Peaches and Plums Don’t Speak – Chapter 36

by Little Panda

It’s Yuri¹

It had only been two weeks since school started, but Anzhi had already heard that several students from the regular classes a couple doors down were causing a lot of trouble—skipping class, getting into puppy love, having their parents called in, and so on. They had even been publicly criticized in a school-wide notice.

If the first-year junior high students still had some lingering, timid obedience from their elementary school days, a year of exploring junior high life, testing the teachers’ tempers, and getting to know their peers had led most second-years to classify themselves as “old fried dough sticks.”²

The situation in Anzhi’s advanced class was a bit better. Skipping class was difficult, since grades were paramount. Other things, however, were just as apparent. Besides the tedious homework, the students’ main topics of conversation were “Who’s dating who?” and “Who broke up again?”

Yang Mengmeng, the fujoshi, was giving Anzhi her daily lesson on all things danmei, and had even started to fantasize³ about the male students in their class.

“Look, the Class Monitor went to find the Sports Committee Member again. The pure and tsundere⁴ little shou⁵ × the old-driver,⁶ loyal-dog⁷ gong. Doesn’t that just hit you right in the feels?”⁸

Anzhi looked at the two boys in their school uniforms who were discussing registration for the sports meet. She really couldn’t imagine⁹ what was so pure about it. Or who was the old driver.

Undeterred, Yang Mengmeng continued to preach, “Look how pale the Class Monitor is, he’s so frail and delicate, he doesn’t even talk loudly. That’s the standard constitution for a little shou! And the Sports Committee Member is so tan, and he’s great at flirting with girls. Isn’t he an old driver?”

Anzhi: ……

Yang Mengmeng: “Aren’t you curious about any of this stuff I’m telling you? Did you go on Jinjiang and check out the book I recommended?”

Anzhi gave an awkward smile. “I’m not really interested in danmei…”

Yang Mengmeng was a little deflated. She had been trying so hard to evangelize¹⁰ to Anzhi for so long, but Anzhi remained unmoved and refused to fall into the pit.¹¹ She rolled her eyes. “An’an, what kind of boys do you like?”

Anzhi blinked. She had no concept of this and didn’t know how to answer.

Yang Mengmeng thought she was being shy and rephrased the question. “Well, do you think XXX from Class One is handsome, or is Chen Wei from our class handsome?”

Anzhi froze, trying to recall what the two boys looked like. She had no impression of whether they were handsome or not. As for boys, the uncles in the Yan family were all very handsome, and Da Pang and Xiao Pang were good-looking too. The Yan family’s genes were really powerful.

“Hey? Why are you spacing out? Are you listening to me?” Yang Mengmeng complained.

They were in the middle of PE class, and Anzhi and Yang Mengmeng were slacking off in a corner by the academic building, sitting on the stairs in their uniforms. In the distance, a group of boys was playing basketball, their game fiery and intense.

Anzhi smiled but didn’t reply.

Yang Mengmeng wasn’t annoyed. She leaned over and rested her head on Anzhi’s shoulder.

A basketball came bouncing toward them, thud, thud, thud, before rolling to a stop by their legs. Two boys from their class ran over. As the wind blew, it carried a thick smell of sweat with it.

Anzhi frowned and kicked the ball at her feet over to them. One of the boys picked it up and passed it to the one behind him. He glanced at the two girls, his gaze lingering on Anzhi’s face. Wiping the sweat from his cheek with his shoulder, he smiled and asked, “Want some water?”

Yang Mengmeng was the first to answer. “No thanks, we’re not thirsty.”

The boy kept looking at Anzhi, as if waiting for her reply. Anzhi shook her head.

“Then do you want to come play with us?”

Yang Mengmeng glanced at Anzhi, a hint of a smile hidden in her expression. “No, we want to chat.”

Someone from behind called out to him. He smiled at Anzhi, then finally left.

“Chen Wei definitely likes you,” Yang Mengmeng said with a laugh, nudging her after he was a good distance away.

Anzhi showed no reaction.

Yang Mengmeng felt that her little deskmate was truly high and cold. Chen Wei was tall and handsome, with a healthy, wheat-colored complexion. He was the class’s Sports Committee Member and on the school basketball team. The school uniform looked like it was on a model when he wore it. His only flaw was that his grades were at the bottom of the class,¹² which was probably why he couldn’t catch the eye of the study tyrant Anzhi, who wouldn’t even spare him an extra word.

