Ha, Karma! – Chapter 77

by Little Panda

But she didn’t do it.

Under the night sky, they stood facing each other, motionless.

The wind blew through their hair tips, and a thousand years of time suddenly shortened into their current distance, within reach, almost tangible.

Vaguely, Fu Lianxue seemed to see that young girl from back then again.

She was always wearing the cleanest disciple robes, holding a carefully wiped and maintained personal sword, with clear brows and bright eyes, full of youthful spirit, unapproachable in her pride.

When she blinked again, the clean, loose disciple robes on the girl were gone, replaced by simple, clean modern clothes. Her features had also opened up considerably, more mature and better looking.

She had grown up.

She had returned to her side.

But at this moment, she couldn’t say what was different about the Chu Zhaoqiu before her, who had regained her memories, compared to when she hadn’t.

She couldn’t help but ask, “When did you regain your memories? Today?”

Chu Zhaoqiu pursed her lips, shook her head, seeming a little troubled.

“Earlier.”

“The day I reunited with you, I regained my memories.”

A cultivator’s memory recovery requires a catalyst.

Reuniting with Fu Lianxue was the catalyst for her in this life.

After returning that night, she had a dream, a very, very long dream, like it lasted for several thousand years.

When she woke up again, she had also completely “woken up.”

Only… she didn’t say.

Fu Lianxue widened her eyes in disbelief: “That long?

“Why did you hide it from me for so long?!”

“Because you said that once I regained my memories, you wouldn’t be able to speak to me calmly anymore.”

Chu Zhaoqiu’s brow furrowed slightly, her tone unconsciously quickening a little.

“Lianxue, it took me so much effort to find you, I don’t want you to drive me away.”

How many reincarnations would it take to reunite, how many lives and generations would it take to meet again?

She had thought about this question countless times, but the heavens¹ chose to remain silent in the endless time vortex. She could only keep moving forward, keep searching, like a punished sinner.

Finally, she was forgiven, and was able to reunite with her again.

But Fu Lianxue was angry about her appearance.

She even hoped she would die.

She didn’t want to see her.

It was as if she was being punished by the heavens again…

So, when she discovered that Fu Lianxue temporarily didn’t plan to seek revenge before she regained her memories, a lie was born.

She could face love openly, but she couldn’t be honest with Fu Lianxue about this matter.

It seemed she wasn’t that honest either.

But this move really allowed her to stay by Fu Lianxue’s side.

She began to approach her, unable to control her affection, and couldn’t help but be good to her.

At the same time, she was observing, hoping that her attitude towards her would change, waiting for a better time to speak.

Later, the heavens seemed to have erased her punishment, and even gave her the best gift—Fu Lianxue’s affection.

She had never dared to hope that this affection would be reciprocated.

Between them, she was always the passive one.

She didn’t know how to speak up anymore.

Would Fu Lianxue be unhappy because of her concealment?

Would Fu Lianxue be even more angry after knowing the truth, thinking it was her responsibility?

Her doubts grew.

Until today, Fu Lianxue said she couldn’t just let it go.

Things between them couldn’t just be left at that.

There couldn’t be a thorn hidden in their love.

She knew this was the time for her to be honest.

Fu Lianxue was instantly speechless.

Regretful, but didn’t dare to say it.

No wonder she sometimes felt like Chu Zhaoqiu seemed to know everything… If only she had known, she wouldn’t have said such harsh words back then!

“That’s not the point.”

Fu Lianxue waved her hand, deciding not to dwell on the matter of her concealment.

Compared to that, she had something more important she wanted to know.

“First tell me, why did you stab me with a sword and injure me back then? Did you want to do that to me yourself?”

That her human friend, whom she cared about so much and loved without realizing it, treated her like that, made her hold a grudge to this day.

She saw Chu Zhaoqiu shake her head.

“It wasn’t me willingly,” Chu Zhaoqiu’s voice suddenly became very heavy, “but I also bear responsibility for your injury.”

She looked at Fu Lianxue, remembered the rose tattoo on her shoulder, her eyes flickered slightly, her tone filled with regret, pity, and inability to bear it: “If only I had been smarter back then…”

If only she had been a little more intelligent back then.

That way, her cultivation would have advanced further, fearless.

