Are you a primary school chicken?¹

Lin Lu CP is fake!²

Lin Sifei sat next to Luo Ke, a piece of gauze taped to her face.

“Back in the hospital again,” she said. “We’re just too miserable.”

The wound was from a porcelain shard, so the doctor gave her a tetanus shot just in case. Thankfully, the cut on Lin Sifei’s face wasn’t very deep and probably wouldn’t leave a scar.

Luo Ke leaned in, her brow furrowing slightly as she looked at the gauze. “You have an interview tomorrow. Don’t put any makeup on the wound.”

Lin Sifei had actually been planning to have her makeup artist hide it with concealer, but one look at Luo Ke’s serious expression told her that was impossible.

“Well, I guess I’ll just have to make things difficult for the stylist. We’ll see how they can come up with a new look, the kind that incorporates gauze.”

“Like a middle school second-year³ girl?” Luo Ke chuckled.

But Lin Sifei looked at her seriously and snapped her fingers. “I think you’re absolutely right. I’ll tell Li Tao right now.”

When Li Tao found out her face was injured, he transformed into a human screaming chicken⁴. Lin Sifei covered her ears, discovering for the first time that her normally refined manager knew so many time-honored curse words.

Only after Li Tao had cursed the intruder from head to toe did he agree to discuss it with the makeup artist, shouting that he was going to get her face insured.

“You could get your whole body insured,” Lin Sifei suggested, trying hard to stifle a laugh.

Laughing pulled at the wound, and it hurt. She leaned against Luo Ke’s shoulder, her eyes falling on the gauze wrapped around Luo Ke’s arm.

Dong dong. A knock came at the hospital room door, and two police officers entered.

“Based on what you told us, we found some business documents on the second floor, along with Ms. Luo’s private seal. The study also showed clear signs of being ransacked. We suspect it was one of Ms. Luo’s business competitors. Do you have anyone in mind?”

Lin Sifei’s brow furrowed. Are business rivals really this vicious? The guy they sent had a knife, and he fought like he was trying to kill.

She looked at Luo Ke, curious about which character this could be, and heard her say, “It was probably my second uncle, Luo Shengping. My grandmother was likely involved too. I’m not sure about my aunts.”

Lin Sifei’s eyes widened, and she shot upright. “Didn’t Luo Shengping go to jail?”

“He was released on bail⁵.” Luo Ke stroked Lin Sifei’s head and continued, “I sued him before for embezzling company funds, so he probably holds a grudge against me. He’s tried to hurt us before. The explosion on the set of 《Light》 was likely his handiwork too.”

At the mention of 《Light》, both officers looked up. One of them stared at Lin Sifei for a moment before it dawned on him. “You’re the actress who played Xiao Yue, aren’t you? I knew you looked familiar. You were really good in that movie. Very moving.”

After he finished his praise, the other officer cleared his throat and shot him a look. The first officer immediately straightened up.

Lin Sifei smiled. Meeting a fan made her patience grow exponentially. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”

The police left soon after, but before they did, one of them added, “The suspect keeps saying he saw a person turn into a cat. He might be trying to use mental illness to escape punishment. You should be aware that others might try the same trick.”

Luo Ke’s expression darkened slightly as she nodded her thanks. The police assumed she understood their warning that the Luo family might play the same card. However, as soon as they left, Luo Ke cornered Lin Sifei.

Her face was grim. “Why did you turn into a cat in front of someone else? If you’re discovered, the consequences will be severe.”

Lin Sifei pouted. “I didn’t want to! He dragged me down the stairs. I had to turn into a cat to get away, or I would’ve been hurt much worse than this.” She held up her arm pitifully, revealing a patch of bruises and scrapes from the fall.

“I was scared to death. My whole body was scraping down the stairs—it was terrifying, so I quickly changed into a cat. I thought since it was pitch-dark⁶, he wouldn’t be able to see clearly. I even bit him to distract him.”

