The Princess’ Shadow Guard – Chapter 10

Ah Qin, I’m In Pain (Phantom Pain + the County Princess is starting to obsess)

Since receiving her master’s verbal approval, Ming Qin, who is still on sick leave, almost every time she has a moment, goes to seek Murong Yan.

Today is the Winter Solstice, and Ming Qin braved the wind and snow to go to the East Market early in the morning, holding a bamboo bucket and happily climbing up the Cangyue Tower.

Jiang Da-ge’s mushroom chicken soup here is the best. On such a cold day, the princess must drink more to nourish her body.

Even though it’s freezing cold in the twelfth month, and the tiles are as slippery as ice, and her climbing fingers are covered in frostbite, Ming Qin’s mood is still as bright as the sun.

As she enters the room, she doesn’t see the smiling figure that usually rests on the bed.

From the depths of the room came a muffled groan, low and soft, like a sound squeezed out from between the teeth while hiding under the blanket.

Ming Qin’s heart filled with panic, and she quickly dropped what she was holding and swiftly moved to the bedside.

“Princess!”

Ming Qin lifted the quilt and saw Murong Yan clutching her right thigh, curled up in pain.

She trembled, her whole body covered in cold sweat.

Her hair was damp, sticking to her cheeks and neck. Her lips were deathly pale, but there was a hint of redness in the corners of her eyes.

How pitiful.

Ming Qin gently brushed the hair on Murong Yan’s forehead, her heart aching. She knew what this was.

In the Shadow Guard Camp, Ming Qin had seen many seniors who, even after losing limbs, their minds couldn’t keep up with their bodies.

The wounds may have healed, and there may have been nothing visibly wrong, but they would still tremble in pain. Without a visible injury, there was no relief, and even the imperial physicians were helpless.

Phantom pain.

“Princess! Princess!” Ming Qin called out desperately in Murong Yan’s ear.

The woman looked at her with hazy eyes and let out another groan, longer than before, accompanied by a choked sob.

“Ming Qin, it hurts so much. It hurts so much.” Murong Yan trembled and gasped for breath, and Ming Qin felt her heart breaking.

She took off her shoes, sat on the bed, and cradled Murong Yan, placing her on her lap. With one hand wrapped around her waist, gently patting, and the other supporting her neck, she let her rest against her chest. “It doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t hurt.”

Ming Qin’s body swayed lightly, trying to divert Murong Yan’s attention.

Murong Yan tightly grasped Ming Qin’s wrist, the fingertips turning white from exertion, as she held onto the hand that was embracing her waist.

Her head buried in the collar of Ming Qin’s garment, she trembled and whispered, “It hurts so much. Really, it hurts. Ming Qin, kill me. I don’t want it anymore, I don’t want it. Kill me, please.”

Ming Qin’s body tensed upon hearing this, then she gently coaxed Murong Yan by her ear, “It doesn’t hurt. Yan Yan, it doesn’t hurt. It’ll be better soon, Yan Yan, it doesn’t hurt.”

Her hand continued to pat soothingly, rhythmically.

After a while, her gasps gradually weakened.

She relaxed in Ming Qin’s embrace, and Murong Yan struggled to lift her head.

Meeting her gaze, Ming Qin smiled gently. “When I was little and in pain, my mistress would hold me like this.”

Murong Yan weakly loosened her stiff fingers and asked feebly, “Why… is it painful?”

“Training. Martial arts training is tough. If you don’t do well, not only do you go hungry, but you also get beaten with a stick.”

Ming Qin held Murong Yan’s hand and gently rubbed her fingers. “Torture training is the hardest to endure. Being whipped with a bullwhip is incredibly painful. When the pain was so bad at night that I couldn’t sleep, my mistress would hold me like this.”

“Does it stop hurting afterwards?” Murong Yan asked curiously.

Ming Qin tilted her head in thought. “It still hurts a bit,” she said with a smile. “But as I grew up, I didn’t feel the pain as much anymore.”

“Why?” Murong Yan inquired.

Ming Qin reminisced, “It’s like one day, the pain was so intense that it felt like a spark in my brain had burned out. After that, no matter how much I bled, it never hurt again.”

Murong Yan looked at Ming Qin’s indifferent face, fell silent for a moment, and then asked, “What does your mistress call you?”

“Everyone in the camp calls me Qin Qin.” This topic caught Ming Qin off guard, but she still answered honestly.

Murong Yan slightly adjusted her sitting posture and gazed at Ming Qin, as if pondering something. “So that’s why you called me Yan Yan?”

“I… I…” Ming Qin’s face flushed, and she became flustered. “Princess, I apologize.”

She knew she had been presumptuous. The woman in front of her was a noble princess and a relative of the emperor, of royal blood. How could she, a mere shadow guard, address her by her name, let alone use an informal nickname.

Murong Yan looked at the nervous figure before her, rarely showing a touch of coldness. “I don’t dislike it.” She was just a little curious, that’s all.

After pondering for a moment, Murong Yan couldn’t help but tease, “Then how about calling you… Ah Qin? Is that okay?”

For some inexplicable reason, she hoped to set herself apart from others.

Ming Qin was currently using a handkerchief to wipe the sweat from Murong Yan’s forehead and neck. Upon hearing those words, she felt somewhat uncomfortable, which was unusual for her. “Princess, you can call me in any way you prefer.”

