The Hand of Confession – Chapter 412

Epilogue: The Final Instance

Lou Jingmo

Mother Lou

This was Lou Jingmo.

            

Before seeing her, Shen Maomao couldn’t recall her face. But after seeing her and regaining her memories, Shen Maomao would recognize her even if she were burned to ash.

Besides, the Lou Jingmo of now wasn’t that different from the Lou Jingmo who was all grown up. She was just a smaller version, her face a little rounder, that was all.

She hadn’t expected to meet Lou Jingmo so soon. Her decision to stay here had been nothing more than a gamble.

            

So when she suddenly came face-to-face with her, Shen Maomao’s mind went completely blank. She couldn’t even react. But Lou Jingmo had already walked past her and continued on.

“Dad!! What are you spacing out for?!”

It was Puck’s reminder that finally snapped Shen Maomao back to her senses. She scrambled to catch up, shouting as she ran, “Wait! Wait a second! Lou Jingmo! Wait for me!”

            

For some reason, her eyes began to burn. It felt as if that single plea—”Wait for me”—was six years too late.

Six years… She had finally seen Lou Jingmo again.

The mountains of longing she had accumulated came rushing up all at once, filling her heart with a sour ache, as if she’d been steeped in lemonade—a trace of sweetness mixed with the sour and the bitter.

            

Lou Jingmo stopped and turned back to look at her, her voice cool. “Do you know me?”

Shen Maomao just looked at her, the corners of her mouth lifting into an unconscious smile even as tears streamed uncontrollably down her face. She took a few steps to close the distance, catching her breath. “Yeah… I know you,” she said through her tears. “You probably don’t know me yet.”

Lou Jingmo stared at the tears on her face and said icily, “Psycho.” Then she turned and walked away without a hint of hesitation.

            

Shen Maomao followed behind her, wiping away tears as she went, but they flowed like an open floodgate, impossible to stop.

She hadn’t cried when Lou Jingmo left. She hadn’t cried no matter how hard or tiring the dungeons got. It was as if Lou Jingmo’s departure had taken all her excess emotions with it. Now, seeing her again was like finding the key that broke the seal, and once the crying started, she couldn’t hold it back.

Six years…

            

She had never imagined she would miss someone for six whole years.

But this wasn’t just anyone. This was the Lou Jingmo who had walked with her through countless journeys…

In her entire life, she would probably only ever meet one person like Lou Jingmo, and she had lost her…

            

At that thought, a sob escaped Shen Maomao’s lips.

…

While Shen Maomao’s thoughts churned uncontrollably, Lou Jingmo just thought she had some kind of disease. She started walking faster and faster, eventually breaking into a run. Her intention to shake her was obvious.

            

Shen Maomao knew that chasing a little girl she “didn’t know” like this didn’t exactly make her look like a good person, but she had so many questions for Lou Jingmo. And she just wanted to hold her again, properly.

But fucking hell… how could little Lou Jingmo run so fast?!

Her vision was blurred by tears, everything a watery haze. She couldn’t see the road clearly at all and could only chase on instinct, calling Lou Jingmo’s name, her voice thick with sobs. It sounded for all the world like Lou Jingmo had done something terrible to her.

            

Though it was already dark, there were still plenty of people on the street. Without exception, every single one of them shot curious glances their way as they passed.

Probably because she found it embarrassing, Lou Jingmo finally stopped. She looked back at Shen Maomao and asked impatiently, “Who the hell are you? What do you want from me? And stop crying, it’s so annoying!”

Like a stubborn little calf, Shen Maomao charged forward with fearless momentum. Before Lou Jingmo could react, she threw her arms open and pulled her into a hug, clinging tightly to her waist and wailing, “Waaah—wu! Lou Jingmo, I missed you so much! I missed you so, so much, wuwuwuwu… How could you be so cruel! Leaving me all alone, waaah!“

            

Little Lou Jingmo had never seen a spectacle like this. She froze, stunned, her hands hovering in mid-air, unsure where to put them.

She looked down at the head of the girl in her arms. Though she didn’t understand why this person was crying so miserably while calling her name, she felt a strange, faint flicker of jealousy toward the “Lou Jingmo” on her lips.