A little while later, Chen Wei came back over with two bottles of Coke. “This is for you.”

Yang Mengmeng glanced at Anzhi, who shook her head slightly.

Yang Mengmeng said, “Chen Wei, we don’t want them. You can take them back.”

“Don’t be like that, give me some face. By the way, Classmate Yang Mengmeng, can I have a few words with Classmate Tao Anzhi?”

“What is there to say that you can’t say in front of me!” Yang Mengmeng teased.

Chen Wei scratched the back of his head, embarrassed. He waited for a while, but Yang Mengmeng showed no signs of leaving. He secretly took a deep breath and turned his gaze to Anzhi.

In his heart, the boy was not as calm and composed as he appeared on the surface. The moment he met Anzhi’s eyes, he instantly forgot what he was going to say.

His mind was filled with:
“Ah, her eyes are so big!”
“Ah, her dimples are there even when she’s not smiling…”
“Ah, when will she ever smile at me!”
“Classmate Tao, I like you, can you go out with me? Classmate Tao, be my girlfriend! Classmate Tao, can we be together? Classmate Tao… can you give me your phone number? Classmate Tao, Classmate Tao, your name is so beautiful…”

He had run through countless drafts in his head but had no idea which line to start with. In the end, he held it in for so long that he couldn’t get a single word out.

Yang Mengmeng was trying her hardest not to laugh. Anzhi just looked at him, confused.

Poor Chen Wei, flustered and anxious, blurted out, “Classmate Tao! I, I, I… can I ask you for help with a school problem?”

Yang Mengmeng couldn’t hold it in anymore and burst out laughing. “Hahaha! Chen Wei, you’re hilarious! What problem do you want to ask about? If I remember correctly, isn’t there not a single subject you’re not failing? Can I even teach you everything you need?”

Chen Wei: “……”

Chen Wei’s handsome face twisted into a living “囧” character.¹³ He was so embarrassed that beads of sweat rolled down his face, and his sun-reddened cheeks seemed to turn an even deeper shade of red.

Anzhi couldn’t help but let out a soft “pfft.”

Chen Wei had been about to say something to defend himself against Yang Mengmeng, but when he saw Anzhi smile, he froze, his face flushing even more furiously.

And then he truly didn’t know what to do, or how to make a graceful exit… He subconsciously turned around and began to shuffle away, his body stiff.

Yang Mengmeng wasn’t done laughing. She stood up, a mischievous impulse taking over. Cupping her hands around her mouth like a megaphone, she yelled, “Young man! Just give up on An’an! Why don’t you listen to me! Get into gay stuff!”¹⁴

She shouted, “What do you think of the Class Monitor?”

Chen Wei’s already stiff body shuddered violently. He paused on the spot for a moment before continuing his extremely difficult retreat.

Yang Mengmeng bent over laughing behind him.

“So cowardly!” she said, sitting back down.

She winked at Anzhi. “Do you like him?”

Anzhi shook her head. “No feeling. I’ve never thought about it like that.”

“Hehehehe… Do you like the study tyrant type?” Yang Mengmeng asked with a laugh.

“I don’t like any of them. And I’m not a fujoshi,” Anzhi said.

“Alright…” Classmate Yang Mengmeng was finally discouraged.

She rested her head back on Anzhi’s shoulder. “Let me play with your phone.”

Anzhi took out her phone, unlocked it, and handed it to her.

“Do you have enough data? I want to download the Jinjiang app on your phone.”

“I should, right? I barely use it.”

“Yeah, it seems like you only use your phone to call and text Yan-jiejie.” Yang Mengmeng took it and started tapping away with her finger.

Ever since Anzhi had told her about some of her past, Yang Mengmeng had become a complete brain-dead fan¹⁵ of Yan Xi. After recognizing that Yan Xi was a host on Beicheng TV Station, her admiration became even more palpable, and she was constantly talking about “Yan-jiejie.”

Anzhi’s feelings were a little complicated. She felt proud and happy that her best friend liked her auntie. But when Yang Mengmeng constantly brought Yan Xi up, and even asked for her phone number, a flicker of discomfort would pass through Anzhi’s heart.

She couldn’t quite explain this small, awkward feeling.

“It’s downloaded. Can I read my novel now?” Yang Mengmeng was currently following a work by a very famous danmei god on Jinjiang. She waited for her updates every day and had also gone back to read all her past works.

Anzhi couldn’t help but ask, “What kind of story is this, exactly?”