That way, she also wouldn’t have been unable to see through it immediately when a yaoguai transformed into Fu Lianxue.

That night, as usual, she waited in her room for Fu Lianxue to return.

She had something she wanted to tell her.

To tell her that her master already knew of her existence, that she already had a solution, and to ask if she was willing.

She waited while wiping her personal sword, waited for a long time, and finally waited for Fu Lianxue.

As a result, when she approached Fu Lianxue, the other party suddenly raised a pair of cold, purple eyes, attacked her sea of consciousness while she was unprepared, and instantly gained control of her body!

And when the real Fu Lianxue came looking for her, it suddenly raised the sword and sneak-attacked Fu Lianxue, the falling sword tip pointing directly at Fu Lianxue’s heart!

In a moment of extreme peril, she suddenly erupted, seizing back control of her body for a brief moment, and forcefully lifted the sword tip that was aimed at the heart upwards a little—but it still stabbed into Fu Lianxue’s body.

She couldn’t forget Fu Lianxue’s expression of disbelief at that moment, couldn’t forget Fu Lianxue’s desperate and confused eyes.

That scene was like a sharp knife stabbing her heart, torturing her constantly.

But the possessing yaoguai was clearly not that kind.

It seemed it didn’t like Fu Lianxue, attempting to occupy her body again and completely put Fu Lianxue to death.

She couldn’t force it out in a short time, and could only use all her strength to make Fu Lianxue leave, the farther the better.

Fortunately, Fu Lianxue listened to her advice and didn’t linger.

Worried that the yaoguai would catch up to Fu Lianxue, while suppressing it, she also tried hard to seal the doors and windows, blocking its path.

Fu Lianxue, outside the door, was very angry.

She cursed her for being crazy, said she hadn’t offended her, and felt very wronged.

She knew, she knew it all, but she had no way to explain.

After Fu Lianxue left, this room became a cage, trapping this yaoguai of unknown origin, and also trapping her.

They battled with magic within this space, fighting for control of her body.

That night, she was like a madwoman, sometimes fine, sometimes not, and everything inside the room was completely destroyed.

Teacups were shattered, the books she always treasured were torn apart and thrown on the ground, and the blood-stained sword left who knows how many “scars” on the walls.

Both sides fought to mutual injury.

But in the end, she won.

She expelled the outsider.

She saw the yaoguai fall to the ground, its back to her, and vomit a large mouthful of fresh blood.

Her chest hurt, and she also spat out a mouthful of fresh blood, her vital energy severely injured, her spiritual consciousness scattered, almost unable to hold on and about to collapse onto the ground.

This yaoguai actually fought to a draw with her, not to be underestimated!

In a daze, she still remembered her duty: subduing demons and eliminating devils.

She also remembered… she couldn’t let this evil yaoguai harm Fu Lianxue, harm other disciples.

She forced herself to stay alert and raised the sword in her hand.

The yaoguai was wearing women’s clothes, different from the set Fu Lianxue was wearing, but when it turned around to look at her, it suddenly transformed into Fu Lianxue’s appearance.

Its lips and mouth were bloody, its brows and eyes pitiful and surprised, clearly the appearance of Fu Lianxue just after being stabbed!

The raised sword instantly froze.

One second it was the pitiful “Fu Lianxue,” the next second it suddenly smiled, its appearance extremely evil and charming.

“With you like this, you still dare to dream of protecting her? You’re nothing special.”

The sarcastic words and the sneak attack palm strike attacked Chu Zhaoqiu together.

Chu Zhaoqiu’s beautiful eyes narrowed, she spun to dodge, but due to lack of strength, she still took half a palm strike, and the sword in her hand also severely cut the opponent’s hand.

Neither side fared well, and they were both too weak to fight further.

The spells on the doors and windows automatically dissolved due to Chu Zhaoqiu’s weakness.

Seeing this, the fake Fu Lianxue no longer wished to fight and immediately withdrew, covering its arm which was streaming with fresh blood.

Chu Zhaoqiu was worried it would harm Fu Lianxue again and lifted her foot to chase, but just as she took a step, a bloody taste suddenly surged up in her throat.

She propped herself up with her sword on the ground, lowered her head and spat out blood again, and then the world spun around her, and she unwillingly and reluctantly fainted.

After listening to her memory, Fu Lianxue’s eyes inexplicably felt warm.

