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    Cuddling with the Cold Female Protagonist

    Cuddling with the Cold Female Protagonist – Chapter 35

    by Little Panda

    Volume 2: The Captivating Splendor of Jingdu

    Crying at the Grave

    Last time her mother said she’d find her a fulang, but it ended up attracting the female protagonist, that great bringer of calamity​1. If she finds her another one, who knows who she’ll attract next time.

    And most importantly, she didn’t like men—not even the paper kind​2.

    Su Yi hurriedly waved her hands. “Absolutely not, absolutely not. I cannot remarry.”

    Gancao didn’t understand. “But Miss, don’t many women whose fulang have passed away take another?”

    Otherwise, who would raise the children, manage the household, help bear children?

    “But my mother didn’t remarry either, did she? I’m her child, so of course, I must also be devoted. My feelings for my fulang were profound and righteous​3. How could I possibly remarry?!”

    Gancao was convinced by this lengthy reasoning and couldn’t find any fault with it, so she could only accept whatever Su Yi said.

    But Gancao was young and easily fooled. Her mother had lived for decades, having eaten more salt than they had eaten rice​4, and definitely wouldn’t be deceived by just a few words. So, Su Yi still needed to find another reason to convince her mother.

    To prevent her mother from actually finding her another man, Su Yi racked her brains​5 for a whole day and finally came up with a plan.

    She would feign deep affection.

    She would become the epitome of the devoted woman—one who, after her fulang died, was devastated​6, foolishly devoted and unrepentant​7, and resolved never to remarry.

    To build this persona, that very afternoon she had Yan Can buy a large bag of offering incense and paper money​8. Carrying a basket full of the paper money, she headed straight for the grave mound of her fake​9 fulang in the outskirts.

    Although the corpse Ji Qingchi had procured was fake, the Head of the Su Family had genuinely put effort into arrangements for this langniang​10, so the tomb for “Chi Qing” was exceptionally luxurious and solemn.

    Su Yi arrived at the gravesite with her things and began burning paper money, lighting incense, and performing the grave-crying ritual. “Fulang… your death was so tragic! How could you leave me behind and just go like that…”

    Her heartrending cries made the attending maidservants and young male servants all shed tears.

    Yan Can wiped her own tears while pulling at Su Yi, trying to comfort her. “Miss, the Master has already passed. You are weak; being further heartbroken is useless​11 and will only harm your own health​12.”

    Su Yi refused to get up, leaning over the tombstone and continuing to wail, “Wuwuwu… Fulang, you… how could you… just leave me all alone… wuwuwu…”

    Relying on the fact that this dynasty was fictional​13, with no famous great poets or lyricists​14, Su Yi wasn’t afraid of being accused of plagiarism. On the spot, she loudly recited Su Shi’s​15 line, “Ten years living and dead, both boundless and dim…”​16. Finishing one piece wasn’t satisfying enough, so she then recited the famous line “In the courtyard stands a loquat tree…” from Record of the Xiang Ji Pavilion​17, and Yuan Zhen’s​18 Leaving Thoughts​19. After reciting several poems in a row, she even managed to move herself. Wuwuwu, she truly was the most devoted person of the current age!

    Just as she was reveling​20 in her performance, a familiar female voice sounded beside her ear. “Isn’t this Miss Su from the residence of the Marquis of Pingyang?”

    Su Yi wiped away the tears she had desperately squeezed out and looked over in the direction of the voice. To her surprise, she saw two familiar faces. The Second Princess, Ji Qingyun, and her own imposter​21 fulang, the very subject of her grave-crying—the Ninth Princess, Ji Qingchi.

    Both were on horseback, dressed in fitted hunting attire​22, followed by a dense crowd of people.

    The Second Princess maintained her rakish yet elegant​23 appearance, while Ji Qingchi wore black fitted attire embroidered with five-clawed golden dragons​24. She wore white boots embroidered with chilong​25. Combined with her devastatingly beautiful​26 face and cold expression, she was the absolute picture of a proud and reserved aristocrat.

