Restart
Lin Xian and Xiao Wanqing stood in the supermarket’s personal care section, separated by the wide aisle in the middle, directly across from them was the toilet paper area.
Xiao Wanqing was slightly bent over, carefully choosing the shower gel and conditioner that Lin Xian always used. Lin Xian, with a shopping basket in hand, stood behind her, half-leaning on Xiao Wanqing’s back, discussing with her that since sophomore year starts later this year, she didn’t want to wait until the official start of the semester to come. In a few days, the freshmen would start, and she’d go to the campus to help welcome the new students. Her mom suggested that she come back home to stay for a few more days after greeting the freshmen, but she wanted to move in directly without going back, asking if Xiao Wanqing would take her in.
Xiao Wanqing smiled, naturally having no reason to refuse: “I clean the room every day, you can return whenever you want.”
Hearing this, Lin Xian was overjoyed and a thought sprang to mind. The life of sleeping last and waking first at the hotel, to see her Xiao Panpan beside her on the same bed, was too wonderful. She was eager to probe indirectly, to see if there was a chance she could settle down permanently on the other half of Xiao Panpan’s big bed starting from next semester.
Just as she was about to say, “Xiao Xiaowan, don’t you find it tiring to clean and tidy up an extra room?”, following Xiao Wanqing’s motion as she stood up straight, Lin Xian slightly shook her head – inadvertently catching a glimpse of a burning gaze in the corner of her eye, firmly fixed on Xiao Wanqing.
Lin Xian narrowed her eyes slightly and turned her head to look back seriously. The moment she saw the woman’s face clearly, she suddenly stood up straight, the smile on her face freezing in place.
It was Yan Jia again!
Lin Xian glanced down at Xiao Wanqing, who had moved to squat down and was obliviously picking out a shower gel, frowning with her fists slightly clenched.
She looked down at herself, regretting that she had rushed out today without dressing up properly. But glancing at Yan Jia again, she consoled herself by thinking that, no matter what, she should at least not embarrass Auntie Xiao in front of her ex-girlfriend.
The woman had obviously given birth, but she looked a bit chubbier and more worn out than when Lin Xian had seen her last Christmas. She was holding the hand of a little girl about six or seven years old, standing in front of the diapers, clearly out to shop for some items, including baby supplies.
Seeing how Yan Jia’s gaze clung to Xiao Wanqing with a complicated longing, Lin Xian felt as though there was a fire burning in her chest. Yan Jia had already married and had a child, holding the very product of her betrayal to Xiao Wanqing, yet she had the gall to look so affectionately at her. Didn’t she feel the irony?
Without showing any signs of disturbance, Lin Xian positioned herself to Xiao Wanqing’s right, ensuring that even if Xiao Wanqing stood up, she would have to turn away from Yan Jia to face her.
Lin Xian stared back at Yan Jia, her eyes sharp and icy, filled with evident disdain.
Yan Jia, seemingly aware of Lin Xian’s scrutinizing gaze, quickly averted her eyes, pretending to select diapers.
Suddenly, Lin Xian bent down to whisper to Xiao Wanqing, taking advantage of the moment when no one else was paying attention, and called her, “Xiao Xiaowan.” Then, as Xiao Wanqing looked up in confusion, Lin Xian swiftly pecked her on the cheek with the speed of lightning.
Lin Xian coyly suggested, “Then next time, if I can hold out until the car, could I perhaps ask for a little more reward?”
Xiao Wanqing felt her ears growing hotter under the warm breath of Lin Xian. She gently pushed Lin Xian, chiding her, “Lin Xiaoxian, you are becoming more and more outrageous. Get up, we haven’t finished shopping yet.”
Lin Xian giggled, and with the momentum from Xiao Wanqing’s push, she deftly sat down on the floor, pouting and pretending to cry, “You pushed me. Waaah, Lin Xiaoxian has fallen down and won’t get up unless Xiao Xiaowan gives a hug.”
