After Transmigrating as a Scumbag Alpha, I Marked the Crazy Hotshot – Chapter 80
by Little PandaAction is what’s needed.
Cheng Jiqing sat in the car. The heater was on, and a thin layer of mist had formed on the windows.
The words Tang Jia had said to her before she left, calling her to a stop as she was about to go out, echoed in her ears again.
“Cheng Jiqing, perhaps Bai Xin’s feelings for you are deeper than you imagine, and deeper than she herself imagines. She suffered from depression for a very long time, and the last time you two separated, it was already on the verge of flaring up. I know this is selfish, but if you’ve already made up your mind, if you can… please do it in a gentler way.”
Cheng Jiqing closed her eyes, her hands resting on the steering wheel as she lowered her head, her forehead touching the cool white jade bodhi seed bracelet.
The decision to provide her blood for the medicine, the decision to terminate the agreement with Yixin—she had made them all very decisively.
But when she saw the chat background with Bai Xin, saw the picture of Bai Xin kissing her, Tang Jia’s words took on a concrete form—she remembered the time Bai Xin had come looking for her in Jiangcheng.
She hadn’t been eating properly, was trembling from the cold, haggard and fragile.
Seeing all this, her decisiveness was tinged with heartache, pity, and profound regret.
Because they were never supposed to be like this.
Bai Xin had feelings for her. She knew that, how could she not know?
So she knew that once the message of a clean break was sent, the person on the other end would be in great pain as well.
Admittedly, she couldn’t be completely heartless.
And though she wanted to make a clean break, she found that it hurt her just as much. Before she came into contact with Bai Xin, she had thought herself a decisive person, but now she suddenly understood that in this world, not everything could be judged by the same standard.
Therefore, she chose two words that were not so cruel to either herself or Bai Xin—separate.
Not break up, or divorce.
The phone on her leg buzzed, pulling her back from her tormented thoughts.
Cheng Jiqing’s heart stirred. A premonition told her who was calling.
She picked it up. The familiar name rolled across her eyes, searing them.
She answered.
Bai Xin’s sobbing voice made her throat tighten.
Before the other party could say anything, Cheng Jiqing said in a low voice, “I’m coming over now.”
She had sent the message in advance precisely because she was afraid that saying those words face-to-face would be even more painful for both of them, leaving some time to buffer the blow.
She arrived at Nanjing.
The snow outside was getting heavier, making a ‘tata’ sound as it hit the glass.
Cheng Jiqing got out of the car, her footprints landing deep and indelible.
A black print was stamped onto the white snow. To cover that black footprint without a trace would require an even bigger snowfall.
The front door opened.
The warm air from inside rushed out, and she heard the sound of a chair moving, scraping against the floor.
Then, footsteps.
Cheng Jiqing walked in and closed the door.
Bai Xin was standing by the kitchen island, dressed in a pink autumn-winter nightgown, her hair down. Her eyes were red and swollen, and they misted over again upon seeing her.
After a week apart, her face had become much thinner.
Bai Xin spoke first. “I know you’re very angry right now. I know I shouldn’t have hidden things from you, shouldn’t have hurt you again and again, shouldn’t have used you, and shouldn’t have doubted your feelings… I know I was wrong. You can yell at me, hit me, whatever you want.”
She took two steps toward the entryway, standing anxiously in front of Cheng Jiqing. “But don’t leave me, Cheng Jiqing.”
Cheng Jiqing tried to keep her voice calm, but when she opened her mouth, she found her throat was extremely dry.
She took a moment to compose herself. “Bai Xin, if we continue to be together, we’ll both be miserable. You’ll be terrified that I’ll leave, and I’ll be terrified of whether there will be a next time. It’s wrong to be trapped in this pain. Look, you never used to cry, but now you’re always crying.”
“There won’t be a next time, Cheng Jiqing, I’ll never lie to you again. I swear,” Bai Xin said, taking a step forward.
Cheng Jiqing looked at the tears on Bai Xin’s cheeks, her breathing heavy. She said softly, “Don’t cry.”
She raised her hand, the back of her fingers gently wiping away the tears. The touch burned her like lava, and she hesitated no longer. “You can stay here. I’ll come get my things in a couple of days… As for the agreement…”
From Bai Xin’s perspective, the gesture was as gentle as ever, yet it accompanied the coldest words.
