Little Alpaca – Chapter 139

Volume 3: Old Tales of Kunlun

In this mortal world, only you can save me.

Yi Qiu would always remember that on that day, You Yan’s words were especially gentle.

She had thought herself to be completely useless, but You Yan had told her—”You were the one who saved me. Without you, I would have been eternally lost in this illusory realm until my soul dissipated.”

You Yan was undoubtedly a powerful and confident person. To achieve her goals, she was someone who would even factor herself into her own schemes.

In the original story, she had once renounced her position as Demon Lord to bow her head and submit to the male lead. It was precisely because she had such boldness that she could effortlessly watch the fire from the other side of the river¹, observing the heavenly gods she detested in the mortal world slaughter one another, ultimately ending in a struggle where the fish dies and the net breaks.²

But in the end, this was just a setting from the original story.

It is said that those without feelings or desires control all living beings, but humans are not grass or trees, so how can they be without feelings?

Once a person has feelings, they have a weakness. You Yan was just like that.

You Yan said she had never thought the day would come when she would risk her life for someone.

But in truth, it wasn’t exactly risking her life.

“Then what was it?” Yi Qiu couldn’t help but press.

She looked into You Yan’s eyes and even saw a hint of doubt and confusion in them.

Perhaps You Yan herself felt utterly bewildered by the fact that she had nearly lost her own life to save an alpaca.

After a moment of bewilderment, You Yan lowered her gaze, chuckled softly, and gave her answer.

She said, “Just like you, when it happened, I didn’t think about it that much at all.”

You Yan was originally a person skilled in calculation; no matter what she encountered, she would calmly analyze and weigh her options.

But she didn’t know what had come over her either. In any case, she had unconsciously become unable to let reason dictate her every choice at all times.

“That time in Wuzhou…”

“That time, I did indeed miscalculate. I miscalculated the last of my strength, and I miscalculated the Huodou’s power. I originally thought I could hold it off for a while longer, but I never expected it to be the one holding me, making it difficult to escape.” You Yan closed her eyes and said faintly, “It was not a sacrifice for you.”

“Oh…” Yi Qiu pouted, propped her chin on her hand, and pondered for a few seconds before asking again, “Then, what about when you entered the dream? You didn’t think too much then either?”

“Indeed.” You Yan sighed softly. “The first time, I didn’t think about it much at all. I only had one thought in my mind.”

“What thought?”

“You’re so weak. If you were sucked into that pearl, I feared your soul would be completely shattered in less than three days.”

“I…”

“At that moment, I truly didn’t have the mind to think of anything else. I only knew that if I didn’t save you, you would probably no longer exist in this world.”

As You Yan spoke, she stared at Yi Qiu pensively for a long time.

For a moment, Yi Qiu didn’t know how to respond. She just stared blankly back at the You Yan before her, her thoughts drifting to places unknown.

A sudden gust of wind blew open the window that hadn’t been shut tight.

The brief silence was thus broken.

Yi Qiu swallowed unconsciously, then scratched behind her ear and said in a small voice, “If, if there had been a little more time then, if you had thought through the pros and cons, and understood that if you were unwilling to let me go, you would very likely lose your life because of it, then… would you still have saved me like that?”

“No.”

“…” The answer was too direct.

It seems that if I had given that bird woman even a little more time to think, I would have died in that pearl.

Thinking this, Yi Qiu lowered her little head for a moment.

But You Yan added with utmost seriousness, “I would have rescued you before your soul dissipated—by any means necessary.”

By any means necessary…

That did indeed sound like something You Yan would do.

“But what if there wasn’t enough time?”

“If there wasn’t enough time, someone would naturally be buried with you.” As You Yan spoke, she looked up at the window, which was being blown about with a banging sound, and a hint of bewilderment seemed to appear in her eyes.

It was as if she couldn’t quite imagine what her world would become after this little fool disappeared from it.

Maybe it wouldn’t be any different from before. She could raise a new spirit pet; if it was obedient, she’d keep it by her side, and if it wasn’t, she could just get another one.

But for some reason, just as she was about to think deeper, she suddenly found that she didn’t dare to continue thinking about it at all.

She had originally thought that, aside from everything she had lost on Kunlun Mountain³, there was nothing left in this world worthy of her constant concern.

In this life, she had experienced so much; she should have long since learned to be detached.

Everything, whether gained or lost, was no longer of any consequence.

She wanted some sound, so she asked the Demon God for a musician. In any case, whenever she grew tired of such sounds, she could just directly end his life.

She wanted some companionship, so she accepted a “rare animal from the human realm” offered up by some minor vassal tribe. In any case, whenever she grew tired of such a plaything, she could just directly slaughter and eat it.

She wanted some amusement, so she simply came to the human realm, sought out the son of the Heavenly Emperor who was undergoing his tribulation in the mortal world, thinking it would be quite interesting to toy with him for a bit before torturing him to death.

Yet, unconsciously, she had been changed by Yi Qiu.

From the first time she wavered, the first time she couldn’t help but care about a little creature’s thoughts—she had started to forget how to maintain absolute rationality.

This feeling was like returning to twenty-five hundred years ago, once again touching the depths of her heart from that time.

She looked down on the her of that time, who could neither pick things up nor put them down, a coward to the point of being despicable. Yet, she had no choice but to admit that the cowardice she had painstakingly expelled from her body seemed to have returned once more.

All of this was because of that little alpaca.

Who could blame her? Whether she was lucid or not, she knew clearly that in this world, there was no second little alpaca like this one.

If she lost it, she would never find anything to replace it.

Like her mother, like her father, like all the beautiful things she had once yearned for…

As You Yan thought this, she couldn’t help but say in a low voice, “Actually, there are no ‘what ifs’ in this world. At that moment, I just couldn’t think it through.”

As she spoke, her gaze fell upon Yi Qiu, and she was caught off guard by the sight of tears welling in those almond eyes, about to fall.

This little girl clearly hasn’t suffered any great hardships, so why does she cry so easily?

She reached out her cold thumb and, with a sense of helplessness, wiped away the traces of tears from the corner of the girl’s eye.

“I think, even if I could do it all over again, without the memories of this moment, I still wouldn’t be able to think it through.” As You Yan spoke, a faint smile graced her lips. “But I do understand one thing. At least at this very moment, I don’t regret not letting you go then, nor do I regret using the last of my spiritual power to protect you.”

Finally, she gently took Yi Qiu’s hands in hers, her gaze growing ever more gentle as she quietly stared into those tear-filled eyes.

In the past, she had lacked the strength to hold onto them. Now, she possessed immense power; she absolutely could not let herself lose them again.

She said, “The me in the dream, every word I said was from the heart.”

—Whether you believe it or not, you are very special to me, even if, even if…

Even if your identity is unknown, even if you are full of lies, even if you once thought of taking my life, even if one day you choose to leave.

—I’m not very good with words, but I feel… you are like a light…

Therefore, as long as I can still control you for one more day, I will be unwilling to let go, no matter what.

Fortunately, just when I wanted to use any means necessary to keep you by my side, you also made a promise to me of a lifetime of long companionship.

“You Yan…”

“You don’t need to prove yourself, at least not to me.”

“I…”

“In this mortal world, only you can save me.”

Just as you said, I have always trapped myself in the shadows of the past, unwilling to touch the light, instinctively resisting the approach of others, and avoiding the beauty of the world.

I really should go out and see it.

But in this world, only you dare to approach me, only you are willing to take my hand and lead me—

Out of that past, the old affairs of Kunlun.

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