So I Had No Choice But to Stop Being the White Moonlight – Chapter 68

I’m Not Going to Be the White Moonlight

Squeeze into her embrace

The setting sun draped the sky in a pale orange. The clouds, both light and heavy, looked like a peeled orange.

A few drops of cool orange peel scent had been dripped into the muggy air, making it impossible not to like.

Chi Qian was no exception.

Who doesn’t like being hugged by a girl?

She had just been pulled into a full embrace by Shi Jinlan. In the orange-tinted world, a field of small, cool-white flowers had bloomed. Their tiny petals burst open—thump, thump, thump—one after another, stretching far into the distance, just like the sound of her racing heart.

A gentle breeze brushed past the ends of their hair, softening the usual cool edge in Shi Jinlan’s voice.

Chi Qian really loved this feeling. A sense of familiarity radiated from her very bones¹, as if sometime in the past, she had stood at this doorway a thousand times, embracing Shi Jinlan in welcome.

If only there weren’t bodyguards, the Madam Housekeeper, and the driver sitting in the car.

Chi Qian caught their figures in her peripheral vision and suddenly felt a little awkward.

She wasn’t the type to calmly accept being the center of attention. She let Shi Jinlan hold her for a moment longer, counted to three, then lowered her voice. “Let’s go inside.”

“Alright.” But Shi Jinlan was completely at ease.

She had long grown accustomed to such gazes and ignored their presence completely. With a word, she took Chi Qian’s hand and led her openly toward the house.

Chi Qian let herself be led past the line of staff, noticing out of the corner of her eye that the Madam Housekeeper was dutifully following behind. A strange illusion took hold of her.

I’m not here to be a servant. My role as a Special Assistant for Private Life should be more accurately described as… a lover.²

“Next time you pick me up, remember not to wear this outfit.”

As if to confirm Chi Qian’s thoughts, Shi Jinlan reminded her.

It’s over. Now it’s even more like that.

My suspended heart finally died.³

Chi Qian stumbled along in the thin, unfamiliar high heels, her steps unsteady, much like her thoughts.

I mean, after what Shi Jinlan and I… did… in the office, there’s really no difference from being a lover, is there?

Their clasped hands were bathed in the sunlight, an image of extreme intimacy.

Chi Qian turned the word “lover” over in her mind. It felt so ambiguous, yet so precise.

They hadn’t confirmed their relationship.

There was only a contract.

And now, looking back, every clause in that contract seemed perfectly reasonable in light of this outcome.

Especially the last one.

It took a while for Chi Qian’s not-so-brilliant brain to finally piece it together. Her eyes filled with distress and confusion.

I’m supposed to be here to save the world, so how did things start developing in a direction I can’t even begin to understand?

Is my role now… Daji?⁴

Is my method for saving the world to make Shi Jinlan drown in love and slow her own growth, all so the male and female leads have time to get a sufficiently heaven-defying golden finger⁵ and cut us down with a swing of their swords?

What the hell!

I don’t want my ending to be the same as Daji’s!

I’m just a salted fish!⁶

I was planning to save the world and then go brag about it at the Song Tang Bar⁷ for a good long while.

“Oof.”

Lost in thought, Chi Qian’s foot suddenly sank.

The soft lawn made direct contact with the sole of her foot. She looked back and saw that the shoe she’d been struggling with had gotten stuck in the grass.

“You should stop letting your mind wander.” Shi Jinlan gave Chi Qian a level look that made her heart clench.

But she seemed to have said it casually. She bent down and unhurriedly retrieved Chi Qian’s shoe. “Heels this thin will sink into the grass the moment you get distracted. Don’t wear them anymore.”

Chi Qian looked at Shi Jinlan’s heels, which were even taller and thinner than her own, and felt a little indignant. “Then how come you don’t have a problem?”

“You have to learn,” Shi Jinlan said nonchalantly, her attention focused on the mud-stained heel.

She took a handkerchief from her pocket, carefully wiped the heel twice, and then knelt, lifting Chi Qian’s foot.

The manicured lawn pricked her skin slightly, but Shi Jinlan’s palm was a cradle of softness.

“But you don’t need to learn,” Shi Jinlan added as she worked.

Her fingers were still slightly cool. Through the stocking, they traced the line of Chi Qian’s foot bones, as if dusting them off, or perhaps admiring their natural form, which had never needed to endure deliberate training. “This is perfect just as it is.”

A gentle wind blew from an unknown place, seeming to pass through Chi Qian’s entire world, yet also seeming to truly sweep across the lawn.

Shi Jinlan’s long, hanging hair billowed slightly, catching and winding around the calf she held. It was as ethereal as smoke, yet it seemed to root itself deep within Chi Qian’s bones.

An untouchable itch wandered from Chi Qian’s bones to her heart. It couldn’t be reached, couldn’t be scratched.

There was nothing in the world more maddening than this.

Chi Qian watched Shi Jinlan, head bowed as she put the shoe back on for her, and her heart was a mix of excitement and a heavy, stifled feeling.

All told, she had known Shi Jinlan for less than half a month. A few days ago, she had been tempted and coaxed into signing a contract to stay by her side, and it certainly wasn’t because of “love at first sight.”

The stench of copper⁸ was too obvious; no clean scent could cover it up. It hung glaringly in front of her eyes.

When Shi Jinlan was dusting off my foot, who was she really thinking of?

