A Choice
Lips entwined, breath stolen, in such an intense kiss, Yin Bai felt the surrounding air becoming thinner. Gradually, she began to feel unable to catch her breath.
As breathing became increasingly difficult, Yin Bai struggled to break free from the embrace of Zuo Jingyou. Clinging to Zuo Jingyou’s waist, she leaned against the door, tears in her eyes, and gasped urgently, “Oxygen… oxygen…”
“I’m going to die…”
Her heartbeat raced, and she was convinced she would die from lack of oxygen on this desolate plateau!
Zuo Jingyou looked up at her, eyes glistening with moisture, lips moist. After catching her breath for a moment, she embraced Yin Bai’s waist and said, “Open the door, there’s an oxygen tank inside…”
Yin Bai nodded, breathing heavily. She reached into her own pocket, searching for a while without finding her room key. Her mind went blank, and she looked at Zuo Jingyou somewhat helplessly, saying, “I… that room key… Zhang Yu…”
Oh no, her room key was with Zhang Yu; she had returned in haste and forgot to ask Zhang Yu for it!
Zuo Jingyou looked at her flustered appearance and couldn’t help but chuckle. She raised her eyes and gently said, “Then come with me. Let’s go to my room; I have one there.”
Yin Bai didn’t reply. She quickly glanced at Zuo Jingyou and then lowered her gaze to the cane that had fallen on the ground, tightly pursing her reddened lips.
Zuo Jingyou released her embrace, took her hand, and, bending down, picked up Yin Bai’s cane. She handed it to Yin Bai and said softly, “Let’s go.”
Zuo Jingyou didn’t care whether Yin Bai had heard or not; she just led her towards her own room.
Yin Bai hobbled along behind her with the cane, watching Zuo Jingyou’s figure. Her mind was filled with the memory of the recent kiss.
She thought Zuo Jingyou treated her so well only because she had a good relationship with Tong Tong, that they were just good friends.
She believed all the companionship Zuo Jingyou provided was merely a result of their friendship, a special kind of feedback from Zuo Jingyou.
She had never considered that there might be any ambiguous feelings involved.
But is it really nothing?
Zuo Jingyou calls her every day at a fixed time, coaxing her, comforting her… always taking care of her emotions…
The words spoken during those nights were clearly ambiguous hints…
Could it be that she really has no feelings at all?
Yin Bai followed Zuo Jingyou in a daze, swaying as she watched her open the door. Like a ghost, she entered the room with her, and in the end, Zuo Jingyou pressed her down to sit on the sofa in the living room.
Yin Bai held onto her cane, watching as Zuo Jingyou opened a bottle of oxygen on the coffee table. After setting it up, she handed it over, saying, “Here.”
Yin Bai reached out, took the oxygen tank, and placed it over her face, pressing the spray button. With a hiss, Yin Bai took a deep breath, temporarily relieving herself from the suffocating difficulty in breathing.
Pressing the oxygen tank, she frantically took several breaths before gradually calming her wildly beating heart.
Zuo Jingyou, sitting beside her, saw her take a few breaths and, observing her small, measured inhalations from the oxygen tank, smiled and softly asked, “Feeling better?”
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Yin Bai nodded, cradling the oxygen tank in her arms. She cautiously raised her eyes to look at Zuo Jingyou. However, when their eyes met, she quickly lowered her head again, a bit nervously asking, “Try… what does it mean?”
Zuo Jingyou looked at her hesitant demeanor, her heart softened, and she gently said, “It’s just… trying to date and see how it goes?”
It was indeed what she meant.
Yin Bai hugged the oxygen tank tightly, nervously tapping her feet, biting her lip in patience. After a while, she looked up at Zuo Jingyou and asked, “Why me?”
She didn’t understand what she had that Zuo Jingyou could like.
She didn’t understand the reasons Zuo Jingyou had to take the risk of jeopardizing their friendship to change the dynamics between them.
Does Zuo Jingyou not cherish their friendship at all?
Zuo Jingyou tilted her head, propping up her chin, and quietly stared at Yin Bai. Softness filled her eyes as she said, “Why can’t it be you?”
Yin Bai furrowed her brow, lips tightly pressed, looking visibly distressed. “I don’t understand.”
Zuo Jingyou remained silent for a moment, gazing at Yin Bai, and spoke slowly, “You’re wonderful, Yin Bai.”
“For me, you’re not just an ordinary friend. I need you; you’re a unique presence in my life. In my rational judgment, I don’t think passing up on someone like you would be the best choice.”
“Just as I mentioned before, gray-blue was just one of many colors to me. But after getting to know you, everything gray-blue, like the sky and the sea, gained a special significance for me.”
“Because when I see these things, it makes me think of your eyes. It has become the unique color in my life.”
Anyone hearing this confession would be deeply moved, especially when it comes from someone as sincere as Zuo Jingyou.
The power of words is immense. Similar to the previous kiss, Yin Bai could instinctively feel the hidden affection from Zuo Jingyou.
Yet, how long could this affection last, and how deep could it become?
Love is not steadfast.
Yin Bai was momentarily unsure how to respond. She tightly pressed her lips together, holding the oxygen tank in her hands, remaining silent for a while. She lifted her gaze, looking into Zuo Jingyou’s eyes, which shimmered with a subtle watery gleam. “Can’t we have a lasting friendship?”
