I Am More Paranoid Than the Villain – Chapter 88

A Muddled State of Mind

A Wish Unfulfilled

Shen Man turned and left.

She hailed a taxi and gave an address.

The driver saw she was in a bad mood and nosily asked, “Young lady, I’m guessing you should be in school.”

“What are you doing going to a KTV¹ by yourself this early in the morning?” By the end of his sentence, his expression had already changed.

Shen Man said nothing, quietly watching the scenery flash by outside the window.

Her vision gradually blurred. She saw the figure of a young girl flash past on the roadside, looking just like Lin Shu.

“Stop the car!” Shen Man suddenly exclaimed, a trace of urgency in her icy voice.

The driver immediately stopped, looking at Shen Man with a strange expression.

The girl on the roadside turned her head, her smile like a blooming flower²; it was an unfamiliar face.

A flicker of disappointment crossed Shen Man’s heart.

“Getting out here, miss?” the driver asked.

“No, same address as before,” Shen Man said coldly. She leaned back against the seat and slowly closed her eyes.

“Alright,” the driver replied, focusing on driving and no longer trying to chat.

An hour later, they arrived at the destination.

Shen Man paid and got out of the car. She paused at the entrance for a moment with a grim expression, then lifted her foot and walked inside.

Her tall figure carried a kind of determination.

At this time of day, the KTV was nearly empty.

Shen Man easily booked the same room she had first transmigrated into.

The room’s furnishings were identical to how they had been back then.

Shen Man sat down in her original spot, her gaze falling on the coffee table. She said to the attendant, “Bring a case of beer.”

“Right away.” The attendant moved quickly, bringing in a case of beer and placing it on the table. “Are you going to drink this much all by yourself?”

Shen Man ignored him, her face sullen as she stared at the beer on the table.

Her expression was blank, and her delicate brows were knitted with a coldness that warned others away.

The attendant felt a little intimidated and knew better than to say more. He closed the door and left.

Shen Man was alone in the quiet room.

She didn’t put on any music, only turning on a small lamp. The dim light cast down made everything appear hazy, as if veiled in a gray mist that prevented one from seeing clearly.

Shen Man leaned her back against the sofa and sat on the floor, picking up a can of beer and downing it in one go.

She drank quickly. The amount of beer on the table gradually dwindled until, slowly, only a pile of empty cans remained.

Shen Man collapsed onto the sofa, staring blankly at the beer cans covering the floor.

Her beautiful eyes lacked their usual calm and shrewdness; they were like pearls that had dimmed, losing their beautiful, dazzling luster.

The door to the room was pushed open, and a slender figure walked in.

Shen Man lifted her eyes, looking toward the source of the sound.

For a moment, it was as if she saw that proud, beautiful young woman walking toward her.

“Shushu…” The corners of her lips slowly turned up into a happy smile.

“Miss, are you alright?” the newcomer asked worriedly.

“Shushu…” Shen Man murmured to herself with a smile, reaching out a hand as if to grasp the girl’s figure.

Just as she was about to touch her, her fingertips lost their strength and fell limply.

“Miss, what’s wrong with you?” The person grew frantic and hurried out of the room.

Soon, a man who looked like a manager came in. Seeing Shen Man’s state, he said, “Call an ambulance, quickly.”

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Shen Man slowly opened her eyes.

Her vision was filled with stark white, and the smell of disinfectant assaulted her senses—acrid and oppressive.

She looked around, unable to tell for a moment whether this was reality or if she was still in the book.

“You’re awake?” a nurse said as she walked in. After asking a few basic questions, she admonished, “Don’t drink so much next time. If you hadn’t been found in time, you could have died from alcohol poisoning.”

“So young, yet you don’t cherish your own body,” the nurse couldn’t help but mutter.

Shen Man closed her eyes, a hoarse laugh escaping her throat.

The nurse found this odd but continued, “While you were unconscious, a girl named Xia Ke called you. She said she’s coming over right away.”

“Thank you,” Shen Man said, opening her eyes, her laughter not ceasing.

The nurse frowned, a little alarmed. She clutched her clipboard and headed out the door.

She saw a girl dressed as a student running toward her.

“Nurse, I’m looking for Shen Man in room 302,” the girl said, panting, beads of sweat on her small face.

“Are you the Xia Ke from the phone call?” the nurse asked.

Xia Ke nodded hurriedly. “I am. How is Shen Man?”

“Your friend was brought in just in time. She’ll be fine after a couple of days of rest. But she seems to have some mental issues. She’s been laughing ever since she woke up. It’s quite strange,” the nurse said.

Xia Ke blinked in surprise, then thanked the nurse and entered the hospital room.

She walked over and looked at Shen Man’s expressionless face. Sitting down beside her, she asked with concern, “Manman, why did you go drinking all by yourself?”

Shen Man didn’t answer. Her gaze was fixed intently on Xia Ke, and then she suddenly smiled.

Startled by the abrupt smile, Xia Ke frowned with worry. “Manman, are you okay?”

