For The Rest Of Our Life – Chapter 160

Xiao Panpan, long time no see

On a starry night in September, in a private vacation villa purchased by Shi Jinglan in the outskirts of Changze City, near the swimming pool, Shi Jinglan sat elegantly on a lounge chair with her long legs crossed, wearing a light silk nightgown. She hung up the phone, swirled the highball glass in her hand, and placed it thoughtfully on a small table beside her.

Wen Tong, feeling tired from swimming, took off her hat, grabbed the railing, and ascended from the pool with her wet, long hair. She was already tall and slender, with a narrow waist and long legs, her entire muscular physique perfectly sculpted from years of exercise.

Wen Tong’s work ability was well known, and under her leadership, Shixing quickly and steadily gained a significant share of the new media market. This year, due to further market expansion and broadening of strategic territories, Wen Tong moved her operations to Changze City and had been stationed there for the past few months. Shi Jinglan, on the other hand, had been busy with various wine tables and golf courses around the country, leaving her with no time to spare, hence they hadn’t seen each other for nearly two months.

Shi Jinglan stared fixedly at Wen Tong’s graceful figure, her eyes complex and inscrutable.

As her boss, she admired Wen Tong’s work attitude, but as her lover, she felt a tinge of resentment. If it weren’t for Shi Man returning to handle some business, giving her a chance to steal some leisure time and excuse herself for a vacation in Changze City to meet Wen Tong, would Wen Tong have taken the initiative to find her?

Wen Tong noticed the look Shi Jinglan gave her, glanced at her half-exposed skin, smirked, and playfully raised an eyebrow at Shi Jinglan.

Shi Jinglan met her gaze, calmly looked away, and casually tossed the towel lying on the edge of the lounge chair to Wen Tong.

Wen Tong caught it, chuckled lightly, sat on the lounge chair across a round table from Shi Jinglan, and casually wiped off the water droplets on her body.

“Just got a call, Manman has started helping Lin Xian look for Xiao Wanqing,” Shi Jinglan calmly informed Wen Tong.

Wen Tong paused her wiping motion, glanced at Shi Jinglan, then suddenly softened her eyes and said quietly, “Let Manman help Lin Xian, Xiao also deserves it.”

Shi Jinglan was slightly surprised, “You didn’t used to think like this before.”

When Xiao Wanqing had just left, Lin Xian couldn’t contact Shi Man, and in desperation, had once dared to approach her, nervously pleading if she could help find Xiao Wanqing. She said she would always remember this great favor and would definitely repay her in the future.

Shi Jinglan noticed the expressions of Shi Man and Wen Tong and was moved, but ultimately did not sincerely investigate further, coming to nothing. When she turned back to ask Wen Tong, Wen Tong remained silent for a long time and told her to let it go. She respected Xiao Wanqing’s decision, knowing that without thorough consideration and being pushed to the limit, Xiao Wanqing would not have taken the step to leave. Even if they found her, what could really change? Lin Xian could not grow up, be independent, or persuade her parents, so Xiao Wanqing would never truly find peace and happiness. Moreover, under Xiao Wanqing’s protection, Lin Xian would never really be able to break free, grow up, or become independent. Finding her would only lead to more mutual torment.

“A couple of days ago, Lin Xian’s mother, Zhou Qin, called me. She asked if there had been any news about Xiao in recent years and if I could help Lin Xian look for Xiao together,” Wen Tong explained lightly as she put down the towel.

Those who had once resisted and opposed were now forced to compromise; the determination and deep affection shown by Lin Xian in this matter were evident.

“In these past few years, I’ve witnessed Lin Xian’s effort and perseverance. I was actually secretly helping her search as well. I believe her love is genuine, no longer just a game of youth. This time, I haven’t misjudged.”

Lin Xian’s determination and persistence have earned her parents’ compromise and approval, as well as the respect and approval of others.

Thinking of the past few years, not knowing where her gentle friend was, or how she was doing – soft and delicate like a willow in the breeze, yet strong as winter plum blossoms – her gaze gradually grew distant…

Shi Jinglan noticed that Wen Tong was clearly thinking about Xiao Wanqing, and in that moment of absent-mindedness, Shi Jinglan subtly furrowed her brows, her red lips slowly tightening.

Having experienced the vicissitudes of life, weathered the trials, she was beyond the need for grand promises and lovey-dovey words long ago. But Wen Tong, perhaps, seemed a bit too nonchalant and poised, striking a fine balance between advancing and retreating.

