For The Rest Of Our Life – Chapter 124

Flower Thief

“Did Zhijin give you candy?” Xiao Wanqing stroked Lin Xian’s cheek, teasing her with a smile.

The rain was getting heavier, it was not good to linger here too long. Lin Xian let go of Xiao Wanqing, turning to stand shoulder to shoulder with her. She pouted and retorted, “So, you mean to say I usually am not sweet-talking?”

Xiao Wanqing hooked her arm around Lin Xian’s, pressing closely to her as they moved in unison toward the inside of the community. Xiao Wanqing cunningly responded to Lin Xian, “I didn’t say that, you said it yourself.”

“That’s what you mean.” Lin Xian pretended to be unreasonably troublesome.

She caught a glimpse of Xiao Wanqing tilting the umbrella, her shoulder getting somewhat wet from the rain, and her eyes deepened. She lifted the arm Xiao Wanqing had hooked and moved around from her back to drape it over Xiao Wanqing’s slender shoulder, tightly pulling Xiao Wanqing into her embrace, closely fitting together.

Xiao Wanqing noticed Lin Xian’s movement. Just as she was about to say something, Lin Xian reached out with her other hand, grasping the umbrella handle together with Xiao Wanqing. Facing Xiao Wanqing’s hesitant gaze, she smiled and said softly, “Since Xiao Xiaowan, you have already complained, then you should give me more opportunities to show off, let me be your sugar girl.” The word “sugar,” Lin Xian pronounced it in a melodious and deep tone, as if it carried a hint of teasing. Xiao Wanqing, looking at Lin Xian’s eyes that were bright as stars, felt her face heat up and her heart flutter uncontrollably.

Looking at each other, Xiao Wanqing, as Lin Xian hoped, let go of the umbrella handle and turned her gaze away, her eyes landing on their shoulders that were touching. Unintentionally, it seemed like she noticed something. Xiao Wanqing suddenly said with a slight surprise, “Xianxian, did you grow taller?”

Originally, Lin Xian was a bit shorter than her, but now as they walked shoulder to shoulder, Xiao Wanqing discovered that Lin Xian’s shoulder was even a bit higher than hers. She slowed down and looked at Lin Xian closely. Indeed, Lin Xian seemed to be at least as tall as her now.

However, Lin Xian didn’t seem to care. She tilted her head and lightly bumped Xiao Wanqing’s head with her small head, naturally saying, “Of course I have to grow taller. This way, I can better shield my Xiao Xiaowan from the wind and rain.”

Xiao Wanqing felt warmth in her heart. Unconsciously following the umbrella handle that Lin Xian was holding at an angle, she saw Lin Xian’s shoulder that was already wet, and suddenly felt as if a small rain had also fallen in her heart, dampening it.

Last night, after she and Lin Xian shared their hearts, although she did not give Lin Xian a chance to explain her confession, after understanding each other’s worries, she faintly felt that her heart felt a bit different. The huge rock that had been pressing on her heart seemed a little lighter.

She had to admit, albeit reluctantly, that Lin Xian’s care for her subconsciously gave her a great sense of security.

Whether in the past or at this moment, Lin Xian has always been proving with her actions that the words she said to her were never just talk.

Lin Xian also noticed Xiao Wanqing’s gaze, her smile at the corner of her lips became even gentler. She deliberately bumped Xiao Wanqing’s head again to attract her attention, pretending to be discontent and dredging up old grievances, “Actually, I’m fighting for my own pride as well. Hmph! Back when I was shorter than you, you never let me hold the umbrella for you, disparaging that my height wasn’t enough and compressed your breathing space. From now on, I won’t give you the chance to compress my space either!”

Caught in the midst of being moved, Xiao Wanqing was interrupted by Lin Xian’s jest and couldn’t help but return to her senses and softly chuckled. Where was she despising Lin Xian for being short, she was only afraid that her hand would get tired from holding the umbrella.

Xiao Wanqing knew that Lin Xian was just teasing her, but she still went along with Lin Xian’s words, giving Lin Xian a threatening look, “Xianxian, it sounds like you have a lot of complaints about me, huh?”