Zuo Jingyou gazed into her eyes and softly spoke, “Regarding this topic, I have also thought about it for a long time. It’s not about whether we can be friends… but that I can’t deny my feelings for you.”
Zuo Jingyou sighed, looking at Yin Bai with gentle eyes, saying, “If you choose to reject me, we can, of course, continue to be friends. But I need you to give me some time to process these unexpected emotions.”
Zuo Jingyou was a mature person; long before this budding emotion, she had considered what kind of relationship might develop between her and Yin Bai.
But whether as a close friend or as a lover, she didn’t want to lose contact with Yin Bai. She also believed that someone as devoted to emotions as Yin Bai wouldn’t choose to leave her.
Hearing this response, Yin Bai became somewhat more composed. She held the oxygen tank, thought for a moment, and looked at Zuo Jingyou, saying, “I’m glad to hear that answer. But… if it’s like this, it seems too unfair to you.”
Yin Bai paused, looking at Zuo Jingyou, and continued, “I also…”
Yin Bai lowered her gaze, and her voice gradually faded, “I thought I was different from Xiao Nian, but… turns out, I’m not.”
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She couldn’t bring herself to say that word to Zuo Jingyou, so she could only respond to Zuo Jingyou in such vague terms.
Zuo Jingyou’s gaze suddenly softened, and she reached out to hold Yin Bai’s hand. Looking into her eyes, she coaxed gently, “I understand, Yin Bai, I understand…”
“Taking the first step is actually very difficult.”
Zuo Jingyou patted her hand, soothingly saying, “You don’t need to think too much. Follow your heart… don’t rush to give me an answer. I won’t force you.”
“Let’s go with the flow, okay?”
Yin Bai looked up at Zuo Jingyou, her gaze filled with a mixture of fear and unease, “Will you leave me in the future?”
Zuo Jingyou smiled and tightened her grip on Yin Bai’s hand, softly saying, “When I say I’ll be your good friend for a lifetime, I mean I’ll be your good friend for a lifetime. So, I won’t leave you.”
Actually, when spoken by adults, the phrase “for a lifetime” is not always reliable. Especially considering Zuo Jingyou’s history of sugar-coated words, Yin Bai theoretically shouldn’t have believed her.
However, when Zuo Jingyou said those words, Yin Bai still believed her.
Yin Bai pressed her lips together, looking at Zuo Jingyou, momentarily unsure of what to say.
Without waiting for her response, Zuo Jingyou lowered her gaze, revealing a bitter smile, “But if you reject me, then I suppose every time I see you for the rest of my life, my heart will ache a bit.”
Seeing her disappointed expression, Yin Bai’s heart tightened suddenly. She quickly grasped Zuo Jingyou’s hand, anxiously comforting her, “Don’t… don’t be sad, it’s not worth it… Zuo Jingyou… it’s not worth it…”
“I’m not… not a very good person… I don’t deserve you to…”
Zuo Jingyou leaned against her, whispering softly, “Whether you’re good or not, you don’t have to judge yourself. I’ll be the judge.”
“Even if you think you’re not good, and others think you’re not good, as long as I know you’re good to me, that’s enough.”
Zuo Jingyou held her hand, leaned on her shoulder, and smiled gently, “Didn’t you tell me before that you have a preference for me?”
“Your preference for me is enough.”
Yin Bai was momentarily unsure how to respond. She withdrew her hand from Zuo Jingyou’s palm and reached out to embrace Zuo Jingyou, pulling her into her arms.
Holding Zuo Jingyou tightly, Yin Bai squeezed her own palms hard, taking a while to calm down. In a hushed tone, she said, “I need some time…”
“Zuo Jingyou, this is a very important decision for me. Maybe I’ve never made such a serious and careful decision in my entire life.”
“I need some time to think about how I should spend the latter half of my life.”
If she chooses Zuo Jingyou, then for the rest of her life, she will never like anyone else.
But she’s afraid… she’s afraid that Zuo Jingyou will, like Xiao Nian, eventually leave her.
She’s also afraid that, in five years, ten years… she’ll forget Zuo Jingyou just like she forgot Xiao Nian and fall in love with someone else again.
Why is love wrapped in such sweet poison?
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The sweeter it is, the more lethal.
Yin Bai released Zuo Jingyou, placing her hands on Zuo Jingyou’s shoulders. With her gray-blue eyes shining with sincerity, she said, “Give me a little more time, and I’ll give you a sincere reply.”
“Okay.”
Next, Zuo Jingyou called Yang Yi, asking her to retrieve Yin Bai’s room key from Zhang Yu’s place. When Yin Bai’s key arrived, Zuo Jingyou stood up and escorted Yin Bai back to her room.
Once again at the door of the room, Zuo Jingyou looked at Yin Bai, who was leaning on her cane, and smiled gently, “I’m an impatient person, so make sure to reply to me as soon as possible.”
Yin Bai nodded firmly, “Alright.”
That night, after seeing Zuo Jingyou off, Yin Bai, leaning on her cane and holding the oxygen tank, sat alone on the window-side sofa in her room all night.
The next morning, as dawn broke, Yin Bai called her assistant, Xiang Qiu, and asked her to book a flight for her. After taking all her documents, Yin Bai had someone drive her to the airport. Alone, she flew back to Haicheng and then continued on to her small island in the southern hemisphere that very night.
She didn’t bring Zhang Yu, nor did she bring any luggage—she hastily and awkwardly left Zuo Jingyou behind.
It was, in essence, a hasty and abrupt departure.
