Is this a confession?
Xiao Wanqing’s voice, inherently gentle and pleasant to the ear, took on an extra allure with her Japanese pronunciation, weaving a soft, enticing charm that made Lin Xian’s heart itch with delight.
Xiao Wanqing taking the initiative to contact her cleared the clouds hanging over Lin Xian’s mood and let the sunlight flood in. She put on her headphones, pressing them against her cochlea, and listened to the phrase two more times. Immersed in Auntie Xiao’s voice—so beautiful it was as if it could make one’s ears pregnant with joy—she couldn’t help but beam with happiness. But seconds later, her rationality took hold, and she began to ponder: What did Auntie Xiao’s words actually mean?
Although Lin Xian was a regular anime watcher and always kept up with the latest series, her grasp of Japanese never evolved beyond the simplest phases like “hello,” “Onee-sama,” “good night,” and “I like you.”
Of the entire sentence Xiao Wanqing had spoken, Lin Xian could tell it was Japanese but didn’t understand a single meaning behind the words.
Unable to contain herself and discarding the pretense of reserve along with yesterday’s bold words, her eyes curving with mirth, she went ahead and directly dialed Xiao Wanqing’s number.
This time, it took only a few seconds after the phone rang for Xiao Wanqing to pick up promptly.
Before Lin Xian could speak, Xiao Wanqing’s warm and soft voice echoed in her ear: “Xianxian…” She called her name, her enunciation light, imbued with a hint of laughter, a touch of an itch-inducingly languid tenderness that was rare for her.
It was seldom that Xiao Wanqing took the initiative to call her by name first. The smile on Lin Xian’s lips deepened.
She got out of bed and walked to the window, responding to her with a smile, “Mhm, Auntie Xiao. Have you gone to bed yet?”
“Not yet, I just finished bathing and drying my hair,” Xiao Wanqing answered naturally.
Lin Xian felt a surge of joy, but she playfully feigned a bit of dissatisfaction, teasing her, “Hmph, I thought you were waiting for my call. Am I just flattering myself?”
Dressed in her pajamas, Xiao Wanqing was sitting leisurely on the bay window, looking out at the pitch-black beach and the bridge that seemed to stretch across it. She opened the window, letting the night breeze flow into the room that was quiet and a bit stuffy with warmth. The cool air caressed her half-dried fine hair gently, as if touched by a girl’s tender hand.
Leaning against the cushion, she curled up one long leg, holding the phone in one hand while the other gently grasped the tab of the beer can she had taken only a few sips from.
The girl’s voice, half-whining and half-coquettish, effortlessly dispersed the loneliness that Xiao Wanqing had been unable to shake off all day due to her concerns, bringing an uncontrollable smile to her lips.
Perhaps it was the tenderness of the night sky and the gentle breeze, or perhaps it was the girl’s soft and enticing tone, Xiao Wanqing gently rotated the can in her hand, bit her lip, and her eyes shimmered with a watery gleam. She displayed a hint of shyness, rarely seen as if she was embracing a demure attitude of a woman facing her lover: “Xianxian, I was waiting for your call.”
She has never been one to confess her feelings openly or to speak her heart freely. Her last love affair felt so distant, she could barely recall if there had been times when her heart was conflicted, yearning to speak yet holding back.
Hearing the answer, Lin Xian’s smile grew wider. Her tone, unmistakably cheerful, didn’t shy away as she asked, “Are you missing me?”
Xiao Wanqing bit her lip in a foolish moment and laughed silently to herself without responding.
Just when Lin Xian thought she wouldn’t get an answer, a button press sounded over the phone, as if Xiao Wanqing had accidentally hit a digit key.
Xiao Wanqing’s silence actually made Lin Xian feel a bit sad and awkward. Seizing the opportunity to save face, she asked nonchalantly as if to make an excuse for herself, “Auntie Xiao, did you press something by mistake? I thought I heard a dial tone.”
“Mm, I just, pressed a ‘1’,” Xiao Wanqing’s voice carried a hint of a tingling laugh, softly explaining to her.
She had learned this at a game expo she went to yesterday.
Lin Xian didn’t catch on immediately, responding offhandedly, “Oh, is that so?” But then, a moment later, inspiration struck her like a blessing.
Pressed a ‘1’?
