I won’t leave, don’t worry
Lin Xian’s heart, frozen by Xiao Wanqing’s indifference, rapidly revived the moment it pressed against the warmth of the woman’s body.
She incredulously stopped crying, her long lashes still adorned with crystal tears, somewhat stupefied as she turned to look steadily at Xiao Wanqing.
Under her turning motion, Xiao Wanqing still encircled her without letting go, and as their eyes met, she finally shed the distant coldness that had kept others at bay for days, displaying focus, sorrow, and tenderness.
Lin Xian nervously pursed her lips, just about to speak, but unexpectedly burped, a reaction so grand she couldn’t disguise it, and it echoed loudly from her throat.
Caught by her own reflex, Lin Xian’s eyes widened, and then she quickly swallowed, trying to suppress this ill-timed response. But she couldn’t help it, and she burped again.
The air seemed to be filled with a hint of awkwardness.
Lin Xian lifted her eyes to sneak a peek at Xiao Wanqing. Seeing her moist eyes still soft and gazing at her, with a faint glimmer of amusement shining within, Lin Xian’s heart began to flutter with excitement, her joy so overwhelming that she felt slightly dizzy.
Suppressing the discomfort in her body, she raised her head and curved her eyes, which were a bit sore from crying. Under Xiao Wanqing’s gaze, she struggled to sit up straight. She leaned closer to Xiao Wanqing, cautiously pressing a burning kiss with her hot lips onto Xiao Wanqing’s forehead.
Xiao Wanqing, wrapping her arms around her sweat-dampened back, did not pull away.
Lin Xian, looking at the indulgent look on her beloved’s face, couldn’t help but let the corners of her lips soar uncontrollably. She tilted her head down slightly, her scorching lips sliding over Xiao Wanqing’s nose bridge, resting at the tip of her upright nose. She lowered her gaze, her eyes brimming with tenderness and joy as they fell into the eyes of her beloved. At the touch of her intense gaze, Xiao Wanqing, as if bashfully, trembled and closed her eyes, leaving her moist, fluttering, adorable long lashes.
Lin Xian finally convinced herself that this was not just her wild imagination, nor was it another beautiful dream she had while passed out. She completely turned around, smoothed out her brow, and faced Xiao Wanqing, smiling weakly. But as she smiled, tears began to well up again.
Her crying caused a mist to form in Xiao Wanqing’s eyes too.
Xiao Wanqing reached out her hand, gently wiping away Lin Xian’s tears, clumsily consoling her, “Don’t cry, does Xianxian turn out to be a little crybaby?”
At this, Lin Xian’s tears broke into laughter, crying and laughing simultaneously. She stretched out her arms, using all her strength to embrace Xiao Wanqing. Hugging her whole world, her dream, she promised earnestly, word by word, “It’s me. Xiao Wanqing, it was me who started it, I pressured you.”
So, don’t be afraid.
At 4 in the morning, the road was silent, deathly quiet. It seemed like the only things left in the whole world were the straight, wide avenue that appeared to have no end, and their car that cut through the silence and darkness, moving forward.
Xiao Wanqing looked ahead, her coolness returning. Her face remained composed but laced with worry, while inside, her heart was a mess due to the decision she made, one not governed by reason.
She bit her teeth and took a deep breath, daring not to ponder deeply anymore. She turned to glance at Lin Xian and saw the girl with a towel on her forehead, exhaustedly leaning against the back of the seat, her head to the side, like a worn-out quiet and obedient little kitten. Her eyes were soft, staring unblinkingly at herself.
Suddenly, Xiao Wanqing found herself unable to look away, all the chaos in her heart was instantly suppressed by an overwhelming tenderness. Her gaze softened unconsciously, and in a gentle voice, she asked Lin Xian, “Do you still feel like vomiting? Are you still very uncomfortable?”
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Lin Xian weakly narrowed her eyes, and in a soft tone replied, “Looking at you, all the discomfort goes away.” As if struck by a thought, she smiled faintly, her smile revealing a fragile beauty never seen before—pale yet enchanting. Full of affection, she sincerely exclaimed, “Auntie Xiao, you are so beautiful…”
Xiao Wanqing’s heart shuddered mightily, her fingers tightened around the steering wheel. After a moment, she recovered her voice and coaxed Lin Xian, “Close your eyes and rest for a bit. When we get to the hospital, I’ll wake you up, okay?”
