Yet, still
If asked whether Qiao Yu would like to do something, her true desire is definitely a yes.
In the quiet of the night, with just the two of them alone, coupled with their current position and the person below her touching her face without any guard, Qiao Yu feels almost as if heaven itself is pushing her.
Lin Qing’s beautiful eyes, like the deep sea at night, tempt her to come closer, to explore.
Qiao Yu is almost certain that if she were to kiss Lin Qing now, there would be no resistance.
“Cough! Cough cough! (stressed)”
“Why the heck are you coughing? You’re a system, not like you can catch a cold!”
…But she couldn’t do anything too outrageous, because from the moment she threw herself on Lin Qing, the system in her mind began to cough incessantly and with increasing intensity. Qiao Yu suspected that if she didn’t get up soon, it might actually start to ‘break voice’ from coughing.
That serene and ambiguous atmosphere was utterly disrupted by its interference, leaving Qiao Yu grinding her molars internally and cursing the system. She somehow managed to regain a bit of her senses and silently propped herself up a little further away from Lin Qing, cautiously positioning herself in front of the light screen.
“My legs are numb… It was an accident.”
She sheepishly apologized to Lin Qing, who also propped herself up, not bothering about her disheveled clothes, and gently rubbed her wrist, casting a seemingly casual glance at Qiao Yu.
“You just hurt me.”
…But those words can’t be spoken carelessly!
The tone was partly teasing, partly complaining, making Qiao Yu wish fervently she could recite a couple of Buddhist scriptures on the spot to dispel the restless thoughts stirred up within her again. The system, accommodating as ever, began to play the Great Compassion Mantra for her.
This proved to be remarkably effective. After a moment of calm reflection, Qiao Yu concluded that she hadn’t actually touched Lin Qing’s hand at all. With a dignified and courteous demeanor, she said, “That’s a misunderstanding.”
It was as though she was missing only a “poor monk” in front of her muttered chanting.
Qiao Yu had encountered a similar scene in 《Journey to the West》, during the chapter where Tang Sanzang arrives at the Women’s Kingdom.
“It was you who hurt me.”
“Alright, alright, it’s my fault, I was wrong.”
Alas, her Buddhist patience didn’t last two rounds before Lin Qing defeated it. Qiao Yu felt deeply ashamed but utterly clueless about how to react if there were to be a next time.
Being forced into playing the role of the modest Liuxia Hui1 was truly unbearable. Qiao Yu swallowed her teeth and blood, desperately wanting to immediately resolve her critical situation and then share her true feelings with Lin Qing.
“Hmm.”
Lin Qing accepted her apology with satisfaction, nodding her head and releasing her spotlessly clean wrist without any sign of injury, pointing behind her.
“Then you should offer something as compensation, shouldn’t you?”
“…”
So, she was waiting for this… !
Qiao Yu turned her head to look at the screen behind her and suddenly discovered that the light screen, which was originally only as big as an ordinary laptop display, had quietly expanded more than twice in size. She could no longer cover it all.
“What are you doing now, System?!”
“Hmph.”
The light screen whooshed and expanded even further.
Her complaints against the system disappeared without a trace, it only responded with a snort to Qiao Yu’s initial question, then began to sulkily manipulate the light screen, clearly determined to show Lin Qing no matter what. Qiao Yu, feeling utterly helpless, watched as the final product grew as large as a projector screen used in lectures, silently noting in her mind that this system was very vengeful.
At this point, whether she stopped her or not made no difference. Lin Qing was already reading over her shoulder. Qiao Yu, finding herself out of options, retreated to one side, filled with frustration and sorrow.
…Ah, at least she hadn’t written anything strange.
“‘From the moment of waking up to leaving the house, she couldn’t see Cong Ye. Lin Qing thought they would go to school together, and a subtle sense of loss welled up inside her’… Hmm.”
“…”
“‘He’s getting engaged?’ Hmm?”
“…………”
Lin Qing’s eyes are like the timeless Lake Baikal’—hmm.”
“Please, no more reading, I beg you.”
Qiao Yu shrank more and more into herself at the side, fervently wishing she could just disappear from the spot.
She had just thought to herself that she hadn’t written anything strange—such baseless confidence!
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In front of the person involved, everything she wrote was utterly strange!
Is there anything more awkward for an author than having the real-life person they’ve written about recite their work back to them? No, there isn’t! I just want to disappear…
Qiao Yu hugged herself and cried, tears streaming down her face in her heart.
Lin Qing, on the other hand, coldly ignored her pleas, showing no intention of letting her off easily. She continued to maintain this attitude of “if I care about what’s written, I’ll recite it” and read through all fifty-one chapters of the book before finally turning to look at Qiao Yu, who lay collapsed on the bed, looking utterly spent, and clapped her hands as if nothing was out of the ordinary.
