Going south by driving the chariot north
The atmosphere between Qiao Yu and Lin Qing became awkward again, and this time it was obviously much more serious than last time.
The next day, everyone at the dining table noticed that the two of them were not sitting together again. Father Qiao joked about it with a laugh, but no one responded, and the adults, who were usually good at reading the room, immediately realized that this was not the usual minor squabble.
Caught in the middle, Cong Ye was trembling and walking on thin ice, with his head already buzzing from a hangover. The low pressure from both sides made him eat his meal with a stiff scalp, not daring to ask a single word.
After breakfast, he finally mustered the courage to follow Qiao Yu, squeezing into her room just before she closed the door.
“Hey, Qiao Yu, what was that about just now?”
“……”
Qiao Yu, who had not slept all night, looked terrible and sighed.
“I suggest you go to Lin Qing’s side—”
“I did go! Just now, I was walking with her in the corridor. Not to mention getting something out of her, no matter what I said, she ignored me!”
“…I see.”
Qiao Yu furrowed her brows, filled with confusion.
Even if she asked herself what was going on—she still hadn’t figured it out.
She didn’t understand why confessing to Lin Qing that she was trying to set them up would lead to this outcome.
Lin Qing was clearly angry, or perhaps it would be better to say… avoiding her.
Last night, when Lin Qing left without turning back, Qiao Yu couldn’t react in time. Lin Qing’s reaction was so different from what she had expected, by the time she snapped out of it and chased after her, Lin Qing had already slammed the door shut. Qiao Yu tentatively knocked, but there was complete silence inside. She had no choice but to return sulkily, her mind in chaos.
…Why?
The system also couldn’t give her an answer to her doubt.
‘C-Could it be because Lin Qing is thin-skinned? And then when the host pointed it out, she…’
‘…Do you think she looked embarrassed just now?’
‘Not at all.’
The system firmly denied its own pale guess, feeling very distressed.
Qiao Yu looked at the necklace Lin Qing had placed on the table, remained silent for a long while, and then carefully put it back into the gift box.
She sat down at the table with furrowed brows, rubbing her throbbing temples, trying hard to replay this terrible night.
She had drunk alcohol, accidentally pulled out the gift she had originally planned to give to Lin Qing, and only remembered to switch it after being reminded by the system. As a result, Lin Qing discovered this, and she had no choice but to be honest about the purpose of her series of actions.
And then it came to this moment.
The figure walking out of her room was lonely and helpless, with a kind of shattered feeling like colored glass. It was her honesty that turned Lin Qing into that, but why?
Lin Qing… didn’t she like Cong Ye?
“So, I can only come to ask you! Just now, Lin Qing completely treated me like air! Of course, it seems she also treated you like air! What exactly happened between you two last night?”
Cong Ye was totally puzzled, his words gradually breaking the fixed impression in Qiao Yu’s heart.
“…In the past two days, you haven’t upset Lin Qing, have you?”
“No, not at all! We were still chatting happily during the fireworks yesterday! Last night, as soon as I got to the dining table, my mom got me drunk, I had no chance to upset her!”
Watching Cong Ye cry out in injustice, Qiao Yu had to temporarily conclude that the reason for Lin Qing’s change in attitude must be attributed to herself.
No matter what, from the current situation, the idea that Lin Qing likes Cong Ye seems to be unfounded.
“Don’t just ask me a couple of questions and then fall into your own thoughts—can you at least explain the situation to the innocent bystander first?”
Compared to Qiao Yu, who was lost in thought with furrowed brows, Cong Ye was more agitated, pacing back and forth in the room like an ant on a hot pot.
“Just a few days out and you guys are already in this situation for the second time… Does this hotel have some sort of curse? Like, couples who stay here will end up divorcing or something?”
“Alright, alright, if you don’t want to talk about it, I won’t force you, but! It is!”
He said these two words with such force, slapping the table and startling Qiao Yu into looking at him.
“…I still say the same thing, go and make up with her quickly.”
His voice suddenly dropped, his gaze filled with worry and sincerity.
“Even I can see that Lin Qing’s current state is really bad.”
“Although on the surface, she still appears the same, but her—there’s no need for me to say more, you must have seen it, right?”
“Yesterday, yesterday was her birthday.”
Qiao Yu pursed her lips, not making a sound.
Of course, she had seen it.
Besides ignoring the two of them in the morning, Lin Qing treated everyone else as usual, gentle and polite.
But Lin Qing’s dim eyes, the forced, lonely smile, and the rice bowl that, although she sat with until the end, she hardly touched at all. Qiao Yu saw all of it with her own eyes.
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“And to think she is solely ignoring you… I’m not saying this is definitely your fault, but, but still.”
Cong Ye’s voice rumbled from his throat, carefully speaking.