Hearing the last sentence, Bai Xin felt she could barely breathe. She tightly gripped the hand Cheng Jiqing was using to wipe her tears. “Chengcheng, you want time, you want some quiet, I’ll agree. But don’t be so cruel to me…”
She guided Cheng Jiqing’s hand to her heart, choking back sobs. “It hurts too much, it hurts too much.”
Cheng Jiqing’s eyes grew hot, her vision blurring. She felt a blunt knife scraping at her internal organs, but she knew that at this point, it was impossible to move forward.
“Bai Xin, if we continue like this, it will only make our relationship worse. Are you okay with that too?”
Bai Xin’s entire body trembled violently.
Cheng Jiqing’s eyes trembled slightly as she pulled her hand away from Bai Xin’s heart.
Bai Xin bit her lip, her eyes filled with tears. After a long moment, she said:
“Anything is fine, I’ll agree to a temporary separation, but I won’t agree to a divorce.”
Bai Xin knew that piece of paper couldn’t hold Cheng Jiqing. If Cheng Jiqing was truly determined to divorce, she probably wouldn’t even care about any of the assets.
From beginning to end, Cheng Jiqing had never cared about those things.
But right now, she needed the bond of that piece of paper. When Cheng Jiqing had heartlessly resolved to separate from her, she needed that bond.
To her, it was no longer just a piece of paper.
If Cheng Jiqing wouldn’t even leave her this tiny bit, then she would truly have nothing left.
Her hope would be gone too.
“I’ll agree to anything, but not a divorce, Chengcheng… Don’t be so cruel, okay?”
Cheng Jiqing looked into Bai Xin’s eyes. Though red and swollen, they were still beautiful and enchanting, even captivating. She saw the difficult struggle deep within her pupils.
She had never truly been bound by that piece of paper.
When she had agreed to the marriage, although it was partly to save herself, it was more because the person was Bai Xin, because she didn’t want to see Bai Xin get hurt.
She was afraid of death, but the shackles she wore had never been life and death.
All along, it had only ever been Bai Xin.
And after she married Bai Xin, the system had never appeared again. Now that she was divorcing, it didn’t appear either. She thought Bai Xin should be fine now.
As for the money, she didn’t care.
She truly didn’t care about those past assets.
She was also willing to continue providing her blood to complete the medicine. So a divorce now wouldn’t pose any threat to Bai Xin.
Thus, she had indeed prepared for a divorce, but compared to giving blood and terminating the contract with Yixin, she didn’t view that piece of paper as that important. It had only ever been a formality in the first place.
But now, looking at Bai Xin’s expression, at her resistance… her feelings were incredibly complicated.
The contract had a few months left until it expired. When that time passed, perhaps they could discuss this matter more calmly.
“Okay.”
In any case, we probably won’t be seeing each other much after this.
As Cheng Jiqing thought of this, a sourness pricked her nose.
When Bai Xin heard her answer, her silent tears suddenly fell as if from a fresh wound, and she let out a whimpering cry.
Cheng Jiqing had agreed, but she knew that in this moment, Cheng Jiqing was about to leave her.
Cheng Jiqing didn’t dare to stay any longer. She turned around. “Bai Xin, take care of yourself.”
Eat well, sleep well.
She opened the door.
A cold wind rushed in to meet her. She walked out quickly, when she suddenly heard a cry from behind her, choked with sobs.
“I love you.”
Her fingers, gripping the doorknob, abruptly tightened.
“Cheng Jiqing, I love you.”
The door closed.
It sealed off all warmth.
Only coldness remained.
Cheng Jiqing leaned her back against the door, clutching her chest as she cried silently. She took a deep breath, forcing the remaining tears down, then wiped them away with her fingers.
The love between her and Bai Xin existed, but right now she wasn’t happy, and Bai Xin wasn’t happy either. Continuing on would only bring pain.
Separation had become the necessary path.
She was sad and grieved, but not in despair.
Sometimes, letting go was also for the sake of a better reunion, for a better life for both of them.
Most things in this world were like this, simply a matter of trade-offs—if you want to get something better, you must first learn to give up something not so good.
Whether for freedom or for the future.