Xiao Wanqing couldn’t help but be amused by her acting. The next second, she straightened her face, stood up, and without paying any further attention to her, she picked up the basket and walked straight past Lin Xian.
Seeing this, Lin Xian quickly got to her feet, still whining, “You have such a cruel heart,” while hurrying to catch up to Xiao Wanqing in a few quick strides. She took the shopping basket from Xiao Wanqing’s hand and intertwined her fingers with Xiao Wanqing’s.
With faces turned to each other, they couldn’t help but share a smile.
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Yan Jia stared blankly at the whole interaction between Xiao Wanqing and Lin Xian, seeing clearly the woman she had wanted yet feared to meet over the years, the woman she longed for and loved more fervently amidst the dreary daily grind. The very same woman was now showing such intimacy and closeness with another younger girl.
If there really were a perfect solution in this world, how could she bear to leave Xiao Wanqing? The year she got married, she had begged Xiao Wanqing to wait for her, that she’ll come back once she’d completed her mission. She was sincere. But the tragedy that befell Xiao Wanqing’s parents made her realize that in this life, she and Xiao Wanqing could never be.
That good girl she had let down had finally found her happiness.
Yan Jia knew she should wish them well. After feeling guilty for so many years, hadn’t she always prayed for Xiao Wanqing’s happiness? Yet now, seeing her belong to someone else, it felt as if her heart was being pricked with needles.
Moreover, wasn’t the girl a bit too young? Was she even in college yet? She seemed much smaller than they were back in the day. Yan Jia couldn’t help thinking, how could a relationship with such a young girl last? She was a bit worried; would Xiao Wanqing end up getting hurt again?
Lin Xian and Xiao Wanqing went to the counter to settle their bill, which was crowded, so Lin Xian went outside to wait for Xiao Wanqing. Feeling bored while waiting, she caught a glimpse of a little girl at the next counter step unwittingly on a plastic bag and, completely unaware, trip and fall to the ground, bursting into tears.
Lin Xian reacted faster than she could think, instantly closing the distance to the little girl, bending down to help her up. The next moment, the girl’s mother rushed out from the counter, having just paid, and scooped up her daughter, comforting her with, “Baby, where did you fall? It’s okay, it’s okay, we’re very brave, no crying.”
Lin Xian froze, staring at Yan Jia and her daughter, her brows furrowing, silently cursing: “Speak of the devil.” She’s not one to normally meddle in other’s affairs, but the sight of Yan Jia ignited a fire in her, she almost took the opportunity to directly scold Yan Jia with something like “Your child is so young, how can you as a mother be so careless, letting her run out alone?” But then, the gentle and moving voice of Xiao Wanqing came from behind her: “Xianxian, alright, let’s go.”
Lin Xian saw that Yan Jia, kneeling right there, froze in her movements the moment she heard the voice. Then, she lifted her head, looking straight towards the direction the voice came from behind Lin Xian.
After all these years, could Yan Jia still easily recognize Auntie Xiao’s voice? Lin Xian felt a sudden sourness in her heart, a surge of jealousy, thinking about her beloved Xiao Panpan once having a close time with this woman.
Before Lin Xian could decide whether to turn around and pull Xiao Wanqing away to avoid a meeting, or turn aside to let Xiao Wanqing see Yan Jia, Xiao Wanqing naturally walked to Lin Xian’s side, asking with concern, “What’s wrong?” Following Lin Xian’s gaze forward, she saw the woman hugging the little girl squatting. Under her watch, the woman stood up, raised her head, revealing a face Xiao Wanqing once knew so well yet now so strange. The look in her eyes was complex and obscure.
Xiao Wanqing had grown up, even more beautiful and charming than the young and inexperienced girl she remembered. Time seemed to have kindly left only marks of grace and poise on her. For a moment, Yan Jia felt the urge to hide. Xiao Wanqing was still that radiant goddess Xiao Wanqing, while Yan Jia was no longer the Yan Jia who could be compared to her.
