Locked chapter…
The night was cool, like water, with a drizzling rain outside the window that had silently ceased at some unknown time.
Xiao Wanqing, after Lin Xian fell asleep, opened her eyes and stared blankly into space for a long time.
She leaned over and, through the silent night, gazed tenderly at the girl sleeping peacefully beside her. Lin Xian’s brows and eyes relaxed as if she were having a wonderful dream, with a gentle smile at the corners of her mouth. She breathed steadily, sleeping soundly.
Xiao Wanqing reached out her hand, wanting to gently stroke the girl’s bold yet delicate eyebrows, wanting to trace the girl’s exquisite and charming features with her fingers. But as her hand extended, it slowly closed into a fist just as it was about to touch the girl’s delicate face.
For a moment, she looked at the girl’s innocent and captivating sleeping face and felt a pang in her heart. She had a fleeting thought that she had a severe case of skin hunger and was crazily longing to hold Lin Xian, to embrace her tightly, and even to rub her into her own body.
It was as if Lin Xian was a part of her that had long been lost and regained, and only by embracing her, possessing her, could she ease her restlessness and emptiness, and make her life complete and revived. It was a desire that pulsed through her veins but could not be fulfilled, an unbearable yearning that struggled against reason, restraint, and indulgence. It was a desire that was within reach but couldn’t be realized, causing a lump in her throat and moist eyes.
She closed her eyes and seemed to see Zhou Qin poking her spine with an expression of extreme disgust, scolding her, “Xiao Wanqing, you shameless person! I must have been blind.”
It was Lin Xian, full of regret many years later, facing her aging self, accusing her with eyes full of disgust and weariness, “Xiao Wanqing, it was you who seduced me back then. I hate you.”
Xiao Wanqing asked herself, “Lin Xian is still young and naive, but are you also naive?”
During their youth, who hadn’t admired and idolized someone who was considered a god or goddess due to the addition of filters, fueled by hormones that had nowhere to be released? Many years later, having experienced a broader world, who wouldn’t realize that those people who once shone brightly in their memories had lost their halos and were nothing more than ordinary.
Just like in high school, many boys admired their mature and charming language teacher in their thirties. They competed and vied for her attention, showering her with attentiveness. The teacher, with a rational and understanding gaze, ignored their impulses. Many years later, at a class reunion, these boys had achieved success in their careers and were in the prime of their lives. After a few rounds of drinks, they casually lamented and reminisced about encountering the teacher, expressing a sense of regret and nostalgia. The beauty of the past had faded, no longer resembling the image in their memories.
As they embraced their young and beautiful girlfriends, who would remember the fervent and sincere pursuit of an infatuation with a middle-aged woman in their youth?
Young love is as unpredictable as the wind.
When it caresses and stirs, it is passionate and sentimental, but when it drifts away, it becomes indifferent and cold.
Xiao Wanqing trembled and struggled to turn her body, with her back facing Lin Xian. She shivered, embracing herself with both hands tightly, clenching her teeth, telling herself that she mustn’t.
She is an adult and has a responsibility towards Lin Xian.
She cannot indulge her momentary confusion or even facilitate wrongdoing when the girl is still naive. She cannot bear the blame and resentment that she would regret in the future.
In Lin Xian’s long and full-of-possibilities life, she, like Zhou Qin, can only be a guide, not a companion. They are the elders, and their duty and obligation are to lead Lin Xian on the right path until they can hand her over to someone who can accompany her throughout the journey.
Do what is right and fulfill your responsibilities.
Xiao Wanqing etched these eight words in her heart, one by one.
Insomnia until dawn.
The next day, when Lin Xian woke up, it was still dark outside, but Xiao Wanqing was no longer in bed. Lin Xian was concerned about her own excessive behavior from the previous night. She touched her lips with her hand, savoring the softness she had tasted with her tongue. Her heartbeat suddenly accelerated, and she felt both sweet and anxious.
Auntie Xiao didn’t notice, did she? Why did she disappear so early?
She hurriedly got out of bed and rushed towards the bathroom. Xiao Wanqing wasn’t there. In the next moment, she turned towards the door and ran towards the kitchen.
In the kitchen, there was the crisp sound of chopsticks hitting porcelain bowls. In the faint morning light, Xiao Wanqing turned her head slightly and smiled gently, just as tender and serene as before. “Xianxian, you woke up early today.”
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Lin Xian looked at her suspiciously from head to toe, but Xiao Wanqing continued her actions without any awareness. She asked her, “Have you washed your face and brushed your teeth? Breakfast isn’t ready yet.”
Lin Xian gradually eased her worries.
Auntie Xiao probably still doesn’t know.