So it turned out that when Chu Zhaoqiu closed the door back then, it wasn’t because she didn’t want to see her, but because she wanted to help her hold back that yaoguai of unknown origin…

So it turned out she had once tried hard to protect her completely…

“What kind of yaoguai was that?” Fu Lianxue asked.

“I don’t know…” Chu Zhaoqiu still shook her head, “It appeared too suddenly, I was unprepared, and it didn’t show its true form from beginning to end.”

After listening, Fu Lianxue couldn’t help but fall silent.

It could transform into her appearance, and appear before Chu Zhaoqiu… It seemed that yaoguai knew her.

Leaving this matter aside for now, she looked back at Chu Zhaoqiu.

There was a question, a question she had searched for for hundreds or thousands of years, always wanting an answer to.

“Why didn’t you come to Tingfeng Cliff to find me and explain back then?

“I thought there was a misunderstanding. The day after I could get out of bed, I immediately ran here to wait for you. I waited for you here for many days, just to wait for you to explain to me…”

She saw Chu Zhaoqiu shake her head, then shake her head again, her tone very sad: “I couldn’t come, Lianxue, I couldn’t come…”

The yaoguai of unknown origin had a deep cultivation level². After severely injuring her, it luckily escaped, its whereabouts unknown.

She was in a coma for several days due to her severe injuries and didn’t wake up. It was the elders and sect leader in the sect who barely managed to keep her alive using miraculous elixirs and wonderful medicines³.

But because of this, she missed the chance to meet her.

In that life, she never had the chance to meet her again.

“But now I’m a little happy,” Chu Zhaoqiu’s eyes gradually became gentle, carrying a hint of relief, “because you once believed in me, you were willing to wait for me to give you an explanation.”

Fu Lianxue’s trust in her wasn’t completely lost because of that sword strike.

Fu Lianxue was still willing to wait for her to come, willing to wait for her explanation back then… The young girl from a thousand years ago who held a grudge and was filled with guilt and self-blame could finally be comforted.

“Then how did you… disappear?” Fu Lianxue looked at her, her eyes unblinking, as if afraid of missing a single word, “Your sect was so powerful, how could they not save you?”

“Because after I was severely injured… I also developed a heart ailment.”

That yaoguai not only injured Fu Lianxue and her, but also fiercely gouged out a piece of flesh from her heart, leaving a bloody hole that could never be filled.

Everyone said she was innately intelligent, with jade bones and spiritual grace⁴, a rare genius seen only once in a hundred years, and would surely be ranked among the immortals in the future, bringing honor to her ancestors.

If one person said this, she wouldn’t care.

But when everyone said this, the young child unconsciously believed it.

She believed she was smart, believed her magic far surpassed others, believed she could protect everyone she wanted to protect with her sword.

But she didn’t do it.

A yaoguai of unknown origin shattered this arrogance.

She couldn’t even distinguish the person she liked, let alone protect her, and even caused her to be in unknown danger of life or death.

The strength the young girl thought she had, seemed truly… nothing special.

Her master tried to guide her many times, but she was too young then, already stuck in a bull’s horn⁵ and couldn’t get out.

For her, this matter was like the sky collapsing and the earth splitting, difficult to accept.

Like this, she couldn’t protect Fu Lianxue, couldn’t protect anyone, and certainly couldn’t become a god.

Finally, the young girl hailed as a genius was severely injured and difficult to heal, and died of melancholy in self-doubt.

Until her death, she never got to see the person she wanted to protect the most again.

Chu Zhaoqiu walked towards Fu Lianxue, lowered her gaze, held her hand, and pressed it against her own forehead.

Tightly, too guilty to let go.

“Lianxue, I’m sorry, if I could have recognized that wasn’t you back then, if I had been stronger back then, I wouldn’t have let you get hurt, I’m sorry… I’m sorry…”

In every life that followed, she learned to discern praise, learned to grow, becoming mature and steady step by step.

She became humble, no longer thinking she was omnipotent or superior to others.

But she still couldn’t let go of the events of that life. Guilt and self-blame were like vines tightly wrapped around her heart, making her unable to breathe, and also setting her on the long journey to find Fu Lianxue.

Becoming a god was no longer her primary wish; finding Fu Lianxue was.

