I’m Not Going to Be the White Moonlight
“Ah Qian, have you ever loved me at all.”
The cicadas drew out their cries, their shrill song slicing through the long summer day’s sky.
The sun was blinding in the peak of summer, and the maid’s triumphant expression melted in the sunlight.
Just as she’d finished speaking, she realized Chi Qian had been staring at her the entire time.
Those normally harmless1, almond-shaped eyes were now tilted slightly upward, revealing more white than iris. A cool shadow cast by the lush green canopy made Chi Qian’s gaze seem dark and menacing, carrying a sliver of the same calm intensity their own Miss had on a daily basis.
The maid’s heart faltered under that stare. “What… what are you looking at me for?” she asked.
Chi Qian’s expression remained unchanged.
She kept her eyes fixed on the woman and asked in return, “How did you know I’ve been abandoned since I was a child?”
It was, indeed, a flaw in her story. The maid panicked and blurted out, “I—I read your file.”
But she quickly regained her composure, maintaining her indignant and unfriendly demeanor. “You don’t really think someone like you could just show up in the garden without making everyone curious, do you?”
“That’s not right.” Chi Qian shook her head. “Someone sent you to tell me this.”
Her voice was unnervingly calm, her eyes certain. “Miss is still talking with the Old Master. How would you know about a blind date?”
“You’ve been bought. You’re supposed to make me leave her, right?”
The maid hadn’t expected Chi Qian to figure it out so quickly. She denied it flatly2. “I have not!”
“You know perfectly well whether you have or not.” Seeing the woman’s reaction, Chi Qian already understood everything.
With every ounce of rationality she could muster, she maintained her composure, refusing to give the woman the reaction she wanted. She knew this person came with ill intent, and she disliked her, a deep-seated aversion rising from her core.
Emergency Food seemed to sense Chi Qian’s mood. It twitched twice and then leaped from her arms. The little rabbit stuck its tail in the air, hopped across the grass, and aimed right for the maid’s shoes, dropping a series of black beans right on top of them.
“Ah!” The maid instantly yanked her foot back.
But it was as if Emergency Food had locked onto her. It followed her, not only pooping black beans on her but also trying to chew on her shoelaces.
This damned rabbit!
The maid instinctively raised her hand to swat Emergency Food away, but this was the rabbit Shi Jinlan cherished on the tip of her heart3. It couldn’t be hit or scolded. She had no choice but to keep backing away…
“Ouch!”
Suddenly, the maid stepped back onto a ball Emergency Food had been playing with and landed flat on her butt with a hard thud.
Under the glaring sun, Chi Qian’s face was now looking down at her.
She watched as Chi Qian, looking down from a high position4, scooped up the rabbit that had just chased her all over. Then, she gave her a cold warning. “I’m not interested in who bought you. If you keep buzzing in my ear, I’m going to tell Miss.”
The maid’s eyes went wide.
She had only been paid to say a few words; she didn’t want to lose her job over it. Scrambling to her feet, she shot back resentfully, “You can act proud for now, but once Miss is married into Chenxing Airlines, we’ll see if you can still be so smug! You’re nothing but a fox assuming the tiger’s might5!”
Her voice faded into the distance, her muttering sounding like nothing more than impotent rage6.
Chi Qian stood where she was, the calm expression on her face dissolving under the sun like a veil that dies upon seeing the light7.
The person who sent that maid was truly skilled.
It really was one strike, a fatal blow8.
In all the days since she had returned to this world, Chi Qian had never felt settled. Her identity was as insubstantial as a cloud floating in the sky. Shi Jinlan didn’t believe her, and she herself felt no sense of belonging.
If a programmer forgets how to write code, can she still be considered an outstanding team backbone9, capable of shouldering the responsibility of an entire project?
How could she ever be worthy of standing independently beside Shi Jinlan?
It was obvious when facing Shi Jinlan, who had so easily solved a problem that had plagued her for two lifetimes. The disparity in their status, their vision, their knowledge—it was all such a stretch.
Is my past fake, too?
Who am I…
The incessant chirping of cicadas enveloped the sky, their sharp cries sounding like a struggle.
Chi Qian’s eyes darted around, a stubbornness in them fighting to keep her from overthinking. It all finally escaped her as a murky breath, a slow, heavy sigh.
【Wow! Host, you’re so mighty! So clever!】
Just then, Thirteen’s flattering10 voice rang out in her mind.
