Lonely, lonely, it’s alright
As the saying goes, ‘People have soft mouths and short hands.’ It might have been a bribe in the form of a candy, and for the rest of the afternoon, Yin Bai intended to turn a blind eye to the playful sounds coming from the neighboring house.
But the children were just too noisy, like a group of chirping birds, making a continuous racket. Even with a wall in between, Yin Bai was getting a headache from the noise.
She couldn’t take it anymore, so she grabbed her book and afternoon tea and went back to the sun-drenched balcony on the second floor of her villa. Despite the distant separation, the children’s laughter pierced through multiple barriers and reached Yin Bai’s ears.
Those cheerful sounds seemed to come from another world, capturing Yin Bai’s attention.
Yin Bai sat on the swing on the second-floor balcony, put down her book, and turned her head towards where the children were laughing. Her gaze passed through layers of blooming flowers, swaying tree shadows, and the entwined vines on the walls, landing in the neighboring villa.
In contrast to her meticulously adorned courtyard, the neighboring yard was an expanse of green grass. Within this open space, a small outdoor soccer field had been constructed. At this moment, two children were chasing a wobbly shuttlecock with badminton rackets, running merrily to and fro.
Yin Bai watched the distant figures of the children playing, and her thoughts began to wander.
Why were these two children playing all by themselves? Wasn’t there anyone else with them? Wasn’t there an auntie at home to look after them? Had all the adults in their family gone out?
However, people who could afford to have a residence here should have domestic help, right? Don’t these caregivers look after the children?
Yin Bai pondered, suddenly realizing that her own home was similarly quiet. Aside from the weekly cleaning by the housekeeper, there was no one else around.
Upon further thought, it wasn’t particularly unusual that the neighboring house only had two children as playmates.
Yin Bai was momentarily distracted, placed the poetry collection she was holding aside, turned her head towards “The Little Prince” placed nearby, hesitated for a moment, then picked it up and opened the book.
“Once, when I was six years old, I read a book about the primeval forest…” (Note 1)
Among all the books Yin Bai had ever read, her favorite was “The Little Prince.” Whether she was in a good or bad mood, she enjoyed picking up this book to read.
Even though she had memorized every word of the book, including the original French version, she felt an inexplicable joy every time she picked it up.
The noise gradually faded away from nearby, and even the gentle spring breeze paused its leisurely stroll. The warm sunlight filtered through the thick glass dome, streamed through the lush vines and leaves, and bathed the swing in its glow.
Nestled in the swing, Yin Bai, lying in the dappled sunlight, turned another page of the book and read aloud, “She finally said to the Little Prince:
Farewell, please be sure to be happy. I have wasted too much time, so foolishly, just to conceal all of my feelings. And now that you’re leaving, I beg your forgiveness.”
“I should have told you earlier; all this time, I’ve deeply loved you.”
“Go on, go on… just leave now…”
“Without you, I can adapt to this gentle and icy night.”
“Without you, I can deceive myself alongside the caterpillars and butterflies, pretending there are no worries…”
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“Don’t delay any longer, farewell.” (Note 2)
Yin Bai lowered her gaze, looking at the illustration in the book: the Little Prince holding a glass bell jar, bidding farewell to the only rose on his planet. “Farewell… please be sure to be happy.”
Yin Bai reached out and touched the four thorns on the illustration of the little rose, then smiled bitterly. “Why even say farewell… your Little Prince, she went wandering and will never return.”
“You only have four thorns, yet you think you can protect yourself. You claim not to fear tigers and camels. What are you trying to prove? You clearly… clearly can’t be without her, so why let her go?”
Yin Bai took a deep breath, raised the book to cover her face, holding back her tears. She said with a hint of grievance, “You clearly, so clearly, have been tamed by her. Why can you say goodbye so calmly?”
Xiao Nian, you’ve clearly tamed me, so why are you leaving me?
Yin Bai closed her eyes, but in her mind, she saw the image of Xiao Nian for the first time eight years ago in the theater. It was Children’s Day, and she sat with her ticket in the midst of a crowd of adults and children, looking up at the stage. There, a graceful little rose in a green dress with red hair was bidding a reluctant farewell to her Little Prince.
On the dimly lit stage, all Yin Bai could hear was the chaotic beating of her heart. In that moment, as she looked up at the woman with tear-filled eyes, as vibrant and captivating as a rose, she felt like the Little Prince in the story, having found the one and only rose in her life.
Xiao Nian was the only bright color in her otherwise bleak and colorless life.
But she was wrong, very wrong.
She thought she would protect her rose and keep her worry-free for a lifetime. However, she had never considered that Xiao Nian was never the kind of “little rose” that could be tamed by anyone from the beginning.
In reality, Xiao Nian was the Little Prince, and she herself was the rose with only four thorns, capable of being feisty and temperamental.
So, in the end, just as the story goes, her “Little Prince” left her.
With these thoughts in mind, Yin Bai’s mind couldn’t help but recall the scene of Lu Qing and Xiao Nian embracing and weeping together that night. There was a tinge of regret in her heart.
Why be so kind to me when you never loved me?
Why tame me only to leave me in the end?
Once again, sinking into a melancholic mood, Yin Bai, nestled in the sunlight, felt somewhat resigned. She wasn’t someone who easily regretted her choices, but when it came to matters of the heart, she hadn’t made a single good decision, and her regrets were all the more numerous.
Just as she was about to descend deeper into her emotions, the phone placed on the table began to ring persistently.
