I promise you
“I’m sorry, sister, I can’t promise you,” Xiao Wanqing sat rigidly, her lips stiff as she struggled to respond.
Zhou Qin seemed to have anticipated Xiao Wanqing’s immediate refusal, showing little emotional fluctuation to her rejection. She simply rubbed her temples, asking her with disappointment and fatigue, “Then what do you want?”
Xiao Wanqing could see Zhou Qin’s impatience and weariness. To be treated this way by someone she once held dear stabbed her heart like a sword named embarrassment and shame, causing it to bleed profusely. She knew that in Zhou Qin’s eyes at this moment, she appeared shameless, audacious, and even despicable. She also knew she had no room for any explanation or redemption. If she were a tactful person, she should have taken the opportunity when the Lin family was showing her mercy due to old ties and left gracefully.
But she couldn’t retreat. Standing tall, she made a sincere and solemn promise to Zhou Qin, “Sister, I want to be with Xianxian. I want to take care of her, and I want to love her deeply.”
With each word she spoke, Zhou Qin’s face grew colder. Yet, Xiao Wanqing faced her gaze, which could have shamed and killed her, and finished conveying her desires and commitments.
“Xiaowan, do you think it’s ridiculous for you to tell me now that you love her? As an adult, as an elder, don’t you know that if you truly love her, you should leave her.” Zhou Qin remained unmoved, her gaze cold and unyielding, the words landing heavily.
“You keep saying you love Lin Xian, but your so-called love is just accepting her in such a hasty and irresponsible manner, even engaging in a relationship with her when she was still naive and young. When I entrusted Lin Xian to you, she was only 17, not yet an adult, calling you ‘Auntie’. How could you do this?” The way she looked at Xiao Wanqing was like someone staring at a perverted kidnapper.
“I…” “No, I didn’t.” Despite feeling heartbroken and wronged under Zhou Qin’s gaze, Xiao Wanqing couldn’t find the words to defend herself.
It was almost as if she and Lin Xian were caught in bed by Zhou Qin, an irrefutable truth in Zhou Qin’s eyes. She couldn’t explain to Zhou Qin that when she and Lin Xian started, Lin Xian was already of legal age. She couldn’t tell Zhou Qin that she had never touched Lin Xian, that she had always left a way out for her.
It sounded like sophistry, fanning the flames.
She was so much older than Lin Xian, her senior in fact. No matter how you put it, being with Lin Xian regardless of the consequences was her mistake, a responsibility she couldn’t shirk.
Swallowing all her heartbreak, she bore all the blame, apologizing through choked sobs, “Sister, I’m sorry. I have let you down, I’m sorry.”
“But, sister, it wasn’t intentional on my part. I truly, truly couldn’t control my feelings. I know it’s wrong, and I wish I could stay away from Xianxian, I wish I could stop loving her, but I just can’t.”
Her voice was hoarse and trembling from holding back tears, as she earnestly confided in Zhou Qin, hoping to gain even a sliver of understanding: “Sister, Xianxian is your child. You must know better than anyone how exceptional and stubborn she can be. When I first realized the depth of my feelings, I did try to leave. Do you remember when I told you before the Qingming Festival that I was considering transferring to another city? At that time, I was determined to go, but Xianxian touched my heart. I wanted nothing more than her happiness and well-being. Seeing her cry in despair, I couldn’t bring myself to leave.”
She wanted to convey to Zhou Qin that the feelings between her and Lin Xian were not as sordid and hasty as they might appear. “Sister, I was greedy and indulgent, but my love for her is genuine. Initially, I only intended to stay with Xianxian for a short time, thinking I would leave once she grew tired of me. However, Xianxian’s actions gradually showed me that she was more mature and serious about this relationship than I had thought. That’s when I realized I was wrong – underestimating her determination and sense of responsibility because of her age was a betrayal and harm to her sincerity. Sister, Xianxian is more mature than I imagined, and surely more mature than you think. Though she is young, she is not naive. Please, I implore you, give Xianxian and me some time to prove ourselves to you, okay?”
She said a lot, but to Zhou Qin, it sounded like she was only emphasizing one thing over and over again: it was Lin Xian who initiated it, Lin Xian took the lead.
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Was she trying to shift the blame? Zhou Qin almost wanted to laugh in exasperation. Speaking so grandiosely, with righteous indignation – how mature could a teenager really be?
Feeling a bit agitated, she suppressed the faint pain in her chest, staring at Xiao Wanqing, then suddenly chuckled lightly and asked her, “Give you time, what can you prove?”