At the sound, Chi Qian immediately reined in her emotions, glancing around nervously. 【Why are you out?】
【Shi Jinlan is in the parlor talking with her grandfather. She won’t be coming to find you for a while,】 Thirteen reassured her.
【What are they talking about? Can you find out?】 Chi Qian asked immediately.
She knew the maid had been sent to say those things on purpose. But she also wanted to know how much of it was true and how much was false.
Chi Qian had read plenty of novels where rich and powerful families were depicted as a marketplace of fame and fortune. Love was the most insignificant thing there. Businesspeople always put profit above all, and marriage alliances for the family’s benefit were the most common of occurrences.
And Shi Jinlan was, without a doubt, an outstanding figure in the business world, someone who understood how to calculate profit and loss better than anyone.
If the temptation her grandfather offers is great enough, will she…
Chi Qian refused to even think about the possible outcomes. She didn’t want that result. She had to admit that the maid had managed to stuff a cork into her heart.
More than one, in fact.
【How would I know?】 Thirteen’s words instantly extinguished her hope.
It shuddered, remembering that day. 【I don’t even dare to get close to the house Shi Jinlan lives in.】
“Right.” Chi Qian sighed softly.
This was the first time Thirteen had admitted it couldn’t do something and Chi Qian hadn’t teased it.
Thirteen sensed something was off. It slowly floated in front of Chi Qian. 【Host, are you unhappy?】
【I’m okay.】 Chi Qian said, pulling Emergency Food onto her lap and stroking it.
Thirteen disagreed, stating matter-of-factly, 【For you humans, ‘okay’ means ‘not okay.’】
Chi Qian let out a laugh. 【Where did you learn that?】
【I recently took an advanced course on human emotions.】 Thirteen puffed up its body with pride.
It then moved closer to Chi Qian and asked, 【Is it because of Shi Jinlan?】
Chi Qian felt that Thirteen’s last two sentences were unusually perceptive, so much so that it didn’t sound like it at all. But then she thought, who else could this little ball in front of me be? She touched her own face. 【Is it that obvious?】
【A little.】 Thirteen nodded, then asked, 【Is the Host sad about Shi Jinlan’s blind date?】
【Not really.】 Chi Qian’s eyes flickered—a clear sign that her mouth was saying yes while her heart said no11. 【I was just mainly thinking, if her blind date is a success, will it affect our mission?】
【When that happens, I might… I might not have an open and honorable12 reason to stay by her side anymore.】
As Chi Qian spoke, her tone dropped uncontrollably.
She didn’t remember Thirteen showing her anything about Shi Jinlan having another lover in her story, but the world was no longer following its original script.
【Has the Host heard that this world’s logic is already tilting in Shi Jinlan’s favor?】 Thirteen asked.
Chi Qian felt as if Thirteen had become the roundworm in her stomach13 today. She blinked. 【Isn’t… isn’t that just a rumor, people spreading errors by repeating them14?】
【It appears to be true,】 Thirteen said seriously, beginning to tell Chi Qian about Shi Jinlan’s situation. 【I just stole a file from the system’s internal network. It shows that Shi Jinlan’s trajectory of fate is gradually breaking away from the world’s main storyline and forming her own story.】
Chi Qian felt like she was starting to understand, but she wasn’t quite sure. 【So you’re saying—】
【I’m saying that according to the rule that every world must achieve stable operation when its story ends, as long as the world’s protagonists reach their fulfillment, the world won’t be destroyed,】 Thirteen continued.
Hearing this, Chi Qian’s eyes lit up. 【So, our mission can actually be to help Lanlan achieve her fulfillment, and that way the world won’t be destroyed either.】
【Correct.】 Thirteen nodded, but then hesitated. 【But if the Host changes the story’s direction like this, you will be punished…】
Having finally found a way to save the world, Chi Qian’s sinking mood shot straight up. She didn’t care about some dog fart15 punishment. 【Punish me then! As long as Shi Jinlan doesn’t have to die, it’s fine!】
Chi Qian didn’t even realize that for a mere “mission target,” she had developed such “inexplicable” feelings for Shi Jinlan. 【Then what is Shi Jinlan’s fulfillment?】
【What do you think, Host? This world is a romance novel.】 Thirteen looked at Chi Qian, the pale blue light of the small sphere seeming like its eyes, spreading out dimly in her line of sight.