Xiao Wanqing’s glance at Yan Jia caused a moment of stun, and she unconsciously changed her complexion, her beautiful brows slightly furrowed.
Lin Xian stood beside Xiao Wanqing, silently reaching out and holding Xiao Wanqing’s slightly cool hand.
The girl’s hand was a little warmer than hers.
Xiao Wanqing lowered her eyes for a moment; after a while, a shallow smile appeared on her lips. She looked at Yan Jia calmly, greeted her with a pleasant and tranquil voice: “What a coincidence, long time no see.” She treated Yan Jia as if she were just an old classmate she hadn’t seen for many years.
Yan Jia’s face turned pale in an instant, drained of color. She was acutely aware of her own greediness. She wished that upon seeing her, Xiao Wanqing would turn around and walk away.
That would mean Xiao Wanqing still cared about her, at least a little bit. No longer loving her, even hating her would be fine; at least, she was still in Xiao Wanqing’s memory, still occupying a tiny place in her heart.
Yan Jia’s throat tightened; she didn’t know how she managed to squeeze out a smile, responding to Xiao Wanqing’s greeting with: “Long time no see.” These were the first words they exchanged after many years, and it was nothing like she had imagined.
Xiao Wanqing pursed her lips and, without intending to say much more, nodded in acknowledgment, “We’ll be leaving first.”
Yan Jia’s gaze firmly settled on Lin Xian beside Xiao Wanqing. Despite knowing she shouldn’t ask, she still couldn’t help but pose the question with a suppressed voice, “Won’t you introduce us?”
Xiao Wanqing stopped in her tracks.
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Lin Xian, who had been quiet until now, frowned in anger upon hearing this. Introduce you? Who are you to ask? Where does Yan Jia get the face to act like an old friend catching up? If she were me, she would’ve known to slink away with her tail between her legs long ago.
Without waiting for Xiao Wanqing to answer, Lin Xian suddenly let go of Xiao Wanqing’s hand, took out a piece of candy from her pants pocket, and handed it to the little girl quietly standing beside Yan Jia. Crouching down, she asked in a gentle voice, “Little friend, how old are you now?”
Xiao Wanqing’s gaze also fell upon the little girl.
“I’m seven years old,” the little girl replied in a milky voice.
“Big sis, you look so young. Your daughter is already so big, did you have kids right after getting married?” Lin Xian raised her head to look at Yan Jia, smiling brightly with her rosy lips and pearly white teeth. Speaking straightforwardly like a young person prone to speak their mind, she teased with deeper meaning, “Big sis, you and your husband must be really affectionate, right?”
Yan Jia’s complexion grew increasingly pale, glancing anxiously at Xiao Wanqing. Xiao Wanqing was watching her daughter, her eyes deep and showing no emotion.
Lin Xian, like a big sister who loved children, gently touched the girl’s face and turning to Xiao Wanqing with a smile, said, “Xiao Xiaowan, she’s so adorable.” She turned back to Yan Jia and made small talk as if talking about family, “Does she look more like her dad or her mom?”
The little girl didn’t wait for her mother to answer and proudly proclaimed, “Others say I look like Daddy, and my Daddy is so handsome.”
“Oh, is that right? That’s wonderful,” Lin Xian stood up, a gentle smile gracing her lips. She returned to Xiao Wanqing’s side and hugged her arm, resting her chin on Xiao Wanqing’s shoulder. Speaking affectionately into Xiao Wanqing’s ear, she said, “Xiao Xiaowan, in the future, I’d really hope our child could resemble you. As beautiful and lovely, soft and mushy as you are, like a mini version of you, that would melt anyone’s heart at a glance. I’m sure I would adore her immensely.” Speaking, her eyes started to gleam as if she truly was looking forward to it.
Xiao Wanqing blinked, listening to the girl’s tender and soft voice, her mind going blank for a moment: “???”
What was Lin Xian talking about? She herself was still a child, where would they get a child from?
