I don’t want to choose anyone else but her
“Yo, our big editor-in-chief has finally arrived,” Xiao Wanqing moved closer and heard Wen Tong laugh as she alerted Zhou Qin, who had her back to her. Wen Tong’s voice sounded just as usual.
Upon hearing the voice, Zhou Qin turned her head, looking towards Xiao Wanqing with a warm greeting, “Xiaowan, over here.”
Xiao Wanqing saw Zhou Qin’s affectionately clueless smile towards her and unconsciously became a bit flustered, nearly unable to muster the usual smile.
The way she and Lin Xian were intimately entwined with each other the day before yesterday unexpectedly popped into her mind at this moment facing Zhou Qin.
A wave of guilt and shame instantly flooded her heart.
Xiao Wanqing stumbled, and a pair of slender and fair hands reached out swiftly from the side, steadying her as she leaned over.
Xiao Wanqing turned to look at the owner of the hands — Wen Tong’s eyes were deep and filled with worry as she looked at her. Xiao Wanqing felt warmth in her heart, the heaviness and helplessness inside her dissipated slightly, as if she found some support in the concerned gaze of her good friend.
The next second, Wen Tong let go of Xiao Wanqing. She turned her head and jokingly said to Zhou Qin, who was still a bit slow to react, “Although I’m a bit late, it’s not necessary to offer such a grand courtesy, right? Sister, don’t you think?”
Xiao Wanqing’s awkwardness dissolved in an instant. Zhou Qin cheerfully said, “Tongtong, don’t tease Xiaowan. We are the ones who arrived early.”
Biting her lip and settling awkwardly beside Wen Tong, Xiao Wanqing avoided Zhou Qin’s bright eyes and timidly explained with knitted brows, “It’s me who’s late. There was a bit of a traffic jam on the way.”
“No worries, we’re just here to eat and chat leisurely, there’s no rush,” Zhou Qin comforted Xiao Wanqing cheerfully. She handed the menu to Xiao Wanqing, “Here, go ahead and order some dishes. The menu already has items Tongtong and I ordered before you got here, just add whatever else you’d like.”
Xiao Wanqing glanced down and noticed many dishes were already picked. Several choices were exactly to her liking. Zhou Qin shouldn’t have known her preferences so well, so unconsciously, Xiao Wanqing’s gaze fell on Wen Tong. Right at that moment, Wen Tong was also looking at her. Their eyes met briefly; Wen Tong blinked placidly and then looked away.
A gentle smile slowly formed on Xiao Wanqing’s lips. Wen Tong’s silent care brought her a sense of joy that momentarily overpowered the tense and oppressive feeling brought on by Zhou Qin.
“No need, all the dishes I’d like to eat have already been chosen,” Xiao Wanqing pushed the menu back.
Zhou Qin, who was hosting the meal today, insisted despite Xiao Wanqing’s refusal. Seeing that Xiao Wanqing really wasn’t going to order more, she called the waiter over and added several more dishes herself, in a generous manner.
As they waited for their dishes, the three started making small talk. Both Xiao Wanqing and Wen Tong were still unmarried and didn’t even have any romantic prospects, so naturally, as an elder sister figure, Zhou Qin’s conversation inevitably gravitated towards matchmaking. Luckily, Wen Tong was quick-witted and deftly navigated the conversation with humor and grace. Zhou Qin wanted to say more but was wary of overstepping and making things uncomfortable, so she eventually dropped the subject.
Gradually, the topic shifted to work, especially since Wen Tong had recently started a new job, which led Zhou Qin to inquire with greater interest.
Wen Tong was always good at conversation, bantering back and forth with Zhou Qin enthusiastically. Xiao Wanqing, not much of a talker and feeling somewhat guilty towards Zhou Qin, was rather aloof and spoke even less than usual. She mostly listened quietly to their conversation, only chiming in briefly when asked.
Xiao Wanqing was genuinely grateful that Wen Tong agreed to come to the dinner, as she deftly managed to redirect many conversation points away from her. She couldn’t help but acknowledge how much more difficult it would have been if she had been alone with Zhou Qin.
Eventually, all the dishes were served, and the three of them clinked their tea cups in lieu of a toast. After Zhou Qin finished probing into Wen Tong’s situation, she turned her attention to Xiao Wanqing.