“Don’t tell me the alcohol poisoning damaged her brain…” she whispered this last part.

Shen Man heard her. The corners of her lips lifted, the smile on her face growing wider.

“Manman, don’t scare me…” Xia Ke’s voice held a slight tremor. She quickly reached out to feel Shen Man’s forehead. “How about I take you for a CT scan of your brain?”

Shen Man shook her head.

She brushed Xia Ke’s hand away and reined in her smile, saying in a low voice, “I’m fine.”

After speaking, she closed her eyes, her beautiful, fair face etched with an indescribable exhaustion.

Xia Ke felt a pang of sorrow.

After a moment of silence, she said softly, “You didn’t come to class today, and neither did Lin Shu…”

At the mention of Lin Shu’s name, Shen Man’s eyes shot open.

Xia Ke froze, instinctively stopping. “Manman, what’s wrong?”

“Shushu is gone,” Shen Man said, her voice very soft, carrying a deep sense of powerlessness.

She finished, then looked out the window and murmured to herself, “But I’m still here…”

“Lin Shu went abroad?” Xia Ke asked in surprise.

Seeing Shen Man’s silence, she instantly understood and tried to comfort her. “Manman, I know you don’t want Lin Shu to leave. When summer break comes, you can go abroad to see her…”

Shen Man shook her head, cutting Xia Ke off. “I want to rest for a bit.”

“Okay, okay, you rest. I won’t talk anymore,” Xia Ke immediately lowered her voice and sat quietly.

Shen Man closed her eyes, and countless fragments flashed through her mind.

The images of the car crash and Lin Shu’s departure intertwined, pressing down on her until she could hardly breathe.

Xia Ke watched from the side, filled with worry.

She couldn’t help but ask, “Manman, are you feeling unwell somewhere?”

“I’m fine,” Shen Man answered with her eyes closed, taking a deep breath to regulate her breathing.

She slowly opened her eyes and stared fixedly at Xia Ke, as if confirming something.

“Manman,” Xia Ke called softly, her eyes full of concern.

Shen Man smiled lightly and sat up in bed, her gaze both serious and distant.

Xia Ke immediately tensed up, her back ramrod straight.

After a long while, Shen Man said with a calm expression, “Xiao Ke, thank you.”

The heart that had been in Xia Ke’s throat finally dropped. She let out a heavy sigh of relief. “Manman, you scared me to death just now.”

“I thought you were going to do something rash…” she said, relaxing into a smile.

Shen Man chuckled. Looking straight ahead, she said slowly, “I will live well. No matter what, I won’t end my own life so easily.”

“That’s good,” Xia Ke nodded in agreement. She looked at Shen Man and advised in a gentle tone, “Manman, don’t overthink things, and don’t joke around with your health anymore.”

Shen Man nodded and smiled faintly. “I’m fine now. I can be discharged.”

“Really?” Xia Ke was skeptical. She stood up and said, “I’ll go get the doctor to take a look.”

With that, she walked out to find someone.

Only Shen Man was left in the room.

Shen Man picked up her phone. Looking at the youthful, beautiful face on the screen, she reached out and gently traced her fingertips over the brows and eyes.

She slowly curved her lips, meeting the gaze of the person in the reflection as if to commit this appearance to memory.

“Shen Man…” Shen Man called the name with a light laugh.

She tossed the phone aside, got up, and stood by the window. Gazing at the clear weather outside, she smiled and said to herself, “It seems this dream isn’t over yet.”

“Manman, the doctor is here,” Xia Ke said from the doorway.

Shen Man turned and walked back to the bed.

The doctor performed a careful examination and asked some questions before saying, “You can be discharged, but it would be best to stay for another day of observation.”

“Thank you, but that won’t be necessary,” Shen Man said politely.

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The discharge procedures were completed quickly.

After settling the bill, Shen Man left with Xia Ke.

“Manman, I’ll take you home first. You should get a good rest today and go to class tomorrow,” Xia Ke said as she got into the car.

“No need, let’s go straight back to school,” Shen Man refused, shaking her head. For now, she didn’t want to return to that place so full of memories.

“Alright then,” Xia Ke nodded.

The taxi stopped at the school gate.

The two of them got out.

A wave of dizziness suddenly washed over Shen Man, and her body tilted to the side.

Xia Ke, quick of eye and deft of hand³, caught her. “Manman, you should sit and rest for a bit,” she said with concern.

She helped Shen Man over to the edge of a flower bed.

Shen Man sat down, rubbing her temples to ease the headache.

As Xia Ke stood beside her, the corner of her eye caught a figure not far away.

“A-Xu…” she said softly, her voice filled with surprise.

Hearing this, Shen Man looked over.

A luxurious but low-key car came into view. Yin Ruxu was standing outside the front passenger door, wearing a beautiful dress.

Suddenly, a slender hand reached out from the car window and hooked around Yin Ruxu’s neck.