She also stopped using her sword.

Afraid that when she raised her sword again, that face filled with surprise, confusion, and despair towards her would appear before her eyes.

She couldn’t bear to see it, she couldn’t stand to look.

“I’m sorry Lianxue… I’m sorry…”

Tears silently wet her knuckles.

Even having grown up, even after several thousand years had passed, thinking of that time still felt bitter like a child.

She wanted to protect her, to keep her safe and sound forever.

She also yearned for her, for her not to leave again.

Suddenly, Fu Lianxue pulled away the hand she was holding.

She was hugged.

Fu Lianxue held her in her embrace, saying unhappily, “Why are you blaming yourself? It wasn’t your fault, that yaoguai wasn’t brought by you, and it wasn’t you who forced it to possess and control you to kill me!

“Besides, you were still a child back then. If you couldn’t beat it, you just couldn’t beat it. If you couldn’t beat it, we could just cultivate more! Isn’t the path of cultivation walked out step by step like that?

“And you were already amazing. At least, you really let me live.”

If Chu Zhaoqiu hadn’t used all her strength to let her go and help her hold back that yaoguai back then, whether she could be here today leisurely walking her cat would be an unknown.

Her present day was exchanged with Chu Zhaoqiu’s life back then. How could she bear to blame her again for not keeping the appointment?

Just thinking about Chu Zhaoqiu struggling to hold on after she left, her eyes couldn’t stop welling up with warmth, and her heart felt a sharp pain.

How difficult it must have been for Chu Zhaoqiu to face that malicious yaoguai alone…

Her eyes red-rimmed, she couldn’t help but hug Chu Zhaoqiu even tighter.

Wanting to comfort her, and also wanting to comfort the self-blaming child from back then.

“So don’t blame yourself anymore for not doing well back then. All of this was that yaoguai’s fault, it has nothing to do with you. You’re not allowed to be angry with yourself anymore, understand?”

Hearing this, Chu Zhaoqiu asked cautiously, “Then you’re not angry with me anymore?”

“Mm, I’m not angry anymore,” Fu Lianxue’s eyes curved, “You tried so hard to protect me, wouldn’t I be heartless if I were still angry with you?

“What? Am I such a heartless yaoguai in your heart?”

“No, no,” Chu Zhaoqiu quickly hugged her back, finally smiling with relief, “Our Lianxue is very good, very, very good. It’s all my fault for being too stupid…”

So it turned out there was a yaoguai waiting for her on Tingfeng Cliff back then.

So it turned out this yaoguai had been waiting and waiting for her to give her an explanation.

She didn’t really want to kill her. The anger during their reunion was due to a misunderstanding, and also because she came too late, making her wait for too long, too long.

Fortunately, all misunderstandings were resolved. Fortunately, they could reunite again.

“Then…” Fu Lianxue’s voice sounded hesitant, “Did you… not expect to fall in love with me in this life?”

She thought about it, then calculated: “We reunited when you hadn’t regained your memories yet. That’s when I smelled the floral scent. So… you fell in love with me at first sight in this life!”

After exclaiming in surprise, she heard Chu Zhaoqiu laugh softly.

“I expected it.”

“Because this isn’t the first time I’ve fallen in love with you at first sight.”

Fu Lianxue: “Huh?!”

Chu Zhaoqiu’s smile became even gentler.

Her love wasn’t just in the present; it also existed in the distant past, even at their first meeting.

That clumsy yaoguai who only had a mouth that could talk, happened to be born with a good appearance, and rashly broke into her life in the afternoon light of the setting sun, breaking into her heart.

Her heart beat faster for the first time, but she didn’t think much of it, only taking it as nervousness when facing a sudden attack.

How could she understand love and affection when she was young?

But she would unconsciously do as this yaoguai said.

She would help her apply medicine, wait for her foot to recover, and even inexplicably brought her back to the sect.

That was the second time her heart beat faster.

Fu Lianxue was hidden in her sleeve, and the elders’ gazes would always sweep over her sleeve, as if they had discovered something.

But they didn’t say anything, as if they hadn’t seen anything. They patted her head and kindly told her to return to Wenxuan Peak.

After returning to Wenxuan Peak, she felt as if she had received a great pardon. The always well-behaved little shimei⁶ Zhaoqiu actually rebelled once.