“…But I know that in this situation, the one who is suffering the most must definitely be Lin Qing herself.”
“If it weren’t for having no other choice, she would never… treat you like this.”
“If you ask why—”
He almost cried as he said it, reaching out to hold his friend’s shoulder.
“…Lin Qing, she definitely cares about you more than you think.”
Sitting on a bench on the streets of a foreign land, Qiao Yu let out a long breath of white air.
Feeling increasingly restless in the hotel, she decided to change clothes and go out for some fresh air.
Cong Ye’s words echoed in her ears, not fading away for a long time.
“…I also…”
I also care about her more than anyone can imagine.
She silently pulled up her scarf to cover most of her face, remembering the day Lin Qing had fixed this scarf for her. Then she closed her eyes, burying her face deep into the fluffy scarf, seeking a false warmth and scent.
If they both care so much about each other, then why has it become like this?
From last night until now, Qiao Yu hasn’t been able to say a word to Lin Qing.
Unable to sleep at night, she simply went early to wait in front of Lin Qing’s door. Finally, when Lin Qing came out, Qiao Yu tried to explain, but opening her mouth, she didn’t know what to say. She was just hurt by Lin Qing’s politely distant look, standing still as she listened to Lin Qing’s footsteps fading away.
That moment, she was so scared she couldn’t move.
She raised her hand to bury her face deep in her palm, all those doubts and misunderstandings turning into a thick fear that couldn’t be dissolved.
——Don’t hate me.
The huge fear of being hated by the person she loves paralyzed her, leaving her unable to move, robbing her of her courage, and running out of the hotel where everything reminded her of Lin Qing.
No one wants to make up with Lin Qing more than her, the person actually involved.
But now, except for “Lin Qing seems to have someone she likes, but it appears not to be Cong Ye,” Qiao Yu can’t figure anything else out. Her thoughts hit a dead end, making her feel anxious.
She aimlessly watched the people walking by on the street, her gaze attracted to a small stall by the roadside where a small group of people had lined up. She couldn’t understand the sign very well, but luckily there were clear pictures next to it.
“Crepe…”
Qiao Yu stared blankly at the crepe stuffed with cream and fruit that the customers received from the stall owner.
It looks like Lin Qing would like it.
Despite Lin Qing’s appearance of being a high and mighty person not involved in worldly pleasures, she actually has a surprising fondness for sweets. Normally, she always has a few pieces of candy in her pocket, occasionally eating one. According to her, it’s because she had low blood sugar as a child, so she developed the habit.
The bag of taiyaki Qiao Yu bought a few days ago too, there were five or six in a bag, except for giving one to Cong Ye, the rest all ended up in Lin Qing’s stomach.
She ate bite by bite quite seriously back then, her cheeks puffing up while chewing looked so soft.
Qiao Yu had to try very hard to suppress the urge to poke them, deliberately shifting her attention, she asked, ‘Is it that delicious?’
‘Actually, it’s okay. It’s not that delicious.’
Lin Qing swallowed the last bite, folded the empty bag, and smiled brightly at her with a bend in her brow and eyes.
‘But this is what you bought for me.’
Qiao Yu jolted out of her memories, realizing she had unknowingly clenched her fist, her nails leaving deep marks in her palm.
She suddenly felt weak and exhausted, lowering her head and chuckling softly.
“…What…”
If seeing anything reminded her of Lin Qing, then wasn’t there literally no reason to have run away from the hotel.
She really wanted to see Lin Qing.
Apart from eating, Lin Qing didn’t leave her room all day.
The originally planned activities were canceled. Lin Qing knew this was probably the adults trying to be considerate. She silently accepted this kindness and confined herself in her room.
Actually, if possible, she didn’t even want to go out for meals. She seriously considered the idea of ordering room service but eventually gave up because it would cause too much commotion.
Although every time she saw that person, the intense pain from last night would resurface in her heart, Lin Qing did her best to suppress her emotions, turning herself into a puppet without feelings.
She felt like an observer, watching this soulless self with a mix of sadness and ridicule.
Until last night, she was still that Lin Qing full of deep feelings, who would feel her heart racing at the sight of that person, foolishly believing that person also had a bit of affection for her.
Now, looking back, Lin Qing seems to be able to calmly find a justified answer for everything.
That person standing up for her when she was being talked about was because of integrity. That person’s care and attention to her were because of gentleness. That person getting close to her and always being with her was because of seeing her as a friend, and a… matching counterpart for Cong Ye.
It turns out that person never treated her specially, never had love for her.
All of it was just her solo performance.
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She was too obsessed, the person who made her heart beat for so long was someone she had imagined.
To the point that now, even thinking of that person’s name causes her pain.
…Qiao Yu.
Lin Qing sat on the bed, hugging her legs tightly, but still couldn’t stop the cold from creeping in all around her.
