My heart is trembling slightly along with my body
While Lin Xian was speaking, her eyes were locked tightly on Xiao Wanqing. She didn’t dare to miss any moment of Xiao Wanqing, afraid of overlooking any subtle signs that could represent a difference in Xiao Wanqing’s feelings towards her.
But in the end, she was disappointment. Besides a brief freeze in expression and a fleeting look of shock and disbelief in Xiao Wanqing’s eyes when she first heard the words, she quickly regained her composure. To the point where Lin Xian couldn’t even tell if the somber expression she had glimpsed earlier was just her imagination.
Lin Xian had no idea what kind of turmoil and unease surged through Xiao Wanqing’s heart when she heard the phrase “Longing turns into illness, and long-term illness becomes expertise.” She also had no clue how Xiao Wanqing managed to restrain herself, suppressing all her unusual emotions and suppressing her inappropriate anxiety, just to put on a composed and calm smile.
All she saw was Xiao Wanqing biting her lip, appearing like an ordinary open-minded elder, with evident concern and worry in her eyes. Her voice was gentle, as if she was cautiously probing into the delicate areas of a young girl’s heart, as she asked, “Is it… a senior from university?”
She remembered that she had previously told her that she didn’t like boys of the same age, finding them too immature. So, was it a senior she had met later on, a senior from a higher grade?
Why, when Lin Xian asked her how she felt different after falling in love for the first time, did Xiao Wanqing subconsciously tighten the hand holding the bag?
But she always remembered her identity, and she instinctively thought that this was how a normal elder should behave, right?
She looked directly into Lin Xian’s eyes, her gaze warm and gentle as usual, as if she were a caring and reliable aunt, encouraging her younger relative, ready to listen attentively to the child’s thoughts and provide answers to their questions.
Lin Xian deeply analyzed every subtle expression on Xiao Wanqing’s face, pondering the fluctuations in her blinking and raising of her eyes. But she couldn’t truly read people’s minds. She couldn’t distinguish whether the frozen smiles, the deepening of her complexion, or even the flustered and panicked moments earlier were the concern of an elder for a younger relative or… the concern of one woman for another woman.
She thought that even if Xiao Wanqing showed a little more abnormal suspicion or a bit more unease and restlessness, just a little bit more, she would be able to persuade herself. She would gather the courage to interpret these as signals of aggression released by Xiao Wanqing towards her, and she would dare to take a step further towards Xiao Wanqing.
However, it wasn’t so.
Xiao Wanqing’s behavior was nothing out of the ordinary.
Lin Xian couldn’t suppress her overwhelming sense of disappointment.
In the end, she still didn’t dare to startle the snake. She collected herself and, in response to Xiao Wanqing’s concerned expression, suddenly blossomed a mischievous smirk, clapping her hands together and playfully saying, “Aunt Xiao, do I look convincing enough?! Hahaha! That’s a line from a short story I wrote before. There was a similar line in it that reminded me just now.”
Xiao Wanqing’s concerned expression faltered for a moment, and then her eyebrows slightly furrowed as she scrutinized Lin Xian’s smiling face with a mixture of belief and doubt. She tried to figure out whether Lin Xian was telling the truth. Just moments ago, the sadness in Lin Xian’s voice didn’t seem fake at all.
Could it be that the little girl didn’t want to reveal too many of her secrets and worries to the adult? Was it just a slip of the tongue earlier?
But under Lin Xian’s scrutiny, she met her gaze openly and confidently, her eyes clear and pure, filled with mischievous joy.
“Aunt Xiao, how are you still so easily fooled… I just said it casually earlier, and you believed it, hahaha.”
As Xiao Wanqing listened to Lin Xian’s playful and mischievous response, her heart, which had been brought up earlier, gradually relaxed.
She had a fleeting sense that, strangely enough, she let out a sigh of relief and felt somewhat… at ease, even a hint of secret joy?
She subconsciously ignored her own feelings and playfully flicked Lin Xian’s forehead with her index finger, half-pleased and half-annoyed, saying, “You little shepherd! You’ll be eaten by the wolf, you know.”