Lin Xian blinked rapidly, quickly becoming clever and admitting defeat, “I don’t, being in a relationship with the best person in the world, Xiao Xiaowan, I don’t even know what good deeds I did in a past life to deserve this. What complaints could I possibly have? Let me tell you, ever since I’ve been with you, Xiao Xiaowan, my world has completely changed. With love, I see the sky as bluer, the flowers as more fragrant. Even tonight’s fierce rain, because you’re by my side, has become exceptionally poetic and touching… Oh, wrong, the rain has lightened, now it’s a gentle breeze and a soft rain…”

The corners of Xiao Wanqing’s mouth deepened with amusement, feeling somewhat embarrassed to continue listening. She couldn’t help but raise her hand to cover Lin Xian’s lotus-like eloquent mouth, letting Lin Xian make muffled protests “wu wu wu” and look at her with eyes full of tender affection.

During their playful moment, they turned a corner and walked into an alleyway between two buildings where the street light was broken.

Xiao Wanqing stared fixedly for a moment at Lin Xian, whose mouth she was covering, watching Lin Xian blink her big innocent eyes at her. Feeling the girl wickedly licking her palm, her heart felt both soft and warm.

Suddenly, she turned her back against the wall, pressing down on the umbrella handle held by Lin Xian, and then pulled closer, using the umbrella to tightly cover their faces.

The drizzle, coolly hitting Lin Xian’s head, brought bursts of pleasant coolness. In the next moment when darkness shrouded them, Lin Xian hadn’t yet reacted to what happened when she felt something soft touch her cheek lightly, her heart, under the warm breath, suddenly sped up.

However, Lin Xian’s throat moved slightly, just feeling a burning desire on her heart, wanting to turn her head to seek Xiao Wanqing’s red lips, the woman’s lips quickly moved away.

It was only three seconds before and after, the umbrella was reopened. The woman was biting her own lower lip, her moist eyes stared at Lin Xian for a second, as if a bit surprised and embarrassed by her own action.

The next second, she turned around, her back facing Lin Xian, as if nothing had happened, very naturally said, “Let’s go, let’s quickly go home.” But her pace was inexplicably panicked. She didn’t even realize that Lin Xian hadn’t immediately followed, and walked straight into the rain by herself.

Doing something she would have been too embarrassed to do even when she was young and in love, Xiao Wanqing now initiatively did it…

Although she made sure it was late at night, in a secluded area with no one around, sure that no one would see their actions, she kissed. But it was still an outdoor setting, and for Xiao Wanqing, who has always adhered to the principles of “be cautious even when alone” and “manners,” there was no difference.

That second, she really wanted to kiss Lin Xian, and then, she couldn’t help but do it. After Xiao Wanqing had done it, her rationality returned, and she was extremely surprised and ashamed of her actions.

Lin Xian stared at the beautiful, tall figure of Xiao Wanqing, first feeling sweet, then stunned, and finally, overjoyed. What is this? Is Xiao Panpan unable to control her feelings for me, and then shyly teasing me before running away?

Behind her, the clear and bright laughter of a girl approached from far away, Xiao Wanqing’s chaotic steps faltered slightly. She steadied herself, paused, and narrowed her eyes, suddenly also slowing her pace, slowly curving her lips into a smile.

Forget it.

She stood at the end of the small road, in the light, turning around, her eyes soft as water as she gazed at Lin Xian.

The rain had stopped, and Lin Xian folded her umbrella. Her eyebrows and eyes curved in a smile as she happily jogged towards Xiao Wanqing, crashing into her arms.

“I’ve caught you, flower thief,” the girl said with a smile.

At least in this moment, Lin Xian was happy because of her.

After returning home and showering, Lin Xian bade Xiao Wanqing goodnight and went back to her room. Sitting at the desk in her unlit bedroom, she began to seriously look up the answers to the questions that Xia Zhijin had left her.

The night was quietly deepening, and the more she read, the more active her thoughts became. The more she pondered, the closer she felt to understanding the hidden thoughts of Xiao Panpan. She began to vaguely feel as if she could touch the glass edge that Xiao Panpan had set up towards her own heart. But it was all blurry, like looking at flowers through the fog, and she still couldn’t see clearly.

Past three in the morning, unable to hold on, she shut down her computer and went back to bed to rest.

Falling into unconsciousness, Lin Xian reflected on herself: Sister Zhijin was right. All along, she had thought too little, hence Xiao Panpan had to think too much on her behalf, hadn’t she?