When I leave, will anyone cry for me so wretchedly?

            

But she disdained asking such pointless questions, so no one would ever give her an answer.

Annoyed, she finally snapped out of it and shoved Shen Maomao away without mercy. Her small face wore the impatient expression of a miniature adult. “Are you annoying or what? Don’t come near me. I hate people getting too close.”

Shen Maomao pulled some tissues from her backpack, wiped her nose, and tossed the trash into a nearby bin. She followed behind Lou Jingmo, speaking in fits and starts. “I… I’m your future girlfriend. I traveled back in time just to see you.”

            

Lou Jingmo gave her a look one might reserve for an idiot.​¹

Time-travel dramas​² had just become a huge hit, so everyone from sixty- and seventy-year-old elders to three- and four-year-old kids knew this new term. Lou Jingmo didn’t watch TV herself, but she’d heard her classmates mention it and had a general idea.

So, she figured the girl in front of her was either crazy or deliberately trying to mess with her.

            

She was leaning toward the latter.

And what was this about a girlfriend… She wasn’t a boy, so how could she have a girlfriend?

The Lou Jingmo of now didn’t even know what homosexuality was.

            

Shen Maomao knew she wouldn’t believe her, so she tried her best. “Your favorite drink is orange juice, and your favorite food is sweet and sour pork ribs. Later, you’ll start writing detective novels under the pen name Shukuang, and a lot of people will love your work…” She rattled off a jumble of facts, saying whatever came to mind, but she saved one for last. “You have a scumbag stepfather… Believe me, I can help you deal with him.”

Lou Jingmo stared at her without a word, as if questioning how she could possibly know all this.

As she spoke, Shen Maomao started to choke up again. “Can you please believe me? I would never, ever hurt you…”

            

Lou Jingmo looked at Shen Maomao, who had her head down, wiping away tears. Suddenly, she spoke. “You can help me?”

Shen Maomao nodded frantically.

Although she couldn’t kill the scumbag with her own hands, there were plenty of ways to get a person killed.

            

For example, all these supernatural events happening around her. If someone got hurt by accident while she was trying to escape… that couldn’t be blamed on her, right?

Lou Jingmo smiled, but there was something in that smile that Shen Maomao failed to notice. “If you can really help… then thank you so much.”

Shen Maomao sniffled, her chest puffed out with determination. “Mission guaranteed!”

            

Lou Jingmo smiled, satisfied. “Then come home with me.”

Shen Maomao immediately trotted after her.

As they walked, Lou Jingmo said, “My home is pretty far and small. I hope you don’t mind.”

            

“Not at all, not at all.” What was there for her to mind? If she hadn’t run into Lou Jingmo, she was planning to spend the night under a bridge.

“How did you travel through time?” Lou Jingmo asked, seeming to believe her completely.

Shen Maomao replied, “It’s a bit complicated to explain, and we have a confidentiality agreement. If I tell anyone the method, I’ll be deported back to the future.”

            

Lou Jingmo’s eyes widened in understanding. “Oh~ is that how it is? You said you’re my future girlfriend, but why would I get a girlfriend instead of a boyfriend?”

Shen Maomao paused for a second before answering, “Although you never told me, I can guess that the shift in your sexual orientation might have something to do with that animal.”

Lou Jingmo didn’t seem surprised. She just said faintly, “So that’s how it is.”

            

After so many years apart, Shen Maomao couldn’t help but feel a little reserved. Luckily, the one meeting Lou Jingmo now was her teenage self, not her thirty-year-old self. Otherwise, she probably wouldn’t even know where to put her hands.

The thought brought a wave of melancholy.

Lou Jingmo would forever remain that age, while she would grow older with the passage of time, her youth long gone… Not to mention, the Lou Jingmo before her now was only twelve or thirteen.

            

This inevitably made her feel awkward—she was too embarrassed to even cling to Lou Jingmo’s arm and act cute!

But it was fine. Shen Maomao considered herself thick-skinned enough. As soon as little Lou Jingmo lowered her guard just a little, she would immediately step on that offered nose and climb right onto her face,​³ rolling all over her head.

