Lin Xian, you are my best preparation
Lin Xian’s impulsive decision disrupted Xiao Wanqing’s plan. Even though Lin Xian repeatedly assured her that Zhou Qin wouldn’t mind, Xiao Wanqing still insisted on going back home together first. After taking a quick shower and changing into clean clothes, they set off for the Southern District once again. Fortunately, they woke up early and the cemetery was located in between the Northern and Southern Districts, so the round trip didn’t take too long. By the time Xiao Wanqing and Lin Xian reached Lin Zhan’s house, the sun was just moving to the south, approaching noon.
This was Xiao Wanqing’s third visit to the neighborhood where Lin Xian’s parents lived since she moved to the Northern District over a decade ago. The first two times, she had come alone. The first time was filled with fear mixed with a hint of self-comforting luck, the second time was filled with desperation masked with a thin veneer of courage. And this time, the third time, she came holding hands with Lin Xian. Apart from the suppressed faint anticipation, there was more of an uncontrollable sense of unease and tension.
Walking into the elevator one after the other, Xiao Wanqing put down the gift in her hand and raised her hand to press the floor button. She extended her slender white index finger to press the button, and as soon as she did, Lin Xian reached out to hold her finger, lowering her eyes to look at her and asking, “Panpan, are you trembling?”
Xiao Wanqing raised her eyes to meet the girl’s concerned gaze, quickly avoided eye contact, and looked at the delicately packaged New Year goods on the ground. She naturally retracted her finger held by Lin Xian, picked up the gift, forced a smile, and denied, “I’m not.”
Lin Xian’s elegant eyebrows slightly furrowed, gripping Xiao Wanqing’s hand tightly as he felt the warmth and dampness, tenderly puncturing her pretense, “Your palms are also sweating a lot. Panpan, you’re very nervous, aren’t you?”
Xiao Wanqing was exposed, her slender body stiffened unnaturally for a moment. After pausing for two seconds, she sighed and leaned closer to Lin Xian, her body intimately leaning against hers, somewhat embarrassedly admitting, “Hmm, Xianxian, I’m very nervous.”
The words Zhou Qin had said to her that year were like sharp knives, accompanying her guilt towards Zhou Qin and self-loathing, haunting her in the nightmares that plagued her for years, piercing her heart and soul repeatedly.
On the gentle and beautiful face of the woman, Lin Xian showed an unusual vulnerability and timidity. Lin Xian lowered her eyes, released what she was holding in her hand, decisively reached out and pressed the button for the floor above, intending to get off in the middle and take another elevator down.
She embraced Xiao Wanqing’s waist, allowing her to lean more comfortably against her, firmly reassuring her, “Panpan, let’s go back. Just like I’ve always told you, there’s no rush to see them. We’ll come back when you’re truly ready.”
Lin Xian was someone who could clearly distinguish love from hate. Putting herself in Xiao Wanqing’s shoes, she had always felt that if Xiao Panpan harbored resentment towards Zhou Qin, it was only reasonable that she didn’t want to see her again. Some words, like spilled hot oil, cannot be taken back. Over time, the burns may heal, but the ugly scars remain, constantly reminding you of the cruelty that was once inflicted upon you.
For being scolded, humiliated, and forced to leave helplessly, wandering alone for many years, the bitterness and sorrow within were something that even when Xiao Wanqing brushed it off lightly when speaking with Lin Xian, it cut Lin Xian to the core, unable to let go of it. Moreover, what about Xiao Panpan, who had experienced it firsthand?
When it came to dealing with her parents, Lin Xian never wanted to force Xiao Wanqing, but Xiao Wanqing always considerately made her heart ache by visiting her own parents the day after returning. Lin Xian knew that Xiao Panpan loved her, so loving her meant caring for her and not wanting her to feel any discomfort.
However, she also didn’t want to, nor could she bear to see Xiao Panpan feeling any forced or wronged.
“Don’t worry, I’ll give them a call and tell them that I had to come because of a sudden job assignment.” She wasn’t the same child as before, and knew the subtle differences in how relationships between people could affect perceptions differently. Therefore, she considerately provided Xiao Wanqing with a good excuse as cover.
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The elevator door made a “ding” sound, and a gentle smile graced Lin Xian’s bright face as she held Xiao Wanqing’s hand, coaxing her, “Let’s go, we’ll take the elevator next door to go down.”
Xiao Wanqing stood firmly in place, allowing their intertwined hands to form a long zigzag in the air. She gazed at Lin Xian with a curved lip, her eyes filled with tenderness, and shook her head firmly. “Xianxian, come in, let’s go up.”
Lin Xian furrowed her brows, silently facing her.
Xiao Wanqing, displaying rare childishness, playfully shook the hand they held, half coaxing and half pouting softly, “Be obedient…”
Lin Xian’s heart instantly softened, her eyebrows relaxed, a hint of a smile in her eyes. However, her body remained in the middle of the elevator doors, with one foot outside the elevator and the other inside, obstinately refusing to move.
