You Missed Me?
In the late autumn, the harsh wind was biting. The surface of the hot spring water was misting with rising hot steam, and the moment she soaked in, all the coldness in her body was expelled.
The warmth enveloped Qi Song’s skin, along with the messy thoughts in her mind——
If Yu Luo had a C-section, then why were there no marks on her lower abdomen. If it was a natural birth, then what need was there for Yu Luo to say she had a C-section, I wonder?
Qi Song was somewhat lost in her contemplation.
“What are you thinking about, I wonder?” Yu Luo leaned lazily against her shoulder and raised a hand to touch her chin.
Those slender, fair fingertips, soaked in the hot spring, had turned pink and were somewhat wet.
As they slowly and lightly scratched, the resulting itchiness somewhat filled the inexplicable unease in Qi Song’s heart.
She lowered her eyes to look at the woman in her arms, at that composed and nonchalant posture, at that somewhat distant and taciturn appearance she showed in front of outsiders.
An explanation naturally surfaced in her mind along with it.
——Although Yu Luo had a natural birth, she was too lazy to waste her breath sharing the details of her childbirth experience, so she simply went along with Xiao Hua’s question to block any potential curiosity from the other party.
Qi Song felt this line of thinking was somewhat reasonable.
The moment her mood relaxed because of this, she realized that she had been overly concerned about this issue just now, as if she had been vaguely suspecting something in her heart all along.
“I’m not thinking about anything.” She was several beats slow in her reply.
Before Yu Luo could ask further, Qi Song took the lead and pulled the person tighter, lowering her head to nuzzle the woman’s damp neck, “If I must say, it’s that I miss you a little.”
This was not a perfunctory excuse. The emotion of missing Yu Luo was always intensely entwined in every beat of her heart.
It was something she couldn’t shake off, and also something she gladly endured1.
Yu Luo lightly pressed her lips together, her eyelashes drooping slightly.
Taotao was only a little over three years old, so it was not suitable for her to soak in the hot spring for too long. Before long, Qi Song and Yu Luo brought her ashore.
Beside them were the bath towels the program team had prepared in advance. Yu Luo took one and wrapped it around Taotao’s body to prevent her from catching a chill.
Qi Song picked the cub up and pushed open the door, preparing to walk inside. Just then, a gust of cold wind blew over. Taotao immediately shivered and sneezed.
Yu Luo’s brows slightly knitted, “Let’s take the cub to dry off and quickly change her clothes first, shall we?”
“Mhm.” Qi Song nodded.
The two of them first took careful care of the child before they could attend to themselves.
But perhaps that gust of wind just now was too cold, as Taotao ended up catching a cold after all. At night, she sneezed several times in a row, and the tip of her nose was all red.
The program team had an accompanying doctor, who quickly came to the room for a consultation.
Seeing the white coat, Taotao quickly burrowed into Yu Luo’s arms, pleading pitifully, “Mommy, I don’t want a shot.”
Yu Luo rubbed her head and comforted her gently, “Don’t be afraid, we’re not getting a shot. Let the auntie check you, and you’ll be fine after taking some medicine she prescribes.”
Taotao was half-believing and half-doubting, as if she had been tricked before when it came to getting shots.
“When have I ever tricked you?” Yu Luo couldn’t help but laugh, “You’re just like your mama, always so afraid of shots.”
Taotao blinked and said as if it were a matter of course, “It’s hereditary, you know!”
This was a word she had newly learned recently.
When these words were spoken and crashed into her ears, Qi Song’s heart instantly skipped a beat.
She subconsciously lowered her head and saw that small face that was somewhat similar to her own.
While doing the examination, the doctor chatted with Taotao to divert her attention. She said with a smile, “Does the baby fear shots just like mama? It’s okay, auntie didn’t even bring a needle, so you and mama don’t need to worry.”
Hearing this, Taotao immediately looked up at Qi Song, her pair of eyes sparkling, “Mama, no need to worry!”
Qi Song moved her throat and gave Taotao a smile, “Mhm, Mama knows.”
She felt that the thought she had for a moment just now—or perhaps, the thought that had vaguely emerged in countless moments during this period—was absurd.
How could it be possible? Before she and Yu Luo broke up, she was an ordinary person without any reproductive ability. When they had just reunited, Yu Luo’s shy appearance of not being used to her hardened gland was still fresh in her mind—she indeed did not have a gland or pheromones before, there were no other hidden circumstances.