“Here, here, it’s a pure love story! It’s P Da’s novel, Guomen. It’s a younger-top,¹⁶ sweet and angsty! I’m telling you, if you don’t like following ongoing series, you can read this one that’s already finished—Dage. Oof, the beginning was so heartbreaking! Here, let me show you the summary!”

Since she had nothing better to do, Anzhi casually scanned it. “The young Wei Qian lives a difficult life with his little sister… and also picks up a stray child who shamelessly latches onto him…”

Anzhi felt a little dazed. She asked, “So they get together in the end?”

“Probably. The summary says they’re a CP, and it’s a raising story¹⁷ story! It’s a HE¹⁸ ending.”

Anzhi carefully read the summary again. “Does ‘raising’ mean… they live together for a long time?”

Thinking she had finally piqued her interest, Yang Mengmeng explained, “Yeah, the younger one is raised by the older one! They even call each other big brother and little brother. I’ve already gotten to the part where Xiao Yuan is showing his improper intentions toward his dage!”

“Let me tell you, raising a younger partner is super common in the danmei/fujoshi world! Blah, blah, usually there’s a big age gap, and they’re not related by blood but live together. To say it’s not love… and yet… hehehehehe, it’s super taboo, super thrilling!! This is my favorite genre! Wahahaha…” As she spoke, Yang Mengmeng cupped her face in her hands.

The school grounds suddenly grew quiet. The noisy shouts of the boys playing basketball faded into the distance. Anzhi heard herself ask Yang Mengmeng, “…Mengmeng?”

“Hm? What’s up?”

“A romance between two boys is called danmei. Then what if… it’s two girls?”

The author has something to say:

A certain Deng, disabled but strong-willed.

Gougou and Miemie are so awesome. Daily praise.

Footnotes

百合 (bǎihé), literally “lily.” In Chinese and Japanese fandom, this is slang for a genre of fiction, or a real-life relationship, featuring romance between women. It is equivalent to the term “yuri” in English-speaking fandoms.
老油条 (lǎo yóutiáo), literally “old fried dough stick.” It is slang for a veteran or a slick person who is worldly-wise and knows how to work the system.
YY, from 意淫 (yìyín), is internet slang for indulging in fantasies, often of a romantic or sexual nature.
傲娇 (àojiāo), from Japanese ツンデレ (tsundere). A character archetype describing someone who is initially cold, aloof, or hostile but gradually reveals a warm, caring side.
小受 (xiǎo shòu), literally “little receiver.” In BL/danmei terminology, refers to the bottom or submissive partner in a relationship, contrasted with 攻 (gōng), the top or active partner.
老司机 (lǎo sījī), literally “old driver.” Internet slang for someone who is very experienced, often in worldly or sexual matters.
忠犬 (zhōngquǎn), literally “loyal dog.” A character archetype, especially in fiction, for a character who is completely devoted and loyal to another.
带感 (dàigǎn), literally “carry feeling.” Internet slang meaning exciting, thrilling, or emotionally satisfying.
脑补 (nǎo bǔ), literally “brain supplement.” Slang for using one’s imagination to fill in details or create a scenario that is not explicitly shown.
安利 (ānlì), derived from the brand name Amway. It is used as a verb in internet slang, meaning to enthusiastically recommend or promote something to others, like trying to convert them.
入坑 (rù kēng), literally “to fall into a pit.” Fandom slang for getting into a new hobby, series, or ship, from which it is hard to escape.
吊车尾 (diàochēwěi), literally “crane’s tail.” Slang for someone who is ranked last or is at the very bottom, such as in academic performance.
The character 囧 (jiǒng) resembles a face with a downturned mouth and wide eyes, and is used as an emoticon to express shock, embarrassment, or awkwardness.
搞基 (gǎo jī), literally “to do the gay foundation.” A blunt slang term for engaging in male homosexual acts or being gay.
脑残粉 (nǎocán fěn), literally “brain-dead fan.” A term for an extremely obsessive and irrational fan, which can be used either as an insult or in a self-deprecating way by fans themselves.
年下 (nián xià), literally “year below.” A fandom term for a story or pairing where the younger person is romantically involved with an older one. 年下攻 (niánxià gōng) means the younger person is the top/seme in the relationship.
养成 (yǎngchéng), literally “to raise or cultivate.” A story trope where one character raises another, often leading to a romantic relationship later in life.
HE is an abbreviation for “Happy Ending,” commonly used in online fiction communities in China and internationally.

Footnotes

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