A wakeup call
On her way to the counselor’s office, Lin Xian idly speculated about many possibilities, but she never expected that the counselor would ultimately ask her, “Lin Xian, regarding your application to become a full party member, a classmate has raised strong objections before the announcement of the results, asking for it to be revoked. So, I specifically called you here to understand the situation.”
Standing in front of the man, Lin Xian felt a jolt in her heart. She frowned slightly and politely responded, “Teacher, please ask.” She wondered who she had offended to such an extent that opposing her application was not enough; they even protested to the teacher.
“The classmate alleged that you have an improper demeanor, not meeting the requirements of a party member,” the counselor said seriously, staring at Lin Xian.
“Teacher, what exactly do you mean by ‘improper demeanor’?”
The man suddenly seemed embarrassed. He looked at Lin Xian, who appeared somewhat displeased yet composed, and after a long pause, as if discussing something extremely shameful, he lowered his voice and said, “He said you like girls, engaged in homosexuality, not only failing to serve as an example for the masses but also potentially corrupting other students, damaging the academic atmosphere.” When saying “homosexuality,” there was a fleeting look of disdain in the man’s eyes, which Lin Xian clearly noticed.
Although the counselor’s attitude wasn’t explicitly stated, Lin Xian felt a bomb go off in her head in the brief moment she detected a glimpse of bias and malice in the retelling. This was the first time she had been looked upon with such disdain. For a moment, she felt as if, in the eyes of this teacher she once respected, she, a lesbian, was akin to a virus and trash.
However, the next moment, she calmly clenched her back teeth and stood even straighter in front of the counselor.
Facing the counselor boldly and composedly, her voice steady yet icy, Lin Xian questioned, “Teacher, putting aside whether what this student said about me being lesbian is true, let me ask. Which clause in our party’s Chapter 1 states that being gay is against the norms? Which rule in our college’s regulations says that being gay corrupts public morals or undermines the school’s spirit? Which law in our country has accused that being gay is illegal or a crime? How does being gay equate to improper conduct?”
Lin Xian’s gaze was fierce, her words striking with force. The counselor was momentarily taken aback by her interrogation. He frowned, attempting to suppress Lin Xian’s momentum, and said in a lowered voice, “Lin Xian, mind your tone.”
Lin Xian clenched her teeth tightly, then took a deep breath to calm the indignation in her chest, and said with restraint, “I apologize, Teacher. I got a bit emotional. I hope the Teacher can understand the anger I feel from being slandered.”
She spoke ambiguously. Her insinuation equated homosexuality with poor character. But the counselor’s understanding of slander was that others were saying she was homosexual.
“Lin Xian, I didn’t call you here today to argue with you. Just tell me, is his accusation true?” The counselor felt a bit relieved and softened his tone a bit.
He still had high hopes and affection for this student. Frankly, students at Jingnan University were all outstanding individuals, not to mention someone with Lin Xian’s family background. If possible, he would prefer to be that mentor, maintaining a good relationship with such a student who clearly has a bright future. In today’s society, connections are more important than many things.
As long as Lin Xian would say “I am not homosexual,” he could pretend this incident never happened. In Anjiang City’s academic and educational circles, Lin Xian’s family was quite noticeable, and he didn’t want to offend them.
(If you're not reading on littlepandatranslations.com, it means this has been stolen)
But Lin Xian stood firm, stubbornly emphasizing to him: “Teacher, who I like is actually my own private matter, isn’t it? Would you ask other students ‘others say you like so-and-so’ is it true? I feel I am disrespected. If possible, can you ask the person who protested to confront me in person? If not, I can only answer you, I haven’t behaved improperly. I believe I conduct myself with dignity and integrity, and I don’t acknowledge this accusation of improper conduct. If you insist on denying my application for permanent status because of this, I accept your decision, but I disagree.”
The counselor, pushed to the brink by words like “invasion of privacy” and “disrespect,” began to genuinely get angry. Whether to promote her was, in fact, just a matter of his word. If he truly wanted to obstruct her, not to mention accusing her of improper conduct, he could find a million grand reasons just as well.
Under someone’s roof, one does not have the luxury to hold one’s head high. Lin Xian pursed her lips, a mist of tears gradually rising in her eyes, noticeably reddening the rims. She took a breath, head lowered, and said in a hoarse voice, “I can’t really do anything. I can only work harder, to show you that your decision is wrong.” She didn’t dare confront him directly, fearful that he might go to extremes and contact Zhou Qin, which would complicate matters.
“Teacher, if there’s nothing else, I’d like to leave now.” The girl seemed somewhat disheartened.
Seeing Lin Xian back down, the counselor felt a pang of sympathy. Clearly, he couldn’t get anything more from Lin Xian. He frowned, waved his hand displeasedly at Lin Xian, which was a sign of permitting her to leave.
No matter how much homosexuals protest, it’s still contrary to common sense. He wasn’t against it, but certainly didn’t support it either. Lin Xian’s response was quite ambiguous, neither admitting nor denying, leaving him somewhat baffled. In his heart, he was reluctant to believe it, especially since Lin Xian’s conduct at school had always been impeccable. His calling Lin Xian in was not just about the slot for promotion; it was more because he valued talent. He didn’t want such a promising student to ruin her future because of her sexual orientation.
He believes that there are no real homosexuals, just a bunch of people trying to stand out by foolishly following trends. Lin Xian, at her age, can be considered an adult but also still a child. Children can easily make the wrong friends and be led astray. As a teacher, it’s his responsibility and duty to guide her back onto the right path.