The profile of a woman appeared, her bright red lips landing on Yin Ruxu’s face.

Shen Man looked up to see Xia Ke’s expression.

Xia Ke’s eyes were wide, staring blankly at the scene before her.

The woman sat back in the car.

A brilliant and well-behaved smile appeared on Yin Ruxu’s face as she waved at the woman.

The luxury car drove away.

Yin Ruxu turned her head and met a pair of disbelieving eyes.

Her heart lurched in panic. She subconsciously wiped the cheek that had just been kissed and ran over, saying in a small voice, “Xiao Ke, let me explain.”

“Explain!” Xia Ke’s face was grim, the word practically squeezed from between her teeth⁴.

“It’s not what you think between her and me. She suddenly leaned over and kissed me, I didn’t even have time to react…” Yin Ruxu said, looking aggrieved, as she reached for Xia Ke’s sleeve. “Xiao Ke, please believe me, okay…?”

As she spoke, tears welled up in her eyes, looking as if they might fall at any moment.

Normally, seeing this fragile, near-tears appearance would have softened Xia Ke’s heart and made her offer comfort.

But at this moment, these words of explanation were like sharp needles piercing her heart, the pain making it hard to breathe.

“Can I believe that explanation?” Xia Ke’s eyes were red-rimmed, but her tone was unusually calm. “I saw it. That person is Sang Yidan⁵. You chat with her late into the night every day. You said you were away filming recently, but you were actually going to see her, weren’t you…”

She paused, swallowing the sourness rising in her throat. “Every day, I watched you happily chatting with her on your phone. With a big star’s help, I imagine you’ll be able to realize your dream of becoming a celebrity very soon.”

“It’s not like that… it’s not…” Yin Ruxu shook her head, crying pitifully. “Xiao Ke, believe me, there’s nothing between her and me…”

Tears streamed down her face, dripping onto Xia Ke’s hand.

Xia Ke pressed her lips together, suppressing the pain in her heart. “You don’t need to say any more…” she said slowly.

As she spoke, she pried off the hand that was gripping her so tightly, one finger at a time. “Now, you can pursue your celebrity dream without any reservations.”

Yin Ruxu’s palm was suddenly empty, and an unprecedented panic surged in her heart.

She reached out, wanting to grab the person who was so close.

Her phone suddenly rang. The caller ID read ‘Yidan-jie’.

Xia Ke stared at the name, a sarcastic smile touching her lips. “Aren’t you going to answer it?”

Yin Ruxu’s outstretched hand froze. It hovered in the air for a moment before she answered the phone. “Yidan-jie…”

Hearing those words, Xia Ke’s heart was enveloped by endless disappointment.

She turned around to face Shen Man, tears falling silently.

Shen Man stood up and gave her a comforting look. “Xiao Ke, don’t be sad.”

Xia Ke shook her head, crying. She raised a hand to wipe away her tears and started walking toward the school.

Seeing this, Yin Ruxu started to chase after her.

The person on the phone said, “Come over for a minute. I forgot to give you a gift.”

“Yidan-jie, I’ll come get it tomorrow,” Yin Ruxu requested in a soft voice.

“I’m not free tomorrow,” the person on the other end said, their voice lowered. Hidden within the smiling tone was an unyielding command.

A hesitant look appeared in Yin Ruxu’s eyes.

She gazed at Xia Ke’s retreating back, bit her lip, and walked away in the opposite direction.

Shen Man saw this scene, her brow furrowing slightly, though she wasn’t surprised.

She caught up to Xia Ke and said, “Xiao Ke, she didn’t follow you.”

“Don’t be sad. You two weren’t right for each other. Realizing that now is a good thing, in a way.”

Xia Ke sniffled, wiping messily at her tears.

Teardrops fell through the gaps between her fingers, dripped down the back of her hand onto the ground, and were quickly evaporated by the sun, as if they had never been there at all.

“It’s just a breakup. It’s not a big deal,” she said, looking up with a bitter smile.

Seeing her smiling through her tears, Shen Man comforted her gently, “Xiao Ke, you deserve someone better.”

Xia Ke smiled but didn’t speak. She stopped and looked toward the school gate.

Yin Ruxu was no longer there.

Xia Ke’s eyes darkened.

She turned back, lowered her gaze, and said self-mockingly, “So in her eyes, I’m worth less than a big star.”

“What’s even more ridiculous is that this big star is my friend.”

Shen Man had experienced this kind of double betrayal before.

She gently patted Xia Ke’s shoulder and said in a firm tone, “Yin Ruxu will definitely come begging for your forgiveness. Don’t be fooled by her again. You can’t forgive her this time.”

“I know,” Xia Ke said, her head bowed, her voice faint.

Seeing her like this, Shen Man knew that Xia Ke wouldn’t be able to recover from this blow right away.

She said no more and walked with Xia Ke toward the dormitory.

They had just sat down when Yin Ruxu’s figure appeared in the doorway.

Shen Man looked at Xia Ke, giving her an encouraging glance.

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