    Even Su Yi was momentarily dazed, thinking, Truly worthy of being the female protagonist. With this noble aura and outstanding appearance, no wonder so many men rushed forward one after another​27 wanting to be in her harem​28.

    “Was that your fulang you were mourning just now, Miss Su?” The one who had spoken was Ji Qingyun. She had come out hunting with her Ninth Imperial Sister and heard a woman’s crying from afar. Out of curiosity, she came over to take a look. Unexpectedly, she saw Su Yi dressed in full mourning attire​29, collapsed on the tombstone.

    The news that Su Yi had been injured and her fulang had died tragically had already spread throughout the entire Jingdu.

    The Marquis of Pingyang, usually someone who didn’t meddle in affairs, had also submitted a memorial​30 to their Mother Emperor in the imperial court, impeaching the First Imperial Prince.

    After all, Su Yi had been pursued and attacked while attending a flower viewing at the First Prince’s residence.

    The Mother Emperor had conveniently tossed the task of investigating to her, Ji Qingyun. But who in the entire court didn’t know she was someone with no great ambitions​31, just idling her time away​32? The Mother Emperor knew her disposition too. This assignment was likely just to appease the Marquis of Pingyang; she probably had no real intention of investigating and planned to wait for the attention to die down, then act as if the incident never happened.

    Therefore, Ji Qingyun felt a bit guilty seeing Su Yi now. The woman had suffered a tragic calamity, and as the assigned investigator, Ji Qingyun couldn’t uphold justice for her. This fact alone was enough to make her feel deeply ashamed.

    “Replying to the Second Princess, yes, it is,” Su Yi said, adopting the appearance of a widow utterly devastated by her fulang’s death. “This humble woman​33 and my fulang shared profound feelings and loyalty. Suffering this tragic calamity has left this humble woman heartbroken to the point of wanting death.” She didn’t care that the female protagonist was also right there; anyway, as far as appearances went, she and the female protagonist were still strangers. Her fulang died, so what’s wrong with her crying at his grave in front of the princesses? she thought.

    Thus, without even glancing at the female protagonist, she sobbed and whimpered, forcing herself to cry. When the tears wouldn’t come, she desperately thought about all the miserable things she had encountered over the years. As a result, the more she thought, the sadder she became, the more grief-stricken she felt, crying until she was gasping for breath​34. Unable to stand steadily, she staggered a few times and fell backward.

    Yan Can, beside her, quickly supported her. “Miss, you’ve been crying too long. Let’s rest for a while.”

    “Ngh…” Su Yi held her forehead, appearing as frail as a willow branch battered by a storm.

    Seeing this, Ji Qingyun felt even more guilty. “Miss Su, please accept my condolences​35.”

    Su Yi took a moment to recover. Feeling she had sufficiently established​36 her “deeply devoted” persona, and mindful of her own safety​37, she said slowly, “Many thanks, Second Princess. This humble woman is unwell and will take her leave now.”

    “Alright. Since you’re unwell, hurry back and rest,” Ji Qingyun nodded to her and called out, “Someone come, escort Miss Su back to her residence.”

    Several women dressed as soldiers emerged from behind, formed a protective circle around Su Yi, and escorted her away.

    Watching Su Yi leave, Ji Qingyun glanced at the nearby tombstone, clasped her hands together​38 briefly to show respect for the deceased, then turned and called to her sister, who had remained silent the entire time. “Ninth Imperial Sister, let’s continue hunting.”

    She called several times with no response. Turning her head in surprise, she saw her sister gazing in the direction Miss Su had departed, seemingly lost in thought.

    “Ah, I forgot! You just recovered from your illness and returned, perhaps you don’t recognize that young lady?” Ji Qingyun hurriedly explained, “That Miss Su is the Marquis of Pingyang’s great-granddaughter, though born of a concubine. Despite that, she seems quite favored by the Marquis.” After explaining a whole bunch of details, she sighed, “I never expected Miss Su to be so deeply devoted.”

