Come down and pick me up
Early Sunday morning, Lin Xian woke up early but remained in bed without getting up. She gazed vacantly out the window, watching the faint morning light until it became the blazing noon sun.
Aunt Liu had come to knock on the door again.
Lin Xian scratched her head in resignation, got up to open the door, went through the motions of washing up, ate a bit of breakfast, and then returned to her room.
She sat at her desk, opened her books, took out paper and pen, intending to calm her mind and complete the homework for Probability Theory due for Monday’s class. However, the words of Xiao Wanqing echoed in her ears, plaintive and pleading, “Lin Xian, stop causing a scene, can you let me catch my breath…”
Her heart felt as if it was being pricked by a dense array of fine needles.
Battered and bruised.
She thought aggrievedly, had she really been pursuing too closely? Was Auntie Xiao exhausted by it all? That wasn’t her intention.
What she now possessed, apart from the affection from Xiao Wanqing that was unwillingly given and unacknowledged, was nothing at all. That’s why she was scared. She feared that stepping back even slightly would cause her to lose even this meager connection, dissipating into nothingness.
The dark ink from the fountain pen began to spread out on the white homework paper as it lingered without moving for too long. Lin Xian snapped out of her reverie and went to write only to discover, unknowingly, the paper had been filled with the name ‘Xiao Wanqing’.
Each name was more chaotic than the last, like the frenzied scribblings of an absurd dream she hastily noted, afraid she’d forget upon waking.
For a long while, her index finger and thumb tightly clutched the pen barrel, her gaze softened, biting her lip, she meticulously crafted these three big characters on the paper, each stroke more restrained than the last, each one more contained.
She persuaded herself: Lin Xian, give Auntie Xiao a bit more time, don’t press her anymore. Don’t push her anymore.
Even though she felt so flustered she could die, so jittery she might go mad.
Lin Xian’s fingertips tenderly caressed the ink characters that filled the paper, as if they were caressing the gentle face of Xiao Wanqing. She bent over, bowed her head, and lovingly pressed her cheek against the paper, her lustrous eyes brimming with tender affection as gentle as water.
The person in the world who wishes most for your happiness is me.
You just like to pick on me. Because I, I like you so much.
Lin Xian lowered her eyes with a bitter smile.
She tore off this piece of paper and carefully folded it, placing it in her notebook. Then she turned to a new page, ready to calm her mind and start on her homework.
This, in fact, was an extremely difficult task for her right now. She couldn’t calm her mind or turn her thoughts around. Even as she looked at the numbers and combinations on the paper, her thoughts would drift towards all the strategies she had used in pursuing Auntie Xiao, pondering how she could optimize them to increase the probability of Auntie Xiao agreeing to be with her.
A homework assignment that she could normally finish in just over half an hour took her from before lunch until just before dinner to complete with great effort.
She had just capped her fountain pen when her phone beside the book started to vibrate. The caller ID showed it was Zhou Qin’s call.
It sounded like Zhou Qin was cooking, with the speakerphone on and background noise cluttering the call. Upon answering, Zhou Qin casually asked, “Have you had dinner? Is your cold better now?”
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Lin Xian paused, momentarily forgetting the cold she had mentioned. With a slight laugh and a bit of awkwardness, she lied smoothly, “I haven’t eaten yet, but the cold is all gone, don’t worry about it.”
Zhou Qin added some water to the pot, hesitated, and sought Lin Xian’s opinion, “How is it living with Aunt Liu? Are the meals to your liking? I’m not sure when Xiaowan will be back. Originally, we were troubling her to help us, and now to ask her to hire a nanny for you, mom feels it’s not right. Xianxian, if you had to switch to a dormitory now, do you think you could adapt?”
Lin Xian’s hand, gripping the fountain pen, tightened, not immediately responding to Zhou Qin.
Upon noticing that Lin Xian hadn’t responded, Zhou Qin guessed that her daughter probably wasn’t keen on the idea and thus continued to patiently explain, “It’s mainly because your Auntie Xiao has already informed me – she may need to be transferred for an extended period starting next semester and won’t be at home. Even if you continue to live here for another half semester, you’ll need to find accommodation next term anyway. Sooner or later, you’ll have to get used to it.”
Hearing this, the last traces of warmth in Lin Xian’s eyes vanished abruptly. Her heart clenched tightly in an instant, causing a sharp pain. She gripped the pen so hard that it suddenly broke in half with a “snap,” and ink smeared all over her hand.
“Mom, did you just say that Auntie Xiao is being transferred for a long term next semester?” Despite her extreme agitation, and her hand being damp, as cold as the blood flowing from her heart, her voice, however, became calmer and colder.
