Scum A with a Sweet Black Lotus O – Chapter 169
by Little PandaShe and Her · Side CP
Zhao Yujun x Lu Ningyan ④
A shattered crystal.
“So you two have separated again?”
“I guess you could say that.”
The spoon stirred the latte art into a thick, indistinct color—just like the feelings between people, impossible to sort out.
Fu Chaoyun looked from the muddled coffee to her friend sitting before her. “But I feel like she probably cares about you, too.”
This was happening at the same time Fu Lingfeng was busy chasing after her wife, so all the Fu family’s affairs had been dumped on Fu Chaoyun. On top of that, a certain scummy Alpha was still lurking and hadn’t been dealt with. The fact that Fu Chaoyun was still willing to come out and listen to her friend’s troubles proved she was a true friend indeed.
After all, Zhao Yujun had helped her out quite a bit in the past.
Whether in love or friendship, everything was mutual.
Of course, Zhao Yujun wasn’t the type to air a couple’s private matters, so the reason Fu Chaoyun had this impression was that Pei Xuezhi had told her about their chance encounter that day. Fu Chaoyun had combined her Omega’s description with her own speculation to arrive at this conclusion.
“I just feel like…”
Zhao Yujun paused, a clear hesitation in her voice. She had been somewhat listless for years, stranding herself in the memories of the past, her spirit depleted.
But after seeing her again and getting back together for a while, it now sounded like it had brought more than just pleasure; it seemed to have made her even more exhausted.
Facing Fu Chaoyun, she finally said the hurtful words she would never say in front of her, no matter how badly they fought.
“It’s too tiring.”
In their relationship, many things could only ever be said by Lu Ningyan. She was the one who could vent her suppressed emotions in front of her lover. The moment she spoke might have been a relief for her, but afterward…
Moreover, if the same words were to come from Zhao Yujun’s mouth, it would signify that there was no room for turning back.
No way back.
“I’m wondering, was there any real meaning to waiting for over six years? Maybe the moment she chose to leave the country without a word, it was already completely over between us, even if we never officially said we broke up.”
“I can feel that she’s very tired and weary, that she’s far from being as strong and carefree as she appears on the outside… But while taking care of all her emotions, she might have felt better, but I became just as tired.”
“Maybe she didn’t feel that much better, either. In essence, we were just torturing each other. It’s like a gorgeous robe that’s secretly crawling with lice underneath1.”①
“Maybe it was a mistake from the very beginning?”
“All my memories of the past were just things I’d romanticized. Thinking back, we used to fight and break up and get back together all the time. If she hadn’t left so suddenly, our conflicts would have piled up, and we probably would have separated soon after anyway. It would have been a natural course of events.”
“There might have been regrets, but who hasn’t gone through something like that? Everyone moves on. Her sudden departure just intensified the conflict and contradictions.”
“In the end, it was all just my own one-sided unwillingness to let go. I was the one forcing it, it’s not the same…”
When it comes to matters of the heart, most things can’t be clearly explained.
It’s an experience one has to go through personally; only the one drinking the water knows if it’s hot or cold2.
At a time like this, Fu Chaoyun simply played the role of a good listener, waiting for her friend to pour out all her negative emotions.
Just as Lu Ningyan had once done to Zhao Yujun.
The difference was, Fu Chaoyun was willingly and proactively being that emotional trash can, while the former had recklessly tried to drag the other person down with her.
All verbal comfort is pale and weak. Once Zhao Yujun had gotten most of it out, Fu Chaoyun asked another question, “If she came looking for you again, would you go back?”
A moment of silence.
“She won’t.”
The Lu Ningyan that Zhao Yujun knew was too proud—both before and after her family went bankrupt, she was a one-of-a-kind, proud little princess.
She had her own plans and her own life. Just like how she had suddenly left the country back then without even telling Zhao Yujun they were breaking up, a person like that was destined never to stop for anyone.
“Just think about it. What if?” At least in Fu Chaoyun’s eyes, the two of them were a hopelessly tangled mess.
This time, the silence stretched even longer.
The rich aroma of the coffee had faded, replaced by an indescribable bitterness that seemed to tempt one to take a sip.
After a long, long time.
Zhao Yujun let out a long sigh. “…I don’t know.”
The two of them didn’t contact each other again.
Zhao Yujun returned to her old life, but Lu Ningyan’s brief, flash-in-the-pan appearance did have some positive effects.
At the very least, Zhao Yujun was no longer just drifting through her days. She poured all the excess energy she might have spent on overthinking into her work instead.
She was an exceptional Alpha to begin with, and as she slowly got the hang of things, she gradually started to achieve some success.
It had to be said that, as a result, the time she spent missing the other person did indeed decrease. The part of her that was like a dog was gradually weakening.
Until—
One night, half a month later.
00:47 AM.
Zhao Yujun received another call from Lu Ningyan. Although they hadn’t been in touch, she had never completely deleted her number. The contact name was still clearly “Xiao Yan” with a heart emoji appended to it.
It was a nickname she’d kept since their school days. Even if it seemed a bit childish and amusing now, it remained.
Zhao Yujun had been feeling a little tired, but after her mind buzzed for a moment, she was suddenly wide awake.
The ringtone continued to blare.