Since she didn’t even have the reproductive structure of a human, how could Taotao be her child.
After the doctor finished the diagnosis, she prescribed medicine for Taotao to take.
“This medicine might be a little bit bitter,” the doctor reminded, “but its effect is very good, you know.”
Taotao pursed her lips and obediently replied, “Oh.”
Seeing her listless appearance, the doctor asked, “What’s wrong, afraid of shots and also afraid of bitter medicine?”
Taotao nodded and brought out her savior, “My mommy is also afraid of bitterness.”
“Truly your mommy’s and mama’s child,” the doctor said with a laugh, “Inherited half of each person’s habits.”
Taotao hummed a cheerful “mhm,” seeming to be pleased by this.
Qi Song lowered her eyes and met the gaze of Yu Luo, who was sitting on the sofa, but saw nothing unusual in the other’s expression.
Although she was afraid of bitterness, Taotao still drank the medicine quietly without crying or making a fuss.
Her head was groggy after catching a cold, so she lay down on the bed to rest early.
A child is especially in need of companionship when sick. Qi Song and Yu Luo also washed up quickly and lay on Taotao’s left and right sides, accompanying her to sleep.
Yu Luo gently patted Taotao with her hand, coaxing the person to sleep in a low voice. Her delicate facial contours appeared exceptionally gentle under the maternal love.
Qi Song was a little lost in thought watching her.
Thinking of something, she asked in a whisper, “Jiejie, why don’t we ask the program team for a leave of absence and not participate in tomorrow morning’s live broadcast?”
According to the program team’s arrangement, there would be a live broadcast tomorrow morning.
The location for this episode’s recording, 「Wenquan Mountain Villa」2, not only had hot springs but a complete system for vacationing and sightseeing. The various guests would lead their babies to play in the mountain villa on a live broadcast.
But Taotao was sick, so Qi Song naturally felt that they could ask the program team for a leave of absence to let the child rest well.
Yu Luo’s hand that was patting Taotao paused, her eyelashes trembled imperceptibly.
Her lips murmured, and only after a few seconds did she reply softly, “We have to participate.”
“We can just not go out to play…” Yu Luo slowly added, “Just stay in the room and do a short live broadcast with Taotao.”
“Otherwise, the recording portion will not be enough,” she said with some hesitation under Qi Song’s puzzled gaze.
Qi Song’s gaze slightly focused.
This was the second time Yu Luo had mentioned the term 「recording portion」.
The first time was in the previous variety show recording—at that time, Yu Luo had suddenly entered her heat period, and her whole person was physically and mentally fragile. Qi Song wanted to bring Taotao to have lunch with Yu Luo, but was refused by Yu Luo, the reason also being the worry that the recording portion would not be enough.
Qi Song had thought it was just a casual excuse. But hearing this phrase for the second time now, she started to become concerned.
“Jiejie, why do you care so much about the portion?” she couldn’t help but ask.
Last time, Yu Luo was in her heat period, yet she went against her instinct of needing companionship and let her and Taotao leave her behind to participate in the lunch recording. And this time, Taotao was sick; given how much Yu Luo doted on Taotao, she should have unhesitatingly put her daughter first, yet she once again made a choice that was beyond Qi Song’s expectations.
It was as if something was pushing her, forcing her to make some decisions that went against her heart.
“I…” Yu Luo met Qi Song’s gaze, her chest rising and falling a bit heavily.
Under the dim bedside light, an indistinct meaning brewed in the woman’s eyes.
It seemed to be helplessness, and also disappointment. And in the end, all those emotions turned into a little bit of moist, shimmering light, pitifully and gently swaying. As if she was worried Qi Song would misunderstand her as being utilitarian, yet was temporarily unable to defend herself.
Seeing this made Qi Song’s breath catch. In an instant, all doubts were swept away, and her mood was completely immersed in that bit of shimmering light in the woman’s eyes.
She reached out her hand, across Taotao who was between them, and placed it on Yu Luo’s lower back.
“I won’t ask anymore.” She patted the woman soothingly and lowered her voice, “I will unconditionally support your decision. Don’t be anxious, don’t be sad, okay?”
In this gentle concession, the shimmering light in Yu Luo’s eyes only swayed more profoundly.