“Yes, hasn’t Auntie Xiao mentioned it to you? It’s strange, actually. Over the years, Xiaowan has had opportunities for transfers and promotions, but she has always been reluctant to leave Anjiang and turned them down. This year though, who knows, maybe it was because your Aunt Wen left at the beginning of the year, it might have influenced her, made her change her mind…”
When Lin Xian heard the name “Aunt Wen,” it struck her like a sudden revelation, her eyes widened in an instant. She suppressed the urgency swirling in her heart and casually changed the subject, feigning nonchalance, she asked Zhou Qin, “Speaking of which, Mom, doesn’t Aunt Wen live in that what’s-it-called garden? I discovered a classmate of mine seems to live there as well; I wonder if they’re close?”
Zhou Qin was occupied with the matters at hand and, without much thought, answered her, “Zhongyu Garden? That’s too far, and their community is completely closed off, you need to register, and only after the homeowner agrees can you enter. So, I’ve only been there two or three times. From what I recall, it’s quite spacious inside. Which building does your classmate live in?” She tasted the fish that was about to be done, then it hit her, and she asked Lin Xian, “Why do you ask? But never mind that, first tell me, what do you think about the housing situation?”
Lin Xian vaguely remembered that Wen Tong had also politely invited her over to her place before and mentioned something about living in a garden. She had wanted to pry from her mother exactly which building and floor, but hearing Zhou Qin say the community was fully enclosed and one couldn’t enter without the homeowner’s consent, she knew that even if she asked, it would be useless.
She narrowed her eyes, a shadowy depth in her gaze as she looked at the broken fountain pen in her hand. After a moment, she decisively tossed the pen into the trash, stood up, and pulled out a tissue to wipe the inkstains from her hand. She responded to Zhou Qin with a soft but firm voice, “I’m not staying in a dormitory. Auntie Xiao will be back in a few days, so there is no need for a nanny. Mom, don’t worry about it.”
“You know that for sure?”
Lin Xian picked up her bag from the chair, slung it over one shoulder, opened the room door, and as she walked out, she replied, “I know. Mom, I’ve got something to take care of, gotta go.” With that, she looked up at Aunt Liu coming out from the kitchen, her eyes asking where Lin Xian was headed, and informed her, “Auntie, I won’t be having dinner, and I might come back late tonight.”
“Eh? Xianxian, you…” Aunt Liu opened her mouth, then ultimately sighed in resignation.
Xiao Wanqing had repeatedly told her to take good care of Lin Xian, to pay more attention to her daily schedule, but if the girl herself wasn’t cooperative, what could she do? She was just a nanny.
But she hadn’t expected this girl, who seemed so pretty and amiable, to be so… stubborn, resolute to a fault.
Aunt Liu sighed deeply.
Lin Xian exited the elevator, then quickly started running towards the exit of the compound. Standing at the curb, she waved for a taxi, not willing to waste even a moment. She wanted to be in front of Xiao Wanqing as quickly as possible, to hold her tight and not give her the slightest chance to escape.
She should have guessed earlier—Auntie Xiao must be living at Wen Tong’s place. How could she have been so foolish?
Auntie Xiao, who was so concerned about the scrutiny of her colleagues at the company, surely wouldn’t opt to live long-term in the small partitioned space inside the company’s facilities, which would only provoke unnecessary suspicion. With two or three months left until the holidays, residing at a hotel wasn’t realistic either. And considering whether there were friends trustworthy enough to let her stay for such an extended period, coupled with Auntie Xiao’s nature of not wanting to inconvenience others, it was unlikely she would impose for so long. That left only two possibilities: a short-term rental or Wen Tong’s home.
The relationship between Wen Tong and Auntie Xiao was close enough that her borrowing a place wouldn’t be considered an imposition, especially since Wen Tong was away on a business trip and she had asked Auntie Xiao to occasionally look after her plants and run her car when she had the time. Hence, it made perfect sense for Auntie Xiao to be staying at Wen Tong’s house now.
As night fell and the city lights began to sparkle, during the peak rush hour traffic, the taxi got stuck in a jam not far from Zhongyu Garden.
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Lin Xian, unable to wait another moment, looked at the long queue of vehicles ahead, anxious. She paid the fare for the whole trip, flung open the car door, and got out. Amidst the chaos of blaring horns, she dodged between the cars, their red taillights flickering, and dashed through the night at full speed.
She tried. She attempted to understand Xiao Wanqing and considered giving her more time.
But reality slapped her in the face, telling her it wasn’t possible.