She didn’t know how agonizing that period of time had been, or perhaps she just found it unbearable, but at least on her end, in the last few seconds before the call was about to disconnect, she still answered it.
Like a reflex buried deep in her body.
Zhao Yujun opened her mouth, her voice incredibly hoarse and strained. “Hello—”
“Hello.” The voice on the other end, however, was completely unfamiliar. Zhao Yujun froze for a second.
“Are you Xiao Lu’s partner? She’s drunk and making a scene. Could you please come and pick her up?”
It’s not her.
The realization hit Zhao Yujun a moment later, and the hope in her heart suddenly deflated, leaving an empty feeling behind.
The person on the other end had already started giving the address when Zhao Yujun finally spoke. “We’ve already broken up.”
“…Ah?” The other person was clearly a bit embarrassed. After a moment, they said, “She doesn’t seem to know anyone else here. Everyone else in her contacts is either a colleague or a client. Since you two were together before, you must know where she lives. How about you come and help pick her up?”
“She usually keeps a careful distance from everyone, so none of us have ever been to her place. She’s not very lucid right now, we tried asking but couldn’t get anything out of her. Why don’t you make a trip? You’re her ex-girlfriend, but you were together, after all. We’d feel more at ease.”
Once, Lu Ningyan had been jealous because Zhao Yujun was too close to her colleagues. Now, her colleague was calling to persuade her to get back together with Lu Ningyan.
It is about getting back together, isn’t it?
She actually knew the answer to the question Fu Chaoyun had asked her back then.
Her relationship with Lu Ningyan was like a besieged city3. Today, Zhao Yujun couldn’t say she had completely escaped it, but she was indeed standing a little higher than before, and she could see things a little more clearly.
All the subtle clues that had been ignored in the past now had a logical explanation.
Back then, Lu Ningyan would go out late at night with friends but wouldn’t allow her to even be seen with other people. This wasn’t just an Omega’s double standard, it was more likely that…
From the very beginning, she was testing her.
She needed to prove that she was cherished, doted on, and needed. She needed to prove her uniqueness.
Lu Ningyan was not just a proud princess, but a crystal, precious and fragile. She was meant to be treasured and kept safe, but her past experience of falling from the clouds to the ground had caused some problems with her mentality.
To prove her own importance, to prove she wasn’t just a stone, she would smash herself against the cold ground again and again, only feeling the slightest hint of security when someone caught her and held her tight in their hands.
She was never hurt, the crystal remained intact.
But she never knew that the person who used their hands and body to catch her had long been covered in wounds from these repeated tests.
After understanding this, Zhao Yujun fell silent for a long time—so be it. Let’s just say she didn’t cherish her enough.
“Put her on the phone.”
“Are you sure? She seems really drunk. I don’t think you two are in any state to have a normal conversation…”
“I’m sure,” Zhao Yujun said. “Put her on the phone. Thank you.”
Amid the noisy background, the phone seemed to be passed back into Lu Ningyan’s hands.
Their first communication after so many days. Even through the airwaves, Zhao Yujun’s voice was surprisingly steady, without a hint of trembling or fear.
She asked, “Xiao Yan, are you really drunk?”
The noisy atmosphere was suddenly silenced. A moment later, Lu Ningyan’s voice came through, and it, too, was surprisingly clear.
“My glands are better. It happened all of a sudden. Your help might have had something to do with it…”
She abruptly changed the subject, talking about something else entirely.
But Zhao Yujun didn’t listen any further. She cut her off. “Congratulations.”
“Mm.”
“Can you get home by yourself?”
A long silence.
“Yes.”
“Be careful on your way. Stay safe.”
“…Mm.”
The call ended and didn’t ring again.
Zhao Yujun looked up and saw the white ceiling and the chandelier above her, but it felt as if they could suddenly fall, crushing her, crushing her until she couldn’t move, smashing her a thousand meters into the deep sea where even taking a breath would become a luxury.
She forced herself not to think about what would happen on Lu Ningyan’s end.
Actually, she knew.
The second time she had obtained this beautiful crystal, she knew it was already shattered. No matter how she cared for it or tried to mend it, the cracks remained, impossible to erase.
She had reached out to catch it time and time again, and it wasn’t just the collisions with external objects that caused the damage. Her palm was the site of the worst injuries—they were from being cut, again and again, by this crack-riddled crystal.
The very existence of Lu Ningyan was perhaps what had hurt her the most.
From students to adults, it seemed that a once-beautiful existence had to be twisted into something unrecognizable before it was satisfied.
It was her fault, wasn’t it.
It was her fault.
The author has something to say:
① An allusion to Eileen Chang.
The next chapter is the finale
Footnotes
- An allusion to a famous line by the author Eileen Chang (张爱玲 | Zhāng Àilíng), describing a life that looks glamorous on the outside but is rotten and infested with problems on the inside.
- A famous Chinese idiom (如人饮水，冷暖自知 | rú rén yǐn shuǐ, lěng nuǎn zì zhī) that literally means ‘like a person drinking water, only they know if it’s cold or warm.’ It signifies that one’s personal experiences can only be truly understood by oneself.
- An allusion to the famous 1947 Chinese novel ‘Fortress Besieged’ (围城 | Wéichéng) by Qian Zhongshu. It’s famously used to describe marriage: those outside want to get in, and those inside want to get out.
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