The moment Lin Xian stepped out of the counselor’s office, a tear uncontrollably trickled down, betraying her composure. She turned away and briskly walked towards a deserted corner, then quickly wiped away the tears that had sprung up. Her fists, tightly clenched in her pockets all this time, creaked with the tension.
Such improper conduct. It turns out, all her efforts, hard work, and achievements can’t stand against one prejudice, can all be dismissed in just a few words. Just because of a different sexual orientation, can these majority groups look down upon her and high-handedly pin baseless accusations on her head? Why are there such narrow-minded people in this world?
She had desperately wanted to punch that self-righteous man, but she had to force herself to hold back rationally. The situation was against her; he was the teacher, and she was the student, still under his authority for two more years. Making a big fuss about it would only bring disadvantages to her.
Yet, anger and indignation were burning her heart in pain.
On what basis?
Simply loving someone, why do others feel they have the right to point fingers and make judgments? They’ve already been so tolerant, forced to love in hiding and secrecy. Having been so patient, why do people still aggressively intrude?
Lin Xian isn’t just feeling wronged for herself; she’s also feeling indignant on behalf of her Xiao Panpan. Just facing such looks and unfair treatment for her sexual orientation for the first time has already made her furious. What about her Xiao Panpan? How much injustice has her Xiao Panpan endured all along?
(If you're not reading on littlepandatranslations.com, it means this has been stolen)
Before these sting-like gazes fell on her, Lin Xian thought she didn’t care about others’ opinions. It was only through experiencing it did she realize that malicious stares could feel so tangible, more painful than imagined. These could make one feel this sad, embarrassed, and angry, yet powerless.
She thought about her relationship with Xiao Panpan, not just about being the same gender, but also the age difference, the chaos in seniority levels. Any one of these aspects would probably stir up a storm in the narrow hearts of some people. Her Xiao Panpan must have recognized these issues earlier and more deeply, understanding how difficult it would be to be with her.
Lin Xian began to truly understand the words Xiao Panpan said when she pushed her away time and again, began to truly grasp the worries and pressures Xiao Panpan has always faced, and realized more deeply how much Xiao Panpan loves her.
To her, it doesn’t matter. It’s just a moment of sadness, a brief burst of anger. She disdains narrow-minded people and refuses to join narrow-minded organizations. Except for Xiao Panpan, nothing is indispensable to her.
But her Xiao Panpan is different. Xiao Panpan doesn’t have the same resilient and tough heart. What should she do? When the storm truly arrives, how can she better protect her Xiao Panpan from harm?
For the first time, Lin Xian realized how weak and powerless she truly was.
When she returned to the classroom, class had already started for a while. As soon as she sat down, Shi Man noticed her unusually pale face, which was frightening.
“What happened to you? What did the counselor say?” Shi Man whispered, lowering his voice.
Lin Xian let out a long sigh, took out her phone, opened the notes app, and briefly summarized the situation.
“Who’s the despicable sneak attacking behind someone’s back?” Shi Man couldn’t help but curse in righteous indignation. Her brows furrowed, she rapidly typed on the keyboard: “Do you have any clue who it might be?” A fierce look flashed in Shi Man’s eyes.
Lin Xian shook her head: “It’s probably the same person who cast the opposing vote.” She had guessed earlier who the opposition vote might have come from. But now, she was somewhat unsure. After all, only a few close people knew about her crush on Xiao Wanqing, so someone from the outside couldn’t possibly guess the relationship between her and Xiao Panpan to this extent. Fortunately, from the counselor’s words, it seemed that the person hadn’t revealed her relationship with Xiao Wanqing. Most likely, they didn’t know about it. But to be able to so accurately accuse her of being a homosexual, she couldn’t think of who else it could be.
But maybe that’s not the most important thing. For Lin Xian, this was more like a wakeup call, making her belatedly realize the difficulties she and Xiao Panpan faced ahead, after being overly optimistic in the past.
It turns out there really are such narrow-minded, prejudiced people in this world. They could be a little stronger and ignore the narrow-mindedness of others, but what if it was the narrow-mindedness of someone close to them? What if her parents also couldn’t accept it immediately, just like Xiao Panpan’s mom and dad?
Throughout the entire class, Lin Xian couldn’t focus. Surrounded by people who had accepted her orientation and her relationship with Xiao Panpan well, she used to somewhat believe that things would naturally straighten out, adopting an attitude of just getting by and thinking that nothing would really be too terrible. But now, her mind was filled with considerations she never truly pondered seriously before; it was time to start planning ahead. She wondered how she could best plan her future path for the sake of Xiao Panpan and their love.
However chaotic her thoughts were, life had to go on. In the evening, Lin Xian had a tutoring session and, pushing aside her heavy thoughts, she focused on doing what needed to be done.
(If you're not reading on littlepandatranslations.com, it means this has been stolen)
At 9:30 at night, when she returned home exhausted in body and spirit, seeing the gentle woman waiting for her in the living room with a smile under the light, Lin Xian’s eyes suddenly moistened.
It was like a small boat that had weathered a storm outside, finally entering a harbor where she could feel at ease. No matter how severe the storm outside was, as long as she could return here, she feared nothing.
Sniffling, she quickly closed the distance and threw herself into Xiao Wanqing’s arms, tightly embracing her slender body, as if holding onto her whole world.
Xiao Wanqing keenly noticed that Lin Xian’s mood was off. She tenderly hugged the girl back, gently kissing her cheeks to soothe her, and softly asked, “Xianxian, what’s wrong?”
Lin Xian, feeling a pang of sorrow, said, “Xiao Panpan, have I made you endure loneliness and hardship all alone for a long time?”
LP: … F*ck, I’m speechless! This chapter made my blood boil!
