So I Had No Choice But to Stop Being the White Moonlight – Chapter 105
by Little PandaI’m Not Going to Be the White Moonlight
The Beginning of the Beginning
“Miss Shi, I can’t lose you!”
Sunlight painted a halo on the window, making it difficult to distinguish reality from illusion for a moment.
Chi Qian had always felt that since the season and time of this memory were different from her real experience, the events that transpired would also be different. But in reality, everything she was experiencing had already happened in this memory before.
Cycle after cycle, imbued with the tedium of ten thousand repetitions.
In the past she knew nothing of, just how many times had Shi Jinlan personally witnessed her death?
“It’s getting late. Let’s go back,” Shi Jinlan’s placid voice pulled Chi Qian from her thoughts.
“Okay.” Chi Qian nodded, then picked up her milk tea and got up to push Shi Jinlan out the door.
They were heading in the complete opposite direction from the man who had passed by earlier, so they probably wouldn’t run into him.
Chi Qian didn’t know how she and Shi Jinlan had managed to evade Shi Jinlan’s uncle’s search this time. Moreover, she felt that her past self was completely unaware of the perilous situation they were in.
Just as Chi Qian’s vigilance relaxed and she was about to breathe a sigh of relief, a shadow fell over her from behind.
Then, a man’s voice sounded by her ear. “Hello, Miss.”
It was a gentle and polite voice, but it made Chi Qian’s heart drop.
She turned around and, sure enough, saw the figure that had just walked past the Milk Tea Shop.
This most capable assistant of Shi Jinlan’s uncle was exceptionally sharp; he had pulled a return-thrust spear.1
Chi Qian’s first instinct was to run with Shi Jinlan, but she didn’t have control of the body.
The Chi Qian of that time, truly oblivious to everything and completely unguarded, heard his words and replied, “Hello.”
The man’s gaze was already aimed at Shi Jinlan with extreme purpose. Upon seeing them turn, he put on a fervent display of having found something precious that was lost. The acting was so exaggerated it was astounding. “Miss! It really is you, Miss!”
“Miss, we’ve been looking for you for so long. Your uncle misses you very much. Please come back with us.”
While the past Chi Qian was still out of the loop, Shi Jinlan’s eyes were already filled with a raw coldness.
She stared straight at the nauseating man before her, her voice low. “Just you alone? You think you can take me back?”
“You don’t need to worry about that.” The man’s acting was truly terrible. His reassuring words sounded more like a threat. As he spoke, he took out his phone and typed something out.
Chi Qian had a bad feeling, and the Chi Qian of that time sensed it too.
She realized with regret and indignation what a terrible mistake it had been to stop just now.
“I’ll help you take her.”
Before the man could finish typing his message, Chi Qian offered to escort Shi Jinlan herself.
No one present had expected those words.
Shi Jinlan’s gaze froze, and the man was even more astonished.
He looked the young woman before him up and down. Seeing how scrawny she was, his arrogance returned as he straightened up, his voice full of it. “Well then, thank you very much.”
Shi Jinlan had never been the type to be at others’ mercy. Seeing Chi Qian switch sides, her chest inexplicably tightened.
But in the end, they were merely strangers who had met by chance. It was only human nature to act in one’s own self-interest. Why had she forgotten that when it came to Chi Qian?
What was there to be sad about?
She shouldn’t be sad. She should be thinking of a way to escape.
Shi Jinlan’s hands, resting on her lap, clenched tighter and tighter.
A layer of indelible disappointment appeared in her cold eyes. She just waited for Chi Qian to approach so she could strike her.
But the moment Chi Qian got close, she saw the girl give her a look.
It was a quick signal, one that would have been almost unnoticeable if they hadn’t spent the last few days together.
Shi Jinlan’s hand, which had been about to resist, suddenly froze.
Her heart wavered. Hesitantly, she wondered if she could trust this person.
“The wheelchair is inconvenient. Let me carry you on my back,” Chi Qian said, extending a hand to Shi Jinlan.
Her hand was held out straight, like an incandescent road.
Shi Jinlan hesitated for a moment before finally placing her hand in Chi Qian’s.
She would trust her, just this once.
The island looked rough and undeveloped, but it was actually a place with paths leading in all directions.