Lin Xian blinked and almost imperceptibly shook her head in refusal, stating, “That won’t do. I can’t leave you alone.” She looked towards the road ahead, her words carrying a double meaning, softly saying, “The road is still long, I want to accompany you on the journey.”
Xiao Wanqing’s throat bobbed, emotions swirling within her. She called out the girl’s name with difficulty, “Lin Xian…” Her voice twisted and laden with pain, as if there were a thousand words stuck in her chest, yet in the end, she couldn’t articulate a single one.
Lin Xian was not annoyed or in a hurry. Leaning to one side, in weakness, contentment, and tenderness, she comforted her with a gaze full of consideration.
Upon reaching the hospital closest to home, Xiao Wanqing parked the car and frantically got out, about to take off her windbreaker to drape over Lin Xian’s already soaked clothes. But Lin Xian did not wait for Xiao Wanqing to aid her; she herself struggled promptly to move to the driver’s seat, leaning on the door, intending to get out on her own.
Xiao Wanqing hurriedly stopped what she was doing and reached out to help Lin Xian. Lin Xian took the opportunity to get out of the car and leaned into Xiao Wanqing’s embrace, hugging her.
“Auntie Xiao, I’m not cold, it’s just a few steps away, you don’t need to take off your coat.”
Xiao Wanqing’s coat was already open. She nervously wrapped Lin Xian in it, closed the car door, locked the car, and while continuing to attempt to take off her coat, she escorted Lin Xian towards the emergency room.
“Your clothes are all wet, you can’t be exposed to the wind anymore.” This wasn’t an issue of just a few steps; the temperature outside was much lower than inside the car. Xiao Wanqing was worried that Lin Xian couldn’t withstand staying in her wet clothes.
The girl clutched the fabric of her coat at the waist, pulling to prevent Xiao Wanqing from lifting her shoulders, and insisted, “You can’t. Auntie Xiao, what you wear inside is very thin, and it’s pajamas.”
Xiao Wanqing nearly forgot about this as well, her expression stiffened for a moment. Then, grinding her teeth, she said: “It doesn’t matter, I don’t mind. Anyway, nobody here knows me.” From a young age, Xiao Wanqing was taught strict manners; appearing disheveled in public like this was truly a first for her. But face and appearances aren’t as important as Lin Xian.
Lin Xian, however, hummed gloomily: “I mind.”
As they spoke, they were arriving at the emergency room. Lin Xian stepped back from Xiao Wanqing’s embrace, feeling somewhat dizzy. She steadied herself by holding onto Xiao Wanqing’s arm, then reached out to close Xiao Wanqing’s open coat and attempted to tie the belt around the waist, mumbling seriously, “Auntie Xiao, you look so charming in your pajamas, you can’t just let anyone see.”
Xiao Wanqing found this both annoying and funny, her face turning from white to red. She couldn’t help but slap away Lin Xian’s hands from her waist, quickly took off her coat, and while Lin Xian was still stunned by “Auntie Xiao’s” fierce reaction, she swiftly unbuttoned Lin Xian’s coat, pulled it off her, put on her own dry coat, and then, put Lin Xian’s damp coat on herself.
She wrapped her arms around Lin Xian’s shoulders again with an air of resignation and affection, “There, that’s better, let’s hurry up.”
Lin Xian, holding back a chuckle, turned her head and gazed at the gentle jawline of the person she loves, unable to help herself, she pecked Xiao Wanqing’s jaw, and said in a soft voice, “Xiao Xiaowan, you are truly good.”
Xiao Wanqing’s heartbeat suddenly sped up, her step faltered. Instinctively, she looked ahead at the empty emergency room corridor, making sure no one was in sight, she then relaxed slightly, turned her head planning to say something to Lin Xian. But seeing Lin Xian with bloodshot, but happily curved eyes full of satisfaction, she bit her lip and in the end didn’t speak.
Since Lin Xian had been fully conscious the whole time and hadn’t complained of discomfort, and because she had taken antipyretic medication before coming, Xiao Wanqing had thought the fever should have abated some. However, to their surprise, once they measured the temperature in the clinic, it didn’t go down but went up instead; the initial 39.6°C had climbed to 40.2°C.