Over the past five years, they were like lovers. Apart from work, they dined together, vacationed, shared a bed, and even met each other’s parents. However, neither of them openly acknowledged their feelings for each other nor defined their relationship. While Wen Tong initially showed clear affection and attachment for her during the first year or two, she gradually became more composed and restrained. Shi Jinglan initially enjoyed the unrestricted relationship they had, but eventually became more immersed, realizing her desire for stability and silently enduring it.

The one who falls in love first loses. The initiative seemed to slip from Shi Jinglan’s grasp as it unwittingly passed into Wen Tong’s hands.

Unable to let go of her pride to break the barriers, Shi Jinglan, feeling resigned, began to drop hints. She thought Wen Tong cared about her reputation in public, so she abandoned her previous attitude of playing along for business and ignoring the gossip, presenting herself as a virtuous figure in the industry, abstaining from any romantic entanglements. However, apart from a playful inquiry in bed about the rumors of her switching sides, Wen Tong remained indifferent and did not show any response.

Struggling to understand the increasingly composed and stable thoughts of Wen Tong, Shi Jinglan felt a mix of annoyance and curiosity. 

She shifted the thin blanket covering her body, stood up barefoot on the cobblestone floor, climbed onto the recliner next to Wen Tong, knelt beside her long legs, bowed down, and gazed at Wen Tong’s peaceful eyes attentively. With a cold expression, she asked, “What are you thinking about?”

Wen Tong regained her composure, looking at the woman who was always adept at disguising herself. She reached out and embraced Shi Jinglan’s waist, pulling her towards herself, a hint of slyness flashing in her eyes.

She lightly kissed Shi Jinglan’s delicate earlobe, smiling as she softly asked, “What do you want to know?”

For someone who can easily get anything, what they can’t get is the best; for those with a strong desire for control, what they can’t control is the most enduring passion. This was what she had slowly learned over the years of emotional skirmishes with Shi Jinglan.

“This question is asked on behalf of the many infatuated fans of yours. Author, are you lacking a subject of affection?” The elegant and beautiful female host teased the young woman with a successful career and outstanding looks.

After a moment of silence, Lin Xian’s tightly pursed lips gradually relaxed, lifting her hand to touch her neckline, caressing the familiar warm white jade on her chest through her shirt. A faint smile reappeared at the corner of her lips as she softly said, “I might disappoint everyone.”

She looked at the camera, as if looking at something through the lens, her eyes deep, gentle yet sorrowful as she said, “Speaking of which, if she could see this program, I want to tell her that my heart has never changed, I miss her very, very much…” As she spoke, her usually calm and steady tone unexpectedly carried a hint of choking emotion.

The late October night breeze drifted in through the open window, carrying the slight chill of deep autumn. Leaning on the bed, a slender figure with slightly curled long hair clutched a half-person-high plush teddy bear in her arms. She gazed at the extraordinary girl on the screen, her gentle eyes filled with unbreakable love and melancholy.

This is a small county with a slow pace of life under the jurisdiction of Yiping. It is close to the riverbank that Xiao Wanqing and Lin Xian visited that night that year.

For a long time after leaving Anjiang City, Xiao Wanqing was lost and helpless, filled with thoughts and reluctance for Lin Xian, despair and fatigue for the long life ahead. It was like being exiled by fate once again, with the vastness of the world, yet nowhere to go, nowhere to lean on.

She thought of writing for self-media and submitting travel articles for a living, carrying all the beautiful memories Lin Xian had given her, dragging along the little teddy bear that they had both embraced tightly in the suitcase. Aimlessly and desolately, she walked through many unfamiliar cities they had once dreamed of visiting together, trying to fill the gaping hole of emptiness in her heart that bled.

The more roads she could travel, the more people she met, the busier her surroundings became, the lonelier and more restless she felt. She increasingly understood that her longing for Lin Xian was an incurable hidden ailment deep in her bones.

In the first November of the year, on Lin Xian’s birthday, the harsh winter had arrived. Xiao Wanqing hid in a small town’s inn in the far north, writing articles, watching as light snow sprinkled outside all night.

Xianxian once said she wanted to watch the first snow of her life with her.

She lowered her head and closed her eyes, memories vivid in her mind, the girl’s laughter still ringing in her ears. When she opened her eyes, all she could see was the deep, desolate night.

In the cold December of winter, she finally couldn’t hold on any longer and fell ill. She lay on the sickbed for half a month, intermittently running a high fever, watching as snow fell outside the window time and time again.

Many nights, she burned with fever, coughing so much she couldn’t sleep, too weak to get up and make hot water to ease the cough. Lying limp on the unfamiliar small bed, she passively and wearily asked herself, does it still have any meaning to live like this? She didn’t want to struggle anymore; living was too tiring.