    “Mm…” Ji Qingchi squeezed out a sound from her throat.

    Just moments before, she had heard a woman crying from afar, thought it sounded very much like Su Yi, and had instigated her Second Imperial Sister to come over with her. She hadn’t expected it really was Su Yi.

    Seeing her cry so heartbrokenly over the grave of the imposter fulang, Ji Qingchi felt a pang of guilt. Her heart felt uncomfortably tight, as if blocked by a stone. Yet, if she were to speak, she wouldn’t know what to say. And she was genuinely afraid of exposing the truth—after all, in Su Yi’s eyes, they didn’t know each other yet.

    While Su Yi had been unconscious, Ji Qingchi had moved swiftly to find the traitorous Shadow Guard, used her to set a trap for​39 Ji Qingxuan, dealt with the person who had impersonated her, and then returned to the imperial palace safe and sound. Feng Ruoqing had contacted her via letters, informing her of Su Yi’s injuries and the medicines that were needed. Ji Qingchi had then—procured them, and sent someone to secretly deliver them.

    Su Yi’s injuries had taken three whole months to heal. Ji Qingchi couldn’t shake the feeling that if it weren’t for her, Su Yi wouldn’t have been injured. Guilt gnawed at her constantly, leaving her unsettled.

    Beyond the guilt, however, she found her own reaction strange.

    She wasn’t exactly a person with a strong moral compass. Royalty were often fickle, and among these princesses vying for power, which one wasn’t two-faced​40? Someone like her, seemingly pure but dark inside​41—to actually feel guilty towards Su Yi? Even she herself found it incredible.

    “Second Imperial Sister, this Miss Su… what is her full name?”

    “It seems to be Su Yi.”

    “Oh. That name is rather ordinary.”

    Ji Qingyun gave her imperial sister beside her a strange look. This Ninth Imperial Sister of hers rarely initiated inquiries about others. Why the change of character today? “Ninth Imperial Sister, are you… hmm, interested in Miss Su?”

    The phrasing felt odd, but Ji Qingyun couldn’t immediately find a better word. After thinking for a long while​42, that was the best she could come up with.

    “Not at all,” Ji Qingchi denied formally. “Imperial Sister, did you happen to hear the poems​43 she was reciting just now? Every line was a gem​44. I simply admire her talent.”

    And every line contained such deep feeling it could make one weep blood​45, making one’s heart tremble​46 upon hearing it, Ji Qingchi added silently.

    “Ah?” Ji Qingyun thought back. “Indeed, that’s true.” She exclaimed in admiration, “I didn’t realize Miss Su was also such a talented woman!”

    “Yes,” Ji Qingchi murmured, gazing faintly at the nearby tombstone. “And quite the devoted soul​47.”

    “Tsk tsk tsk, truly pitiful, truly lamentable,” Ji Qingyun sighed for a moment, then led her people away. “Let’s go, let’s continue hunting.”

    However, Ji Qingchi had completely lost the mood for hunting. She accompanied Ji Qingyun while they hunted some game, then used the excuse of feeling unwell to return to the palace.

    After bathing, she thought for a moment, then sat down at her writing desk. She wrote down the ci poem​48 Su Yi had recited earlier, which she had memorized. “Ten years living and dead, both boundless and dim; Even without thinking, naturally unforgettable…”​49

    Truly profound feelings and loyalty, she mused.

    Just as she was looking at the poem, her Shadow Guard returned. “Reporting to Your Highness,” the guard announced, “The Second Highness sent over a box. It’s said to contain the item Your Highness requested.”

    “Bring it here.”

    “Yes.” The Shadow Guard brought in a small wooden box. Inside, nestled in soft brocade​50, lay a round, silvery-white object resembling a pearl, emitting a soft glow. It was precisely the Silver Pearl Kou that Su Yi needed.