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“Xiaowan, what happened to that transfer you mentioned before?” Zhou Qin has always felt somewhat dissatisfied with Xiao Wanqing’s job. It’s not that Xiao Wanqing’s current position is bad; for most people, it’s quite outstanding. But Zhou Qin always believed that Xiao Wanqing deserved better.
Xiao Wanqing has remained her father’s most proud protégé for many years. During her university years, she published numerous core journal papers well beyond her peers, and garnered so many awards they were almost tiresome to hold, some records remain unbeaten to this day. At work, thanks to Xiao Wanqing, Zhou Qin subscribes to their magazine without missing an issue. Occasionally, Zhou Qin would come across an exceptionally well-written article, and upon reaching the signature at the end, she would realize it was personally penned by Xiao Wanqing herself. This clearly showed that Xiao Wanqing’s abilities are not a bit less than when she was a student.
Yet, this incredibly talented student, the one her father placed the most hopes in, has slowly fallen behind many of her classmates who once could not compare to her, due to being complacent in familiar territories over the years. Zhou Qin didn’t know if Xiao Wanqing truly enjoyed her current life, but from a worldly perspective, it made her feel heartache.
“The project was canceled, so the transfer was too,” Xiao Wanqing replied in small sips of her drink, the awkwardness apparent in her voice.
Zhou Qin pulled out a business card from her purse and handed it to Xiao Wanqing, saying warmly, “Xiaowan, this is from Wang Chuqi, the president I met a few days ago at a management trainee lecture at Yuefeng Media. You probably have met him a few times, right? He’s my junior by a few years. We touched on the issue of balancing management and expertise during our chat, and when your situation came up, knowing that I’m acquainted with you, he wanted me to connect you two. He has a high regard for you and feels that there is a position at Yuefeng Media that’s more suitable for you with better development opportunities. He said he attempted to contact you in the past couple of years but you declined firmly. It’s something he still thinks about, so he wanted me to see if you perhaps have a different perspective now. I’m just the messenger, but you could consider it. Personally, I think Yuefeng Media is quite good, especially with its ambitious reforms in recent years and the excellent momentum. Plus, its benefits are well recognized in the industry.”
Xiao Wanqing was momentarily lost for words until Zhou Qin added meaningfully, “Xiaowan, life is about moving forward. There’s still so much meaning to it.” She didn’t want to elaborate, fearing she might revive Xiao Wanqing’s painful memories. Yet, Zhou Qin felt that after so many years standing still, Xiao Wanqing should find a way to step out and properly plan her life again, in both her career and personal affairs.
Zhou Qin had previously tried to advise her in a subtle way, but back then, Xiao Wanqing, with a heart undisturbed as still water, would just smile it away and continue living from day to day. However, now because of Lin Xian, Zhou Qin unconsciously took on another role in her eyes.
For the first time, Xiao Wanqing pondered whether in Zhou Qin’s eyes, she seemed like someone complacent, lacking ambition. Would such an image of her, aside from being unsuitable in terms of gender and age, also be someone Zhou Qin couldn’t confidently entrust her daughter to?
Had Lin Xian not met her, she undoubtedly would have chosen a partner of equal caliber. At her current age, that person should have achieved much more than she had, right?
Apart from the fact that Xiao Wanqing couldn’t offer a bright and enviable private life like others might to Lin Xian, could she even provide the material aspects of life that Lin Xian deserved?
Xiao Wanqing questioned herself silently, her eyes gradually dimming with sadness.
“Okay, I’ll get in touch when the time comes,” she replied with a forced smile.
Despite what she said, Xiao Wanqing didn’t actually plan to make contact. She wondered if Wang Chuqi had conveyed the full message to Zhou Qin. Initially, when Wang Chuqi had extended an olive branch, Xiao Wanqing was indeed slightly tempted. But later, once she realized Wang Chuqi’s intentions were not only professional but also personal, she immediately dismissed the idea.
Wen Tong was always concerned about Xiao Wanqing and hadn’t relaxed much herself. She keenly noticed Xiao Wanqing’s mood seemed inexplicably low and feared she might be overthinking again, not knowing where her thoughts had wandered off to. Eager to lighten the mood, Wen Tong joked, “Sister, why are you so biased, introducing Xiaowan to a job? When I quit my last job and couldn’t find a new one, you weren’t this nice to me.”