With Shi Jinlan on her back, Chi Qian followed the man from behind, looking completely submissive.
In reality, however, her eyes were constantly scanning her surroundings. Just as they were approaching an intersection overgrown with weeds, she whispered to Shi Jinlan, “Hold on tight.”
Hearing this, Shi Jinlan subconsciously tightened her arms around Chi Qian’s shoulders.
She had never trusted anyone like this before. The moment Chi Qian suddenly changed direction, she had entrusted her entire being to her.
For a second, the man was stunned.
He watched their retreating figures suddenly disappear into the woods, never having imagined that there would be a path in such a desolate place.
The sound of footsteps rustled through the weedy field as the girl’s nimble figure weaved through the dense forest.
Carrying Shi Jinlan, Chi Qian plunged into the areas with thick bushes and trees, running forward with all her might, letting the leaves and grass swallow their tracks.
“Miss Shen, who are those people? Are they bad guys?!”
“They don’t look like good people to me!”
“Don’t worry, I’ve already called the police. Once they get here, it’ll be fine!”
…
Chi Qian spoke as she carried Shi Jinlan.
When the situation had first unfolded, her mind had been a mess. Perhaps because she was solely focused on protecting Miss Shen, a plan had formed in her head.
She would stall for as long as she could. The best-case scenario was to circle around to the shore, borrow a boat, and send Miss Shen away directly.
Once they took a boat to the city on the opposite shore, they would be safer, whether they called the police again or went back into hiding.
As Chi Qian planned this, she listened for any other footsteps. Hearing none, her heart gradually began to settle.
But Shi Jinlan did not relax. After hearing Chi Qian’s last sentence, she said, “Can I borrow your phone?”
“Oh, okay.” Chi Qian nodded, pausing briefly to hand Shi Jinlan the phone that was hanging around her neck.
Just as Shi Jinlan was contacting someone, Chi Qian’s sharp ears picked up another set of footsteps.
The grass in early autumn wasn’t as lush. A careful person would be able to see the traces of someone having passed through.
“Miss Shi, I advise you to stop running!”
The man’s figure appeared in Chi Qian’s line of sight once again, this time with several well-built men in suits beside him.
The Chi Qian of this time still didn’t know Shi Jinlan’s real name. Hearing this form of address, she retorted, “What Miss Ten, Miss Five? Straighten your tongue out before you speak!”2
“And you say stop running? Do you take me for an idiot?!”
As Chi Qian spoke, she ran even faster with Shi Jinlan on her back.
The man watched, utterly exasperated.
He had lived a pampered life for years; how could he have this kind of stamina? Staring at Chi Qian’s agile figure, he became flustered and exasperated, signaling his men to give chase.
Rustling sounds came from the dense forest as shadows darted past, like an invisible chase.
Chi Qian had spent years roaming the mountains, but for the first time, she had no idea where to run.
Clack.
A stone rolled down the hillside, its final resting place unseen.
Chi Qian had carried Shi Jinlan to the edge of a slope. There was no more road.
The chase finally pressed pause.
The man came up from behind, panting, and said to Chi Qian, “Miss, it’s not good to go back on your word. Please give Miss Shi back to me.”
Hearing this, Chi Qian frowned. “Miss Shen isn’t an object! What do you mean, ‘give back’? You’re disgusting.”
Seeing Chi Qian’s righteous indignation, the man couldn’t help but laugh. “Yes, I misspoke. My apologies.”
“Then let us go,” Chi Qian demanded.
“Miss, you must be joking.” The man shook his head and wasted no more words, signaling his men to move forward.
“We’ll see if I’m joking!” Chi Qian shouted angrily.
She had to protect Shi Jinlan, no matter what.
The atmosphere became incredibly tense. Sweat slid down Chi Qian’s neck and landed on Shi Jinlan’s wrist.
She watched the person who had carried her all this way, those usually timid eyes now filled with determination.
Ever since her people had been turned against her by Shi Cheng, Shi Jinlan had been in a foul mood for days.
She had lost her power and status. She was worthless now.
A worthless person wasn’t worthy of protection.
And yet, someone still chose her without hesitation.
Shi Jinlan didn’t know what other tricks Chi Qian had up her sleeve. As far as she could see, they were at a dead end.