At that thought, Lin Sifei’s face turned green⁷. She turned her head and spat twice. Ptui, ptui.

Luo Ke looked at her, puzzled. “What’s wrong?”

Lin Sifei bared her teeth. “I bit him. It’s so disgusting.”

Luo Ke thought about it and agreed it was pretty disgusting, so she went with her to wash up.

By the time they finished brushing their teeth, it was already past midnight. Lin Sifei yawned, slipped into bed, and patted the pillow beside her. “Luo Ke, time for sleep.”

Luo Ke was typing on her phone. “Are you sending a message?” Lin Sifei asked curiously.

“Mhm.” Luo Ke put her phone down and got into bed. “I’m telling Bai Xingrui that you’ve lured her person away.”

Thinking of Diana, Lin Sifei couldn’t help but bury her face in her pillow and laugh. “She seems so formidable, but she’s really easy to fool.”

She remembered how Diana had shattered the glass with a kick, swung in on a rope, and sent the man flying.

“She was pretty cool,” Lin Sifei giggled. On second thought, Diana really did have fair skin and long legs, with sharp features and a head of silver hair that floated in the wind like something out of 3D modeling.

She was completely absorbed in the girl’s flourishing-age beautiful face⁸, having totally forgotten that she was lying next to a giant vinegar vat⁹.

Lin Sifei opened her mouth to continue praising how good-looking and suave Diana was.

Suddenly, Luo Ke clapped a hand over her mouth. “Time to sleep,” she said sullenly.

Lin Sifei blinked, looking up at Luo Ke. Although she didn’t say she was angry, her tightly pressed lips and impatient tone made it obvious she was jealous.

“Hahaha, President Luo, you get jealous so easily,” Lin Sifei teased without mercy.

Luo Ke gave her a dark look. “Half a jin, eight liang.”¹⁰

Lin Sifei’s laughter caught in her throat. Remembering the incident with Feng Xiao, she grumbled and tacitly agreed.

The two vinegar essences¹¹ exchanged a look, called a silent truce, and wrapped their arms around each other before closing their eyes to sleep.

Lin Sifei’s sleep was restless. In her dream, she saw Luo Ke being thrown against a wall, then falling heavily to the floor. The man kicked Luo Ke viciously before a knife suddenly flashed in his hand.

“Ah!” Lin Sifei cried out, her eyes flying open.

She was panting, the morning sun streaming through the window. She quickly looked beside her, but the spot was empty.

“Luo Ke?” Lin Sifei leaped out of bed and pulled the door open with her bare feet.

Luo Ke was standing by the door on the phone. Hearing her voice, she turned and smiled. “You’re awake? It’s still morning. I was hoping you’d sleep in a little longer. I pushed the interview to the afternoon.”

Lin Sifei let out a breath of relief, leaning against the doorframe as she brushed her messy hair from her face. “You finish your call. I’m going back to sleep for a bit.” Leaving the door open, she walked back and climbed into bed. It was a VIP room, so there was hardly any foot traffic, and the bed wasn’t visible from the doorway anyway.

Luo Ke walked in, looking puzzled. She said a few more words into her phone and hung up. Walking over to Lin Sifei, she put an arm around her. “What’s wrong? You seem so listless. Still sleepy?”

Lin Sifei rolled over and hugged her back. “I had a nightmare. It scared me to death.”

Luo Ke’s hand paused. “I’m sorry. I was too slow, and that’s why I gave them so many chances.”

“It’s obviously because their mind-art is not correct¹². You’re the victim.” Lin Sifei finished indignantly, then looked up cautiously. “But… will they get out again?”

“No. With two offenses, the police will definitely drag a confession out of them. We won’t have to do anything for the interrogation or prosecution.”

Lin Sifei relaxed a little and nuzzled against her. “Your grandmother was involved this time. She probably won’t be willing to let the matter rest¹³.”