“Well written.”
“……”
Feeling no sense of being praised, Qiao Yu’s eyes lost their sparkle, and she felt as if she was going to turn into ash.
At this moment, Lin Qing showed no mercy. She grabbed her arm, making her sit up, and pointed to the two circles on the article interface, asking her, “Are these the scores you were talking about just now?”
“…Yes…”
Feeling mentally exhausted, Qiao Yu sluggishly nodded, glancing at the current data. The satisfaction was stable around 70, while the OOC score had gradually become 5 over time. Overall, the scores were peaceful and very much within the safe zone.
“Hmm—”
Lin Qing raised her eyebrows in response, instinctively navigating to the comments section on her screen. She quickly scrolled through a few comments before closing it.
She slightly closed her eyes to alleviate the soreness from prolonged reading. Misinterpreting her action, Qiao Yu eagerly suggested, “It’s getting late. How about we go to sleep now?”
Her eagerness to avoid discussing the content of the article was evident, but upon opening her eyes, Lin Qing gave her a look that was both mocking and nonchalant. Qiao Yu instantly fell silent, pitifully lowering her head to steal glances at her.
“Now is not the time to sleep.”
Lin Qing sighed, waving her hand to dismiss the light screen, which then vanished into thin air as if it were alive. Accustomed to its magical disappearance, Lin Qing showed no surprise on her face.
Let’s put aside the fact that Qiao Yu was internally berating the system for taking matters into its own hands and acting on a whim for now.
Lin Qing glanced at Qiao Yu, who was curled up in the corner of the bed with her head down, silent. Knowing she certainly wouldn’t start the conversation, and seeing her teetering on the edge of the bed as if she might fall off at any moment, Lin Qing pointed in front of herself and said, “Come sit here.”
Qiao Yu obediently moved in front of her and sat with her posture straight and proper.
“…You can sit however you like.”
It was only after she spoke that Qiao Yu carefully changed her position, her posture appearing frail, pitiful, and helpless.
Well, knowing she would definitely be unhappy after reading the text is a good thing.
Lin Qing couldn’t help but laugh and cry at the same time. On one hand, she wondered how she could be so terrifying, and on the other, she found it amusing that her beloved was secretly writing romance fanfiction about her with someone else.
What she wanted to do now was not to confront Qiao Yu for a confrontation, but to ask a question that had been burning inside her ever since she discovered Qiao Yu’s secret.
“So,” Lin Qing carefully started, “arranging a match between me and Cong Ye, including writing those articles — for you, it’s essentially a job you had no choice but to take?”
Qiao Yu didn’t hesitate and lightly nodded in affirmation.
Getting the affirmative answer, Lin Qing’s heart rate accelerated, and her voice unconsciously softened as she broached the question that meant so much to her.
“…Are you happy when you work?”
Even Qiao Yu, whose mind was a bit sluggish after what had just transpired, realized the true meaning behind Lin Qing’s question.
She was asking about her feelings.
It was Lin Qing who had persistently approached, peeled away layers after layers, while she retreated step by step, losing ground time and again, finally reaching this point. After discovering her secret, Lin Qing certainly wouldn’t miss this final blow.
How should I answer.
Qiao Yu silently took a breath, holding it as she closed her eyes.
Telling the truth would be straightforward; after all, she indeed suffered a lot for this role that was forced upon her. She had written many chapters of the person she secretly loved with another, even though unwillingly. She even had to write herself into these chapters, hiding her real feelings with just a few strokes, making herself a competent yet unremarkable character.
She had prepared herself thoroughly, planning to drag this unrequited love to an uneventful end. Qiao Yu was well aware that such situations occur every day in the world. The outcome of loving someone being fruitless was nothing shameful, as genuinely falling for someone is rare enough, and the probability of mutual affection is even slimmer.
These things were unavoidable, Qiao Yu thought clearly.
Later, Qiao Yu suddenly discovered that, to her surprise, she herself was the lucky one favored by Lin Qing. This disrupted all her plans and arrangements, bringing chaos along with joy, and introducing new shackles even as she was freed from the impossible task.
Her solitude had made her strong, but now, the love that seemed within reach made her timid.
“I’m not happy.”
Qiao Yu opened her eyes and said in a deep voice.
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“I’m not happy at all.”
She spoke distinctly, word by word, lifting her gaze toward Lin Qing, her eyes clear and calm, sending Lin Qing’s heartbeat into disarray instantly.
