Peaches and Plums Don’t Speak – Chapter 52
by Little PandaLittle Class Monitor
High school in the Experimental Class began with great intensity. In addition to the grade-wide monthly exams, the Experimental Class also had weekly tests. After several frequent exams, the students in the class had basically figured out each other’s strengths.
To their great dismay, they discovered that the grandma gray-haired Vice Monitor really had a couple of brushes.1 Besides the Little Class Monitor, who could compete with her, no one else stood a chance. But every time, the Little Class Monitor’s total score for all subjects was either half a point or a full point lower than hers, or she would tie with her. So, first place always went to her!
It was so infuriating!
Most of the students in the Experimental Class were relatively quiet. They just wanted to be the cool, aloof top students their classmates described as “low-key with hidden depths” and “a true master who doesn’t show their skills.”2 They wanted to be the “well-behaved, obedient good students” in the eyes of the principal and teachers. But with a classmate whose appearance and aura were so flawlessly eye-catching, it was impossible to be low-key. At the weekly flag-raising ceremony and the daily exercises between classes, they had to endure a baptism of strange looks from all around.
It had been three weeks since school started, and neither the principal, the Grade-Level Director, nor the Homeroom Teacher had made her dye her hair back. Just what was this person’s background? Could it be that having good grades meant you didn’t have to follow school rules?!
What kind of existence was the Experimental Class supposed to be?! It was the Experimental Class that teachers often used as an example; the “Experimental Class” that made students from other classes turn pale just talking about it; the very same “look at the students in the Experimental Class” that other teachers used to scold their own students!
They were supposed to be the object of others’ envy, jealousy, and hate!
They were supposed to have the image of “Look, the Experimental Class gets good grades and they’re so obedient, not rebellious at all, what a bunch of posers!”
Not the image of “Hey, did you see that grandma gray in the Experimental Class? I never thought their nerdy class would have someone so awesome and cool, it really makes you see them in a new light!”
We don’t need that! We don’t need this persona!
Reject! Resist! Rebound!
The students didn’t know that, in fact, Teacher Pang was also extremely troubled.
In the first week of school, she had called Xu Jia’er into her office for a talk. Good grief, the moment she walked in, the other teachers shot them sidelong glances.
She tried to tell her to dye her hair back to black.
Student Xu Jia’er flashed a devastatingly handsome smile. “Teacher! This is my natural hair color!”
Who are you kidding!
“Teacher, this hair co-lor is my protective~color!”3
What~color? A Mayday song?
“Actually, I’ve been in poor health since I was little. I went to a fortune-teller who said I would have to face a tribulation when I turn fifteen. Then, an expert advised me that I must dye my hair this color to successfully pass the tribulation…”4
Pass a tribulation? Why don’t you just say there’ll be a thunderstorm too!
She was clearly just changing the subject. Teacher Pang sighed, waved her hand, and told her to go back to class. She decided to use her ultimate move: call her parents. On the other end of the line, Xu Mama laughed with exceptional sincerity. “Ah, Teacher Pang, yes, yes, you’re right, the influence isn’t great. But we actually have our reasons. Jia’er wasn’t in good health when she was little, and a fortune-teller said she’d face a hurdle at fifteen. Ai, you know how we parents are, when it comes to our children’s health, we just can’t afford to be careless. So, we went through great trouble to visit an expert, and the expert said she had to dye her hair this color to… blah blah blah.” She went on and on for half an hour, and Teacher Pang couldn’t get a word in.
Parents like this exist??? Teacher Pang saw stars,5 and could only give up.
The second week, during a regular meeting, the Grade-Level Director indirectly criticized her. “A homeroom teacher’s work must first and foremost be to implement the various phased and emergent work requirements of the school and its functional departments… to consistently manage the organization, coordination, and supervision of the class…” (See author’s notes.)
Teacher Pang’s eyelids twitched. She wondered if she was just being paranoid. As it turned out, she wasn’t. After the meeting, the Grade-Level Director stopped her and said with a smile, “Teacher Pang, while our school emphasizes democracy, we can’t have students being too unconventional. We also have to consider the feelings of the other students.”
Teacher Pang agonized over it until she had a flash of inspiration. She called over the Class Monitor, Tao Anzhi, and told her about the matter. “A class monitor’s duty is to help the homeroom teacher share the burden. Right now, Teacher has a problem that’s very troubling…”
Anzhi blinked as she listened. She had only ever been the Study Committee Member before. This was her first time as Class Monitor, and she was a little nervous. Being young, she was easily fooled. She nodded and said, “Okay, Teacher, I’ll work hard to complete the task.”
After the seats were rearranged, Xu Jia’er was still sitting behind her.
Seeing Anzhi sit down, Xu Jia’er poked her in the back with a finger. “What did the Homeroom Teacher want you for?”
Anzhi turned her head and stared at her hair for a moment. “When are you going to dye your hair back? Our class’s quantified assessment score for appearance and bearing gets points deducted every week because of you.”
Xu Jia’er was unconcerned. “What’s the use of that score?”
Anzhi’s delicate brows furrowed. “Is that what you think? But it makes things very difficult for the teacher…”
Eh? What did she mean by that?
When teachers pressure us and criticize us, they look like they’re having a great time!
“This is the teacher’s job. She has to earn money to support her family, and maybe even raise children. Adults are very busy with work. They might have to stay up late at night, and then they have to worry about you during the day? She might even get told off by her superiors…”
Anzhi glanced again at the shock of grandma gray on top of her head.
Then she saw Xu Jia’er staring at her, as if what she had said was very novel.