Lin Xian chuckled, showing no fear at all, and held her hand as they stepped onto the escalator, teasing in a seemingly natural manner, “Aunt Xiao, did you suddenly get nervous when you heard that I was in love? Hmm?” Her gaze appeared to be focused on the escalator ahead, but her peripheral vision secretly glanced at Xiao Wanqing’s reaction.
Upon hearing this, Xiao Wanqing’s heartbeat skipped a beat. Was she nervous?
Her heart answered her: Yes, she was nervous.
So she smiled and honestly told Lin Xian, “I’m nervous.” She paused for a moment and gently explained, “We suddenly have someone that Xianxian likes so much. Of course, I’m nervous. I want to know what kind of person she is, whether she’s someone worthy of trust.”
As Lin Xian heard the first half of the sentence, her lips curved upward, but as she heard the second half, they gradually drooped. Her thumbnail pressed deeply into the pad of her index finger, exhausting the last traces of hope in her heart. She casually posed another question to Xiao Wanqing under her gaze, “What if I really have someone I like, and she’s truly outstanding? Aunt Xiao, what would you do?”
Under Lin Xian’s scrutiny, Xiao Wanqing lowered her gaze slightly, her smile gentle and natural. “If it’s someone who is truly outstanding and treats you well, making you happy, then naturally… I wouldn’t oppose it.”
Wouldn’t oppose it… As soon as these words left her mouth, Xiao Wanqing felt as if her heart had suddenly emptied, just a little bit…
No wonder in the past, she had seen mothers with tears in their eyes and a smile on their faces when their daughters got married.
Perhaps, this was the state of mind of those mothers who were marrying off their daughters?
Sour and bitter, empty and desolate?
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As Lin Xian listened to the gentle and tender words ringing in her ears, her heart gradually sank…
Xiao Wanqing didn’t seem to mind at all.
It was as if she didn’t have any reaction beyond what was expected of an ordinary elder.
In fact, did she not have any feelings about herself at all?
Xiao Wanqing even said, “If you really have someone you like, can you show it to Auntie first? If you don’t want your mother to know, I’ll help you keep it a secret.”
Lin Xian’s complexion grew even paler and more somber, losing her smile.
She knew she shouldn’t have harbored too many illusions. After all, until today, her time spent with Xiao Wanqing hadn’t been long. It hadn’t been very long since Xiao Wanqing gradually became aware that she was an adult woman.
Wen Tong spent six or seven years, or even longer, without melting Xiao Wanqing’s heart. So why did Lin Xian, in just a few months, dare to imagine that she could make Xiao Wanqing develop feelings for her?
But sometimes, occasionally, Xiao Wanqing would truly give her the illusion that she might be different to her.
At the very least, it was different from Wen Tong, her mother, and many other people.
She prided herself on being calm and had agreed to give herself and Xiao Wanqing time, to be patient. However, it seemed that she had overestimated her own patience and underestimated the desire she held for Xiao Wanqing. In the end, she still couldn’t restrain herself, couldn’t control the moments of impulsiveness. Especially now, when she and Xiao Wanqing were about to be apart for nearly half a month.
She wanted to find a glimmer of hope for herself, to seek a little sweet nourishment, so that she could endure this first taste of overwhelming lovesickness with the flickering spark and the delightful sweetness that could be savored over and over again.
However, the outcome was even more painful than she had imagined.
Lin Xian knew it was not right. But she still felt deeply disappointed, crestfallen, and even aggrieved. She was afraid of hearing Xiao Wanqing using those gentle and kind words that had no fault, to cut into her heart. Barely holding on, she forced out a smile and changed the subject, “Aunt Xiao, what should we eat?”
During lunch, due to Lin Xian’s unusual silence, the atmosphere became somewhat tense.
Xiao Wanqing herself was also preoccupied with the strange agitation she had felt earlier, but soon she keenly noticed Lin Xian’s unusual despondency and fatigue.
She put down her chopsticks and expressed concern, “What’s wrong, Xianxian? Is the food not to your liking? Why does your complexion suddenly look so poor?”
Lin Xian looked at Xiao Wanqing’s gentle and graceful face, so close yet unattainable, and her heart grew even more sour and bitter. Waves of frustration and helplessness overwhelmed her, making it impossible for her to even maintain a forced smile. She sniffed and pretended to cover her stomach with her hand, speaking in a low voice as an excuse, “My stomach suddenly hurts. Maybe I’m just tired from walking too much.”
