not dislike you…”
At that time, her mother weak but firmly said to her: “Zhengzheng, you are not wrong, nor sick, you are just, different from most people’s choices, don’t be afraid. Just like everyone likes to eat vegetables, but you like to eat radishes, what is wrong with that? They are wrong. Dad did not dislike you, his departure was an accident, what does it have to do with you, mom doesn’t dislike you, and will never.”
Her mother said: “Zhengzheng, you must believe, even if everyone in this world stands against you, mom will stand by your side, forever and ever, will not leave you.”
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Her mother didn’t know, she really relied on this sentence, to endure many years…
From then on, she believed, even if this world was more desolate, there would still be one person, who would always accompany her, never abandon her…
But now, she started to panic, the “forever and ever” mom said, just how long is it?
Lu Zizheng’s eyes gradually, gradually turned red, the motion of peeling potatoes in her hands, also slowly, slowly stopped. She fell into her imagined sadness, unable to extricate herself…
Suddenly, her vision went black, a cold hand brushed over her eyes, coldly she reflexively closed her eyes, and heard Jiang Huaixi faintly say by her ear: “If you want to cry, just cry, isn’t holding it in uncomfortable?”
Lu Zizheng wanted to open her eyes, but found that it seemed she couldn’t open them?! She only felt her eyes burning hot, tears uncontrollably streaming down, it was… Oh! Didn’t Jiang Huaixi know her hand had just been cutting chili peppers? She must have done it on purpose!
In an instant, the sadness was thrown beyond the clouds, Lu Zizheng wiped her tears in shame and anger, her fighting spirit soaring, echoing in her mind was: Jiang Huaixi, you’re dead!
She definitely wanted to stuff the whole cutting board’s worth of ginger and garlic into Jiang Huaixi’s mouth!
LP: Re-translated on July 06, 2024