Caught off-guard by Wen Tong’s quip, Zhou Qin couldn’t help but get hooked by the diversion, chiding with a laugh, “What are you jealous about? You just told me that you were poached by someone else. The moment you left your old job, they were welcoming you with open arms.”
Hearing the phrase “welcoming you with open arms,” Wen Tong’s mind fleetingly conjured up the image of the usually imposing Shi Jinglan, frowning and delicate beneath her, murmuring in a soft tone. A wave of inexplicable panic washed over her. Recounting how Shi Jinglan had taken her home when she was drunk, she thought that must have been a kind gesture on her part. Was she repaying her kindness with ingratitude?
Thankfully, since she had slipped away, Shi Jinglan hadn’t tried to contact her. Perhaps, they both tacitly agreed to forget that night ever happened?
Snapping out of her reverie, Wen Tong used the serving chopsticks to pick some dishes for Zhou Qin and Xiao Wanqing, complaining, “It’s rare we meet up, so, Sister, let’s not always talk about work which gives such a headache. Let’s discuss something more relaxing instead.”
Zhou Qin chuckled softly and accepted the dish Wen Tong offered with her encouraging chopsticks, taking the hint to change the topic.
However, the new topic wasn’t any more relaxing for Xiao Wanqing. Zhou Qin turned to her with a question, “Xiaowan, let me catch up on some gossip. Has there been something up with Xianxian in the past six months? Did you notice anything unusual?”
Xiao Wanqing’s hands trembled almost imperceptibly as she picked up the food, striving to appear natural. Yet her voice was somewhat unsteady: “Sister, why do you ask like that?”
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“During Qixi Festival, Xianxian just ran off for two days without telling anyone, claiming she was playing with classmates. But I have a hunch that’s not true. For the past six months, she locks her door the moment she gets home, something she never did before. Occasionally, I’ll hear her talking on the phone as I pass by her room. She laughs it off, saying she’s chatting with friends while gaming. But she doesn’t look like that’s the truth. I suspect she’s in a relationship. Does she act this way at your place, too?”
Xiao Wanqing is not good at lying, especially to Zhou Qin, whom she has always treated like an elder sister. Xiao Wanqing’s throat moved slightly, her normally rosy complexion fading. She struggled to deny it: “No…”
Wen Tong, feeling sorry for Xiao Wanqing and unable to watch her struggle, quickly interjected: “Sister, the kids nowadays are clever; even you being her mother can’t figure out the truth, so how could this blockheaded Xiao Wanqing? Besides, isn’t Xianxian almost 20? It’s normal for someone her age to dream of romance and love. We’ve all been through that age.”
Zhou Qin laughed heartily: “I know, I’m not some old fogey to oppose her dating in college. I’m just concerned about her. At least let me have a look at the boy and see if he’s worthy of her, if he’s a good match.”
“Haha, sis, to think you say you’re not old-fashioned, you’ve already assumed it’s a boy, couldn’t it be a girl?” Wen Tong blurted out jokingly without much thought.
Xiao Wanqing’s heart clenched instantly, her hands unconsciously twisting together. She held her breath, stealing glances at Zhou Qin’s expression.
Zhou Qin’s smile faded at once, her brows furrowing into a clear look of concern. Xiao Wanqing’s heart twisted with Zhou Qin’s knitted brows, a chill spreading through her body.
Seeing this, Wen Tong quickly changed the subject, as if the previous remark was just an insignificant joke: “Oh, sis, tell us about your standards for a son-in-law, how should he be to pass your test?”
Zhou Qin’s brows relaxed. Seeing that Wen Tong had spoken off the cuff, she let go of the brief weight on her heart and skipped over the point that had made her feel heavy: “I’m not asking for much. Xianxian isn’t ugly, so at least the boy should be passable in looks, and it’s fine if he’s somewhat close to Xianxian in other aspects. Most importantly, he must be ambitious, down-to-earth, and responsible, able to make progress together with Xianxian. Oh, and for now, it would be best if he, like Xianxian, plans to study abroad. Otherwise, I’m afraid these young ones couldn’t endure a long-distance relationship.” Her words carried the unique expectation and pride of every parent when speaking of their beloved child.