Just like the saying “distance makes the heart grow fonder,” Lin Xian once had the courage to think she could forge ahead without hesitation. However, in Xiao Wanqing’s silent resistance, that gradually faded away. Although Lin Xian had planned to make a decisive breakthrough in the seduction plan, she lost confidence and determination when Xiao Wanqing’s heart was in chaos. She decided to wait for the right moment.
After all, she was still young, and she cherished the warm and intimate moments they shared now. She was afraid of sudden rejection and change. She deceived herself, delaying the deadline she had set for herself and the day she had originally planned to confess. Perhaps, by continuing to spend ambiguous and intimate time together like now, she could be better prepared for her confession. She would be even nicer to Auntie Xiao, making her like her even more, and that would give her more leverage.
She didn’t know that Xiao Wanqing, in her carelessness and lack of urgency, gradually became more calm and rational.
On Thursday night, when Lin Xian returned home from her part-time tutoring job, Xiao Wanqing was waiting for her as usual on the couch in the living room. However, this time, Xiao Wanqing didn’t urge her to take a bath and rest early until Lin Xian sat down beside her.
There was a legal program playing on the TV screen, and Lin Xian noticed that the time in the upper right corner didn’t seem to match the actual time. Upon closer inspection, she realized that the DVD player below the TV was turned on. She curiously asked Xiao Wanqing, “Aunt Xiao, what are you watching?”
Xiao Wanqing replied calmly, “It’s a legal program. This episode is about a romantic relationship between a female teacher and two male students. The female teacher manipulates the boys, stoking their jealousy, and in the end, one is crippled while the other gets imprisoned. Our magazine has been focusing on the topic of teacher-student relationships recently, preparing for an in-depth study.”
Before Lin Xian could respond, the commentator’s analysis came through the speakers, saying, “The teacher takes advantage of the boys’ young age and inexperience, exploiting their impulsiveness during adolescence to incite jealousy…”. Xiao Wanqing followed the commentator’s words and sighed, saying, “They will definitely regret it when they grow up.”
Lin Xian didn’t pay much attention to it and just wanted to chat with Xiao Wanqing. She casually asked, “Why would they regret it?”
Xiao Wanqing earnestly replied, “Because when they grow up, they will realize that it’s not love. It’s just attachment and admiration born out of the unequal power dynamic and the restlessness of adolescence. They mistakenly believe it’s love due to the deliberate manipulation by the older person. They sacrifice their future because of this misguided emotion, so of course they would regret it.”
Lin Xian hesitated for a moment and felt uncomfortable hearing words like “older person,” “mistakenly believe,” and “regret” in Xiao Wanqing’s response. She furrowed her brows and became more serious, countering Xiao Wanqing, “I think they might regret making mistakes and loving the wrong person, but it doesn’t deny the fact that their current feelings for the female teacher are love. These are two separate things and shouldn’t be generalized.”
Xiao Wanqing calmly argued back, “A mature adult with sound values and a healthy mind falls in love with someone after their own rational judgment, making a choice that aligns with their true feelings in a free and composed state. But when they were just becoming adults, or even before that, they were deliberately influenced by the female teacher, taking advantage of the unequal power dynamic, manipulating their restlessness, and distorting their values. This led to the development of a twisted emotional attachment, which is a cultivated blind and immature infatuation and dependence, not a genuine love born out of one soul being attracted to another.” In order to hammer her point, she made a somewhat biased and hasty conclusion, saying, “Many times, the start of a teacher-student relationship or a love with a significant age difference carries a certain blind admiration and distorted filter. That may not be true love. What they fall in love with is merely a false illusion in their eyes. When they reach that age themselves, they won’t be infatuated like that anymore.”
“Isn’t their soul being attracted to what they mistakenly believe to be a beautiful soul?” Lin Xian sharply retorted. Xiao Wanqing was too categorical, and her conclusion about love with a significant age difference struck a nerve with Lin Xian. She exploded like a cat with its tail stepped on, her whole body bristling.
She seemed to be standing on the familiar debate stage, full of confidence, and fiercely counterattacked with a cold and stern expression, disagreeing with her viewpoint. “In love, who can truly remain calm and objective? There’s an old saying that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Can anyone who falls in love truly look at their beloved without filters, objectively? Instead of calling it a false illusion, it’s better to say it’s voluntary beautification.”
She was like a small cannon, forcefully attacking Xiao Wanqing’s flawed arguments. “In the love between two adults, there are also many cases where one is attracted to something the other possesses and they lack. Just like a silent and reserved person may fall in love with someone witty and humorous, or someone careless and indifferent may be attracted to someone meticulous and cautious. So, if they themselves possess these qualities, they might not like each other. Does that mean their love is not love? In the love between older and younger individuals, the older person may admire the youth and vitality of the younger person, while the younger person may admire the maturity and stability of the older person. Isn’t this still one soul being attracted to another? When they themselves reach that age, they may no longer be infatuated with the maturity and stability of the other person, but over the course of the long years, they might love each other for reasons beyond just maturity and stability. Even without those qualities, they still love each other. It’s too arbitrary to deny their feelings simply because one of them is younger.”