Zhou Qin’s tone made it difficult for Xiao Wanqing to discern her emotions, and for a moment, she thought Zhou Qin might have softened. Clumsily and anxiously, she presented her true feelings, handing over a file bag to Zhou Qin. “Sister, I know I may not be the best match for Lin Xian, but please give me time to prove that I am the one who loves Lin Xian the most. Sister, I understand that many things cannot be guaranteed between Xianxian and me as a couple, so after we got together, I arranged for a will notarization and purchased insurance. Sister, perhaps I don’t have much, but everything under my name will be shared with Xianxian. This is my promise, and I will gradually transfer ownership. I will also work hard, live well, and do my best to provide Xianxian with a good life without any burden, supporting her in pursuing her dreams. I have made plans, changed jobs, and am preparing to buy a car for Xianxian as a birthday gift in the next half year once she feels more confident in her driving skills. When Xianxian graduates and starts working, I will move to a place convenient for her commute…”
Talking about material things in a relationship is worldly, not a yardstick that Xiao Wanqing and Lin Xian use to measure their love for each other. However, empty words are feeble, lacking in convincing power. In this moment, Xiao Wanqing had no idea how to prove her genuine affection aside from these awkward, worldly possessions.
Before she could finish speaking, Zhou Qin coldly interrupted her. She stared at the file bag that Xiao Wanqing had handed over, showing no intention of reaching out to take it. Her gaze was indifferent as she softly questioned her, “Xiaowan, is Xianxian lacking these things?”
“Can the Lin family not provide these things for Xianxian? Are these the things we truly need?”
Her tone was so dismissive, even tinged with a hint of disdain, like a harsh reprimand that made Xiao Wanqing, who had offered everything with sincere devotion, suddenly feel like a barren and ugly toad, shamefully tongue-tied, unable to speak.
“What can you prove with more time? Can you provide Xianxian with a family filled with parental love and filial piety? Can you offer her a bright and open social circle? Can you give her a clear and bright future? Can you?! All you’ve done is let her face scrutiny at school, almost losing her qualification for regularization. If it’s like this now, what about the future? What about when Xianxian starts working? As a woman, as an outstanding woman, you know how difficult it is to succeed in your career, don’t you? Instead of helping her in the slightest, you become a handle for others to inexplicably criticize her. Is this how you love her?”
Zhou Qin’s questions pierced deep into Xiao Wanqing’s heart, leaving her speechless.
“But even if Lin Xian is forced to be with someone she doesn’t love and gets all these things, she won’t be happy.” Xiao Wanqing bit her lip, her face pale as she awkwardly retorted. She didn’t dare say that Lin Xian might not even want these things. Deep down, who wouldn’t want these things if they could have them? Lin Xian, indeed, had only given up these things to be with her.
“How do you know that if Xianxian leaves you, she can only be with someone she doesn’t love?” Zhou Qin furrowed her brow and sharply questioned. “Not to mention whether Xianxian at her age truly understands what love is. Even in matters of love, Xiaowan, you once deeply loved someone, and now, aren’t you here proclaiming your love for Lin Xian? Who truly loves only one person for a lifetime? At our age, should we still be as naive as Xianxian?”
Xiao Wanqing felt a lump forming in her throat, aching, but she stubbornly suppressed the urge to cry. Every question Zhou Qin asked was once a question she asked herself in moments of doubt, with Lin Xian’s deep affection making it difficult for her to convince herself. But now, how could she convince Zhou Qin? Zhou Qin didn’t even believe that Lin Xian’s feelings for her were love.
Was she being naive? But she truly believed in Lin Xian, believing in their vows of love and commitment.
Shame and humiliation had long obscured her heart, but her love for Lin Xian, and Lin Xian’s love for her, brought her to this point, enduring until now. She dared not reveal her panic and vulnerability, fearing being seen through by Zhou Qin. She was exhausted, on the verge of collapse.
She gazed at Zhou Qin’s stubborn and unyielding expression, feeling deep despair and sorrow welling up in her heart.
How do you persuade someone who doesn’t even acknowledge the premise?
Turning her eyes away, tears silently streamed down her cheeks, concealed by the mask. With a tight grip on her fists, nails digging deep into her palms, she clenched her teeth and let go of all her pride and dignity. Slowly standing up, she bent her knees slightly, tears in her eyes, and knelt before Zhou Qin’s sickbed. Choking back sobs, she pleaded, “Sis, I know I can’t convince you right now, but please, give me a chance, for us, for Lin Xian. Can you give us a little time? I promise you, I won’t see Lin Xian for now, can you let her take the exam?” Her voice, due to crying in grievance, was broken and hoarse, “Regardless of whether Xianxian wants to study abroad in the future or apply for further studies, she cannot afford to lack these grades, please… don’t block Xianxian’s options, don’t do this…”
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The moment she knelt down, Zhou Qin was stunned and began to reach out to pull her up. However, in the end, her outstretched hand slowly dropped back down. She gazed at the frail and disheveled woman before her, aching in her heart and tears streaming down her face.
But thinking of Lin Xian, of Lin Xian’s future, she could only steel her heart and be ruthless towards Xiao Wanqing.