“But right now, as I haven’t figured out how to tackle this mission,” Qiao Yu didn’t pause, continuing as if stating a fact, “I am a person with no future, for the time being.”
“So.”
Qiao Yu felt a dryness in her throat, slightly lowering her head toward Lin Qing, whose expression gradually turned complex.
“…the words that should follow ‘I am not happy at all,’ I still can’t say them now.”
Qiao Yu wished she had the power to give Lin Qing all the beautiful things in this world, even though she knew that all those things combined wouldn’t amount to even one ten-thousandth of Lin Qing’s worth.
If she didn’t possess such ability, then at the very least, Qiao Yu hoped to offer Lin Qing a whole, stable promise.
Not a love that feels like walking on thin ice, living each day as if it were the eve of the apocalypse.
To have Lin Qing’s favor was already beyond her wildest dreams. Lin Qing was so wonderful; it was as though in her recklessness, she had unintentionally stolen a treasure from the world. If by any chance she couldn’t stay till the end, at least she could return the treasure as intact as possible, without leaving any superfluous marks or indelible scars.
Even if the answer was already clear as day.
Still, it remains unspeakable.
Qiao Yu quietly lowered her head, waiting for Lin Qing’s verdict.
“Talking to yourself.”
Unexpectedly, Lin Qing did not remain silent for long, and when she spoke, her voice was calm.
“Yeah.”
Qiao Yu softly responded, reacting one by one to Lin Qing’s straightforward words.
“It’s not fair.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I don’t need your apology. How about saying something else?”
“…”
“If you don’t want to talk about it, then I’ll just ask something else. After we came back from our trip, you should have realized who I like, right?”
“…Yeah.”
“Don’t you think? It’s very unfair of you. Knowing it yet saying nothing, fully aware that I—”
Lin Qing’s calm voice finally showed a ripple, which she immediately cut off, barely restraining her complex emotions.
“—What if you can never think of a way?”
“…Eh?”
With a sudden shift in her tone, Qiao Yu blankly lifted her head to meet Lin Qing’s dark and intertwined eyes.
“What if you can never think of a way, what then?”
Lin Qing slowed down her speech, repeating the question, her voice inevitably trembling towards the end.
“It’s unfair to me like this.”
Qiao Yu’s heart clenched as she watched Lin Qing’s eyes redden in front of her.
“…So, hug me, Qiao Yu.”
Lin Qing’s forced composure finally collapsed, revealing her true vulnerability and longing. Almost without thinking, Qiao Yu pulled Lin Qing into her embrace, burying her nose in her hair, feeling as if she were in a dream.
The Lin Qing in her arms was slender and soft, gently wrapping her arms around Qiao Yu’s back, nuzzling her head against her neck.
“—Hiss.”
Suddenly, Qiao Yu felt a sharp pain near her shoulder as the one who bit her gradually increased the pressure before eventually letting go.
“…It hurts.”
“Not as much as I hurt.”
Lin Qing’s voice was muffled but softened in tone.
“I forgive you.”
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Those words nearly brought tears to Qiao Yu’s eyes as she held Lin Qing tight and hummed softly in affirmation.
“I’ll figure something out… but I need some more time—”
“Mm, I’ll give you until this bite mark fades.”
“That’s too soon.”
Hearing Lin Qing speak so seriously, Qiao Yu couldn’t help but laugh. Lin Qing hadn’t really bitten down hard, causing just a momentary pain, and Qiao Yu guessed that the mark would mostly vanish by the time she woke up.
“But I can’t wait too long.”
Lin Qing, behaving uncharacteristically childlike and stubborn, insisted.
“Qiao Yu, I can’t wait too long.”
“…Yes.”
The words ‘me neither’ tumbled in Qiao Yu’s throat but never made it out. She simply held Lin Qing in silence. Everything that happened tonight was so sudden, but the frankness brought a sense of relief, as if a heavy stone had been lifted from her heart, filling her to the brim.
She likes Lin Qing and wants to be with Lin Qing.
Even though there are huge hurdles in front of her, even though they are from completely different worlds, this desire in Qiao Yu’s heart is vividly clear, swelling gradually.
What was originally just a mission imposed on her, where she was supposed to be just a passerby in this world, has now become something Qiao Yu is deeply ensnared in. Her skirt caught by the rose, she willingly becomes the captive of that rose, unable to retreat entirely.
I know this world is as ephemeral as dew.
Yet, still.
Footnotes
- Liuxia Hui was a man of eminent virtue, and is said on one occasion to have held a lady in his lap without the slightest imputation on his moral character. When he died, his wife insisted on pronouncing a funeral oration over his body, urging that none knew his great merits so well as her.
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