The two walked and talked, though it was mostly Shen Maomao chattering away—babababa​⁴—while Lou Jingmo gave cool, perfunctory replies. Under the streetlights, their shadows stretched long, tangling together intimately as if they would never be separated.

            

After walking for a while, the surrounding buildings became visibly shorter. The bright, neat streets gave way to muddy, difficult paths. Rows of public housing lined the road. Though orderly, the areas in front of and behind the houses were overgrown with weeds and littered with trash. A sour, unpleasant smell hung in the air.

They weren’t actually that far from Eighteenth Middle School, but this place was a world apart from its surroundings. It was hard to imagine a place like this still existed in Nan Cheng City.

The two continued along the dirt path. Before long, they stopped in front of a house. Lou Jingmo stood before a vermilion gate and said, “We’re here. This is where I live.”

            

She pushed the gate open and went inside first.

Shen Maomao clenched her fists and followed closely behind, ready for a fight.

The small courtyard was enclosed by a wall. To the right was a large garden, and to the left, a small path of stone slabs. The yard itself was barren, and several muddy footprints that hadn’t been cleaned up marred the path, proof of the owner’s neglect.

            

Light spilled from the house, and a blurry figure was silhouetted against the curtains. Shen Maomao couldn’t tell if it was a man or a woman.

The front door was a simple iron gate with no anti-theft features. The windows were barred with a nine-square grid of iron, far less secure than modern vinyl windows.

Lou Jingmo knocked on the door. The shadow at the window moved, heading for the entrance.

            

A few seconds later, the sound of a lock being pulled open came from inside. The door swung open to reveal a woman’s pale face. She was very beautiful; Shen Maomao could see traces of Lou Jingmo in her features. But she was painfully thin, her cheeks slightly sunken, and her hair was a dry, yellowed mess, draped over her shoulders like weeds. She had no life in her, no expression on her face. She looked more like a wooden puppet.

This person was Lou Jingmo’s mother.

“Momo’s back?” Mother Lou stood in the doorway, the corners of her mouth lifted in a smile. The curves on both sides were identical, which made Shen Maomao narrow her eyes.

            

Then her gaze shifted to Shen Maomao. “And this is?”

Lou Jingmo looked up but didn’t speak for a long moment. Finally, she said, “A classmate.”

Mother Lou said, “Well, come on in. Mom made you something delicious…”

            

Lou Jingmo and Shen Maomao entered, one after the other.

Mother Lou closed the door behind them.

Shen Maomao restrained herself from looking around too much, but she took a quick scan.

            

The house was small, less than fifty square meters. There was a room on the left and right, with a corridor in the middle that probably led to the kitchen. The ceiling was a little over two meters high, and the floor was smooth concrete. You had to change your shoes to enter, but the floor inside didn’t look very clean either.

Mother Lou didn’t ask why Lou Jingmo was back so late. She settled them in the room on the left, telling them to play by themselves, then unfolded a round table that had been leaning against the wall and placed it in front of the bed.

“Lou Jingmo, remember to turn on the TV for your classmate, but don’t make it too loud. Uncle Ma is sleeping. I’ll go heat up the food for you,” she said, then turned and left.

            

The room contained a bulky, old-fashioned television, a bed, and an empty space. There was no other furniture. Once the table was set up, the room felt cramped.

Shen Maomao opened her backpack and let Puck out.

Puck flew three excited circles around Lou Jingmo, calling out “Mom” several times. But Lou Jingmo couldn’t see him and offered no response. Dejected, he landed on Shen Maomao’s shoulder. “My mom can’t see me, wuwuwuwu… I’m a little spirit from a single-parent family again.”

            

Shen Maomao desperately wanted to tell him to shut up, but she was afraid Lou Jingmo would misunderstand, so she kept quiet.

Following her mother’s instructions, Lou Jingmo turned on the TV and randomly selected an episode of Oxygen-sucking Sheep,​⁵ letting the voices of the little lambs cover their own. Then she looked directly at Shen Maomao, who was a little taller than her, and got straight to the point. “How are you going to help me?”

Shen Maomao said, “You might not believe me, but ghosts are real.”

            

Lou Jingmo looked at her, surprised.