“Is that so?” Murong Yan observed Ming Qin’s expression and found it amusing. With a mischievous tone, she said, “Then I’ll allow you to call me Yan Yan as well.”

Just as Ming Qin thought everything was improving, Murong Yan in her arms clenched her teeth and her body suddenly began to tremble violently.

Seeing that Murong Yan was about to reach for her right leg, Ming Qin quickly brought the woman closer to herself, positioning her hand to be pressed against her own shoulder.

The woman’s crimson-dyed nails deeply sank into Ming Qin’s flesh, leaving behind scattered bloodstains on her shoulder.

“It hurts. Ah Qin, it really hurts,” Murong Yan’s lips trembled lightly, her eyes turning red. “I can’t bear it. There’s nothing there, but it hurts so much.”

“I know, I know,” Ming Qin paid no attention to the bloodstains on her shoulder, simply patting Murong Yan gently while soothing her in a soft voice.

“Ah Qin, I can’t get used to it. It’s too painful.” Murong Yan buried her head in Ming Qin’s neck, choking on her words. “Ah Qin, I can’t get used to it.”

Suddenly, Ming Qin felt a dampness on her collar.

She paused for a moment, tightening her embrace around the woman, and whispered softly in her ear, “Yan Yan, it won’t hurt anymore. It’ll get better soon. Yan Yan, it won’t hurt anymore.”

The person in her arms trembled, and the muffled sounds grew louder.

Feeling Murong Yan uncontrollably biting her own lip, Ming Qin extended her hand and lightly pressed her lower lip with her thumb, allowing Murong Yan to bite down forcefully between her teeth. Her other four fingers gently caressed Murong Yan’s cheek.

“Good girl, Yan Yan, it won’t hurt, it won’t hurt. Don’t be afraid, it’ll stop hurting soon.”

Unconsciously, Ming Qin rubbed Murong Yan’s forehead with her lips. “I’m here with you, Yan Yan. I’m right here.”

Helplessly watching Murong Yan in pain, she felt a sense of powerlessness that made her heart ache.

Ming Qin, anxiously waiting, had never experienced such torment. She could only gently pat Murong Yan and softly whisper in her ear, hoping to alleviate her pain.

With each soft call from Ming Qin, Murong Yan’s tense body seemed to truly hear her words and gradually relaxed.

After about a moment, Murong Yan’s entire body went limp. She closed her eyes and weakly gasped for air. The dampness on her forehead ceased, and it coldly pressed against Ming Qin’s shoulder.

Ming Qin gently swayed her body and wiped away the tears at the corner of her eyes.

As she listened to Murong Yan’s increasingly shallow breaths, she prepared to slowly lay her down. However, the woman’s hand tightly clung to her shoulder, unwilling to let go. No matter how Ming Qin tried to loosen her grip, she remained firmly held.

Helplessly, Ming Qin could only pull over the blanket and wrap the two of them in it, casually discarding the bedsheet.

Gazing at Murong Yan’s sleeping face, perhaps it was due to the fatigue brought about by the recently tense nerves, or perhaps it was the comforting presence of the person in her arms that made her breathe a sigh of relief. Unconsciously, Ming Qin tightened her hold on the woman’s hand and began to doze off.

When Murong Yan woke up, the sky had already darkened.

By the faint light emitted from the charcoal fire oil lamp, she looked up and saw Ming Qin’s figure nodding off intermittently.

Liar.

Murong Yan thought to herself.

Even though she was being held, it still hurt a lot.

What a big liar.

Feeling the warmth beneath her and the arms tightly embracing her, Murong Yan guiltily touched the scars on Ming Qin’s shoulder with her fingertips.

However, it seemed that she could endure the pain no matter how intense it was.

Her phantom pain always came and went, and the cold winter days intensified her reactions. During a flare-up, she would endure the pain for several days, gritting her teeth.

Thinking about her rare deep sleep just now, Murong Yan raised her hand and gently stroked the hair on Ming Qin’s forehead.

Just by staying in her embrace, just by the soft whispers in my ear, I could escape from the nightmare of feeling lifeless so quickly.

It’s truly a miracle.

Thinking of this, Murong Yan smiled sweetly and slowly lifted her head.

Whether it’s destined to be my miracle or not, it was you who unreasonably barged into my life first.

Murong Yan hugged Ming Qin’s back, her chin resting on her shoulder, and her breathing became slightly rapid.

Now, you don’t have a chance to leave anymore.

The author has something to say:

The current speculation about phantom limb pain is that after losing a limb, the nerves between the spinal cord and the brain undergo reorganization, causing the nerves to perceive abnormality in the missing limb area and send erroneous pain signals to the brain.

Currently, there is no definitive cure for phantom limb pain. It is mainly managed through medication or using MRI to locate the brain and then electrically stimulating specific nerves. (The latter method is still in the experimental stage and not widely used, but it holds promise based on its reasonable principles.)

In conclusion, Yan Yan’s pain is truly unbearable.

I actually feel deeply sorry as I write this.

I hope that medical advancements will one day eliminate the suffering caused by such conditions for everyone in the world.

LP: Re-translated on December 14, 2023