To you, my past
In the heart of the Southern District lay Zhou Qinding’s restaurant. Despite many years away, Xiao Wanqing managed to navigate her way there smoothly with the help of her memory and GPS.
After parking the car, Xiao Wanqing proceeded to the back seat to fetch the gifts she had prepared for Lin Xian’s maternal grandparents and paternal grandparents. Lin Xian thoughtfully stood behind her, taking from her hands one gift after another.
Just as they were about to close the car door and leave, Xiao Wanqing saw a long box in Lin Xian’s arms and suddenly smiled with pursed lips. She took it from Lin Xian and put it back in the car.
“What’s this?” Lin Xian’s gaze followed Xiao Wanqing’s action, puzzled.
Xiao Wanqing locked the car and, taking most of the gift boxes from Lin Xian, explained while they walked out of the parking lot, “It’s my birthday gift to you.”
“Eh!” Lin Xian raised the corners of her lips excitedly. “Then why not bring it up together?”
Xiao Wanqing glanced sideways at the excited Lin Xian, her eyes and eyebrows softened in a bit of embarrassment, “Because after thinking about it, it might not be suitable to give it to you in front of your mom.”
“Wow! What is it?” Lin Xian became even more excited. She tilted her head, arched an eyebrow, and teased with a mischievous smile, “Xiao Panpan, what kinda not-suitable-for-children thing is inside? No, I want to go back and take a peek first.” Saying so, she became fidgety.
Xiao Wanqing couldn’t help but lift her hand and lightly flicked Lin Xian’s smooth forehead with her index finger, playfully scolding her with a smile, “What on earth are you thinking about in this little head of yours every day?”
“Thinking about you.” Lin Xian pouted, not hesitating to respond.
Upon hearing her answer, Xiao Wanqing’s heart softened. She indulged in a light chuckle, gently brushed aside Lin Xian’s fine bangs, and sated her curiosity, saying, “It’s a mouse and a mechanical keyboard. Weren’t you complaining a while ago about how the keyboard on your gaming laptop didn’t feel right and the mouse was a bit unresponsive? I took a look at some recommendations for the mouse and went with a Dareu, and for the keyboard, I initially planned on getting a Cherry with blue switches, but then I thought you might need it for typing as well, so I balanced it out and eventually got one with red switches. Give it a try, and if you find the keyboard too soft to type on, lacking a sense of rhythm and segmentation, we can exchange it.”
She had wanted to buy a mouse and keyboard for a long time. But now, Lin Xian realized every penny was hard-earned, and she wanted to save everything to enjoy with Xiao Wanqing, which is why she had been restraining herself from making the purchase. Everything Xiao Wanqing mentioned directly addressed Lin Xian’s deepest desires.
Gazing into Xiao Wanqing’s eyes, which shone brightly, akin to stars or ripples on water, Lin Xian moved closer to her, almost cheek to cheek, and whispered softly against her forehead, “Thank you, Xiao Xiaowan. No need to exchange it. Whatever you picked, it’s all my favorite. I will cherish it dearly.”
She was too indulgent with herself. Lin Xian felt both sweet and moved. Zhou Qin, knowing she played video games without scolding her, was already good enough; if she knew Lin Xian also wanted to spend a lot of money on equipment, she would probably nag her to death. It was rare to be treated with such tenderness.
“Why wouldn’t it be suitable to give it to me in front of my mother?” Lin Xian, wanting to tease Xiao Wanqing, asked knowingly.
Xiao Wanqing blinked and smiled, unwilling to speak.
“Come on, Xiao Panpan, are you already scared of your mother-in-law this early?” Lin Xian teased, leaning in close to her ear with a smile in her eyes.
Hearing the words “mother-in-law,” Xiao Wanqing’s heart skipped a beat, followed by an inexplicable shyness, and her face flushed red to her ears. She stepped back from Lin Xian and turned to walk quickly forward, retorting with feigned annoyance, “Xianxian, you’re talking nonsense again.”
Lin Xian caught up, grabbing Xiao Wanqing’s wrist, with a sly and tender look in her eyes. She rested her chin on Xiao Wanqing’s shoulder and whispered in her ear with a breath, suggestively saying, “Then tonight, do you want to prove to me that you actually are ready to be a mother-in-law?” She wanted to give herself to Xiao Panpan, but Xiao Panpan always restrained herself, saying she was still too young, and to wait until she was a little older.
