Extra: Zhang Bilian? Shen Zhiyi
My name is Zhang Bilian, a gradually becoming silly food influencer. After meeting Si Meng, I embarked on opening my first restaurant and have been going further on this path.
I’ve done many unconventional things in my life. For example, when online gaming reached its peak, I chose to retire from being the top player in the national server. Another example is that instead of inheriting my family’s fortune, I became a food blogger.
Now, I am currently staring at each other with Shen Zhiyi, and as for why he appeared in my home, it’s a long story. Let’s keep it short.
The most absurd thing I have ever done is not firing my manager, publicly announcing retirement from the food industry despite my fans’ pleas, or even getting into unnecessary trouble by beating up a group of trolls. It was actually a moment of madness when I decided to take in the homeless Shen Zhiyi.
I spent more than twenty years drifting in Guangdong. I had no relatives and my parents died early. I grew up with my grandparents.
When I was a child, I was a left-behind child in the village. My parents were honest and hardworking, but they didn’t earn much money. They took all the money to help those lazy bums in the impoverished village. Anyone with a little connection would come to my parents to borrow money. They were honest and didn’t know how to refuse, so the money they lent out often disappeared.
An accident took away the lives of both of them, and I became a burden in the eyes of the relatives. None of them were willing to take me in, so I had to rely on my elderly grandparents and make a living by scavenging garbage.
After finishing junior high school, I stopped going to school. I had no money, and I didn’t want to study. I went to the city to work. I did monotonous and repetitive work in the factory, and the night shift was even more demanding, taking half a life away.
Later, I couldn’t bear it anymore, so I secretly went out to work as an apprentice for someone. I cut a basin of vegetables, washed a bucket of dishes, nodded and bowed to the head chef, pretending to be a grandson. Damn it, he wouldn’t even teach me a single move or technique. He said it was a skill to be passed down to descendants and not to outsiders. Damn it, why didn’t you say that earlier and let me be your grandson for nothing!
I was fired by my first boss, so I packed my bags and went to the capital to play games. I joined a gaming team that looked like a pyramid scheme. Despite all the unreliability, I decided to stay because I wanted to achieve something big. Otherwise, how could I face my grandfather or see my grandmother again?
After three years of mixing in, I gained both fame and fortune. Seizing the opportunity of big data, we became famous with one battle. But I knew my aspirations were not in this. I wanted to travel the world with a knife in hand and taste all the delicious food. Otherwise, how could I justify those days when I worked as an apprentice?
When the team was at its peak, I retired. Others laughed at me for being foolish. Well, let them laugh.
After making some money, I went back to my hometown, expecting to return triumphantly. However, what I saw was a desolate sight. It was too… too tragic.
The village was filled with old men and old women. There were no young people left. They had all gone to work and never returned. Even the old folks didn’t care whether they were alive or dead. Some of them, in their seventies or eighties, had to work the fields to get food. Some had even lost control of their bodily functions, and nobody was there to take care of them. It broke my heart to see all of this.
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After returning to the village, I built a small bungalow for my grandfather and grandmother, making the other dozen households at the village entrance green with envy. I installed a television for my grandfather, laid internet cables, and bought clothes and snacks for my grandmother.
In the end, I paved the village roads with cement, live-streamed the sale of local specialties, and took care of the affairs of some neglected elderly people. When my grandfather and grandmother passed away, they couldn’t help but smile and praise my abilities.
As the elderly in the village gradually passed away, those who remained felt they had lived long enough. Slowly, I was the only one left. One day, the government suddenly announced plans for demolition and the construction of a tourist development zone. They offered three houses in compensation for one. Oh, those children suddenly knew to come back. What did they come back for? To fight me for the houses!
In the end, we ended up in a lawsuit, and not a single one of them won against me. What is “gift” and “clearly stated in the will”? You want it? You can forget about it!
In total, there were forty houses, all in the city. I sold ten of them and donated the proceeds to build several elementary schools. Hehe, studying really does pay off.
My life was plain and dull. Wearing flip-flops every day and collecting rent was so boring. So, I started a food account and traveled across half of China in search of delicious food.