    But figuring out how to give this thing to Su Yi was also a hassle. After all, the two of them ostensibly didn’t know each other yet. If she rashly gave it to Su Yi, outsiders might suspect she was colluding with the Marquis of Pingyang for personal gain. If she gave it to Feng Ruoqing for her to pass on to Su Yi, explaining the item’s origin later would be another troublesome issue. Thinking it over and over, she couldn’t find a suitable method to get the item to Su Yi.

    Ji Qingchi sighed, feeling a headache coming on. She closed the box. “You’ve worked hard. You may leave.”

    “Yes.”

    The Shadow Guard turned to leave, but suddenly her Master called her back. “Wait.”

    The Shadow Guard obediently turned back. She had expected her Master to assign some tasks, but unexpectedly, the princess was sitting upright in her chair, her face flushing red then paling intermittently​51. After a long pause, Ji Qingchi finally asked, “This Palace​52 asks you… just now, when encountering that Miss Su from the Su family, This Palace’s… This Palace’s deportment​53… how was it?”

    The Shadow Guard was utterly bewildered​54 but still answered obediently, “Master is of imperial lineage​55, naturally possessing a valiant and heroic bearing and impeccable deportment​56.”

    “Is that so.” Hearing this, her Master seemed very pleased, the corners of her mouth lifting into a smile. “Not bad… You may leave.”

    “Yes.”

    The Shadow Guard, completely baffled​57, retreated, her mind filled with suspicion​58. Why was Master acting so strange today?