Xiao Wanqing felt as if all the blood in her body rushed to her head in an instant, blushing furiously. She gave the girl a complex and restrained look, just about to say something when suddenly, from far behind them, came Zhou Qin’s somewhat puzzled call, “Xianxian, Xiaowan?”
The moment she heard the voice, Xiao Wanqing’s body uncontrollably shivered, like a startled rabbit. She reflexively sprang a few steps away from Lin Xian.
Sister Zhou Qin, did she see much? She couldn’t have heard our conversation, right?
Lin Xian reacted even faster. She stood up straight, reached out to grab the overly reactive Xiao Wanqing’s wrist, stopping her from moving further away. She turned around, with a natural expression on her face, and smiled calmly as she saw her mother and grandfather approaching from a distance. “Mom, Grandpa, you’ve just arrived too.”
Xiao Wanqing bit her lip, gradually calming down. She unconsciously clenched her fist, adjusted her emotions, and showed a proper, usual smile. “Teacher, Sister, long time no see.”
From a distance, while still parking, Zhou Qin saw two women walking slowly towards the parking lot exit, chatting and laughing intimately, with body language that seemed unusually close and affectionate. It was only when she got closer that she recognized the two were Lin Xian and Xiao Wanqing.
Upon recognizing Lin Xian and Xiao Wanqing, she instinctively ignored the strange feeling that flashed through her heart, feeling reassured and lamenting that it seems Xianxian and Xiaowan are indeed getting along very well. That makes sense – if they weren’t getting along well, how could Xianxian possibly have managed to invite Xiaowan?
“You’ve lost a bit of weight, but you seem much more spirited.” Zhou Qin’s father carefully observed his favorite student, whom he hadn’t seen for nearly two years, and patted Xiao Wanqing’s shoulder with satisfaction. Xiao Wanqing’s condition was evidently much better than it was two years ago; she was practically unrecognizable.
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“I’ve made you worry. I heard from Sister that your cervical spondylosis flared up; is it better now?” Xiao Wanqing walked beside him, asking gently with concern.
“It’s an old issue. With age, it’s normal; don’t worry about it,” the elder responded with an open-minded attitude.
“Grandpa, Pan…” Lin Xian almost slipped but caught herself in time, correcting herself: “Aunt Xiao heard about it and has been concerned ever since. Look, she even had someone bring back a rubber pillow from Thailand specially because she heard it’s good for cervical health.” Lin Xian sweetly pressed forward, helping her beloved to shine.
It was only when she saw Xiao Wanqing carrying out several large and small packages that she realized how much preparation and effort Xiao Wanqing had put into this meeting.
“Silly girl, coming over was enough; why go to all this expense?” said the elder affectionately.
“I said the same thing, but Aunt Xiao insisted. She decided on this pillow and although I told her they all looked pretty much the same, she wasn’t reassured. She took the trouble to meticulously research and carefully select for several days,” Lin Xian said with a straight face, without a hint of embarrassment.
The elder’s gaze on her grew even more affectionate, and Zhou Qin also glanced at her with some gratitude. Xiao Wanqing couldn’t help but turn her head to look at Lin Xian, feeling her face grow warm.
She wasn’t unaware of these social skills, but being naturally shy, she’d always been embarrassed to act this way. She had never known before that Lin Xian had the ability to tell such convincing fibs with a clear conscience.
This little clever ghost. Xiao Wanqing’s heart was filled with affection.
Upon arriving at the reserved private room, Lin Zhan and Lin Xian’s paternal grandparents, along with her maternal grandmother, were all waiting for them inside. Seeing Xiao Wanqing, the three elders, who hadn’t seen Xiao Wanqing in a long while, pulled out a chair beside them for her to sit, warmly took her hand, and kindly inquired about her recent circumstances.
No one dared to bring up past events. At Xiao Wanqing’s age, their greatest concerns were undoubtedly her health, work, and romantic life.
Lin Xian moved her chair closer to Xiao Wanqing and sat beside her, fearing that she might not handle well the enthusiastic questioning about her marital prospects from the three elders if they all pounced at once. Pretending to be jealous, Lin Xian teased Xiao Wanqing, “Auntie Xiao, had I known, I wouldn’t have invited you. Look, grandpa and grandmas only have eyes for you, and here I am, their little birthday girl, completely forgotten.”
Distracted by their granddaughter’s interruption, the elders instantly shifted their attention to inquiring about Lin Xian’s recent life.