The love was real, the pain was real too.
In Qiao Yu’s eyes, she must be an unreasonable woman—suddenly leaving, suddenly ignoring her. What kind of inexplicable anger is this?
Only Lin Qing knows, she’s not angry, she’s shaking to the point where she can’t face Qiao Yu.
Last night’s incident exhausted her, she just wanted to escape Qiao Yu’s gaze and presence, that’s all.
But… but what did Qiao Yu do wrong?
She just doesn’t love her, that’s all.
Lin Qing felt a familiar sourness rising to her throat, and she closed her eyes wearily.
Knock, knock.
Suddenly, there was a knocking at the door, echoing dully in the quiet room.
It must be mom and the others coming to comfort her again, Lin Qing thought. The adults had already come several times today, their gazes full of inquiry and worry. She had forced herself to respond with a spirit she didn’t feel, and she was indeed tired.
She silently sighed and decided to be wilful just this once, pretending not to hear.
The knocking sounded a few times then, as expected, it stopped.
“…Lin Qing, you’re in there, right?”
Lin Qing suddenly opened her eyes.
“Ah, it’s okay if you don’t open the door. I know you might not want to see me…”
The voice coming through the door sounded a bit muffled, but she had heard that voice thousands of times; she could never mistake it.
“I just… wanted to come and talk to you.”
She had heard Qiao Yu’s voice thousands of times, but it had never sounded as timid and cautious as it did now.
Lin Qing’s heart ached again. Even after all this time, with all her scars, she still found herself feeling pity for Qiao Yu’s situation. She wanted to block her ears, but found she just couldn’t bring herself to do it.
“I think I said something wrong yesterday.”
“Firstly, I assumed your feelings wrongly… and tried to set you up with Cong Ye, I’m sorry.”
Qiao Yu’s voice was low, and Lin Qing could easily picture her feeling awkward.
“Secondly, I changed the birthday gift I had originally prepared for you at the last minute, and even planned to hide it from you, I’m sorry.”
Every apology she made was very sincere, but it only made Lin Qing feel even more unbearably pained the more she listened.
“And there’s more… more…”
“…I’m sorry, I haven’t thought of what comes after this.”
Of course. Of course, you can’t think of anything.
Lin Qing couldn’t stop trembling, frantically messing up her hair.
Because, you never did—
“But you’re so upset, I must have done something really bad.”
“But I’m too dumb, my brain doesn’t work well.”
“I’m not trying to defend myself, I just…”
Qiao Yu’s voice became frantic, pausing several times before continuing.
“I just want to make up with you as soon as possible.”
“So tell me, please, Lin Qing, tell me.”
“Where did I go wrong, I will change everything.”
“…Just don’t ignore me.”
The last sentence was very soft, and then there was no sound.
Lin Qing’s heart was in turmoil, her hands forcefully crumpling the quilt.
Wanting to see her yet not wanting to, this conflicting emotion nearly drove Lin Qing mad. The protective barrier she had barely managed to build around herself was so easily shattered, collapsing at just a call from Qiao Yu.
Why, just why, Qiao Yu.
Even knowing it wasn’t Qiao Yu’s fault, Lin Qing couldn’t help but project her emotions onto her. She let these emotions run wild, to restrain her urge to open the door, standing stiffly behind the door for a long while.
“…I understand now.”
It was finally from the other side of the door that the silence was broken, with Qiao Yu’s voice sounding calm, at least Lin Qing couldn’t detect any emotion in it.
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“You ate too little during the day, I just went out and bought crepes.”
“It’s just a thin pancake rolled up with a lot of cream and fruit pieces inside, very delicious. Sounds good, doesn’t it?”
“Food is innocent. I’ve hung it on your door handle.”
“I’ll head back now… Ah, don’t worry, I definitely won’t lie to you saying I’m leaving and then wait outside the door for you to open it. I’m really leaving now, so don’t worry.”
“I will eat dinner in my room.”
“Um… that’s it, I’m leaving.”
After these words, there was no more sound.
Lin Qing sat inside the room for a long time, so long that her legs became numb and the sky had started to darken, before she gradually walked to the door and opened it to take down the bag hanging on the door handle.
She closed the door behind her, stumbling over to the trash can, lifting the bag above it.
Her grip loosened then tightened, and after a long silence, she finally let her hand fall back in surrender.
Don’t be like this.
Lin Qing gripped the edge of the plastic bag tightly, yet she still couldn’t bear to damage the contents inside even a little bit.
Don’t be like this, Qiao Yu.
Stop being so gentle with me.
Finally, she began to sob, in the unlit room, over the love she couldn’t let go of.
LP: Sweet, sweet angst •⩊•
Also, title means someone’s action having the opposite effect than intended.