    TOC

    Footnotes

    1. 大杀星 | dà shā xīng | Lit. “great killing star”; A person considered extremely unlucky or dangerous, someone who brings disaster or major trouble.
    2. 纸片 | zhǐpiàn | Lit. “paper slice/sheet”; Modern slang referring to 2D fictional characters (from anime, manga, games, etc.), often used in the context of fandom or romantic/platonic attraction to these characters (“paper husband/waifu”).
    3. 情深义重 | qíng shēn yì zhòng | Lit. “feelings deep, righteousness heavy”
    4. 吃的盐比她们吃的饭都多 | chī de yán bǐ tāmen chī de fàn dōu duō | A proverb meaning someone is much older and more experienced.
    5. 苦思冥想 | kǔ sī míng xiǎng | Lit. “bitterly think, deeply ponder”; To think long and hard, to rack one’s brains.
    6. 痛不欲生 | tòng bù yù shēng | Lit. “in so much pain one doesn’t want to live”; Describes extreme grief or suffering, utter devastation.
    7. 痴情不悔 | chīqíng bù huǐ | Lit. “infatuated feelings, no regret”; Describes unwavering, perhaps foolishly deep, love or devotion without regret.
    8. 贡香纸钱 | gòngxiāng zhǐqián | Incense and paper money burned as offerings to spirits or ancestors.
    9. 假货 | jiǎhuò | Lit. “fake goods”
    10. 郎娘 | lángniáng | Likely a term specific to this setting for a male spouse or consort, possibly indicating a particular status or role. The components are ‘lang’ (young man/husband) and ‘niang’ (mother/woman).
    11. 于事无补 | yú shì wú bǔ | Chengyu; Lit. “towards the matter, no repair”; Meaning it’s of no help, useless, futile.
    12. 身子骨 | shēnzi gǔ | Lit. “body bones”; Colloquial term for one’s physical health or constitution.
    13. 架空 | jiàkōng | Lit. “propped up empty/aerial”; Refers to a fictional setting, especially one that resembles a historical period but is explicitly not real history (alternate history/universe).
    14. 诗人…词人 | shīrén…círén | Poet (specifically for shi poetry) and Lyricist (specifically for ci poetry), two major forms of classical Chinese poetry.
    15. 苏轼 | Sū Shì | (1037-1101) Famous Song dynasty poet, writer, and statesman. Also known as Su Dongpo.
    16. 十年生死两茫茫 | shí nián shēngsǐ liǎng mángmáng | The first line of Su Shi’s famous poem Jiang Cheng Zi – A Record of a Dream on the Night of the Yi Mao Year, written in memory of his deceased wife. It evokes a sense of vast separation and enduring grief.
    17. 《项脊轩志》… 庭有枇杷树 | “Xiàng Jǐ Xuān Zhì”… tíng yǒu pípá shù | Record of the Xiang Ji Pavilion is a famous prose piece by Gui Youguang (归有光, Ming Dynasty). The line “庭有枇杷树，吾妻死之年所手植也” (In the courtyard stands a loquat tree, planted by my own hand in the year my wife died) is renowned for its quiet, profound expression of grief and remembrance.
    18. 元稹 | Yuán Zhěn | (779-831) A prominent Tang dynasty poet and politician.
    19. 《离思》 | “Lí Sī” | Leaving Thoughts is a series of poems by Yuan Zhen, the most famous of which (often referred to simply as Li Si) expresses deep mourning for his deceased wife, particularly the line “曾经沧海难为水，除却巫山不是云” (Having experienced the vast ocean, it’s hard to be impressed by mere water; Except for the clouds of Mount Wu, none other are true clouds), symbolizing irreplaceable love.
    20. 陶醉 | táozuì | To be intoxicated, enchanted, or completely absorbed in something (often enjoyment or self-satisfaction).
    21. 冒牌 | màopái | Lit. “imitate brand”
    22. 劲装 | jìnzhuāng | Close-fitting, practical clothing suitable for riding, martial arts, or travel.
    23. 风流雅致 | fēngliú yǎzhì | Describes a style that is sophisticated and refined (yazhi) but also carries connotations of being dashing, unconventional, perhaps even slightly roguish or amorous (fengliu).
    24. 五爪金龙 | wǔzhǎo jīnlóng | Five-clawed golden dragon; a symbol traditionally reserved for the Emperor in imperial China, signifying supreme authority. Its use by a princess here indicates high imperial status within this specific setting.
    25. 螭龙 | chīlóng | A type of hornless dragon or young dragon motif often used in traditional Chinese decoration.
    26. 绝色倾城 | juésè qīngchéng | Chengyu; Lit. “peerless color, city-toppling”; Describes exceptionally stunning beauty, capable of causing the downfall of cities (an allusion to historical tales).
    27. 前赴后继 | qián pū hòu jì | Chengyu; Lit. “front dash, rear follow”; To advance wave upon wave; describes people rushing forward bravely or eagerly, one after another.
    28. 后宫 | hòugōng | Lit. “rear palace”; Traditionally the imperial harem where the emperor’s wives and concubines lived.