But when she glanced at the bedside photo of Lin Xian looking at her with a gaze full of love, holding the cold yet soft body of the teddy bear in her arms, she just couldn’t let go, couldn’t give up.

In her lifetime, she still wanted, she still wanted to see Lin Xian again. Even if it was just from afar—

After the Lin family forgave her, or maybe after Lin Xian forgot about her.

If one day she were to die, unable to return to her homeland, unable to be buried in her hometown, where would her soul find rest?

Slowly, her illness began to improve, and with her ailing body, she ended her wandering and arrived here, at this place, the location where she and Lin Xian shared the happiest and most carefree memories.

If there truly came a day when she couldn’t go on, she wanted to be laid to rest in the gentle hometown that Lin Xian had once provided.

In 2014, Xiao Wanqing finally found Lin Xian’s first published novel online. Her long-dead heart gradually revived in her lover’s words, in the news of Lin Xian’s resurgence.

With her keen market intuition and rich experience in book marketing, she strategically helped Lin Xian by purchasing discreet marketing services she had cooperated with and trusted in the past. She personally designed recommendation strategies and manuscripts tailored for different platforms. With the added embellishment from Wen Tong, Lin Xian, who already had the talent but lacked fame and audience communication channels, just as she had anticipated, rose to stardom.

Xiao Wanqing was like a ship adrift in the sea without direction, but after gaining the channel to watch Lin Xian from afar, she found her way back and regained her sense of direction.

As Lin Xian grew up, she couldn’t be there by her side, but Xiao Wanqing still wanted to be her reassuring support, to do everything she could to help her, to shield her from the wind, to guide her along and make her journey smoother and farther.

Rallying her spirits, hidden behind the internet, she picked up the blueprint she had once planned with Wen Tong. With her outstanding writing skills and precise market insight as her assets, she started to manage her own self-media operations, beginning with a WeChat public account. Knowing her time and energy were limited, she focused on quality over quantity, not only writing content herself but also accepting high-quality submissions. Gradually building an audience through a few highly successful social commentary articles, the public account began to thrive, and she slowly entered a circle of some self-media personalities.

She didn’t have grand ambitions, just hoping that one day, when Lin Xian stood even taller, if she needed someone to speak for her, to pave the way for her, she could step forward to voice out, even though her voice might be feeble.

In 2017, a familiar neighbor from next door whom Xiao Wanqing had known for a long time knocked on her door, asking if she had time to help substitute for a high school Chinese class. Midway through the semester, the school was unable to find a suitable substitute teacher, so they immediately thought of her. Ever since she inadvertently looked after their grandson when he came back early from school and realized he didn’t have his keys, the family had been very caring towards her.

Apart from her, the public account now has other staff members for daily operations, and her workload isn’t too heavy, mainly focusing on editing and writing. Perhaps having been away from crowds for too long, she started facing some writer’s block. After careful consideration, Xiao Wanqing agreed to the request.

Day after day, year after year, she always kept a distant watch over Lin Xian, receiving limited news related to her, watching her grow little by little, moving towards greater heights, soaring into the sky. Enduring the heartache and anguish of the initial separation when there was no news from Lin Xian, after a long period of far-off observation, as work kept her busy, Xiao Wanqing found that life had become less difficult, but not necessarily happier.

Like a long-distance relationship from one side, Lin Xian remained her beloved in her heart, but it had been a long time since they had seen each other.

She often dreamed of her deep in the night, waking up unwilling to leave the dream, only to find her pillow soaked with tears.

Lin Xian said her heart had never changed.

Xiao Wanqing looked at the screen, her eyes stinging with tears. She picked up the photo on her bedside table, lovingly caressing the bright face of the girl in the picture with her fingertips, bowing her head to kiss it tenderly.

Xianxian… she choked up calling her name in her heart.

Over the years, she had looked at Lin Xian’s Weibo profile countless times, often considering disregarding everything and going back to find her. But as time passed, she found herself lacking the courage to do so.

Two years ago, when Lin Xian rose to fame, details about her family background were dug up. Fan gossip spread a joking tale that someone who had attended a lecture given by Lin Xian’s mother half a year earlier had mentioned that Professor Zhou had offhandedly commented about her daughter, expressing her only wish for her to have a normal romantic relationship. This led to speculations about how unconventional their author had been in her past relationships.

Xiao Wanqing understood that Zhou Qin’s resistance towards her hadn’t dissipated with time.