The sound of the cicadas faded away, and Chi Qian’s mind suddenly felt quiet.
She met Thirteen’s gaze, and as if coaxed by it, she spoke an answer. 【Shi Jinlan needs to let go of her past feelings and find a lover who won’t use her, deceive her, or abandon her.】
An unknown sound from the distance served as a reminder, pressing down on Chi Qian’s newly lifted spirits and sending them crashing back down.
That person wouldn’t necessarily be the Eldest Miss from Chenxing Airlines that Shi Jinlan was supposed to meet.
But it definitely wouldn’t be her, Chi Qian.
The maid, in her anger, had said many cruel things before she left, and had accidentally hit upon the one thing Chi Qian cared about most.
—She was a liar.
She had met Shi Jinlan for personal gain, deceived her feelings, and ultimately left her.
Twice.
Chi Qian sat on the lawn, slowly lifting her head. The branches and leaves crisscrossed above her, making the sky look like a net that had trapped her precisely in its shadow, leaving her unable to move.
Chi Qian had been abandoned before.
No matter which world she was in, she was always the one who was abandoned from the start.
She didn’t want to be the one who was abandoned.
And she didn’t want to be the one who did the abandoning.
But she couldn’t give Shi Jinlan happiness. She was a person who existed within the system; she could be pulled back into the System Space at any moment.
A breeze swept over the wild grass, and the rich green rose and fell like an ocean. Chi Qian’s feet were swallowed by the seawater. She pressed her lips together, remembering her first kiss with Shi Jinlan.
It was the only kiss she remembered from the last mission.
She had been controlled by Thirteen, made to kiss Shi Jinlan under the pretext of having to pass qi16 to her. That was the beginning of her mission, and it was also when she was told that the system had the power to strip a mission-taker17 of control over their body.
The world was tilting toward Shi Jinlan, but the system was not.
Chi Qian’s mind had never been so clear. It was as if she had once taken a big fall18 because of the system. She was afraid the system would manipulate her to control Shi Jinlan. She was even more afraid that after she and Shi Jinlan reached their fulfillment and prevented the world’s destruction, the system would tear up their contract and force Shi Jinlan toward her original, fated death.
Despite the high degree of freedom she had enjoyed in the system for the past few months, Chi Qian felt an almost subconscious distrust of it.
The island had been like a dream the system gave to Shi Jinlan, trapping her in it for the rest of her life. Her life had stopped in that year, repeating day and night, piling up into an endless darkness. The so-called blackening19 was nothing more than Shi Jinlan’s obsession20.
“She has to let go of all this to start her new life.”
A voice echoed beside her in the silence. It sounded like her own, or perhaps just her imagination.
The pain of their separation, delayed by half a year, or maybe three, finally crashed over Chi Qian in a torrential wave. The seawater was salty and rank. Thirteen felt the world inside Chi Qian’s mind suddenly go dark, with no light to be seen.
The small sphere stared intently at Chi Qian and suggested, 【Or we could do something simpler. Just stall Shi Jinlan until the male and female leads are strong enough to fight…】
【Impossible.】
Before it could finish, Chi Qian shot it down.
The maid had said their strengths were unequal, that there would be no future for them. But in reality, they weren’t even from the same world.
Her long, thick lashes lowered, her gaze falling on her open palm.
Chi Qian knew what she was capable of. She would help Shi Jinlan, help her resist the shackles of the system’s fate, and tip the world’s scales completely in her favor.
She wanted Shi Jinlan to have her fulfillment.
Not to walk toward the sea, alone.
Even if it meant defying the system, even if she would be punished for changing the plot when she returned.
“The world I want to save is one that has Shi Jinlan in it,” Chi Qian said to Thirteen, her voice soft but certain.
A scorching heatwave washed over them, swallowing her voice in the wind, only to have it burn again like fire.
Chi Qian had made her decision, but she didn’t know why her heart ached so much. It felt like something was hammering against her chest, telling her not to do this.
To push Shi Jinlan toward someone else.
She actually felt… unwilling to accept it.
Night fell earlier than usual. The full moon was hidden behind the treetops, letting only a mottled sliver of its bright light filter through.
A gentle warmth drifted into the room following a pair of long legs that stepped inside, coiling around pale skin and lingering for a long moment before dissipating into the air.
Shi Jinlan emerged from the bathroom, a loose robe draped over her, and sat on the footstool by the bed. She didn’t have a habit of blow-drying her hair, so she just gently rubbed it with a towel as she looked at Chi Qian, who had come in not long ago. “I barely saw you all day.”