A wave of joy surged wildly in her heart, instantly immersing her emotions.
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In games, pressing the “1” key can mean a lot of things, like received, I’m here, I want, agree – it’s all a sort of affirmative quick response.
She asked Auntie Xiao, “Did you miss me?”
Auntie Xiao told her she had pressed the “1” key. Not “accidentally hit” a “1,” but “pressed” a “1.” Could it be an intentional press?
Ah! Lin Xian’s heart bloomed with joy, her excitement making her almost incoherent: “Auntie Xiao, are you answering me? Is it the meaning I’m thinking of? Did you press it by accident? Do you know what ‘1’ means?”
Xiao Wanqing listened to the girl’s joyful voice on the other end of the phone, her eyes lighting up with laughter. She looked at the curtains fluttering gently in the night breeze, gazed out at the soft night scene, and felt that everything seemed exceptionally warm and tender, involuntarily softening her heart.
She straightened up, leaning sideways on the windowsill, sticking her head out to enjoy the caress of the night breeze. Playfully and with a childlike tone, she teased knowingly: “Huh? What does ‘1’ mean? I don’t know.”
But the slyness in her tone made it hard for Lin Xian to believe that she didn’t know.
If Lin Xian had a tail, it would definitely be wagging wildly at the moment. She declared decisively and domineeringly, “You definitely know, I don’t care, haha, you’ve agreed to me, I know, you missed me.”
She reveled in joy for a moment, then slightly subdued her laughter, and seriously told Auntie Xiao, “Thank you for telling me you missed me, I’m really happy. And thank you for the WeChat message you initiated.”
She confessed candidly, “Actually, I was particularly petty today, did you notice? I didn’t send you any texts or phone calls today?”
“Yes, I noticed.”
“I did it on purpose. I… When I called you yesterday, you didn’t pick up, so I couldn’t help but get a little sulky. I wanted to see if you would reach out to me on your own if I didn’t call or text you today.” She confessed somewhat sheepishly, “Auntie Xiao, am I being especially childish?”
Xiao Wanqing was slightly surprised for a moment, then her heart grew even softer.
She fluttered her long eyelashes and reassured Lin Xian in a gentle and generous voice: “Not childish. Xianxian, no one can maintain one hundred percent rationality all the time. It’s normal to have emotions now and then.” She expressed her heartfelt appreciation, “Thank you, Xianxian, for telling me how you feel, and thank you for giving me the chance to explain.”
Suddenly, she thought that perhaps, when it comes to being in love, she might not necessarily do better than Lin Xian. Could it be that she underestimated young people like Lin Xian?
When it comes to being honest and expressing oneself, she realized she was no match for Lin Xian.
This had always been her struggle, something many people in relationships find difficult. It seems the closer you get, the harder it becomes to share those secretive little thoughts openly with the other person.
Thus, often, love that starts with playful guessing games evolves into a weary dance of mutual concealment, eventually withering away to nothing.
Once upon a time, during her first love affair, she didn’t realize how detrimental this lack of openness was, so she failed to be transparent often; now, having learned much from her own experiences and the stories of others over the years, she found herself, in front of Lin Xian, forced into a position where she couldn’t be as forthcoming.
Lin Xian’s candor touched her, making her feel as though she had uncovered yet another layer of the girl’s maturity and beauty that she hadn’t seen before.
She would frequently ponder—if Lin Xian could gain a bit more understanding, acquire a little more of something in their relationship, it would be good. Perhaps then, on the day Lin Xian eventually leaves her and is with someone else, she’d be able to avoid some of the detours she herself had taken.
But she didn’t want the girl to passively feel pressured in their relationship, nor could she bear to see the girl forced to grow up because of her.
Fortunately, perhaps growth and maturity occur naturally and imperceptibly.
Within the realm where she could be honest, Xiao Wanqing consciously tried to be truthful with Lin Xian for the first time, “Xianxian, I don’t initiate calls or texts to you because I know that when you need me, you’ll reach out. If you don’t, I assume you might be busy, so I don’t want to bother you.”
Lin Xian’s initial annoyance had already dissipated when Xiao Wanqing sent her a WeChat message. Xiao Wanqing’s considerate explanation soothed her even further.
