There’s a saying in the world called ‘the more you try to explain, the worse it gets’
Qiao Yu couldn’t pinpoint exactly when she began to like Lin Qing.
Was it when Lin Qing held her hand and led her away in front of Li Hua, or when Lin Qing shed tears for her outside the infirmary, or on her birthday when Lin Qing embraced her?
Once the feelings had taken root, no matter how many pages of memories she flipped through, she only felt joy, and it became harder to find the original source of this affection.
It was just on a most ordinary afternoon that Qiao Yu, laying her head on the desk, blankly stared at Lin Qing’s slender back in front of her, and suddenly realized.
Ah, it seems I am always watching her.
Qiao Yu was no fool; she had long been aware of her own abnormality, her unusual partiality towards Lin Qing, her inexplicable complex emotions towards Cong Ye, and her aversion to writing assignments.
She didn’t confront her feelings that afternoon, instead burying her face in the crook of her arm, allowing her field of vision to plunge into darkness.
No, she can’t look anymore.
The emotions that had yet to be defined were already denied by her.
During that time, she lived in exhaustion, as if split into two people. By day, she was the usual Qiao Yu, but the moment she sat in the car after school, she would shed her shell and become taciturn. The bright colors outside the car window blurred into a muddle due to the speed, Qiao Yu watched expressionlessly, the muffled sounds from the outside faintly reaching her, a small distance that somehow gave the illusion of being cut off from the world.
Outside the car, there were students heading home from school, spirited children arguing excitedly with lollipops in hand, followed by a young couple smiling affectionately as they watched over them, and young lovers intertwined, exuding a sweet aura.
The world outside the window was harmonious and tender.
Yet it all had nothing to do with her.
Qiao Yu stopped looking out; she closed her eyes, weary.
Everything was alien to her—her identity, this novel, and this world.
Nowhere could she find a place to belong, yet her fanciful obsessions took root deep within her heart, entrenched and inextricable.
Writing gradually became a form of torture, too cruel a task for Qiao Yu to narrate the love story of Lin Qing and others. She wrote it over and over again, revising relentlessly, like one possessed, still hammering at the keyboard deep into the night.
On one hand, Qiao Yu felt pain; on the other, there was an odd compulsion to confide. She wanted to speak out, to write down, to preserve something about Lin Qing—as if by doing so, she could retain something tangible, rather than being left with nothing. Memories always decrease, never grow; she wrote desperately, striving to recreate the Lin Qing within her heart as vividly as possible with her pen, like a secret boast.
Look, this is Lin Qing, isn’t she wonderful?
Only with such a channel for her confessions could Qiao Yu steady her mind, cluttered with incessant thoughts.
She thought she could simply be a recorder until the end, yet she still fell apart at that street corner. The long-suppressed sourness and pain surged chaotically, easily defeating Qiao Yu.
Why isn’t she even allowed to deceive herself? Why has she come to such a state? Why tell her the … truth about this world?
Ah, if only she could live in ignorance like Lin Qing, meeting Lin Qing casually, falling in love with her in an ordinary way, showing affection ordinarily. If only it were so.
…But there are no ifs, none.
“What’s wrong with the host? Why, why are you crying?”
“…Sand got into my eyes.”
Qiao Yu let out a laugh through her dry throat, dropping her trembling hands.
This is a secret she couldn’t tell anyone.
Uncontrollable delusions and the muffled, choked mumblings, all were deeply buried in her heart.
All that is seen is illusory.
When Qiao Yu stepped into the school the next day, she had already completely gathered her emotions.
This was already a skill she was adept at; an emotional outburst had instead made it easier for her. However, the feelings that she could no longer avoid were pressing strongly in her heart, and Qiao Yu could only muster all her energy to suppress them.
But this proved to be especially difficult at school, because—
“Morning, Qiao Yu, your girlfriend arrived earlier than you did.”
The moment she stepped into the classroom, she was greeted by a loud shout from a classmate sitting by the door, followed by a tsunami-like chorus of teasing from the rest of the class.
“…”
What girlfriend?
Qiao Yu instinctively took a step back, hesitantly looking into the classroom, only to see a sea of gossip-hungry faces winking and making faces at her.
“Cough cough.”
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Sitting in a corner, Cong Ye coughed twice and stood up, striding over to Qiao Yu’s side. He waved his hand to signal everyone to quiet down.
“Hasn’t Lin Qing already explained it to you all? They’re not in that kind of relationship! Stop making baseless commotion!”
He couldn’t keep a straight face, and his words made everyone crack smiles, serving no real purpose beyond going through the motions, utterly lacking in deterrent power. Qiao Yu felt her brain finally catch up, her face flushing red in an instant. She shot Cong Ye a glare before hastily making her way to her seat amid the increasing laughter of her classmates.