“Don’t worry.” Luo Ke snorted. “My aunts have already heard the news. They’re afraid of being implicated and can’t wait to carve up the assets. They know I left a large sum of money for my grandmother, and they won’t let that go.”

Lin Sifei nodded and sighed, an indescribable feeling in her heart. Old Mrs. Luo was selfish, but she had also given a lot to her children. In the end, all they wanted was to tear a piece of flesh from her.

“Go to sleep. Her children’s ears were soaked and eyes were dyed¹⁴ by her side; you can’t blame anyone else,” Luo Ke said, patting her back.

Lin Sifei obediently closed her eyes, a sweet feeling blooming in her heart. Luo Ke really understands me more and more.

With Luo Ke by her side, Lin Sifei felt much more at ease and slept soundly.

When Luo Ke woke her, it was because the makeup artist had arrived.

She sat up, and the stylist jumped in fright at the sight of her face. Fortunately, she had been warned beforehand. After the initial shock, she began applying makeup, leaving the gauze untouched and only working on the uninjured areas.

The outfit the makeup artist brought was a sailor suit¹⁵. When everything was done, Lin Sifei stared at her poofy-haired reflection in the mirror and began to question her life choices. She made a scissor hands¹⁶ gesture and flashed a pure, cute smile.

The stylist quickly interjected, “You’re going for a dark, world-weary¹⁷ style.”

“But isn’t that a bad message to send?” Lin Sifei said, pinching her chin. She was, after all, a person with a strong sense of social responsibility. She caught sight of the stylist’s expression, which was bitter and full of resentment¹⁸, and reluctantly raised a hand. “Fine, fine. I’ll maintain it at the beginning.”

After changing her look, Lin Sifei tried to drag Luo Ke to the interview with her, but Luo Ke refused. She had to go to the office to prevent any more trouble. Lin Sifei thought about it—if they could sneak in to steal, they could probably rob the place in broad daylight. Her expression turned serious as she insisted Luo Ke call for more bodyguards to go with her to the office.

Today’s interview was a video recording with just her and Lu Heng. Although they weren’t officially stir-frying a CP¹⁹, it was normal for general audiences to ship them on their own, so a joint interview wasn’t strange.

The moment Lin Sifei walked in, her look stunned everyone.

Lu Heng burst out laughing. “What’s with the sudden style change? This is a pretty big leap. We don’t have a scene like this in the movie, do we?” He walked over with a smile, but as he got closer, he caught the scent of medicine on her and frowned slightly.

Lin Sifei maintained her world-weary face and raised a hand to cut him off. “Had a break-in yesterday. I fell.”

Lu Heng’s expression turned to one of pity. He took a step back and gestured for her to proceed.

Lin Sifei sat on the sofa, waiting for the cameras to roll. Seeing her like this, Lu Heng tried his best to cheer her up, finally pulling out his phone to show her screenshots of ridiculous entertainment news about Feng Tingyun. Things like getting kicked in the ass by a sheep, fighting a donkey for a job, and face-planting in the dirt while filming…

Looking at the news articles, complete with memes, Lin Sifei couldn’t hold it in any longer and burst out laughing. The stylist who had come with her immediately shot her a resentful glare. Lin Sifei guiltily averted her gaze and tried to force the corners of her mouth down, channeling her inner world-weary girl.

Lin Sifei ducked her head, letting the wig hide her face, and quietly asked Lu Heng to send her the screenshots.

“Isn’t he a Film Emperor? Why is there so much ridiculous news about him?”

Lu Heng’s mouth twitched. “He probably couldn’t suppress his true nature and got caught on camera. His team just decided to lean into it to make him seem more approachable.”

“His team is pretty good.” Speaking of which, Lin Sifei hinted, “Lu Heng-ge’s²⁰ team doesn’t seem to be doing much, and 《Light》 has a lot of momentum right now.”

Lu Heng didn’t want to talk about his company or his team and just shook his head.