“Why do you look even sadder,” Qi Song teased in a deliberately relaxed manner, “Could it be that Jiejie doesn’t like me supporting you?”
As she spoke, she gently wiped away a bit of wetness from the corner of Yu Luo’s eye with the pad of her finger.
“…Wait for me a little longer.” After several deep breaths, Yu Luo finally spoke, “Once the variety show ends, everything will…”
Her final sound was indistinct, as if what came next was inconvenient to state clearly.
In the woman’s almost pleading gaze, Qi Song’s heart was too soft and sore to think. She nodded without hesitation and comforted, “Mhm, I will obediently wait for you, don’t worry.”
Even though she had no idea what she was waiting for, nor did she know what the end of the variety show signified.
Waiting, for her, was like something integrated into her bones, incomparably practiced and habitual.
What’s more, the variety show was ending after only one more episode; the answer seemed to be close at hand.
Across Taotao, Qi Song leaned over slightly and placed a light and careful kiss on Yu Luo’s lips.
It was very restrained, but the simple touch of their body temperatures seemed to heal the surging emotions in both their hearts.
Yu Luo was gradually lulled to sleep by Qi Song.
The woman’s brows furrowed lightly in her sleep, as if her heart had been enduring something, and no matter how resilient she was, she would occasionally be overwhelmed.
Qi Song reached out her hand and slowly smoothed Yu Luo’s brows.
The moonlight outside the window was hazy and serene. The big one and the little one had both fallen into sleep, leaving only Qi Song alone to indulge her thoughts in this quiet night.
In this period after recognizing her own self, she had been too happy. She had unthinkingly indulged in the sweetness that was within easy reach3, while avoiding the yet-unsolved mysteries.
Her mood was immersed in every shared glance, every kiss, every moment of joy, constantly seeping out a clear sweetness in those moments. This clear sweetness was not only a comfort to her long-lonely heart, but also a grand deception.
Taotao should have been the obvious and important issue lying between them, one that, logically speaking, was completely unavoidable.
This was not only about Taotao’s birth, but also involved why Yu Luo was willing to offer one hundred million to have her sign an agreement to go on the kid’s variety show, involved why Yu Luo cared so much about the recording portion, and might even be involved with the reason why Yu Luo was afraid of being marked…
All these things were interconnected, where pulling one hair could move the whole body4. It seemed that as long as this one point was clarified, everything would be like parting the clouds to see the sun5, completely clear.
But she had never asked, only treating Taotao as if she were her own.
Yu Luo had also never mentioned it, keeping it a closely guarded secret.
Between them, they had inexplicably maintained this subtle silence and balance. And it seemed that their relationship had not been affected by this avoidance.
Perhaps Yu Luo had an unspeakable secret, to the point that she couldn’t say it out loud. Then why had she herself never dared to ask, not even once, not even to probe? For the first time, Qi Song was willing to think deeply about this point.
After thinking it over and over, it seemed the essence was… she was vaguely afraid.
The happiness before her eyes was as if it was something she had once prayed for with all her might, to the point that once she obtained it, she couldn’t wait to immerse herself in it. She was terrified that something unexpected would disturb the present, worried that the so-called truth was a Pandora’s box. Once opened, it would make this happiness vanish like a bubble.
To the extent that she dared not explore, stopping at the borderline of the truth.
The deeper she thought, the more her thoughts teetered on the verge of collapse, gradually falling into a boundless unease and itching pain.
In her sleep, Yu Luo felt someone press up against her from behind, holding her very tightly.
“Jiejie.” Someone murmured with gentle attachment.
“You missed me?” Yu Luo said groggily in her heavy sleepiness.
Seemingly reassured by the answer, she didn’t wait to hear the person’s reply before plunging back into sleep.
Qi Song went to bed late, and when she woke up in the morning, she happened to see Yu Luo setting up a small table on the bed.
“You’re awake? Just in time for breakfast.”
In the bright sunlight, the woman’s cool and clear face showed a bit of softness. When she raised her eyes and looked over with a smile, it seemed capable of brushing away all fluctuating obscurities, leaving only a continuous, bright purity.
Just like snowfall in winter.
Qi Song looked at her in a slight daze, and belatedly responded, “Okay.”
Taotao’s cold had not subsided, and she was still a bit dizzy.
Yu Luo patiently and meticulously fed Taotao her breakfast. On the plate, there was also a portion of cut-up peaches.