“You can say that younger people may have unstable values and can be easily influenced, but can we say that older people with mature values are always firm and unaffected? In the process of human interaction, isn’t it the exchange and influence of values? Who should be responsible for whose values? Who can be responsible for someone else’s values?”
“Aunt Xiao, I think it’s inappropriate for you to choose this topic with your inherent bias. Lin Xian frowned and disappointment filled her tone.
Xiao Wanqing was not good at verbal debates, and she had intended to gently point out Lin Xian’s flaws, hoping to guide her back on the right track. She didn’t completely agree with her own viewpoint and wasn’t fully prepared with arguments. She thought that with the clever nature of the girl, when she received her implicit suggestion, she would feel guilty and back down. But she never expected that Lin Xian, who had always been gentle, would suddenly become so eloquent and assertive when it came to this topic.
Xiao Wanqing was left speechless by her series of questioning and doubts.
Lin Xian thought that if Xiao Wanqing knew she had feelings for her, she might see her in this way, and her anger surged even more as she spoke more fiercely. But when she saw Xiao Wanqing’s somewhat helpless expression in the face of her sudden sharp words, she couldn’t help but soften.
She sighed, wanting to give Xiao Wanqing some time to digest, and also wanting to give herself some time to calm down. She stood up and said to Xiao Wanqing, “Auntie Xiao, I’ll go take a shower first.”
Lin Xian seemed more mature, determined, and difficult than she had imagined, and it was harder to persuade her.
She wanted to take responsibility for Lin Xian’s values, but Lin Xian didn’t seem willing to give her that opportunity.
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Xiao Wanqing bit her lip and looked at Lin Xian with a complex expression, nodding absentmindedly.
In the bathroom, Lin Xian turned on the shower, letting the cool water cascade over her body, gradually calming down her excited thoughts. Her rationality returned, and her alertness resurfaced in her mind. Slowly, she began to ponder: Did Auntie Xiao’s words carry a different meaning?
Lost in thought, she suddenly saw a black shadow in front of her.
Lin Xian froze for a moment.
The next second, as she watched the shadow getting closer and closer, her eyes widened, and she realized—it was a flying cockroach!!!
Lin Xian let out a loud “Ah!” in shock. Then, she panicked and covered her head, frantically fleeing around the bathroom as the roach buzzed its wings menacingly.
Xiao Wanqing was sitting in the living room, lost in heavy thoughts, when she suddenly heard Lin Xian’s scream from the bathroom. Startled, her body reacted faster than her thoughts, and she instantly jumped up and hurriedly ran over, anxiously asking Lin Xian, “What’s wrong, Xianxian?” It was the first time she acted so recklessly, pounding on the door, her heart filled with unease, afraid that Lin Xian might have accidentally slipped and fallen inside.
Fortunately, the girl’s panicked voice quickly came from behind the door, with a hint of crying, “Ah, Auntie Xiao, there’s a cockroach, ah…”
The next second, the door was opened, and a pale-faced Lin Xian appeared before Xiao Wanqing’s eyes. As Xiao Wanqing slightly widened her eyes and stood frozen in shock, Lin Xian suddenly rushed into her arms.
“Auntie Xiao, I’m scared…” It was the first time Xiao Wanqing heard the girl speak to her with such a tender and pitiful tone, filled with a hint of crying.
Her hair was not completely wet yet, exuding a sense of disheveled beauty. From head to toe, she was loosely wrapped in a white short towel, barely covering from her chest to the roots of her thighs. Slim shoulders, distinct collarbones, long, slender legs, a radiant yet timid face, a graceful figure…
Her young body exuded a bewildering sensuality.
Xiao Wanqing stood stiffly as the girl embraced her, and the first thing she saw when she lowered her gaze was the girl’s exposed, smooth shoulders and her back. Her hands trembled, unsure of where to place them.
Her heart pounded like thunder, and her mind was in turmoil.
She cleared her throat and unconsciously clenched her fists. After a moment of daze, she finally realized it and took off her own coat to drape it over Lin Xian’s shoulders, instructing her, “Don’t be afraid, don’t catch a cold…”
As soon as the words left her mouth, Xiao Wanqing realized that her voice had become hoarse.
Feeling ashamed and embarrassed, she dared not look at Lin Xian again. She broke free from Lin Xian’s embrace and quickly walked towards the bathroom. “I’ll go deal with the cockroach, you can use the bathroom in my bedroom.”