She softened her voice as she spoke to her overly thoughtful lover, “In a relationship, to some extent, we belong to each other. I am yours, so it should be natural for you to reach out to me at any time; how could it be a disturbance? Even if I’m busy, I can tell you and get back to you when it’s convenient.”
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Listening to Lin Xian’s words, “I belong to you…” Xiao Wanqing felt a slight tremor in her heart, a wave of sweetness, and a warmth spreading to her ears.
Yet Lin Xian was oblivious. She took on a tone of authority, like a little teacher or someone much older than her years, deliberately adopting a voice full of assumed gravitas as she quizzed her “student,” “Xiao Xiaowan, have you got it?”
Xiao Wanqing was amused by her tone, chuckling softly. The wind was picking up, and she felt a chill, so she drew back, responding to Lin Xian in a gentle, good-natured voice, “I understand.”
With that, the matter was laid to rest, elevated with importance but gently settled.
Recalling the thing that had excited her before making the call, Lin Xian pressed Xiao Wanqing for details, “Auntie Xiao, what were you saying in the voice message you sent?”
“You said something before.” Xiao Wanqing spoke the truth unconsciously because of the candor earlier. The next moment, realizing what she said, she hastily covered it up, “It’s not important; you don’t need to pay attention to it.”
But Lin Xian wouldn’t believe it. It’s all so mysterious; there must be something!
Yet if it were a confession, ‘like’ and ‘love’ don’t sound like that. Could it be ‘miss’? But Auntie Xiao was too embarrassed to answer her, so probably not.
Ah, then what could it be?
She persisted, “Auntie Xiao, please tell me. You’re taking advantage of the fact that I don’t understand Japanese, boo hoo hoo, if you don’t tell me, I won’t be able to sleep tonight.”
Xiao Wanqing chuckled softly, “It’s to get you to sleep earlier.”
“Really?” Lin Xian was suspicious. After a pause, she cleverly retorted, “That’s not right, I don’t recall telling you to go to bed early ever. You’re lying to me.”
She heard Xiao Wanqing laugh over the phone, light and indulgently, yet she offered no reply.
No matter, it must be something nice anyway. Lin Xian, cunningly compromising, pleaded with Xiao Wanqing, “Auntie Xiao, then say it again now, let me experience it once more.”
Xiao Wanqing lifted her eyes to the round moon in the sky, listening to the sweet young voice in her ear, her eyes gentle like flowing water, a smile lingering on her lips.
Lin Xian waited for Xiao Wanqing’s response, her gaze unintentionally lifting to the bright full moon hanging in the night sky outside her window. They were miles apart, yet both looked upon the same beautiful moonlight.
The sea carry the luminescence of the moon, and at the ends of the earth, we share this moment.
She didn’t get the answer from Xiao Wanqing, but she couldn’t help but to be moved unconsciously, sighing, “Auntie Xiao, the moon is so beautiful tonight.”
The next moment, she suddenly heard strange dialing tones again from the receiver. Before she could react, Xiao Wanqing said to her softly, “Good night, go to sleep early,” and then, hung up the phone.
Lin Xian was baffled. Did Auntie Xiao press “1” again?
Why? Did she just say something?
The moon is so beautiful tonight? Wait… Ah!
Lin Xian suddenly shivered, and the next second, she excitedly flailed her arms, accidentally hitting the windowsill. But she was so happy, she didn’t even feel the pain, instead, she joyfully flopped onto the bed, rolling and tumbling with glee.
Her heart was bursting with the thought: Could this be a confession?
Did Auntie Xiao just confess to her!
She had told Xiao Wanqing she liked her many times, but Xiao Wanqing never took the initiative to respond to her. She always felt that perhaps Auntie Xiao was not good at expressing herself.
But now, did Auntie Xiao think that because of last time, she didn’t understand the implication behind those words?
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Is that why she dared to confess so boldly to her?
But even so, it was embarrassing, wasn’t it?
Ah, this subtly overbearing bad guy,
Ah, this tenderly teasing, exceedingly bad guy.
Ah, how can she possibly fall asleep tonight?
Lin Xian, too excited to sleep, stayed awake until midnight. In the dead of night, she rolled out of bed, and began to pack her bags.
No sleep, no sleep!
She’s going home!
She’s mastered the technique!
She’s going to pin Xiao Panpan (aggressively) against the wall and kiss her fiercely with a “1”!