Shen Maomao continued, “My constitution is special. I attract ghosts without trying. I’ll find a way to use this trait. It shouldn’t be hard to trick someone to their death.”

Lou Jingmo seemed to be lost in thought. After a long pause, she whispered, “I noticed.”

            

“What?” Her voice was too low, completely drowned out by the TV. Shen Maomao hadn’t heard her.

“Nothing,” Lou Jingmo said. “So, what’s your plan?”

Shen Maomao honestly had no plan. The moment she saw Lou Jingmo, her brain automatically reverted to how it was when they first met, completely devoid of the commanding presence she’d developed over years in the dungeons. The question made her freeze for two seconds.

            

Lou Jingmo’s lips curled in a mocking smile.

Shen Maomao quickly added, “I’ll protect you! Trust me! Okay?”

Lou Jingmo neither agreed nor refused. She just took a notebook out of her backpack and started writing at the table. The little sheep on TV, so irresistible to children, seemed to hold no attraction for her.

            

Shen Maomao watched from the side. She was working on third-year middle school problems. She remembered Lou Jingmo mentioning she had skipped grades, so it wasn’t that surprising.

Her handwriting was still childish, but the characters were neat and square, showing none of the wild, flamboyant strokes—like a dragon flying and a phoenix dancing​⁶—that would define her later style.

As Lou Jingmo wrote, Shen Maomao rested her chin on her hand and watched, feeling as if just looking at her was enough to satisfy her heart.

            

As she watched, her eyes began to burn again for some reason.

In the dungeons, she could help Lou Jingmo. But in a reality that was already set in stone, who could help her?

Her actions now were less about helping Lou Jingmo and more about helping herself—easing her own regrets, allowing her to be a part of Lou Jingmo’s childhood.

            

Before long, Mother Lou came from the kitchen carrying two plates. Her wrists were so slender that they trembled as if she were holding two fifty-jin barbells. Shen Maomao was afraid her wrists would snap, so she hurried over to take the dishes from her.

There were two dishes, one of shredded potatoes and one of scrambled eggs with tomato. They weren’t heavy, and the warm, fragrant steam that rose from them smelled delicious.

“Thank you, little one,” Mother Lou said, patting her head. “What’s your name?”

            

Shen Maomao obediently told her.

“Well, Maomao, you watch TV for a bit. Auntie will go get you two bowls of rice.” Before leaving, she called out to Lou Jingmo, “Momo, stop writing. It’s time to eat!”

Lou Jingmo didn’t respond, but she stopped writing and put her pen and books back in her backpack.

            

Shen Maomao watched and nodded, an inexplicable feeling of raising a daughter swelling within her. Lou Jingmo is so well-behaved! So self-disciplined! She even knows to pack her bag after finishing her homework!

After packing her bag, Lou Jingmo glanced at Shen Maomao, her expression a little sour.

She couldn’t shake the feeling that Shen Maomao was looking at her like she was an idiot, but she had no proof.

            

“Kids! Dinner’s ready!” Mother Lou placed two bowls of rice and two pairs of chopsticks on the table.

Shen Maomao picked up a pair of chopsticks, but Lou Jingmo beside her didn’t move.

She looked over in confusion. Mother Lou also asked, “What’s wrong, Momo? You don’t want to eat?”

            

Lou Jingmo still didn’t speak, just kept looking at Shen Maomao.

Mother Lou didn’t press her. “Did you already eat outside? Then never mind. Maomao, you eat.”

Shen Maomao held her chopsticks, hesitating.

            

“Wait!” said Puck. “Let me smell it!”

He flew over and circled the food, then said quizzically, “Huh? Why is there no scent?”

Puck sniffed again, harder. “So strange… How can this be?”

            

As a spirit, Puck had an incredibly keen sense of smell and discernment. He could distinguish all sorts of scents, especially flowers and food. But now, he couldn’t detect any smell from these two dishes.

There was nothing wrong with Puck. That meant the problem could only be with the two dishes… and with Mother Lou, who had made them.

Shen Maomao couldn’t help but glance at Lou Jingmo.

            

Lou Jingmo clearly knew there was a problem with the food but had no intention of warning her.