“I was playing with Emergency Food for a long time,” Chi Qian said, expertly picking up the leg cream21 from the side and sitting down next to Shi Jinlan.
“He’s very wary. He only gets this close to people he’s familiar with,” Shi Jinlan said slowly, stretching her legs out and watching Chi Qian with a meaningful look.
This woman’s tests never stop, Chi Qian knew.
Having already made her decision that morning, she was determined to keep up her act, even if Shi Jinlan saw through her disguise22. “I’ve always been good with small animals, ever since I was at the orphanage.”
Although Chi Qian said it casually, the word “orphanage” was still marked as important.
Shi Jinlan’s gaze paused for a moment, her eyes unreadable as she looked at Chi Qian. Then she asked, “Do you know why my grandfather came to see me today?”
“Why?” Chi Qian looked up curiously, pretending not to know.
“Grandfather wants me to go on a blind date,” Shi Jinlan said.
Even though she was mentally prepared, the hand Chi Qian had on Shi Jinlan’s leg still paused for a moment. The moist cream on her fingers suddenly felt sticky, giving her an uncomfortable feeling for the first time.
Chi Qian knew this was Shi Jinlan’s private business, but she couldn’t help but ask for more. “Are you… close?”
“We performed together as children,” Shi Jinlan replied.
For the sake of the mission, this was good news.
But Chi Qian’s eyes still fell. Her fingers lingered on Shi Jinlan’s leg, rubbing the same spot over again.
Shi Jinlan’s gaze shifted slightly. She asked Chi Qian, “Do you think I should go?”
“You should. What if you two click23?” Chi Qian answered crisply, her voice light and easy.
She seemed to have composed herself. Her fingers, coated in cream, slid up the line of Shi Jinlan’s leg.
But Shi Jinlan moved.
She pulled back the leg Chi Qian was stroking, her gaze fixed on the other woman’s lowered face. “And what if we don’t?”
“Then there will definitely be someone in the future who captures Lanlan’s heart,” Chi Qian said, calling Shi Jinlan by her intimate name, the smile in her eyes looking just as genuine.
Shi Jinlan’s gaze deepened.
Her cold eyes met Chi Qian’s smiling ones as she asked softly, “Is that so? I thought someone like me was destined to be lonely my whole life.”
“How could that be?” Chi Qian said dismissively.
She had already made a plan. She wouldn’t let Shi Jinlan walk toward the same ending as in the original novel. She would tip the world’s scales entirely in her favor. In the future, Shi Jinlan “will definitely meet someone who loves you very much, and whom you love very much. You and her will have your own children, with children and grandchildren surrounding your knees24, three generations under one roof25.”
Chi Qian finally looked up, her eyes sincere as she gazed at Shi Jinlan.
This was the future she would fight with all her might to change for her.
A complete, happy future.
But even knowing that the Shi Jinlan who walked this path wouldn’t fall into despair and self-destruction, Chi Qian’s heart was still shrouded in an inconsolable sadness that twisted at her chest, sour and swollen.
“Your truthful words26?”
At that moment, a shadow fell over Chi Qian’s head.
She didn’t know when Shi Jinlan had sat up. Her entire body was leaning toward her, a slender finger tilting her chin up. The pale pink nail pressed into her skin, and even though it was trimmed and rounded, it was still full of threat.
Chi Qian’s heart was pounding erratically. She could no longer tell if it was fear of Shi Jinlan or the twisting pain from her emotions. She just kept smiling, saying what were, for Shi Jinlan, words of blessing. “Of course.”
She couldn’t see the faint redness at the corners of her own eyes.
Nor did she notice the storm of fury gathering deep in Shi Jinlan’s pupils.
!
A series of heavy thumps echoed from the room as something hit the wooden floor.
Shi Jinlan had exploded. Barefoot, she yanked Chi Qian up from the footstool and shoved her against the bedroom door.
A sharp pain shot through Chi Qian’s back as it slammed into the doorframe. Before she could react, her shoulders were already aching. She looked up, bewildered and uneasy, only to see a pair of crimson pupils staring deadly at her.
As if giving her one last chance, Shi Jinlan gripped her wrist tightly and asked, word by word, “Ah Qian, have you ever loved me at all.”
The author has something to say:
wuwuwu
She loves her so much qaq
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