    29. 披麻戴孝 | pī má dài xiào | Lit. “drape hemp, wear mourning garments”; To wear traditional Chinese mourning clothes, typically coarse hemp fabric and white garments.
    30. 奏本 | zòuběn | A formal report or memorial submitted to the emperor.
    31. 胸无大志 | xiōng wú dà zhì | Lit. “chest without great ambition”; Describes someone lacking ambition or lofty goals.
    32. 混吃混喝 | hùn chī hùn hē | Lit. “mix eat mix drink”; To idle one’s time away, drifting aimlessly without serious purpose, often implying sponging off others or just getting by.
    33. 民女 | mínnǚ | Lit. “commoner woman”; A self-deprecating term used by a non-noble woman when addressing royalty or high nobility.
    34. 上气不接下气 | shàng qì bù jiē xià qì | Lit. “upper breath doesn’t connect to lower breath”; To be out of breath, gasping.
    35. 节哀顺变 | jié’āi shùnbiàn | Lit. “restrain grief, accord with change”; A standard phrase of condolence, urging the bereaved to moderate their grief and accept the inevitable reality of death.
    36. 凹 | āo | Lit. “concave/dent”; Modern slang, often used with 人设 (rénshè – persona), meaning to deliberately shape, pose, or force oneself into a certain image or persona.
    37. 小命 | xiǎomìng | Lit. “little life”; Colloquial and slightly self-deprecating term for one’s own life, emphasizing vulnerability.
    38. 双手合十 | shuāng shǒu hé shí | To put one’s palms together; a gesture often associated with prayer, respect, or greeting in Buddhist traditions, but also used more broadly as a sign of respect or solemnity.
    39. 套路 | tàolù | Lit. “set routine/pattern”; Modern slang for a trick, scheme, ploy, or a predictable pattern of behavior used to manipulate or deceive someone.
    40. 心里一套表面一套 | xīnlǐ yī tào biǎomiàn yī tào | Lit. “one set inside the heart, one set on the surface”; Describes being two-faced, hypocritical, saying one thing and thinking/doing another.
    41. 外白里黑 | wài bái lǐ hēi | Lit. “outside white, inside black”; Describes someone who appears innocent or good on the surface but is actually malicious, scheming, or dark-hearted inside. Similar to “a wolf in sheep’s clothing.”
    42. 半天 | bàntiān | Lit. “half a day”; Colloquially means “a long time.”
    43. 诗词 | shīcí | Poetry; a general term encompassing various forms like shi and ci.
    44. 句句珠玑 | jùjù zhūjī | Chengyu; Lit. “sentence after sentence, pearls”; Every sentence is a pearl; high praise for writing or speech, indicating brilliance, conciseness, and value in every line.
    45. 泣血 | qì xuè | Describes extreme grief or sorrow, so intense it feels like weeping blood.
    46. 心肝直颤 | xīngān zhí chàn | Lit. “heart and liver directly tremble”; Describes a strong emotional impact, making one’s innermost being tremble.
    47. 痴情种子 | chīqíng zhǒngzi | Lit. “infatuation/devotion seed”; Someone inherently prone to deep, often unrequited or tragic, love and devotion.
    48. 词 | cí | A form of classical Chinese poetry, typically lyrics written to fit existing tunes, flourishing in the Tang and Song dynasties. Su Shi was a master of the form.
    49. 十年生死两茫茫，不思量，自难忘 | shí nián shēngsǐ liǎng mángmáng, bù sīliang, zì nánwàng | The first two lines of Su Shi’s Jiang Cheng Zi – A Record of a Dream on the Night of the Yi Mao Year. The full couplet emphasizes the enduring nature of grief and memory even when not consciously dwelling on it.
    50. 锦缎 | jǐnduàn | Brocade; rich silk fabric with raised patterns.
    51. 一阵红一阵白 | yī zhèn hóng yī zhèn bái | Lit. “a burst of red, a burst of white”; Describes a face rapidly changing color due to strong emotions like embarrassment, anger, or agitation.
    52. 本宫 | Běngōng | Lit. “This Palace”; The standard way for imperial consorts and princesses of certain ranks to refer to themselves.
    53. 仪态 | yítài | Bearing; deportment; manner; appearance and posture.
    54. 摸不着头脑 | mō bù zháo tóunǎo | Chengyu; Lit. “can’t touch the head’s brain”; To be unable to make head or tail of something; confused; bewildered.
    55. 天潢贵胄 | tiānhuáng guìzhòu | Chengyu; Lit. “heavenly imperial river, noble descendant”; Descendant of the imperial family; person of noble birth.
    56. 仪态万千 | yítài wànqiān | Chengyu; Lit. “deportment ten thousand kinds”; Describes having countless graces; possessing extremely elegant and varied manners and deportment.
    57. 一头雾水 | yītóu wùshuǐ | Lit. “one head of fog water”; Completely baffled; utterly confused.
    58. 满腹狐疑 | mǎnfù húyí | Chengyu; Lit. “belly full of fox doubt”; Filled with suspicion; very suspicious or distrustful (like a wary fox).

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