It was in the afternoon that Tang Jia went to see Bai Xin.
No matter how heavily the snow fell, you couldn’t make out its specific shape as it descended from the sky; it melted in the blink of an eye. It only brought to mind the line, the white snow in the sky spins and vanishes from afar.
Bai Xin was sitting on the balcony, her arms wrapped around her knees, just sitting there. Since she’d been told that Cheng Jiqing would continue to provide her blood, she hadn’t said a single word.
No matter what was asked or said, there was no reaction.
Tang Jia couldn’t handle it on her own. Besides Zhou Yushu, there was no one else around who could help. But after last time, Zhou Yushu couldn’t really get through to Bai Xin anymore. Finally, after some thought…
She scrolled to a saved contact in her address book.
After the incident at the hospital last time, their relationship had eased somewhat.
The phone rang for over ten seconds, but it was answered.
Tang Jia felt a slight sense of relief and explained the general situation to Tong Yanxi.
“Really something, you are. Still not doing anything decent even after getting divorced?”
“…” Tang Jia thought, “Also?” She wasn’t the mastermind behind this matter. Besides, when she was married, it wasn’t like she had done anything inhuman, right?
She wanted to argue back, but now wasn’t the time. “If you want to bicker, can we do it after we’ve talked this through?”
“Who wants to bicker with you? In your dreams. What do you want me to say about this? There’s nothing to say,” Tong Yanxi said.
“In the beginning, it was because she didn’t understand Cheng Jiqing, so she hid it. Later… actually, this time Bai Xin really was planning to tell her.”
Tong Yanxi said, “From an outsider’s perspective, this is a case of ‘A says A is right, O says O is right.’ But from Cheng Jiqing’s perspective, regardless of whether she was planning to tell her or not, the fact is that Cheng Jiqing heard it from someone else in the end. To her, that is a substantial harm.”
“Yes, I admit it.” She was also responsible.
Tang Jia asked in a low voice, “Can you come over now? When Bai Xin heard that Cheng Jiqing would continue to give blood, she understood what that meant, and she hasn’t said a word since. If it were before, I wouldn’t be worried, but this time is different.”
She couldn’t handle it.
The current Bai Xin was like the calm before a storm.
“Beg me.”
“…?”
Tang Jia said, “Director Tong, isn’t Bai Xin your friend? She helped you out with your movie, too.”
Tong Yanxi acted as if she hadn’t heard. “Are you going to beg or not? If not, I’m not coming.”
Tang Jia pushed up her glasses, the corners of her lips curling slightly, but her voice was exasperated. “I’m begging you, alright?”
The heating in the room was ample, warm as if spring had arrived.
Bai Xin was still sitting on the balcony, hugging her knees and looking outside. It was still snowing. The snow had already been heavy when Cheng Jiqing arrived. It was even heavier now.
Her mind was blank. It was precisely because it was empty that she didn’t want to move or speak—not after she heard that Cheng Jiqing was going to continue giving blood to complete the medicine.
The news Ada had told her about Cheng Jiqing wanting to terminate the contract didn’t seem like such a big deal anymore.
Cheng Jiqing hadn’t mentioned that when she saw her just now.
If Cheng Jiqing’s promise not to divorce for the time being was a rope on a cliff’s edge, then the matter of her continuing to give blood was a knife.
The day the medicine was completed would probably be the day Cheng Jiqing cleanly withdrew.
Which would also be the day of their divorce.
When she realized this, she didn’t cry. Her heart just suddenly became empty.
So empty it left her at a complete loss.
Someone sat down beside her. Bai Xin saw Tong Yanxi’s reflection in the opposite floor-to-ceiling window.
“Drink some hot water.” Tong Yanxi passed a cup over.
“You guys should go home.”
Tong Yanxi looked at her slightly dehydrated lips. “Do you want to know where that silver hairpin you wore last time came from? Drink, and I’ll tell you.”
Bai Xin’s fingers twitched, and she shifted her gaze sideways.
Then she raised her hand to take the cup. The sensation was warm. She took a sip. “Tell me.”
Tong Yanxi: “…” It actually worked.