The slope behind them was so steep its bottom was out of sight. A fall from here would surely lead to disaster.
But rather than be taken back by these people and become Shi Cheng’s prisoner…3
Shi Jinlan would rather die.
Forget it. I’ve already lived this long anyway.
A pessimistic melancholy suddenly rose in Shi Jinlan’s eyes. Her fingers gently brushed through the long hair on Chi Qian’s shoulder as she said to her, “Thank you.”
Before her voice had even faded, Chi Qian felt the hands that were tightly clasped around her neck abruptly let go.
Shi Jinlan’s legs had no strength to support her at all. The moment she let go, she began to tumble down the slope.
“What are you doing?!” Chi Qian reacted instantly, lunging forward to grab Shi Jinlan’s wrist.
“Let go,” Shi Jinlan said, resolute.
“No,” Chi Qian said, firm.
In that instant, Chi Qian felt as if the scene was repeating itself.
It was as if the image she had once glimpsed through the cracks of her memory was now appearing before her, real and tangible.
A terrible premonition coiled in Chi Qian’s heart. She heard Shi Jinlan say to her, “I lied to you. I’m not Shen Lan. My name is Shi Jinlan.”
But what was the point of saying that now?
Was it a deathbed confession?
Chi Qian didn’t want to hear it. She gripped Shi Jinlan’s hand like a madwoman, not caring if her nails broke the skin on the back of Shi Jinlan’s hand. “Miss Shen, tell me all this later! Don’t let go! Grab onto me!”
“There’s no need.” Shi Jinlan’s tone was steady, her cold, grim eyes fixed on the man who was approaching. “Don’t touch her, and I’ll make sure you can report back successfully.”
The man subconsciously retreated.
Hearing Shi Jinlan’s words, Chi Qian felt as if her heart was being sliced, cut by cut. “Don’t say that! What’s all this about dying?! If you die, what will I do?!”
“Miss Shi, I can’t lose you!”
Urgency was written all over Chi Qian’s face, a stark contrast to the man watching from the side.
This intense emotion washed over Shi Jinlan, making this single moment feel more real than the past twenty-plus years of her life.
Chi Qian was a good person.
So she couldn’t drag her down.
“I can,” Shi Jinlan’s voice was cold to the extreme. Within Chi Qian’s tight grip, she actively loosened her own hand.
The dampness of their sweat made her already hard-to-grip hand even more slippery.
Chi Qian clearly felt the hand she was holding so tightly slipping away from her, bit by bit. In her eyes filled with stubbornness, she finally understood how Shi Jinlan must have felt back then, when she herself was the one who had let go.
It was a heart-wrenching pain.4
A memory is a story already written. In the end, Chi Qian couldn’t hold on to Shi Jinlan’s hand.
“Shi Jinlan!”
The author has something to say:
This corresponds to the part of the plot where Qianqian and Lanlan roll down the hillside and find Chubei Liang.
.
Seeing that everyone is saying it’s confusing, this pigeon will explain again: Basically, Qianqian has fallen into a memory and is inhabiting her past self’s body, watching the story of how her past self and Lanlan got along. Then, bit by bit, she pieces together clues to find out about the System and Yuan Ming.
This little pigeon doesn’t mean to pad the plot, maybe I’m just not writing it well QAQ
Footnotes
- The original phrase is ‘shāle ge huímǎqiāng’ (杀了个回马枪), a military idiom derived from a cavalry tactic where a retreating rider suddenly turns to launch a surprise attack on a pursuing enemy. It means to circle back for a surprise attack.
- A pun. The man calls her ‘Shí Xiǎojiě’ (时小姐). The name Shí sounds like the word for ten, ‘shí’ (拾). Chi Qian mocks his speech by swapping it with ‘ten’ and adding another number, ‘wǔ’ (伍), or five.
- Original term: ‘jiēxiàqiú’ (阶下囚), literally ‘prisoner below the steps’. It’s a classical term for a prisoner, referencing the ancient practice of having captives kneel before a victor’s throne or a judge’s dais.
- Original term: ‘tòngchèxīnfēi’ (痛彻心扉), literally ‘pain piercing the heart and lungs’. It describes a deep, soul-crushing agony.
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