Little Alpaca – Chapter 74

Volume 2: Fuzhu Huodou

I don’t just like you a little bit.

Yi Qiu couldn’t quite explain why, but as they spent this time together, her curiosity about You Yan grew deeper and deeper.

She was curious about You Yan’s past, curious about You Yan’s true thoughts, curious about what kind of face this bird woman whose mouth is right, heart is wrong¹ was hiding beneath the cruel and heartless exterior described in the novel.

But You Yan wouldn’t say, and she didn’t dare ask too much.

For instance, she had always felt that You Yan held a grudge against the Heavenly Realm. After all, every time You Yan mentioned the immortals and gods of the Heavenly Realm, her words would be laced with sarcasm. She had even once asked her if she came from the Heavenly Realm, and her tone had the distinct feeling of “if you dare say yes, I’ll dare to stew you.”

Although the Heavenly and Demon Realms had long been in opposition, and mutual disdain was perfectly normal, the emotions of hatred and contempt were never the same.

If she could, she truly wanted to know You Yan’s past, to know what had turned You Yan into this kind of person who buried everything in her heart and would not easily trust even a friend of shared adversity².

However, she had only asked this question casually, without holding much hope for an answer.

After all, it was just a children’s song. What kind of heavy promise could it be worth from You Yan?

Everyone has secrets in their heart. You Yan hid things from her, and she also hid things from You Yan.

The things she didn’t want to talk about, You Yan never pried. The things You Yan didn’t want to talk about, she didn’t want to force.

But just as she decided to move on, You Yan responded. It was only a single word, but it left her both astonished and pleasantly surprised.

“So, can you tell me?” she asked cautiously, her eyes, now accustomed to the darkness, gazing at You Yan in the pitch-black room.

She was afraid of missing a single one of You Yan’s expressions, and also afraid that her own bold approach would make You Yan uncomfortable.

But You Yan just closed her eyes and remained silent for a moment before asking faintly, “So you didn’t know.”

“Me?” Yi Qiu frowned, moved forward to lean over the edge of the bed, and muttered under her breath, “How could I possibly know? Why would you think I know? You’re secretly suspecting me again…”

“I’m not.”

“You definitely are!”

You Yan opened her eyes and added, “There is no ‘again’.”

Yi Qiu mulled those three words over in her mind and was momentarily at a loss for words.

No “again”… does that mean it’s been “always”?

Yi Qiu took a deep breath and exhaled heavily, saying with the utmost seriousness, “I swear, I have nothing to do with the Heavenly Realm. If I do, may I die in your mouth and rot in your stomach!”

You Yan couldn’t help but laugh. “Not bad. It seems you wouldn’t want to leave me even in death.”

Yi Qiu couldn’t help but roll her eyes—was this Demon Lord a bit too narcissistic?

She was speechless for a moment, unsure how to continue the conversation, and could only stare blankly at You Yan.

After a brief silence, You Yan looked at Yi Qiu and asked two questions.

“Do you believe some people are born to be a scourge?”

“What distinction do you think there is between immortals, demons, gods, and devils?”

“Huh?” Yi Qiu was stunned for two seconds before it belatedly dawned on her that You Yan seemed to be planning to tell her something.

But these two questions, how should she answer them?

Yi Qiu pondered for a good while before saying with some hesitation, “I don’t really understand these things… But I remember Jiang Yuyao once said that demons can cultivate to become immortals, and gods can fall to become devils. Right and wrong, good and evil, have always been only in the heart. It only depends on whether the power in one’s hands is used to protect or to destroy…”

“If everyone were like that, there would be no distinction between immortals, demons, gods, and devils in the world.” You Yan’s tone was very placid. “But in reality, that’s not how it is.”

She said that the good and evil of this world have never been clear-cut.

The righteous factions of the mortal world, whoever they point to as evil, is evil.

The immortals and gods of the Heavenly Realm, whoever they point to as a devil, is a devil.

Some people are destined from birth to be a scourge. No matter how hard they try, how they attempt to change, how they use their power, they can never be accepted by “good.”

She was one such person.

“Why?” Yi Qiu couldn’t help but press.

“Why? I’d like to ask why too…”

Why are some people born different from everyone else?

Why, just because they are different, do they deserve to be loathed by others?

Why… was she that person?

“Do you know how big an ordinary Qinyuan is?”

“You’ve said it before, as small as a mandarin duck…” Yi Qiu carefully recalled what You Yan had once said.

“I also told you that they are not welcome wherever they go.”

“Mhm, I remember.” Yi Qiu nodded. “So you cultivated diligently, thinking that if you could one day become as big as the legendary Peng bird³, you would never be bullied again.”

She remembered. That day, You Yan had killed someone, splashing her with blood. Afterwards, she had taken her to a small stream in the mountain forest to wash up, and for some reason, had suddenly asked her, “Will you grow up?”

Thinking back now, that was the first time You Yan had mentioned her past, but it was a pity she hadn’t continued the story.

“I was lying to you.” You Yan said, smiling at the astonished Yi Qiu. “The only unwelcome one was me.”

“Ah…”

“I was a demon fetus⁴.”

“…” Yi Qiu was at a loss for words.

She quietly looked at You Yan, as if trying to see some other emotion beneath that calm facade, but she only saw You Yan lie flat and close her eyes.