Filming began soon after. Lin Sifei continued her world-weary act, so Lu Heng had to carry the first part of the interview by himself. He managed to prevent any cold stage²¹ moments. Lin Sifei was even more impressed with him. He’s really worth trying to dig the corner of a wall for.²²

After they played a few games, Lin Sifei checked the time. They were about a third of the way through. She took a deep breath, then smiled and waved at the camera.

“Phew, I can finally stop pretending to be world-weary,” she said, exhaling.

Lu Heng also made a show of being as if relieved of a heavy burden²³. “You’re finally back to normal! The pressure was immense. Any longer and I would’ve become world-weary myself.”

Lin Sifei chuckled and held up her hands, wiggling all ten fingers. “I just want to say to the audience that getting injured isn’t a way to look cool. My house was broken into last night, and I fell down the stairs. The steps were like a washboard²⁴, and this was the result. Luckily, I was clever enough to think of this look.”

“Getting hurt really sucks, so everyone, please take care of your bodies.”

After delivering her values, Lin Sifei signaled for the interview to continue.

The video was released online and immediately attracted a lot of CP fans²⁵. Since neither of them was particularly famous, there were no solo fans²⁶ to get in the way, and the shippers were all having a great time.

Many people laughed when they heard Lin Sifei’s explanation. To prove the extent of her injury, she even posted a photo of her dressing being changed and reminded everyone to lock their doors and windows. If you encounter a thief, safety is the most important thing.

【Sob, sob, sob, my beautiful girl’s face is hurt. I hope it doesn’t scar.】

【After watching the video, Feifei, you’re wasted as an actress. You should be a comedian!】

【My heart aches for Feifei. Hooo, hooo, I’ll blow on it to make the pain fly away.】

The comments quickly piled up, and Lin Sifei picked a few to reply to.

【I asked the doctor, it won’t leave a scar, don’t worry.】

【Comedian is a good idea. Thanks for giving me another career option.】

Lin Sifei turned off her phone and transformed into a cat, swishing her tail on the bed. Since their home had been trashed, she and Luo Ke were temporarily staying at the hospital. The hospital was actually pretty nice—it was especially quiet. When she got tired of playing games, she’d get up and do a lap of parkour around the room. A cat’s jumping ability was incredible, a wonderful feeling she could never experience as a human.

Lin Sifei did a somersault on the bed, becoming more and more adept at being a cat.

Her phone vibrated. It was a message from Luo Ke.

【Luo Shengping did come to the company to smash things. It’s probably on the news. I’m fine, didn’t want you to worry. The bodyguards dragged him away quickly.】

Seeing the message, Lin Sifei immediately opened her Scarf²⁷ and checked the hot search²⁸ list. Sure enough, the incident was there. Some people were saying Luo Ke was too cruel to her uncle and that it was no wonder he retaliated. There were quite a few comments like that, and others saying it was a case of dog bites dog²⁹ between Luo Ke and Luo Shengping.

Lin Sifei was so angry she switched to her small account³⁰, changed back into a human, and started to talk back³¹.

She liked every single comment supporting Luo Ke, then, feeling refreshed, posted on Weibo to show off her battle achievements. She was quickly besieged.

Lin Sifei’s mentality was rock-solid; their words didn’t get to her at all. She continued to start tearing³² into people on the hot search. The number of people cursing her out under her post grew steadily.

Looking at their comments, Lin Sifei arrogantly posted a new one.

【Heh, and yet President Luo fought her way out from a pack of wolf-like relatives and took the Luo Corporation to the next level. A true representative of the modern woman, working hard to carve out her own world!】

Lin Sifei had discovered a new angle for praise and began spamming comments on the hot search, blowing out a storm of rainbow farts³³.