Xiao Wanqing knew that Lin Xian was having her menstrual period today. She didn’t doubt her words and seemed to recall something, expressing concern, “Could it be that you caught a chill while trying on clothes earlier, constantly changing in and out?”
Lin Xian weakly nodded and responded, “Yes, maybe.”
A concerned expression appeared on Xiao Wanqing’s face, comforting, “Then let’s go back after we finish eating. I’ll buy the remaining things next time. You should go back and rest, take a nap.”
Without hesitation, Lin Xian refused, “No, I’ll stay with you.”
On the girl’s pale face, there was a stubborn expression.
Xiao Wanqing felt both warmed and distressed. She knew Lin Xian was always stubborn, and she couldn’t persuade her otherwise, so she compromised. “Then let’s quickly finish up this afternoon.”
As soon as the words fell, Xiao Wanqing stood up. Lin Xian looked at her in confusion as she gradually disappeared from sight.
After a while, Xiao Wanqing returned. She carried a cup of hot brown sugar water and placed it in front of Lin Xian, sitting beside her with a gentle expression. She softly urged, “Drink some brown sugar water to warm up.” Naturally, she reached out her hand, placing it on Lin Xian’s abdomen through a layer of her sweater, and tenderly said, “Drink while it’s hot, and let me massage your stomach to see if it feels better.”
Lin Xian’s heartstrings seemed to be touched. She turned her head and looked at Xiao Wanqing, who lowered her head and focused on her own abdomen. Xiao Wanqing’s serene face was filled with concentration, resembling a painting.
Seeing Lin Xian looking at her, Xiao Wanqing raised her gaze and met her eyes. In her watery eyes, there seemed to be twinking starlight dancing on water ripples. Her voice was gentle and soothing, “Does it feel better?”
It truly made her’s heart beat faster.
ow could she not love Xiao Wanqing when she was like this?
Lin Xian felt an intense desire to kiss her…
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To kiss her eyebrows, to kiss her eyes, to kiss her…
Just the thought of it made her heart ache.
But she couldn’t. She shouldn’t. She wasn’t qualified.
Lin Xian gently leaned her head on Xiao Wanqing’s shoulder, closing her eyes as she quietly felt the rise and fall of her beloved’s chest. In her heart, there was happiness, sadness, joy, and a sense of loss, a mixture of emotions. Finally, she murmured softly, “Aunt Xiao, you’re so kind.”
Xiao Wanqing responded with a pleasing soft laughter by her ear, and her actions became even more gentle.
In the afternoon, mindful of Lin Xian’s health, Xiao Wanqing was no longer as relaxed and leisurely as in the morning. After visiting two stores, she quickly picked out a coat for Lin Xian. Then, when they went to the supermarket to prepare for the New Year, they acted swiftly.
Although Lin Xian repeatedly insisted that she was fine afterwards, Xiao Wanqing never let her guard down. After they returned from shopping, she even refused to let Lin Xian accompany her in the kitchen to prepare dinner, insisting that Lin Xian rest in the room.
When Xiao Wanqing lowered her gaze and furrowed her brows, earnestly applying a warm patch to Lin Xian and tucking her in, Lin Xian stared at her with intense eyes. Suddenly, the gloom and dejectedness of the afternoon dissipated completely.
The person before her was her beloved.
She was in front of her, in her heart.
In the reflection of her eyes, there was a small figure of herself.
This was the person she liked…
In the evening, not long after they finished dinner, Zhou Qin arrived as scheduled to pick up Lin Xian.
Lin Xian’s luggage had already been packed. Zhou Qin handed over various gift boxes and New Year goods to Xiao Wanqing. The two of them chatted and exchanged pleasantries in the living room for a while. As expected, Zhou Qin extended an invitation for Xiao Wanqing to spend the Lunar New Year at her home, but Xiao Wanqing politely declined once again.
Seeing that it was getting late, Zhou Qin realized that she still couldn’t convince Xiao Wanqing to spend the New Year with her. With a sigh, she finally gave up and bid farewell.