Mi Yi, who had moved aside to let her pass, slowly turned back around, zeroed in on Qiao Yu’s beet-red ears, and asked with oblivious curiosity, “Qiao Yu, your ears are so red. Are you sick?”
“Are you usually this unobservant!”
Qiao Yu frantically covered both ears with her hands, but then, thinking it made her look guilty, she quickly let go and tried to cover up her embarrassment with an explanation.
“It’s all because you guys are saying all these weird things!”
“I didn’t say anything strange. I was just concerned about why your ears are so red.”
“It’s because it’s hot, okay!”
Qiao Yu was left exasperated by her earnest nonsense and began to fan herself with a notebook.
The figure sitting in front of her stirred, seeming hesitant for a moment, but ultimately turned around.
“Qiao Yu…”
Just hearing her name being called made Qiao Yu’s heart skip a beat. She almost flusteredly responded, looking up at Lin Qing who seemed embarrassed, eyes flitting away.
“…I did try to explain it seriously, but it seems like the effect wasn’t very good…”
It wasn’t just ‘not very good’; judging by the class’s current excited state—teetering on the edge but all silent and watching the two of them with bated breath—it seemed Lin Qing’s explanation had the opposite effect in their minds.
What’s with these people…
Qiao Yu really couldn’t understand why high schoolers were so keen on juicy gossip, not even sparing two girls—their enthusiasm seemed to spark even more joy unlike the usual opposite sex scandals. She pondered distressfully whether the school culture at Yaohua was too liberal and let out a silent sigh.
“It’s okay, it’s just a misunderstanding.”
She composed herself and reassured Lin Qing.
“I think they just want to watch the excitement. Since we’re not… not that kind of relationship, the upright need not fear a slanted shadow; it’ll blow over in a couple of days.”
Actually, both she and her shadow were terribly slanted, only Lin Qing was straight, but that was enough. Qiao Yu thought wryly to herself, laughing at her own self-deprecation.
“Mm… if that’s the case, then that’s good.”
It seemed that her words did not comfort Lin Qing, who lowered her eyes with a smile and changed the subject.
“Can we study together today? The exams are just around the corner, and it’s not worth it to delay so much because of yesterday’s incident.”
“Ah…” Caught off guard by Lin Qing bringing up this matter so early, Qiao Yu choked, unable to think of any reason to refuse on the spot, and could only nod stiffly. “Okay, okay, if you don’t mind about that anymore, then that’s great…”
With Qiao Yu’s affirmative response, Lin Qing’s smile brightened a few shades. She deftly reached out and straightened Qiao Yu’s flipped-over school uniform collar, gently instructing her about the things to prepare for the upcoming class before turning away, leaving behind a rigid and at a loss Qiao Yu, and a room full of people’s silent screams of “bumping into each other.”
“That’s a bold offensive—”
“Shush! Don’t let her hear you! Stop teasing Qiao Yu about her and Lin Qing’s relationship!”
I’ve already heard it! Cong Ye’s voice trying to stop them was much louder than the whispers below, okay!
Qiao Yu was frantic but powerless, not knowing how to deal with this situation at all, her mind in complete disarray.
It’s driving her to an early grave; it’s because she has a guilty conscience that she’s so flustered! If she could be as open and upright as Lin Qing, she wouldn’t have ended up in such a bind!
All she could do was pretend not to notice the good-natured teasing looks from those around her, bury her head in rummaging through her bag for books, and put on an act as if she was only focused on studying the sage’s books, ignoring everything outside the window.
But forcing a straight face is really hard, Qiao Yu is trying so hard her mouth corners are about to start twitching.
…This is really bad.
Being thought of by others as Lin Qing’s lover, even if it’s just teasing, feels like something that should make her happy.
“Attention please, this is the—what edition is it again?—of the Lin Qing Love Support Conference.”
“Can you please stop calling it that?”
The person concerned and victim, Lin Qing, rubbed her brow with a mix of amusement and exasperation, lodging a protest to Mi Yi.
“Report to the chairperson! It should be the fifth edition now!”
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“Alright, thanks to Sergeant Cong Ye for the update. So, the 5th Lin Qing Love Support Conference is officially underway, everyone please speak enthusiastically.”
“Your military ranks are way too chaotic.”
The conference had just started, and Lin Qing was already feeling exhausted.
“Um, Miss Lin Qing has become quite eloquent with the nourishment of love, hasn’t she?”
Chairperson Mi Yi leisurely crossed her arms, a teasing light twinkling in her eyes.
“Seems like you’ve been doing quite well lately?”
“Our strategy has achieved a phased triumph! I propose we toast to that!”
Thus, following Sergeant Cong Ye’s eager suggestion, a few of them raised their glasses (of juice) in a somewhat baffled toast.