She didn’t explain that Lin Xian wasn’t skipping the exam, just delaying it. Her voice took on a nasal tone, trembling lightly as she said, “Xiaowan, as Lin Xian’s mother, do you think I don’t know this isn’t good for her? Am I the one blocking her options? It’s not me, it’s you. I also beg you, please give yourself and Xianxian a chance, okay? You’ve walked this path yourself, don’t you know how difficult and rocky it is? Xianxian is young and naive now, so fearless. But what about the future? When she grows up and regrets, what then? Can you bear the years missed, the opportunities lost, or can she?”
Zhou Qin, with hindsight, finally understood what Xiao Wanqing had been arguing with her parents about all those years, why she had been kicked out of the house, and why her grandmother had refused to see her until her death.
Clutching her fists tightly, she averted her gaze from Xiao Wanqing’s trembling and frail figure, and cruelly pierced her heart, “Xiaowan, no matter what, I can never accept you being together. If the elders in the family find out about this, can you even imagine what will happen to this family? It’s either the family or you, Lin Xian, destined to choose one. Xianxian hasn’t eaten since coming home, I know she’s willing to endure anything for you, and will choose you. But Xiao Wanqing, didn’t you once go to great lengths for someone, regardless of your parents’ wishes? Do you regret it now?”
Zhou Qin’s words pierced Xiao Wanqing’s heart, already riddled with a thousand wounds, like a sharp arrow, precise and merciless.
“Regret it?” This question echoed in Xiao Wanqing’s heart. This question, she had asked herself countless times in tear-soaked pillows during midnight reveries.
The nightmares from last night resurfaced in her mind once again. Endless scenes of stark white and crimson flashed before her eyes – the red of her parents lying in a pool of blood, the deathly white on their faces before being covered with white cloth, the red and white of blood-soaked dumplings taken from her mother’s embrace, the pale white of the cloth after her grandmother closed her eyes…
She couldn’t bring herself to say the words “No regrets.” Xiao Wanqing’s tears rolled down heavily.
“Xiao Wanqing, do you want Lin Xian to regret like you in the future? Do you want Lin Xian to end up losing everything, alone and broken like you in the end?” Each sentence colder and more cutting than the last.
Xiao Wanqing hung her head, her back slumped weakly, unable to make a sound through her tears.
Lin Xian, Lin Xian… What is the true way to love you? Suppressing her crying until she was gasping for breath, Xiao Wanqing couldn’t bring herself to say that one phrase, “I promise you.”
Lin Xian was still persisting in agony, and she couldn’t bear it… But using this self-harming method to endure, Xiao Wanqing couldn’t bear it either… Allowing Lin Xian to bear regrets and remorse that could never be undone in the future was like a knife twisting in her heart. What should she do that would be right?
To harm the enemy a thousand times and hurt oneself by eight hundred. Hearts are made of flesh too. Zhou Qin had hurt Xiao Wanqing, and seeing her grief-stricken and helpless appearance, Zhou Qin’s heart ached as if torn apart, unable to hold back her tears. But she had no other choice. She couldn’t continue this stalemate. Stepping barefoot off the bed, with a thud she knelt beside Xiao Wanqing, grabbing her sleeve and choking out, “Please, I beg you too. Our whole family is begging you. Leaving Xianxian is the best way to show your love for her…”
Seeing Zhou Qin’s pale face due to illness made Xiao Wanqing scared. After more than twenty years of acquaintance, it was the first time Xiao Wanqing saw Zhou Qin in such a wild and distressed state. Throughout her life, Zhou Qin had been kind to her. Lin Zhan had been kind to her. The whole Lin family, the whole Zhou family, had been kind to her.
She couldn’t bear this kneel.
She couldn’t take it.
She lifted her head, but couldn’t stop the tears. Leaning on the bed, she slowly stood up, then reached out to pull Zhou Qin.
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Tears still hung in the corners of her eyes, she forced her voice to steady, hoarsely asking Zhou Qin, “If I leave, if Xianxian still likes girls in the future, can you let her be free, stop forcing her like this?”
“It’s impossible, Xianxian will understand when she grows up, she can’t.” Zhou Qin said firmly, resolute.
“I mean if. If she grows up, matures, can handle it on her own, can you not pressure her?” Xiao Wanqing’s eyes were red, earnestly insisting on a promise from Zhou Qin.
Zhou Qin’s somber eyes met hers, and after a long pause, she replied in a low voice, “If, if she truly grows up, enters society, understands the world, and still likes girls, then I’ll accept it, I won’t pressure her.”
A faint bitter smile tugged at the corner of Xiao Wanqing’s lips, hidden beneath her mask. It seemed mocking, self-pitying, unseen by Zhou Qin. Zhou Qin could see in Xiao Wanqing’s clear eyes, shimmering with tears and a sense of sorrow, despair, and resignation.
Lowering her eyelids, tears overflowed from her eyes, her voice so faint it felt like an illusion, Xiao Wanqing answered Zhou Qin, “I promise you.”
LP: Lin Xian’s gonna hate y’all for this