On Tuesday night, after the debate team meeting had ended, Lin Xian washed up and then, with a pillow in tow, prepared to once again snuggle into Xiao Wanqing’s room to share her bed.

However, this time she came with a mission.

As soon as she stepped into the room, she saw Xiao Wanqing leaning against the bed, her eyes closed, her face showing fatigue and pain as she massaged her neck and shoulders.

Lin Xian’s heart tightened, and she quickly walked over, placing the pillow on Xiao Wanqing’s bed and asked with concern, “Did you twist your neck?”

Xiao Wanqing opened her eyes, giving Lin Xian a smile with a bit of embarrassment, “Yeah, something slipped to the floor just now, and when I bent over to pick it up, suddenly, I twisted it.” Is it really because I’m getting old that my muscles and bones have started to stiffen?

Lin Xian frowned, climbed onto the bed agilely, and knelt beside Xiao Wanqing, seriously saying, “Lie down, let me rub it for you.”

Deep down, Xiao Wanqing actually wasn’t repelled by Lin Xian’s desire to sleep together; in fact, she quite enjoyed sharing a bed with Lin Xian. It was just that, occasionally, she would remember Wen Tong’s questioning, which made her feel embarrassed.

But this time, she didn’t ask Lin Xian why she came with a pillow. Instead, she helped Lin Xian place the pillow next to her own, which was a silent acquiescence to Lin Xian’s arrival.

She looked at Lin Xian’s concerned and earnest face, her lips slightly curving upward, and obediently turned to lie on her stomach on the pillow, teasingly saying in a gentle voice, “Then I’ll have to trouble Master Lin.”

Lin Xian’s hands, resting on Xiao Wanqing’s shoulders, paused for a moment. The next second, she kneaded a bit more forcefully, causing Xiao Wanqing to involuntarily take in a sharp breath.

Lin Xian felt sorry for her immediately, regretting her teasing. She softened her movements, but still didn’t let Xiao Wanqing off the hook verbally, jokingly saying, “Say ‘Master Lin’ once more?”

Xiao Wanqing lay on the pillow, her voice soft and muffled with laughter: “I dare not, I dare not anymore.”

Lin Xian’s hands were well-controlled in strength, light yet effective, greatly relieving Xiao Wanqing’s pain. As she massaged, she prattled, admonishing Xiao Wanqing, “I see you working from home, glued to the computer for hours on end, and I don’t even know what it’s like at the company. Your cervical spine can’t take that. From now on, you should get up and move around at least every half an hour.”

Like a stream flowing smoothly, Xiao Wanqing obediently agreed to her little lover’s instructions. Worrying about Lin Xian getting tired, after a short while, she turned over, suggesting she felt much better and didn’t need any more.

Lin Xian continued for a bit longer out of concern, but seeing Xiao Wanqing insist there was no need, she finally felt at ease.

She then lay down beside Xiao Wanqing, who naturally pulled up the air conditioning blanket over her. A sweet feeling surged in Lin Xian’s heart, her eyes brimming with bright smiles.

She turned to look at Xiao Wanqing, asking in an offhand manner, “Guess what was the debate topic for our team’s practice match tonight?”

Xiao Wanqing turned off the light and lay down, turning her head to engage in the conversation, “What was it?”

“It was whether homosexuality is innate or acquired.” Actually, they hadn’t discussed this topic; Lin Xian simply wanted to use this as a way to express her feelings to Xiao Wanqing.

Xiao Wanqing was momentarily stunned, silent for a while.

Lin Xian continued, “Actually, I think there’s a bit of a problem with the debate topic itself. If you acknowledge that homosexuality is as normal as heterosexuality, then there’s no need to raise and discuss this question. After all, people don’t debate whether heterosexuality is innate or acquired; it’s just taken for granted. However, given the context of our societal environment and public opinion, the answer to this question still has its significance. Especially for those who are completely ignorant about this area.”

“Xiao Xiaowan, if you were a member of the debate team, which side would you choose?” Lin Xian asked softly.

Once, before they were together, Lin Xian had asked her if she thought homosexuality was normal. At that time, Xiao Wanqing didn’t say much. Now that they were together, although Xiao Wanqing was still unsure whether it was right for Lin Xian to embark on this path with her, at least they could openly discuss some viewpoints.