“Last time Cheng Jiqing was filming in Jiangcheng, it was also when you two were fighting, right? That day, a few people from the crew went to tour a garden together. On the way out, they saw it by the roadside. But Cheng Jiqing didn’t buy it at the time.” Tong Yanxi also took a sip of hot water, found it tasteless and a bit disdainful, then continued, “Later, after we’d been driving for a while, Cheng Jiqing called for a stop, said she remembered something, and got out of the car alone.”
“When I saw the silver hairpin on your head at the hospital that day, I guessed that she had gone back and bought it.”
Bai Xin’s hand holding the cup tightened, and her eyes grew hot.
After a moment.
“I don’t know what to do,” Bai Xin said, her head bowed. “Tong Yanxi, can you teach me?”
Tong Yanxi finally understood what Tang Jia had meant.
Bai Xin looked like a single blade of straw, ready to snap at any moment.
She appeared calm, but in reality, she was hovering on the edge.
It was either a desperate comeback or a complete fall into despair, in which case Bai Xin would become even more crazed than before.
Perhaps an even more intensified state.
Tong Yanxi said softly:
“I just wanted to tell you, she was still thinking about buying you a silver hairpin even when you were fighting. This shows that Cheng Jiqing has truly given you a great, great deal of love. So you must give an equal, or greater, amount of love to make up for it. I know your feelings for her are also very deep, but Cheng Jiqing might not be able to fully appreciate it. From her perspective, your efforts are not equal. Can you understand what I mean?”
Bai Xin was silent, but she eventually looked up at her.
Tong Yanxi continued, “If she had really hardened her heart, or despised you, and really wanted to break up with you, how could she still care about your life or death? If it were me, forget about making medicine, I’d probably put croton beans1 in her food to kill her.”
Tang Jia: “…”
For some reason, she felt as if she could sense Tong Yanxi’s sidelong glance.
Tong Yanxi said, “And she wouldn’t have agreed not to divorce you.”
After she finished speaking, the air fell silent.
Everyone was waiting for Bai Xin to respond. After half a minute, Bai Xin lowered her eyes and said, “She wanted a divorce.”
She knew very clearly that if she hadn’t been so adamant at the time, Cheng Jiqing would have wanted a divorce. And there was Cheng Jiqing’s decision to continue making the medicine…
“No matter what she’s thinking now, or for what reason she ultimately didn’t divorce you, the result is that you’re not divorced, right?” Tong Yanxi patted Bai Xin’s shoulder. “That means she hasn’t truly let go, and that’s enough for you.”
If she had truly been resolute, truly let go.
A divorce would have been the first thing Cheng Jiqing should have done. That was the real shackle between them.
If you truly want to end something, you should end it where it began.
Just like the female lead in 《Go Ashore》. After her heart turned to ash, she resolutely and unhesitatingly went ashore, to a place the mermaid queen could never reach—the desert.
That is what you call being resolute.
Not planning everything out for the other person before leaving.
Isn’t that putting the cart before the horse?
In her opinion, any reason was just a smokescreen Cheng Jiqing had thrown out. Bai Xin drank this soup, and Cheng Jiqing drank it herself too.
And then they truly believed this was the end.
After Bai Xin finished listening, it was as if feeling returned to her fingers. She took a sip of water, and it seemed that only then did her rationality begin to recover.
She woke up from the empty nightmare.
“You know you were wrong now, so show the attitude of someone who was wrong. But don’t you dare do anything rashly. Your temperament is too impulsive. Both you and Cheng Jiqing need time to cool down right now. Wait for this period to pass a little…”
As long as Bai Xin didn’t do anything irreversible in a fit of impulse right now, it would be fine.
She couldn’t guarantee the outcome would be good, but there was always hope.
Bai Xin took a light breath, and when she looked up, she saw snowflakes crashing against the glass like fearless moths.
Warmth returned to her palms, her eyes cleared, and she slowly said, “Thank you.”
Tong Yanxi knew Bai Xin understood. She relaxed slightly and let out a laugh.
She took the initiative to tap Bai Xin’s cup with her own. “You’re welcome. Just invest more money in my movies in the future.”
“After this period passes… then what?” Tang Jia, also holding a cup of water, asked from the side.
Tong Yanxi glanced back at her, as if disdainful of her slow uptake. “If you want someone to have a change of heart, just thinking about it is useless.”
You have to rely on action.
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