Now, she has no choice but to leave
In the early hours of the morning, past three o’clock, in the boundless darkness, a dazzling light lit up. The sound of trickling water came from Xiao Wanqing’s bathroom.
The icy water gradually cooled down the unusual heat in her body. But when she closed her eyes, raised her hands, and applied shower gel while rubbing it on her skin, images from her dream involuntarily appeared before her eyes once again—the girl’s jade-like, powerful, slender fingertips and her enchanting and alluring face when begging for affection. The sensation of being forcefully penetrated between her legs felt dreamlike and elusive. The more she tried to forget, the more firmly she remembered, igniting a sense of shame and embarrassment in her lower abdomen. The clean and refreshing water continued to rinse her whole body, yet Xiao Wanqing felt as if the area between her legs was persistently damp.
It was not until her fair fingers wrinkled under the long immersion in the water, as if they could break with a gentle squeeze, that Xiao Wanqing ended her prolonged self-torture. She weakly pressed the tap and turned off the showerhead.
After putting on clean and refreshing underwear, Xiao Wanqing turned sideways and gazed at the wet underwear she had taken off with a deep, somber look in her eyes.
After a while, she tightly clenched her fingers hanging by her side, biting her lip. She reached out and picked it up, stepped on the lid of the trash can, and discarded it with trembling hands, as if throwing away a beautiful dream she dared not face, a dream she didn’t deserve.
She closed her eyes and made up her mind.
It was time to put an end to it.
The next morning, during breakfast, Lin Xian kept secretly observing Xiao Wanqing with caution. She was slow to catch on, wondering whether the viewpoint Auntie Xiao deliberately expressed to her last night had a hidden meaning.
But Xiao Wanqing sat upright as usual, dignified, and ate her sandwich with a serious and delicate manner, never glancing sideways. It seemed as if the unexpected argument between the two of them last night had not brought any different consequences.
Lin Xian couldn’t figure out Xiao Wanqing’s thoughts. She took a sip of milk and decided to retreat: “Auntie Xiao, I’ve thought it over. I got too emotional and had a bad tone when we argued yesterday. I hope you won’t take it to heart.”
She gazed at Xiao Wanqing intently, afraid to miss any possible hints or clues in her reaction that might carry special significance.
When Xiao Wanqing heard the girl’s pleasant and gentle voice, her heart thumped hard. She lifted her eyes and deeply looked at her, catching sight of that radiant and enchanting face that resembled the one in her dream. Unconsciously, her eyes filled with tender affection, as if a shimmering water gently rippled within them.
Quickly, she lowered her snowy-white neck, no longer daring to look at Lin Xian, and playfully teased her in a warm tone, pretending to be casual: “Xianxian, you’re overthinking. We were just having a rational discussion. Do you really think I’m that petty and narrow-minded in your heart?”
Without waiting for Lin Xian’s response, she added, “I think you’re right, Xianxian. Maybe this topic isn’t suitable after all. I’ll go to the magazine office in the morning to discuss it further with my colleagues.”
Lin Xian had been staring at Xiao Wanqing, and despite her attempts to quickly compose herself, she couldn’t escape notice of the tenderness in Xiao Wanqing’s gaze towards her. It was as if, in an instant, she reached out and touched Xiao Wanqing’s fervent heartbeat, causing her own heart to race uncontrollably.
Before she could calm down, she heard Xiao Wanqing’s concession regarding the topic of teacher-student romance, and her heart leaped with even greater joy.
Did her words from yesterday have an impact on Auntie Xiao? Did Aunt Xiao actually listen and take them in?
Her eyebrows and the corners of her eyes immediately revealed an unmistakable delight. Her eyes sparkled like shimmering stars, filled with anticipation, as she eagerly questioned Xiao Wanqing, “Auntie Xiao, do you agree that it’s love?”
The girl’s joyful and expectant voice pierced into Xiao Wanqing’s heart. She dared not imagine how disappointed and saddened she would make her in just a day’s time.
Xiao Wanqing exchanged a quick and complex glance with Lin Xian, her hand movements pausing for a moment. After a while, she shifted the topic in a dull tone, “Are you going for driving practice in the afternoon, Xianxian?”
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Lin Xian didn’t hear the answer she was hoping for. She pouted, clearly dissatisfied with Xiao Wanqing’s evasive response. She was about to persistently continue questioning, but when she saw the delicate and seemingly fragile expression on Xiao Wanqing’s face, she softened a bit.