With Xiao Wanqing around, Lin Xian’s courage grew, and she followed closely behind Xiao Wanqing. “I… I’ll accompany you.” Her mood calmed down slightly, and she immediately remembered to express concern for Xiao Wanqing. “Auntie Xiao, are you afraid of cockroaches?” She swallowed her saliva, tightened her fist, and with determination, she said, “If you’re also scared, I can do it.”
Upon hearing this, Xiao Wanqing turned her head and looked back at Lin Xian, who was still trembling with fear but wanted to protect her. A complex and subtle emotion flashed in her eyes. She turned back and spoke softly and heavily, “I’m not afraid, Xianxian, go get dressed first.”
Upon hearing that Xiao Wanqing wasn’t afraid, Lin Xian finally breathed a sigh of relief. She was fearless in the face of all sorts of things, except for these messy insects. Flying cockroaches were her arch-nemesis. She glanced at her disheveled appearance and reluctantly compromised, “Then… Auntie Xiao, I’ll go get dressed first.”
“En.” Xiao Wanqing squeezed out this answer with difficulty from her throat.
In the silent late night, on the familiar bed, waves surged and intermittent soft moans and gasps of a woman echoed.
Xiao Wanqing felt like a tightly strung pipa in the girl’s hands, being played and manipulated, lightly rubbed, slowly plucked, and skillfully teased, the strings trembling and quivering, ceaselessly…
I… I can’t take it anymore…
Xiao Wanqing’s body trembled as she tensed up. Exhausted yet satisfied, she wanted to embrace the beloved girl who tirelessly demanded her, extending her arms with affection to embrace her. But in the next second, she was startled to find herself embracing empty air…
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In the next moment, she abruptly woke up from her dream.
In the long night, on the empty bed, she was enveloped by boundless darkness and emptiness.
An indescribable sense of despair, accompanied by a feeling of shame and guilt from the dampness she felt, pervaded Xiao Wanqing’s heart.
Indecision leads to chaos.
She had overestimated herself.
The author has something to say:
Auntie Xiao: Why am I this kind of person? (Despair)
Lin Xian comforts: Don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid, it’s all spring’s fault!
LP: Locked chapter on jjwxc… so idk what the subtitle is â•®(￣▽￣””)â•
Come on, Auntie Xiao~ accept your feelings already!
As much as I wanted them to be together, i must say im agreeing with xiao wanqing. If this is some kind of man with a young girl who just came in age i bet we would’ve been so disgusted. I know this is just a story but we can’t deny there’s a lot of real cases in the real world. And there just wasn’t enough attention to that issue.
also believe it or not, people below the age of 25 will almost certainly most of the time make hasty decisions when it comes to love because they’re passionate without enough capacity to think more logically because their brains are not fully developed yet.
i know this story will eventually led up to them being together in the end, i just hope the author can stick to the narrative of wanqing not wanting to pursue the romance at this current period. If they got together when lin xian is a fully matured adult (which im sure they will) then it’s totally freaking fine, no issue, but for now no. I’d rather sit with the slow burn. Plus all the pov from wanqing all these chapters would basically be just a waste of time if She gave in right now.
my point is, if y’all can separate your views between a fiction story vs real life about a same issue with a clear logical mind on having the ability to enjoy and yet acknowledging the issue then you’re all good. But if you think this kind of issue is okay in real just because it’s wlw/lesbians then you might need to rethink more about it.
if you say age is just numbers then i can also say so does prison time.
okay im done, and thank you for your translation as always
As much as I wanted them to be together, i must say im agreeing with xiao wanqing. If this is some kind of man with a young girl who just came in age i bet we would’ve been so disgusted. I know this is just a story but we can’t deny there’s a lot of real cases in the real world. And there just wasn’t enough attention to that issue.
also believe it or not, people below the age of 25 will almost certainly most of the time make hasty decisions when it comes to love because they’re passionate without enough capacity to think more logically because their brains are not fully developed yet.
i know this story will eventually led up to them being together in the end, i just hope the author can stick to the narrative of wanqing not wanting to pursue the romance at this current period. If they got together when lin xian is a fully matured adult (which im sure they will) then it’s totally freaking fine, no issue, but for now no. I’d rather sit with the slow burn. Plus all the pov from wanqing all these chapters would basically be just a waste of time if She gave in right now.
my point is, if y’all can separate your views between a fiction story vs real life about a same issue with a clear logical mind on having the ability to enjoy and yet acknowledging the issue then you’re all good. But if you think this kind of issue is okay in real just because it’s wlw/lesbians then you might need to rethink more about it.
if you say age is just numbers then i can also say so does prison time.
okay im done, and thank you for your translation as always