She started to laugh. “Little Class Monitor? How old are you, to be thinking from an adult’s perspective… Hahahaha! Interesting!”
Anzhi was a little baffled by her laughter, but she continued to persuade her earnestly, “So are you going to dye it back to black or not?”
Xu Jia’er said, “I’ll think about it.”
“Oh, okay then.” Anzhi turned back around. When the afternoon classes began, she took notes, did problems, drew diagrams, organized her notes, and then did more problems. When the dismissal bell rang, she turned back again to ask, “Have you thought about it?”
Xu Jia’er didn’t know whether to laugh or cry.6 “No.”
“Then how long will you need?”
“I don’t know.”
“…” Anzhi looked at her, frustrated. Whenever she got frustrated, her face would puff up. The baby fat hadn’t faded yet, making her look like a little bun.7
Xu Jia’er found this amusing. She finished packing her schoolbag and stood up.
“Give me a specific time, so I can tell the teacher tomorrow,” Anzhi said, standing up as well.
Xu Jia’er suddenly said, “How about this, Little Class Monitor. If you beat me in this month’s exam, I’ll dye my hair back to black. How’s that?”
She shouldn’t have brought that up. In all her years of schooling, Anzhi had never dropped from first place. It had been over three weeks since school started, and she hadn’t gotten first place in any of the weekly tests—not in a single subject, not in the combined core subjects. The best she’d done was tie with her in a few subjects.
The monthly exam would be ranked across the entire grade, with all subjects combined. Anzhi wasn’t a hundred percent confident.
This made her incredibly frustrated. Luckily, she had mentally prepared herself when she entered this school; otherwise, she really wouldn’t have been able to handle the psychological gap.
As she was looking down and thinking, Xu Jia’er chuckled. “What’s wrong, Little Class Monitor? Are you scared?”
Anzhi looked up. “No! The monthly exam is next week, and it’ll take time for the results to come out. You can drag this hair thing out for a long time… Is this your delaying tactic?”8
Xu Jia’er’s eyes narrowed. “…Little Class Monitor, the truth is you’re afraid you can’t beat me, right???”
This person was a little annoying…
Anzhi pressed her lips together and couldn’t stop herself from glaring at her.
“Are you a hundred percent sure you can beat me?”
Xu Jia’er shrugged. “Nope.” She swung her bag over one shoulder with one hand, looking incredibly cool. Her grandma gray hair fell smoothly. She lifted her head, revealing a clear forehead and very deep eyes. To be honest, the hair color suited her quite well. Not everyone looked good with this color. For a moment, Anzhi wavered.
Just then, Xu Jia’er glanced at her with a smile. “Since you won’t agree to compete with me, then I guess I won’t be dyeing my hair back to black!”
Anzhi pressed her lips together, said nothing, slung her bag on her back, and walked away.
Xu Jia’er followed behind her, laughing. “Hey, hey, Little Class Monitor, are you angry? Don’t be mad!”
“I’m going home! I’m not talking to you anymore!”
“Haha, Little Class Monitor, how old are you? Going home to find your mommy?”
Anzhi walked a few steps, then turned back. “Just Class Monitor is fine. Why do you call me Little Class Monitor!”
“Because you’re…” Xu Jia’er looked down at her and smiled. Anzhi thought she was going to say she was younger, but instead, Xu Jia’er raised a hand to the top of Anzhi’s head, then brought it down to her own neck. “…so short…”
!!!!
For a long time in elementary school, Anzhi had lived under the shadow of worrying she wouldn’t grow tall. Things had finally gotten better, and no one had mentioned it since she started junior high!
This person! First, she took her first-place ranking, and now she was even mocking her height! This was infuriating!
Xu Jia’er watched her little bun face instantly flush pink. Her almond eyes glared at her, fuming. Even the little dimple on her right cheek seemed to turn red. She looked like she wanted to curse someone out, but it was obvious she had never cursed before. After holding it in for a long time, she just said, “Hmph!” Then she turned and ran off.
Xu Jia’er burst into laughter behind her. The Little Class Monitor seemed to hear her laughing, because she stopped for a few seconds, turned to glare at her with all her might, and then stomped away, fuming.
Aiyo, that’s too cute.
The author has something to say:
The quoted text in the chapter comes from a middle/primary school homeroom teacher’s work summary.
(These kinds of summaries are all pretty much the same. I already put it in quotes in the text, but I’m making a note of it here anyway.)
Anzhi is very angry!
Footnotes
- Original: 有两把刷子 (yǒu liǎng bǎ shuāzi), literally ‘to have a couple of brushes.’ An idiom meaning to be very skilled or capable.
- Original: 真人不露相 (zhēnrén bù lùxiàng). An idiom meaning that a person with true ability often appears unassuming.
- Xu Jia’er is playfully quoting and singing a line from the song ‘Protective Color’ (保护色, Bǎohùsè) by the popular Taiwanese rock band Mayday (五月天, Wǔyuètiān).
- The term for ‘pass the tribulation’ (渡劫, dùjié) is often used in fantasy and cultivation novels, where characters must survive a heavenly trial to level up. Using it here is a humorous exaggeration.
- Original: 眼冒金星 (yǎn mào jīnxīng). An idiom for being dizzy or dazed.
- Original: 哭笑不得 (kūxiàobùdé). An idiom for being in a situation that is both frustrating and absurd.
- Original: 小包子 (xiǎo bāozi). A common, cute way to describe someone with round, soft cheeks.
- Original: 缓兵之计 (huǎnbīngzhījì). An idiom for a strategy used to stall for time.
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