Volume 4: Immeasurable
You Like Me?
Life was like that. When she tried hard to carry, she was always being carried by others.
Now that she just wanted to relax and achieve a win by lying down1, the very person carrying her wanted her to put in a little more effort.
Effort it was, then. A brain was on your head for a reason; you had to use it, or it would eventually rust.
In truth, with just a little thought, she understood why You Yan always said there was no rush.
Because much of the time, the gap in strength was right there. If you couldn’t win, you simply couldn’t. Rushing was useless; you could only stall for time and look for an opportunity.
Coincidentally, this opportunity had always been visible to the naked eye.
The Yi Bird would become incredibly weak every full moon. This was simply a heaven-sent opportunity—the greatest mercy the author could show an unlucky reader like her, one who was always grinding negative points2.
“I get it! You want to wait for the next full moon!” Yi Qiu exclaimed, snapping her fingers, though the sound was barely a whisper. “On the night of the full moon, the Yi Bird will be weak, and we can go loot a burning house3!”
“Clever,” You Yan praised, a rare compliment for Yi Qiu.
Yi Qiu thought for a moment, then frowned and shook her head. “No, I used the wrong words.”
“Hm?”
“I shouldn’t have said ‘looting a burning house.’ It sounds too awful, makes us sound like mountain bandits.”
“Taking advantage of another’s crisis4?”
“That’s not right either…” Yi Qiu said, biting her index finger as she thought. She looked up. “A tooth for a tooth5… Yes, that’s it! It should be called ‘a tooth for a tooth’!”
“How is ‘a tooth for a tooth’ any better? It sounds like dog bite dog6.”
“Hmm…” That does seem to be the case.
“It’s all the same no matter how you say it. You don’t need to feel like it’s hard to open your mouth7.”
“Okay!” Yi Qiu nodded.
After a brief silence, she mulled over You Yan’s words and couldn’t help but frown.
“You Yan, I don’t feel like it’s hard to open my mouth!” she explained earnestly. “The Yi Bird started all of this! We were schemed against too, and now we’re just returning the favor! Besides, isn’t this how we managed to escape the Floating Dream Pearl?”
Although this method wasn’t exactly bright and honorable8, one who achieves great things does not fuss over trifles9. To learn the long skills of the barbarians to control the barbarians10—that was the way of a clever person.
Besides, the person she was following now wasn’t some sage from a prestigious and righteous sect. As long as she could ask the heart and have no shame11, there was no need to set so many rules for herself.
As Yi Qiu spoke, she saw You Yan let out a soft chuckle. She couldn’t help but pout, muttering, “You misunderstood what I meant.”
“Can’t I just be wrong, then?” You Yan said, the corners of her lips curving up a little more.
“You… How could you think that?” Yi Qiu pressed her lips together. “I’m following you. Whatever you do, I’ll do. I’ve never felt it was hard to open my mouth!”
“Really?”
“Really!” Yi Qiu nodded emphatically.
“Back when we were at Moshui, you felt uneasy because I killed someone,” You Yan began, starting to bring up old scores. “And I killed that person for you. He’d hurt you.”
“I…” Yi Qiu frowned, vaguely recalling the incident.
“And later, when I used the demon seed12 to kill, I saw the fear and disgust in your eyes.”
“That… that was…”
“Oh, and when I broke that brat Luo Mingyuan’s legs, you didn’t seem too happy either.”
Yi Qiu felt a headache coming on.
Just how many things were written in this bird-woman’s little notebook13 of grudges? She probably had a secret ledger for every time she had to deduct favorability points!
“Th-that’s… that’s different!” Yi Qiu argued through gritted teeth.
“How is it different?” You Yan asked, intrigued.
Yi Qiu thought for a moment, then put her recent lesson into practice. “Back then, you weren’t that important to me yet.”
Hearing this, You Yan’s eyes curved up unconsciously. “Oh?”
“Back then, in my heart, you were just the villain from the novel, someone who had no evil left undone14 and was cold-blooded and unfeeling. I… I don’t think that way anymore,” Yi Qiu explained with the utmost seriousness. “I believe you’re not that kind of person now. You have your own reasons for everything you do, your own choices to make. I believe you’re not someone who would wantonly kill the innocent based on your mood.”