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Seeing the number on the thermometer, Xiao Wanqing felt weak all over. Yet Lin Xian, as if nothing was wrong, kept comforting Xiao Wanqing: “It’s okay. I’ve had fevers higher than this before; it will go down soon.”
The doctor clicked his tongue in amazement, praising the girl for her strength.
Xiao Wanqing couldn’t hear what they were saying; tears cascaded down unwaveringly. She took Lin Xian for blood tests and X-rays, running up and down anxiously; heartache, unease and fear engulfed her heart.
If anything serious happened to Lin Xian, she would never forgive herself, not in this lifetime.
How could she have been so foolish, so clumsy, and so reckless?
Luckily, the X-rays showed no pneumonia in the lungs, nothing serious.
Only after finishing the skin test, ensuring that they could proceed with the IV, did Xiao Wanqing’s heart finally settle somewhat. She sat by Lin Xian’s side in the empty IV room, next to the hospital bed. She looked at Lin Xian’s pale, palm-sized face on the bed, at Lin Xian’s bare, tender wrist swollen from the skin test, and thought of the marks left from the two attempts it took to find a vein for the blood test. She wished she could take Lin Xian’s place.
She gently swept across Lin Xian’s forehead, tidying the disheveled, heart-rending bangs, pleading with her, “Xianxian, next time, can you please not joke around with your own health?”
Lin Xian blinked and promised, “Okay. As long as you’re with me.” She saw the sorrow and disappointment rise in Xiao Wanqing’s eyes upon hearing this response and added in a downcast tone, “If one day, you truly stop liking me, I won’t use this to coerce you.”
Her sensibleness and naivety alike tore at Xiao Wanqing’s heart. Facing Lin Xian, she couldn’t bring herself to speak harshly or have the heart to do so again.
Xiao Wanqing was at a loss, tenderly stroking Lin Xian’s smooth brow, and said gently, “Go to sleep for a bit. I’ll watch over the IV drip.”
In reality, Lin Xian couldn’t bear to look away, to close her eyes and not gaze upon the treasured presence she had regained, even though she felt so awful that she wished to lose consciousness.
Yet when she saw the look of worry on Xiao Wanqing’s face, she could not bear to continue causing her concern. She reached out and gently grasped the hem of Xiao Wanqing’s clothes at her waist, as if clutching something comforting, and then she closed her eyes obediently, responding to Xiao Wanqing with a “okay.”
Xiao Wanqing looked down at the hand gripping her waist, seeing in it a restless unease, while beneath her gaze there was a swirl of murky, undercurrent emotions. After a moment, she lowered her hand to grasp Lin Xian’s hand, unfurled her fingers, entwined them with Lin Xian’s, and promised softly, “Lin Xian, I’m not going anywhere, don’t be afraid.”
It was as if she was speaking to Lin Xian, and also as if she was speaking to a Fate that had bent to her will.
She saw the girl, eyes gently shut, her eyelids fluttering slightly, and from the corners of her eyes, tears slowly seeping out. The girl kept her eyes closed, as if asleep, yet her hand gradually tightened its grip.
Outside the window, the dark blue night sky gradually brightened, heralding the arrival of dawn’s first light.
Like a prisoner who has endured a long and restless trial, and upon receiving an irrevocable verdict, accepts their fate, and resigns themselves to it heart and soul. Xiao Wanqing, watching the sky outside beginning to brighten, felt her continuously flustered heart finally settle down amidst the sound of Lin Xian’s stable and heavy breathing by her ear.
She’s not innocent, nor wrongly accused.
She is at fault.
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Because she harbored selfish desires.
Gripping the warm reality she coveted in her hands, she sorrowfully yet willingly thought, she could not escape, she conceded.
If she could really bring Lin Xian a little happiness, a little joy, then she, was willing to sacrifice the rest of her life.
She does not seek everlasting love, only to be there until Lin Xian tires of her; only that Lin Xian does not resent her for the time lost.
From now on, with no regrets, she’s content to guard the memories and see out the rest of her days.
The author has something to say:
Lin Xian: burp…hee hee hee… (Ah ah ah ah, no laughing, I now have a girlfriend and a supporter!)
LP: Those burps… embarassing! (⸝⸝⸝╸▵╺⸝⸝⸝)