Shen Maomao no longer had any doubt that this Lou Jingmo was a monster in disguise. This dog cunt​⁷ was just as much of a dog as a child as she was as an adult. She was absolutely the type to “use a suspicious classmate as an experiment.”

Besides, the current Lou Jingmo didn’t know her or trust her at all, so Shen Maomao had no reason to be hurt. She calmly put down her chopsticks. “Sorry, Auntie, but we actually ate dinner before coming over. We’re not hungry at all and probably can’t eat.”

            

Mother Lou wasn’t angry in the slightest. Her face still wore a smile, but it was stiff and mechanical, as if fixed at a precise angle with a ruler. “Then never mind. I’ll save these dishes for your breakfast tomorrow.”

She then cleared the dishes away just as she had brought them out.

Lou Jingmo raised an eyebrow but said nothing. Her expression even held a hint of regret.

            

Shen Maomao shot her a vicious glare.

With a twisted sense of humor,​⁸ little Lou Jingmo curled her lips into a smirk and walked out of the room.

Shen Maomao hurried after her. She watched as Lou Jingmo ladled water from the kitchen’s water vat and washed her face and brushed her teeth with the cold water. Meanwhile, Mother Lou stood in the kitchen like a robot on standby, showing no reaction at all.

            

Shen Maomao’s heart ached for her. When she saw that Lou Jingmo was about to wash her feet with cold water too, she quickly stopped her and took it upon herself to figure out the gas stove.

The gas stoves of this era weren’t too different from modern ones, so she quickly got the hang of it. She used their pot to boil some water and washed little Lou Jingmo’s little jiojio​⁹ for her.

Lou Jingmo gave her a strange look, as if she didn’t understand why she was going to all this trouble.

            

Shen Maomao plunged the girl’s icy little feet directly into the perfectly tempered hot water.

“Hiss…” Lou Jingmo sucked in a sharp breath from the heat, struggling for a moment before Shen Maomao overpowered her.

But soon, her skin adapted to the temperature, and a pleasant, tingling warmth spread through her.

            

Lou Jingmo narrowed her eyes slightly, looking like a lazy cat. The sight made Shen Maomao want to smother her with kisses.

But she couldn’t. They were both kids right now. That kind of behavior wasn’t allowed by the jj.​¹⁰

After her feet were washed and dried, Lou Jingmo climbed into bed. Shen Maomao used the same water to wash her own feet, then carried the basin to pour the dirty water into a bucket, just like a little maidservant waiting on a young mistress.

            

The slop bucket was in the kitchen. As she went to pour the water, Mother Lou leaned against the cutting board, watching her. Her head turned to follow Shen Maomao’s movements, looking as if she might lunge at any moment.

Shen Maomao couldn’t help but speed up—not out of fear, but because Lou Jingmo was waiting for her.

She nested the foot basin under the washbasin and dashed through the corridor, pushed open the door on the left, and ran back into Lou Jingmo’s room. Then, she shamelessly climbed onto her bed.

            

Lou Jingmo was lying perfectly straight. If you threw a white sheet over her, she’d look identical to a corpse in a morgue.​¹¹

Shen Maomao lay down beside her, making herself at home under the large quilt.

She lay under the covers for at least three minutes, but it was still ice-cold inside, without a trace of warmth.

            

Shen Maomao knew Lou Jingmo didn’t like being touched, so she took a corner of the quilt for herself and then hugged her over the covers.

Lou Jingmo stiffened, then suddenly asked, “Should I turn off the light?”

Shen Maomao wasn’t so afraid of the dark anymore. “Whatever you want,” she said.

            

Lou Jingmo pulled the light cord, and the room plunged into darkness. Every sound became magnified.

The kitchen was on the same side as her room, right by the foot of the bed. Shen Maomao could clearly hear strange noises coming from it, like a rat gnawing on something.

Just then, Lou Jingmo spoke in a low voice. “My mom died a long time ago.”

            

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The author has something to say:

I forgot August has 31 days 5555,​¹² I wrote over a thousand words last night and was so sleepy I couldn’t go on. Woke up and realized I wasn’t short by a thousand words, but by over four thousand. I’m numb.

This is the double update month I promised you!!! I did it!!!! AHHHHHHHHH marmot scream!​¹³

            

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