Xiao Wanqing quietly sighed in relief.
However, Zhou Qin was not so easily fooled. “Xiaowan, there’s a new colleague at my institution, a local, a bachelor with a PhD from the UK, quite the catch, and he even has a full head of hair. How about you find some time to meet him?”
Lin Xian was verbally handling the elders, but her attention never strayed far from Xiao Wanqing. Seeing that her mother was already moving at lightning speed towards arranging a blind date, Lin Xian frowned deeply, turned her head, and called out in an annoyed tone, “Mom…”
“What’s the matter?” Zhou Qin looked puzzled.
“Auntie Xiao just got here for a rare visit, can you not bother her with these things, please?” Lin Xian was somewhat hot-headed and spoke rather bluntly.
This year, her mother introduced her to so many matchmaking prospects that it was relentless! Out of politeness, Xiao Wanqing would usually add the other party on WeChat. The understanding ones were fine, but the clueless ones chatted awkwardly with Xiao Wanqing every day, driving her nearly to the brink of frustration.
Zhou Qin also expressed displeasure, “How is this bothering her? You kids wouldn’t understand, so don’t butt in.”
Lin Xian, annoyed, retorted, “I’m celebrating my 19th birthday today; I’m not a child anymore.” She wanted to argue back, but Xiao Wanqing quietly held Lin Xian’s hand under the table and calmed her with a look, signaling her not to act impulsively.
Sensing the tension, Lin Zhan tried to lighten the mood with a joke, “Qinqin, has your university introduced another eligible bachelor again? You better stay away from him; I’m feeling threatened here.”
The jest made all the elderly present laugh, and even Zhou Qin couldn’t help but relax her brows and chide in a softer tone, “What nonsense are you spouting in front of the kid?”
The dishes were served just in time, effectively turning the page on the earlier squabble.
At the dining table, the conversation kept circling back to Lin Xian. Zhou Qin was still holding onto her concerns and, once again, she asked Lin Xian if she truly no longer wished to go abroad as an exchange student.
Lin Xian nodded firmly, saying, “I’ve decided not to go.” However, unlike before, when she flatly refused to budge, this time she seemed more prepared and planned out: “I won’t be going abroad for the exchange program, but I still plan to pursue my graduate studies. I aim to secure a position for direct admission to continue my studies here. Considering our location in the south, a Master’s degree in Finance from Jingnan is quite prestigious. So, why should we look far afield when we have such a good option close at hand?”
She adopted a softer approach and explained, “Moreover, I always feel that once I go out there, if I find good job opportunities, it might become very difficult for me to return. But you, dad, and also paternal grandma, paternal grandpa, maternal grandma, and maternal grandpa are all here. How could I possibly leave with peace of mind to go so far away?”
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Touched by her child’s sudden display of maturity, Zhou Qin felt a warmth in her heart. However, more than anything, she cared about Lin Xian’s life being on the best and smoothest path possible. So, she still wanted to persuade Lin Xian. “But Xianxian…”
Before she could finish her sentence, Lin Xian’s maternal grandmother interjected, “Qinqin, Xianxian is also a grown-up now. She has her own thoughts and plans for her life. We, as the older generation, should also learn to delegate some authority. After all, she is the one who has to walk her own path.”
The elderly woman couldn’t help but feel reluctant about the idea of her granddaughter living far away, also fearing that Lin Xian might indeed settle abroad as she had mentioned.
Lin Xian’s paternal grandmother added, “Xianxian, if you’ve really thought this through and won’t regret it in the future, then your grandma will support you completely.”
Zhou Qin’s father also spoke up, “Xianxian, you’re responsible for your own choices. As long as you’ve thought it through, that’s fine.”
Lin Xian nodded in confirmation, “I’ve thought it through very clearly.”
“Then, Xianxian, just follow your heart,” Lin Xian’s paternal grandfather pronounced decisively.
Zhou Qin found herself in a difficult position, unable to argue, a lump in her throat. After a long moment, she sought a graceful way out, compromising, “Then, this is your choice. You must not suddenly change your mind later and then blame me for not letting you prepare earlier.”
“Mom, you can be totally at ease. I definitely won’t. The path I’ve chosen, even if I have to crawl, I will finish it. No regrets.”
“What nonsense are you talking about? We must walk it with smiles,” her paternal grandmother chided gently.
Seeing Zhou Qin finally relent on the matter of studying abroad, Lin Xian’s face broke into a smile, sharing a relieved and joyful look with Xiao Wanqing.