Xiao Wanqing saw them off at the door and wanted to accompany them downstairs. Zhou Qin smiled and jokingly declined, “We’re not strangers. There’s no need to be so polite. Just see us off at the door. We know the way and won’t get lost, so you don’t need to go down and fetch us.”
Although Lin Xian was reluctant, she didn’t want Xiao Wanqing to go out in the cold night air again. She agreed with Zhou Qin and said to Xiao Wanqing, “Aunt Xiao, you don’t have to see us off. Please go inside.” With a touch of concern, she added, “While I’m not here, remember to close and lock the doors and windows at night. Don’t open the door to strangers.”
Xiao Wanqing listened with a smile, finding it somewhat amusing that Lin Xian treated her like a child. But deep inside, she felt a warm current slowly flowing. She was about to agree when Zhou Qin couldn’t tolerate it any longer. She playfully tapped Lin Xian’s head and mocked, “You talk as if you can protect Xiao Wanqing just by being here. Just don’t cause any trouble for her.” Urging them, she said, “Stop dragging your feet and go. Aunt Xiao just mentioned she needs to finish an article tonight. Don’t waste time.”
Feeling resigned, Lin Xian bid Xiao Wanqing goodbye once again, her voice filled with a sense of submission, “Then, Aunt Xiao, I’m leaving.”
Xiao Wanqing’s lips curved into a soft smile as she replied tenderly, “Alright, take care on the way.” After a brief pause, she couldn’t help but express a glimmer of hope, cautiously inviting Lin Xian, “If you have time, you can come over and visit during the Spring Festival.”
Lin Xian’s face immediately brightened, and she responded loudly, “Yes, sure.”
With her luggage in tow, Lin Xian turned around, and Xiao Wanqing watched as she walked away with Zhou Qin, step by step, gradually growing distant, her figure becoming smaller and smaller…
Zhou Qin slowly disappeared around the corner of the corridor, and soon, Lin Xian would also vanish from Xiao Wanqing’s sight.
The sound of the luggage wheels rolling on the floor pressed heavily on Xiao Wanqing’s heart, bit by bit. Her heart, like the empty house at this moment, seemed to become desolate with the girl’s departure.
The faint smile on Xiao Wanqing’s lips gradually faded away…
The motion-activated light in the corridor suddenly went out as Xiao Wanqing remained silent and motionless for a long time.
The darkness, like a wide-open gaping mouth, instantly swallowed her delicate figure.
In the next moment, the quiet corridor was filled with the crisp sound of light footsteps in the darkness. Almost simultaneously, the light on the ceiling of the corridor flickered gently…
The glaring light pierced through the darkness.
The girl, stepping into the brightness, ran towards her, step by step…
Xiao Wanqing stared blankly, her eyes fixed on the girl’s tall figure, which gradually enlarged in her field of vision.
Then, a tender body suddenly crashed into her embrace. It felt as if something had forcefully collided with her heart…
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Her heart trembled slightly, following the movement of her body.
Zhou Qin’s clear voice sounded from a distance, urging Lin Xian, “Xianxian, where are you? The elevator is here!”
Lin Xian paid no attention.
She tightly embraced the soft and delicate body in her arms, her thin lips uncontrollably brushing against the corner of Xiao Wanqing’s lips, quickly and gently caressing her tender cheek, finally stopping near her petite earlobe.
The scorching breath landed on Xiao Wanqing’s momentarily flushed ear. Xiao Wanqing heard her, and in a hoarse and gentle voice, she whispered to herself, “Aunt Xiao, wait for me to come back.”
She moved back a little, straightened her body, and gazed at her. Her eyes were clear, shining brightly.
In the next moment, Zhou Qin appeared at the corner, looking at them with confusion.
Lin Xian turned her back and hurried towards Zhou Qin, saying, “Mom, I couldn’t help but talk a little more with Aunt Xiao. Don’t rush me, anyway, it’s definitely congested on the road now…”
As soon as Lin Xian let go of her, Xiao Wanqing instinctively took a step back the moment Zhou Qin appeared. With one hand, she lightly leaned against the wall.
The lively and charming words of the girl gradually dissipated in the empty corridor.
However, Xiao Wanqing remained absentmindedly staring in the direction Lin Xian had left.
Her legs felt a bit weak…