Soon, the police issued a statement confirming that Luo Shengping had acted out of greed, conspiring with his mother. Lin Sifei immediately posted the little essay³⁴ she’d written, a few hundred words about the pitiful little white flower³⁵ President Luo, who faced incredible hardships and relied on her own ability and perseverance to reach the top, only to be betrayed by her own family. Was this a moral decay or a distortion of human nature…

The little essay was very well-written, and people were quickly moved. They went to search for Luo Ke’s resume and came back with a string of “Wocao.”³⁶ Lin Sifei looked at the glittering resume posted by a netizen, from her schooling to her years of sponsoring out-of-school children, her regular appearance on charity lists, the foundations she’d established…

She read through it bit by bit, suddenly realizing she didn’t know Luo Ke deeply enough. Luo Ke was like a box of jelly beans; every single one had a different flavor.

She saved the resume image the blogger had posted, then took a look at Luo Ke’s doctoral photo and saved that too. She admired it for a moment, once again marveling at her own good taste.

When Luo Ke returned in the evening, Lin Sifei immediately rushed over with her phone to take credit.

“Look! I fought for you for ages today, and these people finally admit how amazing you are.” She puffed out her chest proudly. Luo Ke was now considered a representative of outstanding women.

Luo Ke looked at the screen full of rainbow farts and couldn’t help but laugh. “Did your hands get tired from writing so much?”

Lin Sifei shook her fingers. “It was fine. When I got tired, I just turned into a cat and used my claws to tap the keyboard. My fingers didn’t get tired at all.”

A literal keyboard warrior³⁷.

Luo Ke snorted with laughter and sat on the sofa to read through it slowly. Lin Sifei watched with her for a while, then opened the hot search again and went into the topic. She couldn’t just let Luo Ke see her rainbow farts; she had to see how the netizens were praising her too. While showing her, she didn’t forget to pull and step on³⁸ them a little. “Of course, they don’t know you very well, so their rainbow farts are pretty superficial. They’re still a long way from my level.”

“No one can compare to you,” Luo Ke said with a smile.

Lin Sifei straightened up and proudly flipped her hair.

Luo Ke exited the topic, and her eyes suddenly caught the one trending right above her own.

Lin Lu CP finally doesn’t have a third wheel!

Maybe it was because she’d been hearing “CP, CP” so much lately, but the sight of it made her heart clench. Her hand slipped, and she tapped on it, coming face-to-face with Lin Sifei and Lu Heng’s names. There was also a nine-palace grid³⁹ of photos of the two of them.

The top post wasn’t from a marketing account but from a viewer who had posted on their Scarf after watching the interview.

【It wasn’t easy! It’s finally a solo interview with just the two of them. Come look look⁴⁰ at how sweet our little CP is when they’re alone together!】

Luo Ke’s face was dark as she clicked on it, only to be angered again by the video screenshots.

Why is Xiao Xiao smiling so happily at that man?! Why is that Lu Heng staring at Xiao Xiao like that, plotting wrongdoing⁴¹! Why are they so close!

Smoke was practically coming from the top of Luo Ke’s head⁴², but Lin Sifei was still basking in the glory of her achievements.

“So? What do you think, President Luo?” Lin Sifei leaned in close to Luo Ke’s face.

Luo Ke’s hand trembled, and she quickly flipped her phone facedown on the table. She didn’t want Lin Sifei to see it, afraid it might stir up some inappropriate ideas.

Lin Sifei noticed she was distracted and nipped her lip in dissatisfaction, pouting pitifully. “I worked so hard to defend you, and I don’t even get a reward?”

“Did you only defend me for a reward?” Luo Ke’s mind was filled with the Lin Lu CP, and the words slipped out without thinking.

The moment they left her mouth, she realized her mistake and quickly reached for Lin Sifei’s wrist.

Lin Sifei angrily shook her off. “I’m not talking to you anymore.”

She threw herself under the covers. Hearing her muffled grumbling, Luo Ke walked over guiltily.

“I’m sorry, Xiao Xiao. I spoke without thinking.”

Lin Sifei snorted, her head still buried.