But she didn’t show it. In Fu Lianxue’s eyes, she was just a very boring, wooden person.

However, the yaoguai she brought was a hundred times more rebellious than her.

It even wanted to tempt her, kiss her, and share a bed with her.

It was bold and flamboyant, exactly like the “demoness” outsiders spoke of, but this demoness was actually… adorable in her eyes.

Because it was adorable, she unconsciously indulged it.

Fu Lianxue slept in her bed, and she didn’t drive her away.

Fu Lianxue liked Blue Star flowers, so she went to get a dried flower that was easier to preserve.

Fu Lianxue hugged her, kissed her, she would be flustered, but she was too clumsy to refuse.

When Fu Lianxue transformed into her shijie⁷ and said her feelings for shijie were not pure, she would also get angry.

At that time, she didn’t realize what this represented at all, only taking it as a trial sent by the Heavenly Dao.

On the path to becoming a god, some trials are also normal.

Since it was a trial, she had to learn to resist temptation.

So, when Fu Lianxue performed a seductive dance, she closed her eyes, pretending not to see.

Every time this happened, Fu Lianxue would say she was boring and didn’t know how to appreciate it.

But if Fu Lianxue put her hand on her chest, she would know how fast it was beating.

She couldn’t explain why.

But she knew—she didn’t dare to look.

It wasn’t until she was on her deathbed that she finally understood.

This wasn’t a trial; her heart had been moved, her feelings for her were not pure.

Her resentment and self-blame were all because of liking her.

The more she liked her, the more she wanted to protect her well, the more she wanted her to be carefree and happy.

But she didn’t do any of it. She was no longer the “smart person” in her words.

In every reincarnation, she never gave up cultivating the Dao.

Because she still yearned for the world above the clouds⁸, and also because she couldn’t forget her, couldn’t bear to part, couldn’t let go, becoming an obsession⁹.

So she carried her choice and entered countless reincarnations, waiting for a catalyst to remember her, to remember everything, and then resolutely embark on the path to find her.

These catalysts came sometimes early, sometimes late.

Either when she was a young, inexperienced girl, or when her temples were streaked with white and she was nearing old age.

But no matter when, she would always remember: she had a yaoguai she liked, named Fu Lianxue.

Carrying this fervent and steadfast love, she moved forward through countless reincarnations, and then became Chu Zhaoqiu in this life, falling in love with her at first sight once again.

——If there is fate, you will meet again.

So this time, she chose to honestly face her own heart.

She didn’t want to regret it too late anymore.

The young girl had grown up, and already possessed the courage to face love.

Fu Lianxue’s beautiful eyes widened slightly, filled with surprise.

So it turned out this person had liked her for so long.

She also finally understood why the scent on Chu Zhaoqiu was more fragrant and fervent than anyone she had ever met, even any fan.

The love of others was only for her in this life, but Chu Zhaoqiu’s love for her was like mountains and rivers stretching endlessly across hundreds and thousands of lives, always the same, firm and unwavering.

Footnotes

老天爷 | lǎo tiān yé | Lit. “Old Heavenly Grandfather”; refers to Heaven or fate.
道行不浅 | dàohéng bù qiǎn | Lit. “cultivation level is not shallow”; refers to having a high level of skill or power, often in a cultivation context.
灵丹妙药 | língdān miàoyào | Miraculous elixirs and wonderful medicines; refers to potent healing or cultivation pills.
玉骨灵秀 | yù gǔ líng xiù | Lit. “jade bone and spiritual grace”; describes someone with exceptional talent and a pure, refined nature.
钻进牛角尖里出不来 | zuān jìn niújiǎojiān lǐ chū bù lái | Lit. “to drill into a bull’s horn and be unable to get out”; refers to being stuck on a problem or idea, unable to see the bigger picture or find a way out.
师妹 | shīmèi | Junior Sister; A younger female fellow disciple.
师姐 | shījiě | Senior Sister; An older female fellow disciple.
云端之上的世界 | yúnduān zhī shàng de shìjiè | The world above the clouds; often refers to the immortal realm or a higher plane of existence in cultivation stories.
执念 | zhíniàn | Persistent thought; obsession; a strong attachment or fixation, often hindering spiritual progress in cultivation.

Footnotes

0 Comments