With every word from Zhou Qin, Xiao Wanqing’s complexion turned increasingly pale.
Zhou Qin seemed to remember something, turning to Xiao Wanqing and said, “Xiaowan, if you get the chance, could you subtly find out what’s on Xianxian’s mind for me? There’s another reason I suspect she’s dating—she was set on going abroad for graduate studies before starting university. But when I brought up the idea of her going as an exchange student next year to get used to the overseas environment during this summer vacation, she suddenly changed her mind about it. She’s not interested in the exchange program during her junior year anymore and doesn’t want to pursue graduate studies abroad after graduation either. That’s when I started suspecting she might have some things here in China she can’t bear to leave behind. The child seems obedient, but she’s got her own mind and is incredibly stubborn. You can’t talk her into anything; it’s so worrying.”
Hearing this, Xiao Wanqing felt moved, pained, and deeply guilty. Her eyes turned sour and red, and she no longer dared to raise her head to look at Zhou Qin. She feared that even her gaze couldn’t hide the shame and affection hidden deep in her heart.
Lin Xian, I’m sorry, am I still going to hinder you?
For me like this, is it worth it?
Throughout the meal, despite the air conditioning being perfectly comfortable indoors, Xiao Wanqing ate until her entire back was soaked with sweat, cold and clammy.
At long last, the excruciating ordeal that drew no blood finally came to an end. Zhou Qin had to go back home to work and left first, heading straight to the parking lot. Wen Tong pulled Xiao Wanqing aside, whispering, “Let’s take a walk.”
Xiao Wanqing nodded and walked side by side with her down the stairs to the plaza outside the mall.
“Wen Tong, thank you,” Xiao Wanqing murmured softly. She didn’t specify what for because there was just too much to thank her for.
Suppressing her deep affection, Wen Tong cast a complicated glance at Xiao Wanqing, then averted her gaze, letting out a helpless sigh. “Xiao, you heard it too—Sister Zhou Qin’s expectations for Lin Xian and, also, her attitude toward the possibility that Lin Xian might like girls.”
Xiao Wanqing’s hands, placed at the sides of her skirt, clenched into fists; she remained silent, not responding. She was somewhat aware of Zhou Qin’s conservatism—that’s why she could confide in Wen Tong but dared not come out to Zhou Qin. All these years, no matter how Zhou Qin pressed for marriage, Xiao Wanqing never dared to speak the truth openly.
They stood in front of the plaza’s fountain, where the mist from the water brought waves of coolness. Wen Tong grabbed Xiao Wanqing’s arm, her gaze piercing into Xiao Wanqing’s eyes, her brows furrowed in seriousness as she asked, “Xiao Wanqing, you can still walk away now. Clearly, you have many better options, does it have to be Lin Xian without question? Being with her, your path will only be harder and more sorrowful than before. Are you really set on going down this road alone?”
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Wen Tong saw her gently unrequited love, Xiao Wanqing, lift her head to look at her steadily, a face harboring a bitter yet gentle smile: “Wen Tong, I have no other choice.”
“I don’t want to choose anyone else but her.”
“Wen Tong, Lin Xian, she’s very warm.” In her eyes, a softness and shine appeared that Wen Tong had never seen before. “Even if it’s a bit tiring, Lin Xian makes me feel like I am still a living person. It turns out, I can still cry, and I can also laugh.”
“It’s my selfishness, I’ve let down Sister and the others, I’ve let down Lin Xian,” Xiao Wanqing said, her voice choked with emotion as she struggled with the inevitability of her feelings. “Wen Tong, I know that perhaps in the future, I might die again because of her, and I would deserve it. But now, I so dearly wish to live once more for her.”
Xiao Wanqing’s voice gradually became more suffocated, and the tears that started to fall from the corners of her eyes scalded Wen Tong’s heart.
Wen Tong watched her in silence, feeling as if her heart was being carved with knives.
Finally, she raised her hand and gently wiped away Xiao Wanqing’s tears, saying softly and earnestly, “Xiao Wanqing, when it comes to matters of the heart, there’s no such thing as right or wrong. You haven’t let anyone down; don’t take all the blame onto yourself.”
“I want to meet Lin Xian,” Wen Tong said with a grave look in her eyes.