“You’re quite the benevolent one,” You Yan said, shaking her head gently. “But you should also know how I climbed to the position I hold today. The blood on my hands is likely far more than you can imagine.”
“I only believe what I see with my own eyes,” Yi Qiu said, lowering her lashes. “At least, from my perspective, nothing you’ve done has been without reason.”
“Mm.”
“You Yan, you’re truly a good person.”
You Yan nodded and smiled. “You’re the first person to ever say that.”
“Then I definitely won’t be the last,” Yi Qiu said with conviction.
“It doesn’t matter if you are,” You Yan replied nonchalantly.
Yi Qiu frowned, a hint of displeasure in her eyes. “How could it not matter?”
“I don’t mind.”
“…”
“Yi Qiu, you saw it in the dream. My heart isn’t clean. I have a filthy past and terrifying thoughts. Anyone who saw it would think I’m an extremely dangerous demonic creature, one they’d want to kill and only then be satisfied15.” As You Yan spoke, her gaze shifted to the bewildered Yi Qiu beside her. “Before I met you, I never once thought about being a good person.”
“…”
“It’s just like in that novel you mentioned. In it, I exhausted my mind planning so many things, ultimately throwing the Three Realms into chaos to achieve a so-called victory. Ever since you told me these things, I’ve found myself wondering… if you had never come to this world, if the foolish little lamb by my side wasn’t you, perhaps I really would have walked down that path.”
“You Yan, you wouldn’t…”
“I would have,” You Yan said firmly. “Before you appeared, that’s truly what I planned. I had schemed it all, just waiting to play with those Heavenly Gods of the Heavenly Realm in the palm of my hand and relieve the hatred in my heart from all those years ago on Kunlun Mountain.”
“My life has been far too dull. So dull I don’t know what I’m living for, so dull that all I wanted was to do something to prove I was truly alive. Think about it. Back then, when those heavenly gods pointed at me and called me a demon, their expressions were so resolute, their tones so certain…” You Yan spoke faintly, her thoughts seeming to drift far away. “What if that demonic creature wasn’t a nameless Qinyuan bird16, but the only beloved son of their Heavenly Emperor, the lord of the Heavenly Realm? How would they choose then?”
“Just as it was written in that story, they would show favoritism. They would want to guide him to salvation… But me? I never got that chance.” You Yan couldn’t help but shake her head with a bitter smile. “Tell me, isn’t that laughable?”
“You Yan, everything in that novel was wildly fabricated. That author is a real scammer; the things she wrote don’t count,” Yi Qiu said, taking You Yan’s hands in her own and giving her cold fingers a firm squeeze. “Look at the present. Everything now is different from that story.”
“Because you came.”
“I…”
“After a thousand calculations and ten thousand calculations17, I never once calculated that you would appear. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing. Because you came, I suddenly feel that living isn’t so dull anymore.” You Yan pulled her hand from that warm palm and gently brushed her fingertips across Yi Qiu’s smooth cheek. “Yi Qiu, you must remember, I’m no saint. From the day I left Kunlun, I have been a true demon. If there’s even a sliver of a possibility for me to turn toward goodness in this life, then all of those good intentions have arisen because of you.”
She gave the blushing little face a gentle pinch, her brow curving as she spoke. “So if you don’t want me to change back to how I was before, you’ll have to stay by my side forever.”
Yi Qiu was stunned. It took a long while before she could foolishly reply, “I will…”
I definitely will.
“Mm.” You Yan nodded, satisfied.
“Then… then… will you feel constrained because of this?” Yi Qiu couldn’t help but ask in a small voice, afraid that her existence would prevent You Yan from being as free-spirited and invincible18 as she was in the story.
“I won’t,” You Yan said flatly. “No one can force me to do something I don’t want to do.”
Hearing this, Yi Qiu couldn’t help but look up. “You Yan, I have one more question.”
“Hm?”
“You…” Yi Qiu nervously bit her lip, her gaze darting about for a long time before she finally continued, “Am I really that important to you?”
“Mm.” You Yan nodded.
“You like me?”
“Mm.” You Yan nodded again.
“Is it…” Yi Qiu couldn’t help but meet her gaze, and as if sent by ghosts and dispatched by gods19, she asked, “what kind of like?”
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