“Who would have thought Lin Qing had such feelings for Qiao Yu…”
Newcomer Lu Yao mused, with a knowing smile.
“But now I think you two are a good match! Most of the class probably thinks the same!”
“I remember, weren’t you rooting for Qiao Yu to be with Song Wanwan before?”
“…Blame my youthful ignorance for supporting a ship that sank before it even set sail…”
“Very good, acknowledging your mistake and correcting it is what makes a good comrade. Congratulations to Private Second Class Lu Yao for finally finding the right path!”
Cong Ye heartily clapped Lu Yao on the shoulder, laughing cheerfully, while Mi Yi quietly picked up the juice packet to confirm that it indeed contained no alcohol.
“I’m surprised at how smoothly this plan went; how should I put it? I didn’t expect everyone… to be so accepting.”
“…”
Watching Mi Yi struggling to withhold her laughter, Lin Qing, who has been relentlessly teased along with Qiao Yu during this fervent period, turned her head away, her ears quietly blushing.
Indeed, she and Qiao Yu were egged on by their classmates, and it’s safe to say that a big part of this was due to the instigation of a few present here.
That day, after her impulsive act in front of everyone, which was almost like piercing through the paper window, Lin Qing frantically patched things up in front of Qiao Yu, only to turn around and be cornered by Mi Yi, who was wearing a mysteriously amused smile.
‘You guys ran off too quickly and didn’t see the intense reaction from the onlookers.’
‘So, I’ve got an idea.’
‘There’s a saying in the world—’the more you try to explain, the worse it gets.”
And so it was, with the students’ rebellious psychology, Lin Qing’s explanations successfully led them to believe that she and Qiao Yu really had something going on. Lin Qing’s unreserved intimate gestures were seen by everyone as flirtation.
Two weeks had passed, and the rumors about the two of them only intensified rather than lessened, to the point where even students from other classes knew about Class 1’s Lin Qing and Qiao Yu apparently dating. As a result, Lin Qing had now entered the stage of not explaining, not protesting, and just letting people talk, where her ambiguous attitude was regarded by everyone as silent confirmation.
…From the above, it is evident that most people will believe what they want to believe; external actions are actually not that important.
Take the other party involved, Qiao Yu, who since that day had been making futile explanations with minimal effectiveness.
Fortunately, the situation that Lin Qing worried about, causing Qiao Yu’s resentment, did not occur. Although Qiao Yu seemed quite distressed, her attitude towards Lin Qing remained unchanged as always.
‘…I’m sorry, Lin Qing, I didn’t expect the rumors to last this long…’
Qiao Yu, unaware of the truth, even apologized to Lin Qing, looking at her with caution.
‘It doesn’t matter. It’s not your fault.’
At that moment, Lin Qing caught a strand of Qiao Yu’s hair, casually stroking the tips of her hair.
—It was Lin Qing’s fault; it was she who was coveting.
Reflecting on the past, Lin Qing sunk deep into the sofa, her eyes dark and inscrutable.
“I don’t really care about everyone’s level of acceptance; what matters is Qiao Yu… She seems to be more accepting than I imagined.”
Everyone nodded in agreement, finding this to be true, as Lin Qing conjured a meaningful smile.
“That’s very good.”
“Achoo!”
Sitting at a desk, Qiao Yu sneezed without warning.
“Oh no, oh no, is the Host going to catch a cold? It’s gotten colder recently, you must wear more clothes. Let me check the Host’s body data—”
“No, calm down, it’s just my nose suddenly felt itchy.”
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Ever since the day she cried, the system had been very anxious about her, fussing over her like an old mother, and Qiao Yu hurriedly stopped the flustered system.
“It could also be someone talking about me behind my back… but there would be too many suspects for that.”
Especially recently, the attention Qiao Yu received at school was so overwhelming that she felt powerless; wherever she went, people looked at her with eyes full of encouragement and blessings.
…Although being inclusive is good, it seems like these people really just enjoy watching pretty girls date, that’s all.
Cough, calling myself pretty is a bit shameless, but Lin Qing is truly an unattainable flower. To be rumored at school to be dating her…
“…What should I do now?”
With a frown, Qiao Yu felt that she was at her wit’s end.
To be honest, if you were to ask about her feelings, she’s actually quite happy.
But this deeply hidden joy also gives her a sense of guilt, as only she harbors unspoken thoughts, while Lin Qing is just being magnanimous—Yet, it must be said, Lin Qing really doesn’t seem to care at all, not even a bit mindful of avoiding suspicion. Is this what they call being naturally charming without even trying?
A solution always needs to be found.
It’s like a beautiful dream; all the joy she feels in it is, in the end, just an illusion.
Qiao Yu is crystal clear about this, but whenever she thinks that this might be the closest she’ll ever get to Lin Qing—
She wants the dream to last a few more days.
LP: Poor Qiao Yu