Maybe she shouldn’t push too hard. At least Auntie Xiao had loosened up and didn’t deny it. In a way, that could be considered as tacit agreement, right?
There has been progress and improvement. Let’s give Auntie Xiao a little more time to convince herself. Lin Xian pursed her lips, softened her gaze, and optimistically comforted herself.
In the office of the editor-in-chief of the magazine after the morning meeting, Xiao Wanqing sat with both hands holding a pen, her gaze fixed on the computer screen, motionless.
Assistant Xiao Ke organized the documents received during the meeting at the desk, discreetly casting several glances at Xiao Wanqing, secretly wondering what was going on with the chief today.
Suddenly, Xiao Wanqing put down the pen and called out her name, “Xiao Ke?”
Xiao Ke, who was inwardly complaining about Xiao Wanqing, was caught off guard and startled. She anxiously suppressed her surprise and answered Xiao Wanqing, “chief, what’s the matter?”
Xiao Wanqing seemed hesitant to speak, a slightly embarrassed expression appearing on her gentle face. She softly said, “Although it’s still working hours, because it’s a bit urgent, can I ask you a personal question?”
Xiao Ke knew that Xiao Wanqing always had boundaries, and even if it was a personal matter, it wouldn’t be something difficult to answer. She cheerfully agreed, “Of course, you can. What’s the matter?”
Xiao Wanqing consulted her, “I seem to have heard you mention before that you had an aunt who worked as a postpartum caregiver, and recently she just finished taking care of a difficult employer during the confinement period. She’s planning to take a break and work as a regular nanny next, is that right?”
Xiao Ke nodded in confusion, “Yeah, that’s right. chief, you have a good memory.” It was something she mentioned casually during their mealtime chat, and she didn’t expect Xiao Wanqing to remember.
Xiao Wanqing continued to ask, “Has she found an employer?”
Xiao Ke shook her head, “No. Nowadays, those looking for nannies are usually elderly people who are in good health and just need someone to cook. There are male employers who are widowers, and my aunt feels it’s not quite suitable. There are also female employers, but many of them have health issues and require extra care, which she finds too exhausting. It’s not much different from being a postpartum caregiver.”
Xiao Wanqing’s gaze darkened, and she said softly, “Can you ask her if she’s willing to take care of a university girl in her early twenties who lives alone? There’s nothing special, just taking care of her meals, buying fruits and drinks regularly, and occasionally cleaning to keep the house tidy.”
Xiao Ke was surprised and asked, “Is it someone from your family, chief ?”
“No, it’s for me,” Xiao Wanqing replied with a serious tone, her eyes narrowed. “Do you remember my niece who came to see me? I want her to take care of her.”
Xiao Ke was immediately delighted. The chief’s niece seemed beautiful, pleasant, and easy to get along with. Not to mention the chief’s good temperament. It would be difficult to find such an employer. She quickly agreed, “Okay, chief. During my lunch break, I’ll call my aunt and let her contact you directly. Is that alright?”
Xiao Wanqing smiled lightly and thanked her, “Great, thank you. After you’ve finished, put everything in the blue folder next to me.” With that, she clasped her hands together, took a deep breath, stood up, and walked towards the door. “I’m going to see the president. You can tidy up and put it in the blue folder.”
As Xiao Wanqing walked towards the president’s office, her steps became heavier and her face grew paler.
She thought of Lin Xian’s bright and expectant smile, thought of the decision she was about to make, thought of the possibility of Lin Xian crying, and felt as if there was a sharp knife in her heart, ruthlessly stabbing and pulling out, leaving behind bloody wounds, full of holes.
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But step by step, she walked resolutely, without the slightest hesitation, and finally entered the president’s office.
During the morning meeting last week, the president revealed that the headquarters had intentions to respond to the promising development of new media by establishing a branch in Hezhou, the southern economic center at the forefront of new media development. Currently, they were preparing to send someone from the main office for a two-week exchange and market research to explore the possibilities.
The president mentioned that anyone interested in understanding the dynamics of new media could approach him privately. While speaking, Xiao Wanqing noticed the president’s intentional or unintentional gaze directed towards her.
In fact, she understood the president’s appreciation for her. Although it was currently referred to as a short-term research and exploration, once the initiative had started, it was highly likely to be put into practice. If the branch was indeed established, the person leading the exploration would have a great chance to take a team over and become the head of the branch.