The next moment, she gazed into the girl’s bright, sparkling eyes, and it was as if she could truly see a vision of the future in them. She couldn’t help but affectionately tweak her nose, saying shyly and gently, “Looking like you would be nice too.” Little Lin Xian was really, extremely adorable back when she was young, famously earning praises from everyone who met her.
Xiao Wanqing couldn’t help but recall the scene from back then when Little Lin Xian’s childish words of wanting to marry her had stunned everyone. The curve of her lips grew more pronounced at the memory.
Yan Jia watched Xiao Wanqing and Lin Xian’s public display of affection, feeling her back teeth nearly grinding to dust. Her nose soured with distress, afraid she’d lose her composure. No longer able to stand it, she took her daughter’s hand, turned around, and threw out a sentence, “I have something else to attend to, I’m leaving first,” before hastily making her escape.
Xiao Wanqing watched the disheveled and sorrowful figure of the woman leaving, her smile fading slightly, her expression becoming indifferent.
Lin Xian’s smile also faded, standing obediently by Xiao Wanqing’s side, feeling somewhat nervous.
“Did you do that on purpose?” Xiao Wanqing withdrew her gaze, turning to look at Lin Xian with a tone that betrayed no emotion. She didn’t know how Lin Xian guessed that Yan Jia was indeed Yan Jia, but she knew that Lin Xian must have figured it out.
Lin Xian, who always had the courage to own up to her actions, didn’t care about the thoughts of Xiao Wanqing. Looking directly at Xiao Wanqing, she pouted and in a clearly jealous tone, sourly said, “I did it on purpose.”
Xiao Wanqing’s gaze was serene as she stared at Lin Xian, who stubbornly met her eyes.
A light chuckle escaped, breaking the tension like a spring breeze melting frost, Xiao Wanqing laughed softly. She reached out to tap Lin Xian’s forehead, her voice full of affection, “Why aren’t you the slightest bit afraid?”
The anxiety weighing on Lin Xian’s heart instantly dissipated. It felt right; Xiao Panpan was truly her Xiao Panpan, who had eyes only for her.
Pretending to be cross, she complained, “Fine then, Xiao Xiaowan, you actually intended to scare me.” She caught Xiao Wanqing’s hand, blocking her path, and spoke with feigned arrogance, “Can’t I act spoiled because I am favored?”
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Xiao Wanqing chuckled softly, her laughter gentle and light. She slightly tightened her grip on the hand Lin Xian was holding, leisurely walking outside together when she suddenly spoke softly and candidly to Lin Xian, “Lin Xian, I thought I’d be panicked when I saw her, that I’d turn and walk away, that I’d feel unwilling and angry. But when I actually saw her, I realized that I am, more than I had thought, at peace.”
“I still don’t want to see her often; seeing her always brings back a lot of unhappy memories, but I don’t have any other feelings towards her.” After many years post-breakup, the past quarrels and accusations were magnified bit by bit, and the once-happy memories were tormented beyond recognition by regret and resentment. The name Yan Jia left her with nothing but pain. She had thought that this pain and fear would never fade, as if it were a post-traumatic syndrome left by the disease named Yan Jia.
But now she says, “Lin Xian, it seems I’ve become a bit more open-minded than I thought.”
Lin Xian stopped in her tracks, turning to look at Xiao Wanqing. The dim streetlight shone on the girl’s radiant face, as if sprinkled with starlight and twinkling in her bright eyes, “Do you know why?” The girl quietly asked her.
Xiao Wanqing thought, she seemed to know the reason why.
Because of Lin Xian, Xiao Wanqing’s life was filled with color once again. So, the black and white of the past was gradually covered up by Lin Xian’s brilliance, slowly being driven away.
Being loved and receiving love make a person become happy and at ease, and also more forgiving.
“Because the past is the past, it’s just that you thought it had never passed. Xiao Wanqing, your life has started anew.” The girl lifted her hand and gently kissed the back of her hand, softly telling her.
From the moment we reunited, it all began again.