“I’m apologizing. You can have your way with me today,” Luo Ke said, moving closer.

Feeling the warmth of her body, Lin Sifei slowly turned her head, her face beaming with delight. “Really?”

Seeing her expression, Luo Ke’s lips curved into a smile. Looks like Xiao Xiao is still very interested in me. Lu Heng is no threat at all.

She got distracted again, and Lin Sifei was already nuzzling at her neck, her fingers searching for her favorite spots.

Luo Ke held Lin Sifei, her gaze burning.

---

Lin Sifei lay in bed, sated and asleep.

Luo Ke closed her eyes to rest for a moment. She was drowsy, but she fought it off, sitting up and grabbing her phone. Remembering Lin Sifei’s tactics, she messaged Zhao Min and asked for a small account.

Zhao Min, woken up in the middle of the night by a request for a small account, was completely baffled. “President Luo, what do you need this for?”

“Just give it to me. Preferably a blank one,” Luo Ke whispered, afraid of waking Lin Sifei.

Zhao Min knew something was up but didn’t dare to ask, so she sent over the account details. She lay back down to sleep, but the curiosity was grabbing her heart and scratching her liver⁴³. She secretly got up to peek at the small account and saw Luo Ke charging into battle with it.

Under every Scarf post shipping the Lin Lu CP, she was replying, 【The CP you’re shipping is fake. They’re just colleagues who filmed a movie together.】

Zhao Min: …

Boss, you’re going to get attacked for this! How dare you tell shippers their CP is fake.

She wanted to send a private message to talk her down but was afraid Luo Ke would find out she was snooping. After hesitating for a long time, she put her phone away, pretended nothing had happened, and decided to lie flat⁴⁴ and go to sleep.

Luo Ke got the small account and, copying Lin Sifei, started harassing people while also trying her best to blow rainbow farts. She was a natural at it; in her hands, Lin Sifei was a goddess from the heavens.

Of course, the main purpose of the rainbow farts was to prove the CP was fake.

The CP fans were extremely displeased and went on the offensive to tear into her.

Looking at these ignorant people, Luo Ke’s temper grew shorter and shorter. She went from rationally explaining why the CP was fake to just leaving a single, sarcastic comment: 【The CP you’re shipping is fake.】

The flames of war spread quickly. Luo Ke ignored them and continued blowing rainbow farts for Lin Sifei, becoming self-taught in the art of the pull and step on skill. Her praise evolved from “Lin Lu isn’t a good match” to “Lu Heng isn’t worthy.”

That set off Lu Heng’s fans, and the battle raged on.

Then, Lin Sifei’s original fans exploded. Who is this person trying to attract blackness⁴⁵ for Feifei! Sisters, grab your weapons⁴⁶ and get her!

Luo Ke was furious. She called and harassed the Public Relations Department manager.

“Mobilize the PR department’s water army⁴⁷ immediately!”

Hearing the seriousness in Luo Ke’s voice, the manager’s scalp went numb⁴⁸, and he was instantly wide awake. “President Luo, is there a problem with the company?!”

“No.” Luo Ke paused for a moment, then sent him a message. “Deploy the water army for me. Lin Lu CP is fake!”

The manager was completely stunned. He mumbled an agreement and only processed it after hanging up.

Has she gone to her head⁴⁹ with jealousy? But deploying the water army for this will probably just attract more blackness for Lin Sifei.

Still, he had already accepted the job. He worriedly rubbed his hairline and contacted the water army.

Buy the lowest-tier, copy-paste water army! Just have them type “Lin Lu CP is fake.” We have to shape President Luo into a dumb and cute⁵⁰ character!

The order was given, and the water army mobilized overnight.

Luo Ke refreshed her screen, saw it filled with 【Lin Lu CP is fake】, and lay down to sleep, completely satisfied.

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The author has something to say:

Lin Lu CP is fake!

It’s over, I’ve been brainwashed by this sentence.

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