The ringtone was truly annoying, even more so than the noise of children playing. Yin Bai removed the book covering her face, reached for her phone, and raised it to take a look. She found it was a video call coming in from the front door.
Alright, it was probably those two kids again.
Yin Bai answered the video call and, as expected, it was the same two children. Perhaps it was because of that piece of candy, but the two children seemed much bolder this time. “Fairy sister, fairy sister, our shuttlecock fell into your yard again. Can you please open the door for us?”
Yin Bai’s mood was quite dismal, and she reluctantly responded with a “Hmm” and said, “I’ve opened the door for you, come on in.”
“Okay, thank you, fairy sister!”
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With joy and gratitude, the two children expressed their thanks, and shortly after, Yin Bai ended the call, opened the front door, and let the two kids back in.
The two children, hand in hand, entered with cheerful smiles. Yin Bai stood on the balcony on the second floor, watching as the two children, not far away, disappeared into the vibrant rose bushes, moving around the yard like two little fish in water.
However, these two little fish were a bit noisy. Seeing them search the yard for the shuttlecock without success, Yin Bai couldn’t tolerate the noise any longer. She decided to go downstairs with her cane to help them search.
As Yin Bai walked to the entrance of the garden, she collided with the two children who were running out with a ball.
Their eyes met, and Yin Bai lowered her head, looking at the shuttlecock in Tong Tong’s hand. Tong Tong and Wen Wen, on the other hand, looked at the cane in her hand.
The children glanced at Yin Bai’s cane, and Tong Tong, with a hint of concern, exclaimed, “Oh, fairy sister, are you injured?” Tong Tong remembered that her grandmother had been injured recently and was also using a cane.
Yin Bai hesitated for a moment, and much of the impending emotional outburst dissipated. She could only respond stiffly, “Hmm.”
Tong Tong bit her lip and looked sympathetically at Yin Bai’s right leg. “Does it still hurt, fairy sister?”
Yin Bai hadn’t expected that someone would inquire about her pain after all these years of her leg injury. She uncomfortably pursed her lips and replied, “It stopped hurting a long time ago.”
Despite her response, Tong Tong still looked somewhat concerned about her leg. To Yin Bai, the little girl’s worried expression bore some resemblance to Zuo Jingyou.
However, Yin Bai didn’t pay much attention to whether or not she was Zuo Jingyou’s child. She cleared her throat and placed her hand near her lips, saying, “By the way, doesn’t your home have an indoor sports facility? Why do you always like to play outside every day?”
Tong Tong looked up and smiled warmly at her. “We do, but the weather is really nice today, and Wen Wen and I prefer to play outside.”
Wen Wen, standing beside Tong Tong with a bit more courage, nodded and added, “Yeah, it’s more fun outside.”
Yin Bai responded with an “Oh” and then asked, “So, how long do you plan to play? You can’t be playing all day, right?”
Tong Tong replied with a smile, “We’ll stop playing after lunch.”
Yin Bai nodded thoughtfully, looking down at the children in front of her. She told them, “Alright, it’s best if you don’t play in the afternoon. I’ll be taking a nap, and the front gate will be locked. I won’t be opening it for you.”
Yin Bai paused and spoke in a rather serious tone, saying, “Furthermore, I won’t be at home starting tomorrow. From now on, it’s best if you don’t hit the ball over here because there won’t be anyone to open the gate for you.”
Her sudden seriousness left the two children feeling a bit uneasy. Wen Wen, who was already somewhat apprehensive of her, instinctively stepped closer to Tong Tong and positioned herself slightly behind her.
Yin Bai observed this scene, raised her eyebrows, and with a slightly stern tone, said to the children, “So, don’t come bother me anymore, understood?”
Tong Tong, holding the shuttlecock, took a step back as well and replied, her lips pressed together, “Understood, we won’t trouble you again.”
Tong Tong finished speaking and politely bid farewell to Yin Bai, saying, “Goodbye, fairy sister.”
Yin Bai snorted in response, and the two children, holding hands, quickly ran toward the door.
With her cane for support, Yin Bai watched the two children hand in hand as they ran toward the iron gate at the edge of the yard. She faintly heard them whispering to each other, mentioning that she was very stern. Wen Wen pulled Tong Tong, expressing her fear, saying that the sister was strange, walked differently from them, and seemed unfriendly.
Tong Tong did seem to relax a bit and mentioned that these were prejudices. She said that Fairy Sister was clearly good-looking and had a pleasant way of speaking, and it was they who had bothered her.
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Yin Bai paused for a moment, eavesdropping on their conversation, and then continued walking toward her own villa with her cane.
The hustle and bustle of late spring were quickly left behind. She leaned on her cane, entering her slightly chilly villa with her back to the bright sunlight. Once again, she sought refuge in the shadows. Yin Bai thought that tomorrow she would leave this sorrowful place behind and find a house facing the sea in full spring bloom, where she could enjoy some peaceful and quiet days.
After all… she wasn’t someone who couldn’t get used to solitude.
The author has something to say:
Note 1: From the Chinese version of “The Little Prince.”
Note 2: From the dialogue in the French version of “The Little Prince” musical.
In this context, I took inspiration from “The Little Prince” and the concept of taming.
Yin Bai is somewhat like a lonely old person, not very skilled in social interactions, and feels awkward when dealing with children. It’s a bit like that… the selfish giant in Oscar Wilde’s fairy tale.
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