Eating an appropriate amount of fruit during an illness helps a child supplement vitamins. Yu Luo speared a piece of peach with a fork and brought it to Taotao’s mouth.
Taotao stared at the piece of peach, then pointed at herself, “Eat peaches, supplement Taotao.”
After speaking, she took a bite of the peach.
Yu Luo smiled, “That’s right.”
After chewing and swallowing, Taotao continued from what she had just said, “Eat croissants, supplement mama.”
Qi Song paused slightly, realizing Taotao was referring to the character 「Song」 in her name6.
“Then what about mommy?” she asked casually with a smile.
“…” Taotao thought hard, but for a moment couldn’t find a food in her head that contained the character 「Luo」.
Her little eyebrows gradually furrowed, her lips slightly parted.
“Mama and I both have one, but how come mommy doesn’t have one…”
Perhaps because she was sick, Taotao’s emotions became fragile.
The child, who usually never cried or made a fuss and was lively and cheerful, suddenly became sad over this simple and unimportant question.
“Can’t find mommy…” She omitted words when she spoke, which resulted in some ambiguity.
This ambiguity, in turn, made her feel even more down.
“Mommy?”
Taotao stretched out both arms towards Yu Luo, eager for a hug. Those large eyes, which resembled Yu Luo’s, were filled with a pitiful emotion, just like the little tadpole that was desperately looking for its frog.
Yu Luo was slightly taken aback, then reached out to pull Taotao into her arms, coaxing her gently:
“Why are you unhappy? It’s okay, food with the character 「Luo」 in it is indeed not common. Mommy and Mama will take you to eat delicious food everywhere in the future, maybe we’ll come across one someday.”
“…Okay.” Taotao replied in a soft, glutinous voice, tightly wrapping her arms around her neck and not letting go.
She even lowered her head, sniffing the fragrance on her neck like a little puppy, as if trying to find a bit of reassurance in it.
It made Yu Luo’s skin a little itchy, but she endured it, tilting her head up slightly and letting the daughter in her arms recover her emotions in her own way.
A moment later, she raised her hand and gently patted Taotao’s back, “Feeling better, little cub?”
Taotao slowly replied, “Still miss mommy a little.”
“Mhm, mommy is holding you,” Yu Luo said in a soft voice.
Qi Song, watching from the side, felt her breath catch slightly.
Taotao had always been optimistic and innocent; this was the first time she had seen Taotao display this kind of emotion.
But what stunned her was not just this, nor was it purely because Taotao’s way of expression and emotional needs were highly similar to her own.
The most absurd thing was, her heart actually soured a little, as if she were feeling the same thing.
Yu Luo was still busy comforting the cub, but she felt another person suddenly press against her from behind, so her body was surrounded by soft warmth from both front and back.
In the embrace of the big one and the little one, both full of need, Yu Luo’s movements paused for a moment.
Taotao, who was still nuzzling in Yu Luo’s arms, suddenly discovered that another head had appeared on mommy’s shoulder, occupying her spot.
She and Qi Song stared at each other, big eyes to small eyes, for a few seconds before she belatedly asked, “Mama?”
That gaze, both pitiful and a little possessive, seemed to be saying, 「Mommy is comforting me, can Mama please wait a moment before coming over」.
Qi Song blinked, for the first time not wanting to yield to the little one.
She communicated sincerely, “But I miss your mommy too.”
Hearing this, Taotao’s gaze was instantly tinged with a bit of fellow-sufferer empathy7. After thinking for a few seconds, she finally nodded magnanimously and said in a soft voice, “Alright, then.”
She stopped nuzzling around and lay on Yu Luo’s other shoulder.
Her body harmoniously divided and occupied by the two, Yu Luo had no choice but to cooperate by not moving at all.
In the quiet and warm closeness, she felt an obscure happiness.
The author has something to say:
dbq8 I’m here! I will continue to update tomorrow night too!
There aren’t actually many readers left for this book now, and at the same time, it has already entered the reveal period. I hope not to let down the waiting of the few babies9, and to write the ending part well. I don’t want to hastily string words together while I’m busy. So the updates have indeed been a bit slow recently (sliding to my knees)10.
(There are really a lot of things to deal with after just starting a new school, and I’m also not very used to the new environment. I’m not intentionally dragging out the updates, I hope everyone can understand a little, wuwuwu. The free time I have is all spent typing11, for real, for real!)
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