Slowly, I gained popularity and got tired of it. I began to miss the days when I collected rent. But during this time, I made some friends, especially Si Meng. She cooked incredibly delicious food. I dreamt of marrying a wife who can cook like her, but unfortunately, she wasn’t pleased with me. Sigh, even though I’m handsome, wealthy, and would treat my wife well.
There’s another guy, quite interesting, Shen Zhiyi. He used to be a washed-up movie star but acted all high and mighty like an idiot. I loved teasing him, hahaha.
After I left the circle, I heard that he also left. Probably couldn’t make it. One evening, I went to a handsome guy’s congee shop to have some porridge. Suddenly, there was a hailstorm. And there I saw Shen Zhiyi standing in the pouring rain, looking lost and miserable. Poor guy, like an unwanted mutt.
In a moment of madness, I brought him home. He cooked delicious food and was hardworking. Well, let’s just pity him and keep him around.
One time, when I was drunk, I felt someone kissing me in the middle of the night. It felt so good, but that person stopped. How could they do that? I damn well wanted to kiss them back.
This kind of thing happened several times. I was in a hazy state of consciousness, like a dream but not quite. And lately, Shen Zhiyi has been giving me strange looks. What the hell? Could this guy be gay? I’m a straight guy, for crying out loud.
I thought he was too bored staying at home, so I took him to play chess with a grandpa, play mahjong with an aunt, and join another aunt in square dancing. Sure enough, he became more cheerful and no longer had that depressed look as before.
Shen Zhiyi is a loner, without friends, and doesn’t like to socialize. But he loves to banter with me and tease me, which drives me crazy.
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I was taking a shower without grabbing my clothes, and I asked him to pass them to me. Well, he not only saw me naked but also said he was bigger than me. I said, “Strip then, otherwise, who knows who’s bigger?”
Oh no, it turns out he’s really bigger than me. Such a skinny guy, he even has abs… and he’s bigger than me.
Lately, I’ve been avoiding Shen Zhiyi, I don’t know why. Whenever I see him, my heart can’t help but race. It’s… so strange.
I decided to go drink flower wine with a few friends and hired a few “girls” to accompany us. But as I looked at their heavily made-up faces, I suddenly felt that they weren’t even a tenth as good-looking as Shen Zhiyi.
“Brother, what are you looking at?” one of the hostesses asked with a light laugh. But she noticed my breath hitching and followed my gaze, looking at a tall, aloof “woman.” But no matter how you look at her, she kind of looks like a man?
I panicked, almost shouting, “Shen Zhiyi, why are you dressed like this? Go back quickly!”
Shen Zhiyi sat down beside me, his JK1 uniform revealing his slender, long legs. He didn’t care at all and said, “They said you like JK, so I wanted to dress up for you.”
I was both angry and amused, couldn’t help but glare at that group of buddies and said, “But you don’t have to force yourself to crossdress!”
Suddenly, Shen Zhiyi’s expression became very serious. He held my shoulder and said, “Zhang Bilian, I’m serious. I like you.”
“I… I…” I opened my legs and ran without looking back. I was truly scared, so scared.
Walking on the street, the cold wind blew, freezing the back of my heels. I felt like a Siberian Husky, utterly foolish. I had a home to return to, but I insisted on avoiding Shen Zhiyi.
I unlocked my phone, and it’s April Fools’ Day, April Fools’ Day!!!
Shen Zhiyi sent me a message.
Shen Zhiyi: Just kidding, you idiot. Come back quickly!
Only then did I realize that they conspired to prank me. It’s too much!
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I hurriedly rushed home, ready to teach that Shen Zhiyi guy a lesson. In the end, I was the one who got taught a lesson.
I supported my waist, gasping for breath, half kneeling on the ground, clutching my knees, with my butt raised high. Shen Zhiyi held a big stick in his hand and struck me from behind and in front. I wanted to scream, but Shen Zhiyi covered my mouth.
He said, “You didn’t think it was just an April Fools’ prank, did you?”
“One last time.”
“Zhang Bilian, you’ve provoked me, and you… can’t… escape!”
LP: Ayo, wtf! That was unexpected!
Footnotes
- “JK” refers to a type of Japanese schoolgirl uniform or the abbreviation for “joshi kōsei” (女子高生) in Japanese, which translates to “high school girl” in English. It is a term commonly used in Japanese pop culture and refers to the distinctive sailor-style uniforms worn by female high school students in Japan.