Xiao Wanqing’s watery eyes shimmered slightly, she pursed her lips, suppressed some of the smile, and earnestly spoke in a gentle voice, “Xianxian, trust me, I am truly ready.”
She lowered her long eyelashes, silent for two seconds, and honestly analyzed herself, “Xianxian, don’t worry, and don’t overthink. I have never harbored any resentment towards your mother. In my heart, she has always been my respected and beloved older sister, and I always remember her kindness and grace towards me.”
There was a hint of nostalgia in her eyes, her voice becoming more soft and moving, “I always remember when I was in kindergarten, my parents were too busy to pick me up. It was your mother who came over from the high school section right after her classes to pick me up, ignoring the teasing of classmates and the suspicions of teachers. She held me in her arms, listening to the last part of each class with me, and then placed me on the crossbar of her tall bicycle after school, speaking gently as she rode me home. I also always remember the first time she came home from university and took me out to play. When a motorcycle almost hit me due to not paying attention to the road, she hugged me and rolled on the ground, I was unhurt but she scraped her elbows and knees. In the end, out of concern that my parents would blame me, she tenderly lied to the adults that it was her own carelessness, enduring their lectures. I also remember when my parents passed away, she and Wen Tong helped me tirelessly with funeral arrangements, giving me support when I was most helpless. People are not completely rational, and everyone has their own bottom line that cannot be crossed. How could I not have hurt her? I admit to feeling hurt and wronged at times, but I have never harbored any resentment. I understand her, and I empathize with her.”
“I’m just afraid to face her, or perhaps, afraid to confront the genuine injuries that have occurred between her and me, as well as the cracks that exist between us.”
Xiao Wanqing bit her lip, looked at Lin Xian, chuckled self-deprecatingly, and honestly faced herself, “Xianxian, at my age, I’ve begun to introspect and learn to be honest with myself. It seems that everyone has some flaws within themselves, and my biggest issue lies in my constant attempt to avoid the harsh realities that terrify me, which is the cowardice hidden beneath my calm exterior. Like how I once avoided going back to the Southern District, then… I avoided returning to Anjiang City, and later, I was even afraid to face your mother. Maybe I appear mature and composed on the surface, but in reality, I am more cowardly than anyone. However, since meeting you, everything has changed. After meeting you, I slowly started to confront all my past failures and pains, learning to face them, reflect on myself, and then let go of them. I started to understand gradually that sometimes, it’s not what I’m afraid to face that scares me, but the fear itself. If left unchecked, it will never end, just like the wasted long years in the past. Facing it, it’s actually not as terrifying as imagined, and I’m not as fragile as I thought. No matter how overcast the sky may be, with heavy rain pouring down, as long as I am still alive, as long as I dare to move forward and wait, there will always be a day of clearing. Xianxian, this is the courage you have given me, bringing hope and renewal to my life.”
“So, don’t feel sorry for me, and don’t indulge me, that’s spoiling, you know.” The woman’s tone carried a playful and light-hearted meaning, with a slight curve of her eyebrows and a gentle smile. She exerted a little force on her hand, causing Lin Xian, who had been staring at her, to waver in her steps, retracting the foot that was propped outside the elevator door.
Xiao Wanqing looked different now. She was still graceful and beautiful, but the fragility and melancholy that once lingered between her brows were no longer there, transformed into a captivating strength and openness. The wisdom and calmness she had gained from experiencing the world, gentle and elegant, made Lin Xian feel moved and captivated in her heart and mind. Unconsciously convinced by Xiao Wanqing, Lin Xian obediently followed her back to her side.
With a ding, the elevator finally closed slowly. Xiao Wanqing wrapped her arms around Lin Xian from behind, gave her a gentle hug, and affectionately whispered, “Lin Xian, you are my best preparation.”
Lin Xian’s eyes suddenly became moist, her nose felt a bit sour, and her heart felt a pang. How could Xiao Panpan be so silly, so sweet, so good? She turned around and hugged Xiao Wanqing, childishly rubbing her shoulder, her eyes shimmering with tears, she softly and coquettishly advised, “Xiao Panpan, you must remember, you don’t have to force yourself to do anything for me, that’s not my intention to love you. As long as it’s what you want, the decisions you feel good about, I will unconditionally support you.”
Xiao Wanqing gently rubbed her forehead with her jaw, obediently replying, “I’ll remember.” She lifted Lin Xian’s chin, lightly caressed it with her thumb, bit her lip, and shyly joked, “Now, going to meet my mother-in-law is what I want to do, you have to support me.”
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Lin Xian suddenly burst into laughter, turning tears to smiles, unexpectedly still remembering the issue of etiquette. She couldn’t help but chuckle as she leaned on Xiao Wanqing’s shoulder.
Just a few seconds later, the elevator door “dinged” open again. This time, Xiao Wanqing and Lin Xian adjusted their emotions and calmly walked out hand in hand.
Turning the corner, they reached Lin Zhan’s house within a few steps. Lin Xian didn’t ring the doorbell, but instead took out the key from her pocket and inserted it into the keyhole.