“I heard that my parents were deeply in love. In Kunlun Mountain, they were considered an enviable, devoted couple… If I had been a normal child, they should have been able to live happily for a lifetime.” You Yan said, “Unfortunately, I wasn’t.”

“Me, I was born a scourge, coming into this world carrying a body full of malevolent demonic energy. I devoured my mother’s flesh and blood from the inside just to survive in this world…”

You Yan said she had clawed her way out of her mother’s body, tearing through it inch by inch.

Just like… a butterfly breaking out of its chrysalis. The moment it emerges and spreads its wings, all that is left behind is a broken, empty shell.

She was the first, and only, Qinyuan in Kunlun Mountain to be born with immense power.

Her birth was accompanied by her mother’s death and her father’s despair.

She was a “demon” born on an immortal mountain, an ill omen, a catastrophe. She should have died the day she was born, but she was saved by a deity who sealed the demonic energy in her body with divine power.

That deity told her that a demon fetus with a mortal heart was not necessarily a scourge. If her heart held kindness, she could be accepted by heaven and earth.

She believed it.

But heaven and earth never did.

Her father treated her with exceptional coldness. Although he never abandoned her, every time he looked at her, his gaze was filled with hatred and disgust.

And the other immortal beasts, demons, and spirits on the mountain all detested her. In the vast Kunlun Mountain, there was not a single person who didn’t shun her.

They all said she ate her own birth mother, that she was the most venomous Qinyuan in the world. They said the grass and trees she touched would wither and die, that birds and beasts that passed by her would lose their lives.

They all said she was a demon, a natural-born demon.

But she didn’t want to be a demon, she didn’t want to…

“You Yan…”

“I should have known long ago. Kunlun Mountain is the land under the protection of the Queen Mother of the West⁵, how could it tolerate a demon?” You Yan let out a cold laugh and said, “In my five hundred years on Kunlun Mountain, I did nothing. I just tried hard, so hard, to live under everyone’s loathing. But even my existence was a mistake… On the day of the Queen Mother of the West’s birthday celebration, that bunch of immortals and gods from the Heavenly Realm sentenced me to death, all because of a mirror.”

“Wh-what mirror…”

“A broken mirror.” At this point in her story, You Yan frowned and fell silent for a long time before continuing, “So, I went to the Demon Realm… It’s great. A place where the weak are meat, the strong eat⁶, there isn’t so much hypocritical justice and kindness to suffocate a person.”

She said, it was so clean.

That dark land filled with slaughter and gore, compared to Kunlun, compared to the mortal realm, was truly clean.

You Yan’s story ended there.

She skipped over many details, recounting everything in an understated way, clearly unwilling to say more.

Yi Qiu didn’t dare to press further. She could only look at You Yan, lost and helpless, wanting to offer comfort but not knowing where to begin.

The dark room suddenly fell silent for a few seconds.

A short while later, You Yan took a deep breath, opened her eyes and asked, “Don’t you think that kid’s experiences in this life are somewhat similar to mine?”

Yi Qiu was silent for a long moment before gently “mhm”-ing in agreement.

She knew You Yan was talking about Luo Mingyuan.

Born half-demon yet raised in an immortal sect, looked down upon by everyone, scorned and ostracized at every turn.

No wonder that one day, as You Yan watched the gradually setting sun, she would make a remark that sounded so much like she was pitying Luo Mingyuan.

So, on that day, You Yan was remembering her former self.

Perhaps You Yan’s decision to spare them, to help Luo Mingyuan and Jiang Yuyao all this way, wasn’t just out of boredom, or because she was provoked by the Yi bird.

“He’s luckier than I was.”

“…”

He was the original novel’s male lead, after all. He had the female lead by his side and the second female lead protecting him from behind. Even when he fell into demonhood later in the original story, he was never completely abandoned by the world—at least the Heavenly Emperor still wanted to save him, at least Goumang still wanted to save him.

But back then, it seemed no one wanted to save You Yan.

Did she escape from Kunlun Mountain to the Demon Realm all by herself?

And during that process, just how much suffering did she endure, how many times did she survive nine deaths and one life⁷…

Perhaps her resistance to being touched, her habit of always sleeping close to a wall, were all because she had experienced too many days and nights without any sense of security.

Yi Qiu suddenly couldn’t bear to think about it anymore and just gently took You Yan’s cold left hand.

She felt You Yan subconsciously try to pull her hand away, so she applied a bit more force, holding it firmly.

After a brief silence, You Yan no longer resisted the small, warm hand. She only lowered her long eyelashes and said in a deep voice, “You can still make one more request.”

“I can’t think of anything right now,” Yi Qiu replied in a small voice.

“Then it’s void. Sleep,” You Yan said.

“No way, wait for me to think a little longer.” Yi Qiu frowned and squeezed You Yan’s hand forcefully. “Don’t you dare sleep!”

“Then think fast.”

“Mmm…”

Think, think, think…

She had asked the question she wanted to ask, she didn’t have to worry about food or clothing, what other request could she make?

“I suddenly can’t think of anything.”

“Then sleep.”

“I still have one more thing to say!” Yi Qiu said quickly.

“Say it.”

Yi Qiu hesitated for a moment, then said, “You are exceptionally good. Heaven and earth may not believe it, but I do.”

That night, she held her hand and whispered to her—

“I don’t just like you a little bit.”

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