“Xianxian, I believe it’s innate, although environmental factors can induce temporary homosexuality in specific settings. But once those conditions are gone, that temporariness will disappear,” Xiao Wanqing replied carefully in the dim light, her eyes slightly narrowed.

Actually, years ago, when she was in graduate school, on May 17, the International Day Against Homophobia, she had led a special issue on this topic through her literary society. Her understanding of the theories involved was relatively thorough. Xiao Wanqing would sometimes reflect on her university days with surprise and admiration. In the many years since she started working, especially in their more conservative magazine society, she stopped leading such initiatives to avoid further rumors and gossip.

Hearing her response, Lin Xian grinned, showing her teeth, and happily said, “I hold the same view as you.” She continued on her own, “So, during the discussion, I kept thinking about something. I was thinking, thankfully, I met you.”

Xiao Wanqing, not understanding, quietly waited for Lin Xian to continue.

“Do you agree that people who change from straight to bent actually always had a tendency or possibility to be bent, it’s just that before they truly became bent, they weren’t aware of it?”

Xiao Wanqing furrowed her brows and pondered for a moment, then carefully nodded and uttered, “Hmm.”

It was like, in the first two years after breaking up with Yan Jia, she had resented Yan Jia’s deceit and selfishness in the relationship, and all the misfortunes that befell her after getting together with Yan Jia. However, she never blamed Yan Jia for leading her down this path.

Yan Jia never forced her; she merely helped her to discover herself. She had a choice; she could also deceive herself not to accept or be afraid to accept. But she accepted herself.

Indeed, the facts proved that both before and after Yan Jia, she had never developed feelings for a man. Years later, when her heart stirred once again, it was for Lin Xian, who is still a girl. This was her own orientation; without Yan Jia, sooner or later, she would probably have discovered it anyway.

Lin Xian laughed and said, “So, I’m grateful, grateful that I met you at this age, fell in love with you, and discovered the real me.”

Being too close to a situation can cloud one’s judgement, and the responsibility and burden of being an elder to Lin Xian had tormented Xiao Wanqing from the very beginning, preventing her from ever stepping back to objectively consider the matter of Lin Xian liking girls.

For a moment, Xiao Wanqing felt as if she could hear the pounding heartbeat of herself struggling to break free from chains and shackles.

But perhaps, if Lin Xian had never discovered this true self, could she have led a better life?

Lin Xian gently wrapped her arms around Xiao Wanqing’s shoulders, burying her head in the nook of her neck, and continued, “When I was researching, I saw many examples, and I saw many people who were confusedly married and had children before they truly understood themselves. They are torn and suffering between responsibility and self. I was thinking, if I hadn’t met you now, but instead, many years later, ended up married with children like them before belatedly realizing the truth that I don’t like men, how painful that would be for me. You know, I’m not someone who likes to hide, cover up, or deceive myself and others.”

Hearing this, Xiao Wanqing felt as if there were chains falling from her heart…

Perhaps, she really wasn’t so terribly sinful and unforgivable?

Lin Xian’s soft and gentle voice continued to comfort her. She sat up halfway and leaned over to kiss Xiao Wanqing’s chin with a light touch, then moved up to kiss her red lips: “Thank you, Xiao Xiaowan. Thank you for your appearance, for avoiding many possible detours in my life later on. Thank you for coming to me before all fearful wrong beginnings, allowing me to find the path I was meant to take in life.”

Lin Xian no longer seemed as naive as before, which made Xiao Wanqing feel optimistically uneasy. After seriously understanding this matter, she chose not to blame her, but instead, to thank her.

Xiao Wanqing stared unblinkingly at Lin Xian’s young and earnest face, feeling a sourness beginning to form in her heart. She struggled to part her lips, only to realize how shaky and hoarse her voice was. She said, “Lin Xian, the perspective from which you view issues is very different.”

“Is my perspective incorrect?” Lin Xian tenderly kissed her eyebrows and eyes, tempting her with utmost gentleness, “Xiao Xiaowan, would you like to try and stand from my perspective to see this world anew?”

Xiao Wanqing gazed at her, and after a long while, a smile gradually appeared at the corners of her lips.

LP: Ngl, the slowburn is killing me