Peppery shrimp were added to the hotpot, deliciously flavorful yet notoriously tough to peel. Once cooked, the elders showed care for the younger generation, picking out two shrimps each for Lin Xian and Xiao Wanqing to their sides.
Lin Xian skillfully peeled the shrimp, and subconsciously pushed her bowl, now filled with the peeled shrimp meat, towards Xiao Wanqing, gently saying, “Try the taste.” Saying so, she also brought Xiao Wanqing’s bowl closer to herself.
Xiao Wanqing felt her heart almost leap to her throat. She stealthily used her peripheral vision to gauge the expressions of the others; as expected, the elders and Zhou Qin, all wore surprised looks.
The atmosphere turned somewhat subtle.
Zhou Qin was surprised because both Xiao Wanqing and Lin Xian had severe cases of mysophobia. When eating with others, they always used serving chopsticks for picking food, but now they didn’t mind using each other’s bowls and chopsticks?
The elderly were surprised that Lin Xian was so considerate. They had never received such treatment from Lin Xian before and felt a bit jealous.
Xiao Wanqing secretly stepped on Lin Xian’s foot under the table, who was still obliviously peeling shrimp. Lin Xian noticed Xiao Wanqing’s action and looked at her perplexedly. Xiao Wanqing discreetly signaled with her eyes.
Realizing belatedly, Lin Xian flashed a brilliant smile. She finished peeling the shrimp in her bowl, which was initially intended for Xiao Wanqing, and offered it to her paternal grandfather, saying, “Grandpa, you should try the taste too. Grandma, Grandpa, Grandma, please wait a moment. I can peel them quickly, I’ll peel for you.”
“There’s no need, Xianxian. Just eat by yourself.” The paternal grandfather looked at his granddaughter with affection.
“Xianxian has grown up, becoming more and more considerate to others.” The elders were delighted beyond words.
“What about me?” Zhou Qin said with a hint of jealousy.
“There is, there is, everyone has!” Lin Xian said with a beaming smile.
Xiao Wanqing, who had been anxious, relaxed, looked at Lin Xian with a smile in her eyes, and while Lin Xian was helping everyone peel shrimp, she peeled one for Lin Xian and placed it in her bowl.
This time, no one found it odd.
The meal was enjoyed by all, filled with harmony and happiness. Contrary to Xiao Wanqing’s expectations, perhaps the desire to be with Lin Xian had already surpassed everything else. Facing all this, apart from occasional panic and guilt, it seemed not so insurmountably difficult after all.
Leaving the restaurant, they split into three groups: Lin Zhan took his parents home, Zhou Qin also escorted her parents back, and Xiao Wanqing together with Lin Xian headed back to the North District.
As their car drove in the opposite direction and came to a halt at the first red light, Lin Xian could no longer contain herself. She unbuckled her seatbelt, grabbed the blanket from her knees to shield their actions, and, to Xiao Wanqing ‘s astonishment, quickly and fiercely kissed her on the lips.
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“Xiao Panpan, thank you for being so brave,” Lin Xian said, barely opening her eyes as she looked at her, her voice low and tender.
Xiao Wanqing gazed at the girl with tender affection, feeling an overwhelming love as if it was about to spill out of her heart. After a moment, a beautiful smile bloomed on her lips, and she said softly, making up her mind, “Xianxian, I have another gift for you.”
Just at dinner, she had already given Lin Xian an iPad. Another gift? Lin Xian’s eyes widened in surprise, somewhat overwhelmed by the affection.
The woman smiled gently as she took a beautifully wrapped box from the car door on her side and handed it to her.
Lin Xian bent her brows and eyes, asking softly, “Can I open it now?”
Xiao Wanqing nodded her head.
Lin Xian unwrapped the package, revealing a thick hard cardboard cover. She instinctively turned to the first page, where two photos caught her eye—underneath a black-and-white photo of a naked baby, it was written “Taken at Panpan’s one-month anniversary”; the other was in the style of a studio portrait, featuring a young and handsome couple holding a baby, with the caption “Taken at Panpan’s hundredth day”.
Undoubtedly, this was a family album—Xiao Wanqing’s family album.
Lin Xian couldn’t help but raise the corners of her lips, looking towards Xiao Wanqing.
Xiao Wanqing slightly narrowed her watery eyes, her smile tender and affectionate as she said, “Xianxian, I’m giving this to you—my past.”