Just how much can’t she let go of the past me?

Chi Qian found that every time her thoughts drifted to Shi Jinlan, they always ended with such a sigh.

She had been sent back to this world by the system to replace her former self and return to Shi Jinlan’s side.

She knew she was meant to play the role of a substitute.

She should have been glad that her past self had done a good job, yet she couldn’t help but resent the existence of that other her.

But where does a person get so much possessiveness from?

The only reason I became Shi Jinlan’s white moonlight⁹ was because I was solely focused on completing the mission back then, without getting emotionally involved, right?

She wasn’t supposed to develop feelings for Shi Jinlan.

This uncontrollable sense of loss, jealousy, and resentment was like seaweed spreading through the deep sea; it was impossible to find where it all began.

But that past me… did she really not feel a single thing for Shi Jinlan?

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The sun set and the moon rose. The long night was quiet.

The soft bed supported their tired bodies, letting them sleep in each other’s arms.

It must have been the long journey, combined with attending a Board of Directors meeting at the newly acquired company without having time to invert the time difference¹⁰. Shi Jinlan’s exhaustion showed early. After a hasty dinner, she pulled Chi Qian to bed.

Chi Qian felt that besides being her Special Assistant for Private Life, she had another, more important function here.

—To serve as her human-shaped hugging pillow.

Still, in the few days Shi Jinlan had been away, Chi Qian had already gotten used to this bed.

She sometimes thought that human habit was a strange thing. Even now, held tightly by Shi Jinlan, she could fall asleep with ease.

The scent of flowers mixed with dew, settling cleanly on Chi Qian’s nose. The night was peaceful and still.

But a person can’t smell their own scent.

So Chi Qian had no idea that because she’d had it all to herself these past few days, the entire bed now smelled of her.

The central air conditioning ran steadily, keeping the room at a comfortable temperature.

Shi Jinlan rested her head on the pillow Chi Qian had used, her breaths filled with a scent that had been baked through by the sun.

For years, Shi Jinlan had held everything in the palm of her hand, including her own sleep.

This time, with foresight, she had only taken two sleeping pills while getting ready for bed.

And despite the halved dose, Shi Jinlan slept deeply and peacefully, enveloped in that familiar scent.

She knew what could set her heart at ease.

She had always known.

……

In her deep sleep, Shi Jinlan suddenly felt a distinct movement from the arm she had draped over Chi Qian’s waist.

It seemed her source of peace was getting a little restless.

She frowned slightly and instinctively tightened her hold, pulling the person closer into her embrace.

But the touch against her palm wasn’t the softness of a stomach, but the sharp protrusion of a spine.

Shi Jinlan’s not-yet-awake brain couldn’t quite process Chi Qian’s state. Her eyes opened, heavy and slow.

The early morning sun filtered through the white gauze curtains, the midsummer warmth carrying a touch of dry heat.

There was no jarring alarm. What pulled Shi Jinlan from her dreams was a fuzzy head, groggy and confused, squeezing into her embrace.

The window, which took up most of the wall, was filled with sunlight. A small, light-averse animal, unable to handle the glare, had frowned and turned over from her position facing away, tucking her head into Shi Jinlan’s arms.

Shi Jinlan was beginning to understand why her side of the bed had picked up Chi Qian’s scent. A layer of resignation settled in her eyes.

She lazily propped her head up with one hand, her gaze dropping to silently watch the sleeping Chi Qian. Seeing this rare, proactive display, the corners of her lips curved up slightly.

This idiot still doesn’t have a shred of vigilance.

So she must have been doing all right all these years.

Slowly, the smile in Shi Jinlan’s eyes faded.

She watched Chi Qian with a truly calm and quiet gaze, her eyes traveling from those unguarded features to the slightly parted lips, then down the smooth, fair line extending from jaw to neck, rising and falling with each breath.

As if looking wasn’t enough, Shi Jinlan lifted the hand that was resting on Chi Qian’s waist.

But just as her fingers were about to brush aside the messy strands of hair from Chi Qian’s face, they froze.

On Chi Qian’s wrist, which lay between them, Shi Jinlan saw an exquisitely carved bracelet.

Unidentifiable flowers bloomed on the silver-white bangle, one linked to the next, wrapping around the entire circle.

The bracelet looked to be made of silver. The polished material gave off a soft yet exclusive sheen in the sunlight.

Shi Jinlan’s gaze lingered on it for a long moment. She was certain she had never seen Chi Qian wear such a thing before.

And yet, it felt strangely familiar.

As if she had seen it somewhere.

As if it was always supposed to be on her wrist, and its absence before meant something had been missing.

How could I have a memory like that…

What on earth is this thing…

As if moved by a phantom impulse, Shi Jinlan reached out, wanting to take Chi Qian’s wrist and get a better look at the bracelet.

But just as her hand was about to touch it, two rhythmic knocks sounded through the quiet room.

“Knock, knock. Knock, knock.“

It was the Madam Housekeeper.

Hearing the sound, Shi Jinlan’s head snapped up sharply toward the door. “What is it?”

After getting a response, the Madam Housekeeper pushed the door open and entered.

She stood just inside the doorway, her posture proper but her tone urgent. “Miss, the Old Master will be downstairs any moment.”

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The author has something to say:

Qianqian: I’m super well-behaved when I sleep~

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