Auntie Xiao genuinely wanted to go, truly wished to leave.
Where could she retreat to? What options did she have for retreat? How could she dare to retreat?
In the small expanse of Anjiang City, she was already at her wits’ end trying not to run into her, nearly unable to find her. If she really left, in this vast world amidst the boundless sea of people, where could she go to find her?
She feared that without holding on to her, with just a turn of the head, Xiao Wanqing would truly disappear.
She couldn’t afford to retreat, couldn’t afford to lose.
In Wen Tong’s home, within the living room, only a dim lamp was lit. The slender woman, with her snow-white neck bowed, was draped with a blanket over her legs, reclining on the sofa bed.
She didn’t know how to explain to Wen Tong that she needed to stay at her place long-term. So she only told half the truth—she told Wen Tong that sometimes work functions ran late, going back was too far, and she would stay over at her place. Even though Wen Tong expressed extreme enthusiasm in welcoming her, she still felt it excessive to stay this way in her host’s absence, akin to half-truth deceit. Therefore, she went to great lengths to preserve the state of the house as Wen Tong left it, buying new blankets and pillows, and merely occupying Wen Tong’s living room sofa for sleep after work each day.
At this moment, she held her cellphone to her ear with one hand, while her fingertips lightly glided over the touchpad of the notebook resting on her legs. The screen displayed job listings from Changze City.
Wen Tong asked in her ear, “Why are you suddenly asking about Changze City?”
Xiao Wanqing composed herself, managed a small smile and responded, “I’m considering whether to try starting over in a new environment. I realize I’ve never really left this place at my age.”
Wen Tong’s tone was undeniably teasing as she chided her, “Tell me honestly, you’re not suddenly feeling lonely because I’ve been gone for so long, and now you’re thinking it would be nice to join me, right?”
Xiao Wanqing’s fingertips paused on her screen, her gaze dimmed as she half-confessed softly, “I do think, it would be nice to go to you.”
She wanted to leave, not because of loneliness. But indeed, the reason for wanting to go to Changze City was because of Wen Tong. In reality, without a home, having departed from a place where she could settle down for good, anywhere she went would be the same. The same unease, the same anxiety, the same drifting. But Changze City had Wen Tong, and at least with that thought, she felt a bit more at peace.
She wanted to leave Anjiang City. Without waiting for the magazine branch to be established, she felt the urge to leave.
Lin Xian was perhaps more determined or maybe just more fond of her. Now, Lin Xian had skipped a class for her, missed a meal, and wandered around at midnight. What about later? If she continued to refuse to meet her and accept her, how many more irrational things would Lin Xian do for her?
She couldn’t, shouldn’t, and wouldn’t allow herself to stay and continue to affect Lin Xian’s life.
Wen Tong heard her admission, and her profound eyes were brimming with a smile. There was infinite tenderness in her heart, but in the end, it only turned into a gentle: “Actually, I can come back too.”
However, Xiao Wanqing was immersed in her own emotions and didn’t catch the unusual tone and the deep meaning in Wen Tong’s words. She avoided the topic, “I’ll think about it more. There are still negotiations needed with the company before leaving. Just pretend you never heard me say any of this.”
Wen Tong felt as if she had given her tenderness to a log, and a sense of defeat sprang up within her. She lost the mood to continue, took a quiet breath, exchanged a couple more words with Xiao Wanqing, and then evasively hung up the phone.
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Xiao Wanqing didn’t think much of it. She had just hung up the call, and almost immediately, her cellphone vibrated again.
She looked at her laptop screen, thinking that Wen Tong might have forgotten to mention something right after hanging up and called back again.
Without paying much attention, she answered the call instinctively. It wasn’t until she glanced at the caller ID that her heart skipped a beat. The voice of the girl that so deeply etched itself into her mind, haunting her midnight dreams and stirring her soul, was already gently speaking by her ear: “Auntie Xiao, I’m outside Aunt Wen’s complex. Can you come down and pick me up?”
Xiao Wanqing’s heart clenched. Just as she was about to hold herself together and coldly refuse, the call, catching her off guard, ended.
Xiao Wanqing’s fingers on the touchpad slowly clenched, her emotions in turmoil as she ultimately swiped the screen to redial.
Three seconds after the call went through, Lin Xian once again hung up without hesitation.
Xiao Wanqing’s brows were tightly furrowed, biting her lip, feeling both distressed and annoyed, caught in an impasse.
The author has something to say:
Lin Xian: Auntie Xiao hardly ever calls me, and I had to hang up on her. This hurts, Auntie Xiao owes me a compensation in the future!