Furthermore, while Lin Xian flourished and her world expanded, she gradually moved towards the twilight of her life. Having passed through the age Lin Xian was currently at, she understood that sometimes, after persisting for so long, one might struggle to discern whether they were holding onto love or just unable to let go of past obsessions.

She was afraid that her appearance was becoming more and more untimely.

She held a plush teddy bear, with moist eyes, replaying in the darkness the precious, talkative, lively image of her beloved after she grew up, over and over again, tearfully until daybreak.

In early November, the day before the mid-term exams at school, heavy rain poured down.

After finishing her Chinese class, Xiao Wanqing patiently answered questions for some students before leaving the classroom. On her way back to the office, she once again encountered the female student she often ran into.

The girl, as usual, seemed like she was about to head downstairs, greeted her with a smile, Xiao Wanqing noticed she was dressed lightly, cautioned her about the rain and the cool weather, reminding her to be careful not to catch a cold. Then, they casually chatted as they walked to the staircase, parting ways at the crossroads.

Everything seemed normal, except for the fact that their encounters were becoming excessively frequent, and the girl’s classroom was in the opposite direction of where they were walking.

Xiao Wanqing had never taught her and didn’t pay much attention. She didn’t even remember when that girl started appearing in her line of sight. It was only when a teacher from the adjacent class, who had taught the girl before, casually mentioned her class that Xiao Wanqing belatedly saw through the girl’s clumsy intentions.

Since the girl never explicitly mentioned anything, Xiao Wanqing had to pretend to be oblivious. She couldn’t avoid the girl’s chance encounters, but she dodged any occasional inquiries about her personal information, rejected any requests for private contact information, and refused any gifts the girl offered under any pretext.

Xiao Wanqing didn’t know that from the moment the she first appeared speaking under the national flag, her gentle appearance and outstanding temperament had made her a topic of discussion in the lackluster extracurricular lives of the students at this small county school. It was widely spread that she had already been recognized as the goddess teacher among the students.

Sometimes, when she grew tired of the girl’s persistent pursuit, Xiao Wanqing would sigh. Where did this obsession come from when they had never been close? Yet, seeing the girl at a similar age to Lin Xian back then, she couldn’t help but empathize.

Because of Lin Xian, she had a bit more patience and tenderness towards these semi-grown, somewhat naive and impulsive children.

With no classes in the next two periods, Xiao Wanqing took a brief rest in the office. Seeing that the rain outside had lessened, she took out a spare umbrella from her bag, bid farewell to her colleagues, and leisurely exited the office building, stepping into the rain.

The rain, which had just eased up, gradually intensified as she walked.

Today, Xiao Wanqing was wearing a navy blue fitted dress and a camel-colored knee-length windbreaker. In the diagonal wind and heavy rain, the hems of her clothes were soaked halfway through.

Helpless, she quickened her pace to the school gate, seeking refuge under the eaves extended from the communication room at the side. She closed the umbrella, temporarily avoiding the wind and rain. With a gentle smile and a few words of conversation with the guard, she then focused on shaking off the rainwater from her clothes.

As she heard the rain gradually subside, Xiao Wanqing opened her umbrella once again, preparing to leave.

However, as she lifted her head and took a step, she inadvertently glanced across the street, and it seemed as if she was frozen in place, her feet rooted to the ground, eyes wide open, heart pounding, at a loss.

Across the road not far away, a young and elegant girl was holding a transparent long umbrella and, separated by the bustling traffic, was staring straight at her.

The girl wore white casual shoes, grey cigarette pants, a casual shirt, and a small suit on top, giving her a composed yet lively appearance. Holding the umbrella with impeccable posture, her gaze was unwaveringly fixed on Xiao Wanqing as she calmly made her way towards her, step by step.

Xiao Wanqing’s nose felt sour, her throat tight, standing in place in a daze. Overwhelming emotions left her mind blank, staring blankly as Lin Xian crossed the traffic, steadily approaching her.

The girl finally stood in front of Xiao Wanqing, just a step away. In the deep black eyes that met Xiao Wanqing’s gaze, there seemed to be hidden waves stirring. After a moment, she tilted the umbrella, shielding Xiao Wanqing from the wind and rain coming from the side, slightly curling her lips and greeted her in a calm tone, neither sad nor happy, “Xiao Panpan, long time no see.”

The voice was one that Xiao Wanqing had nostalgically remembered countless times in her dreams, familiar yet unfamiliar.

Xiao Wanqing looked up, gazing affectionately at the girl’s familiar face, feeling a painful ache in her heart, she opened her mouth but couldn’t make a sound.