However, before she could turn it, the door suddenly “click” opened on its own from the inside.
Lin Xian’s hand still held the key in a grasping motion, she glanced at Xiao Wanqing, and they exchanged puzzled looks.
Xiao Wanqing’s heart raced as the security door opened wider and wider, becoming increasingly rapid until Zhou Qin’s calm and serene face appeared in her line of sight. Suddenly, her heartbeat inexplicably eased.
Inside the door, Zhou Qin stood holding the doorknob with Lin Zhan slightly behind her, both of them looking as if they had been waiting here for a while. Their gazes fell simultaneously on Xiao Wanqing standing next to Lin Xian, almost without blinking; outside the door, Lin Xian and Xiao Wanqing stood side by side, both blinked nervously and pursed their lips.
Time seemed particularly kind to Xiao Wanqing, as Lin Zhan and Zhou Qin felt that she had never changed. Time had refused to leave any marks on her, instead enhancing her temperament to be more reserved and elegant. Standing beside her is Lin Xian, who had shed her youthful innocence and delicateness, possessing a perfect balance of maturity and vitality, making her look utterly compatible with Xiao Wanqing.
The air seemed to freeze in place.
“Mom, Dad, we’re here, sorry to keep you waiting.” Lin Xian discreetly blocked her parents’ scrutiny of Xiao Wanqing, while reminding them as she handed over something to Lin Zhan, “Dad, please take this quickly. Panpan specially brought back a local specialty from Yiping for you, it was quite heavy to carry.”
With such a casual and relaxed tone, it had been years since Zhou Qin had heard Lin Xian speak like this. Upon hearing her words, she subtly tightened the hand holding the doorknob, her eyes dimming slightly.
Lin Zhan also caught on, stepping forward to make small talk, “The end of the year is coming, and they’ve started road repairs again. Did you two encounter any traffic jams?” He then glanced at Xiao Wanqing and Lin Xian as they handed over the items, pretending to be displeased, “Xiaowan, you’re here now, why did you bring so much stuff?” His tone was warm, as if they had never argued and had never been apart for years.
Xiao Wanqing, seeing the familiar gentle and amiable side of Lin Zhan, couldn’t help but relax a bit and smiled in response, “It’s nothing valuable, just wanted you to taste something fresh.” With courage, she stole a glance at Zhou Qin, who had been silently standing by the door, only to realize that Zhou Qin’s gaze had been fixed on her the whole time. Caught off guard, Xiao Wanqing’s eyes met hers.
Zhou Qin was now in her fifties, time had taken its toll, making her look much older than Xiao Wanqing remembered, but also more restrained and peaceful. Feeling a pang of heartache, Xiao Wanqing hesitated, not wanting to panic and break the eye contact. She opened her mouth, but before she could decide on the right words to say, Zhou Qin lowered her eyes, took the gift from her hands, and softly invited, “Come on in.”
The woman’s warm and soft hands gently covered Xiao Wanqing’s pale and smooth ones, naturally touching them, and then deftly took on most of the weight. Xiao Wanqing lowered her head to look at their joined hands, feeling a slight tremor in her heart.
“Haven’t eaten yet, right? Lunch is almost ready, but the noodles might get mushy if cooked too early, so they’re not done yet. Just wait in the living room for a bit,” Zhou Qin explained lightly as she closed the door and walked inside.
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“No need to bother, we’ll just eat the prepared lunch, no need to cook the noodles,” Lin Xian rummaged through the shoe cabinet and pulled out a pair of blue cotton slippers, offering them to Xiao Wanqing with care, teasing, “I usually wear these, hope you don’t mind.” The other slippers were for guests, who knows how many feet they’ve accommodated, Lin Xian didn’t want Xiao Wanqing to settle for less.
Seeing Lin Xian’s thoughtful gesture in front of her parents, Xiao Wanqing felt a bit embarrassed. Lin Zhan, observing the genuine joy and happiness in his daughter’s eyes that he hadn’t seen in years, gradually felt at ease. The younger generation will have their own happiness, Lin Xian was grown up now, he couldn’t control her, nor did he want to, he just hoped she could live happily.
Bending down, Lin Zhan retrieved a brand new pair of cotton slippers from the corner of the shoe cabinet and handed them to Lin Xian, explaining, “Wear these, your mom knew you were coming today and bought them specially a few days ago.”
“As for the noodles, it’s not for you to comment on,” Lin Zhan teased his daughter. “Xiaowan, the noodles are cooked for you. Qinqin said it’s the custom in Anjiang City, you must eat them,” Lin Zhan said meaningfully to Xiao Wanqing.
In Anjiang City etiquette, when a child formally brings their prospective partner home for the first time, the family must cook noodles to treat the guest, as a gesture of politeness and respect.
Xiao Wanqing’s expression brightened, her gaze falling on Zhou Qin carefully arranging the gifts in the living room, seemingly not paying attention to their conversation. Biting her lip, her throat gradually becoming hoarse. Tears glistened in her clear eyes, she solemnly promised, “I will definitely finish eating.”