Two years ago, a deputy editor-in-chief advanced several levels by using a similar approach to transfer to a branch in the neighboring city. Only she, after assuming the position of editor-in-chief, remained consistently in the same place, not competing or striving.
She didn’t have many expectations for life, nor did she have many material desires. Therefore, she didn’t want to exhaust herself by striving for something or adapt to a new life with difficulty. She knew that if she continued to stay, there would be almost no room for promotion at the headquarters. She was content with mediocrity, content with watching the rising waves continuously engulf the wave she once was.
But now, she had to leave.
When she clearly said, “I’m willing to go,” she saw the surprised yet appreciative look in the president’s eyes. The man put away his pen and smiled gracefully, saying, “Xiao Xiao, I’ve been waiting for you to say that for a long time. This market is very promising, and I have high hopes for it, as well as for you.”
However, in that moment of his acceptance, Xiao Wanqing felt that the sharp knife in her heart had finally stopped its torment. It wasn’t that it spared her, but rather, it ruthlessly and directly carved out a large piece, leaving it bloody and empty.
She thought that she might be smiling in an unattractive way, but she still politely thanked him for giving her this opportunity.
She thanked him for giving her an opportunity to force herself to make a decision.
During the lunch break, after talking to Xiao Ke’s aunt, Xiao Wanqing called Zhou Qin and informed her about temporarily going on a business trip for half a month and the possibility of a long-term assignment abroad. She was worried that Zhou Qin would be too concerned about Lin Xian’s life, so she reassured her, saying, “I have found a reliable nanny to take care of Xianxian’s meals. I will also regularly monitor her diet and daily routine. If you’re still worried, you can…”
Before she could finish her sentence, Zhou Qin interrupted her, saying, “Xiaowan, why are you finding a nanny for her? She’s already an adult, can’t she take care of herself? If she can’t, then let her tidy up and stay in the school dormitory. Your work is important, don’t worry about her. You have to take care of yourself while you’re away.”
Listening to Zhou Qin’s gentle and caring words over the phone, Xiao Wanqing felt a mixture of shame and warmth in her heart, and her nose felt a bit sour. “It’s been almost a month since the start of the new semester. How can Xianxian adapt to living in the dormitory at this time?” Most importantly, Lin Xian probably thought she would come back and wouldn’t want to leave.
She hesitated for a moment, disguising her voice to hide her trembling emotions, and said with a heart-wrenching retreat, “But next semester, I might have to work in Hezhou for a long time. If Xianxian doesn’t mind being alone, she can continue staying with me. After all, home will always be more comfortable than the dormitory.”
As expected, Zhou Qin immediately rejected this proposal, saying, “Let her stay in the dormitory next semester. She’s already an adult, and it’s time for her to learn to grow on her own, integrate into society, and take care of herself.”
Rather than worrying about Lin Xian’s whereabouts, she was more concerned about Xiao Wanqing. “If you really go to Hezhou, how long will you be working there?” She sighed and continued, “Well, living and working in a different place might allow you to meet new people. Xiao Wanqing, you should also focus on your own matters. I’ve been worried year after year, hoping for your happiness.” Xiao Wanqing’s future plans had always been undecided, and with her parents and loved ones no longer around, Zhou Qin, as her elder sister, couldn’t help but feel anxious and frustrated. However, Xiao Wanqing always excelled in Tai Chi, making it difficult for Zhou Qin to push her or rush her too much.
Zhou Qin’s caring words, like an elder sister and a mother, made Xiao Wanqing feel even heavier and more guilty in her heart. She felt that every bit of concern she had for Lin Xian and every bit of affection Lin Xian had for her were like a knife she was stabbing into Zhou Qin’s heart.
She dared not respond, her nails sinking deep into her palm as she reflected in pain.
There would be no happiness.
A person who forgets gratitude and lacks loyalty and righteousness like her perhaps deserves such punishment.
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To love but not be loved in return.
In this lifetime, there will never be love again.
In this lifetime, I cannot love the person I want to love.
But in this lifetime, being able to see Lin Xian and her family happy is also good.
The author has something to say:
Lin Xian covers her face: Auntie Xiao cares so much about my driving practice, I… I will definitely practice my driving skills well!
After thinking for a moment, the ranking of driving skills for the first time should be Shi Man > Zhi Jin > Lin Xian > Wen Tong (this person’s skills are really terrible, it’s a miracle if she can last for a second).
LP: Xiao Wanqing, this is not it!!!
