STT – Chapter 47

You are always fashionably late.

“Baihan, it’s been a long time.”

Jiang Wang spoke so calmly that Xu Baihan, in a moment of trance, was under the illusion that they were merely old friends reuniting after many years rather than former lovers embroiled in over a decade of life and death, entwined love and hate.

Xu Baihan looked up and fixedly stared at Jiang Wang, trying to discern her emotions from her expression, but only saw Jiang Wang’s eyes, as tranquil and deep as an ancient pond, dark and inscrutable, showing not a hint of emotion.

Xu Baihan opened her mouth, feeling as if a thousand-pound stone was pressing on her heart, so heavy that she couldn’t breathe. She knew that she had countless words and explanations to express, yet under Jiang Wang’s calm and indifferent gaze, everything was stuck in her throat, unable to make any sound.

Jiang Wang, however, didn’t seem to be in a hurry at all, her expression carrying a hint of understanding and perhaps a trace of ridicule that Xu Baihan couldn’t quite discern, silently waiting for her to speak again.

Xu Baihan tightened her grip on Jiang Wang’s hand, drawing strength to speak, and finally, she found her voice: “Yun Bo, I’m sorry…”

As soon as the words left her lips, she saw Jiang Wang suddenly smile lightly and part her lips that had been pressed tightly together, her smile carrying an understanding, a loneliness, and a clear mockery.

In that moment, Jiang Wang laughed at herself, her heart unexpectedly still holding some faint hope. She couldn’t help but want to laugh bitterly out loud, feeling that the wound on her heart that had never fully healed and was repeatedly exposed, at that moment bled anew, the pain both unbearable and exhilarating, and at the corner of her eye, tears almost ready to overflow uncontrollably.

All these years, what she sought was never Xu Baihan’s “I’m sorry.” But Xu Baihan could only ever give her this one sentence, “Yun Bo, I’m sorry.” Whether it was many years ago or today, she could never give what she wanted, something she should have known long ago, shouldn’t she?

Jiang Wang slightly turned her body, freeing her hand from Xu Baihan’s grip, and faintly replied: “It’s all okay.”

Xu Baihan, in an instant, noticed the sudden rejection emanating from Jiang Wang, and in a moment of panic, she reached out to tightly grasp Jiang Wang’s hand again, urgently and frantically trying to explain: “Yun Bo, I’m sorry, back then, I really didn’t mean to abandon you, I just couldn’t stand by and watch you die without helping. Yun Bo, at that time I thought, I would soon come to be with you, I wouldn’t leave you all alone, we would die together, I really, really…” But before she could speak the final words “love you, more than I imagined loving you,” she saw a mocking smile flash through Jiang Wang’s eyes, causing her throat to choke and her voice to vanish. Under Jiang Wang’s nakedly mocking and even slightly disdainful gaze, she could no longer, no longer continue…

Yes, to die together, spoken with such steadfastness and unyielding commitment, yet now, isn’t she still here, standing before her? Isn’t it true that she abandoned her and lived on for more than ten years? Regardless of the difficulties or reasons, the result presented to Yun Bo is indeed this naked truth. She indeed, after her uncertain fate, lived ignobly until today, and now, she even dares to grandiosely and shamelessly defend herself seeking forgiveness… Isn’t this the greatest irony?

Xu Baihan suddenly lost all strength to support herself, lowered her head deeply, released Yun Bo’s tightly grasped hands, and covered her cheeks, tears silently and turbulently flowing through her fingers, scattering heartache upon the ground…

No wonder Yun Bo disdains her so, no wonder…

In an instant, even she couldn’t help but despise herself, Xu Baihan, you really speak better than you sing…

But Jiang Wang, after Xu Baihan’s silence and dejection, faintly spoke: “It’s okay now, I’ve forgotten, you should too.” She turned her head to look at the half-hidden sunset outside the window, faintly smiling in her heart, you see, whether happy or sad, another day is going to pass, everything is like this already, what else can be done? Just like this.

She glanced at her watch and faintly asked: “I’m leaving work now, do you want to go down together?”

Xu Baihan, with tearful eyes, looked at Jiang Wang’s calm expression, only feeling her heart like dead ashes, countless sorrows surging in her heart, but ultimately, could only turn into the bitter tears sliding down her eyes…

How could she tell her that she really, very much loved her? She had engraved her into her heart, merged her into her life, how could she forget? She again opened her mouth trying to tell her: “Yun Bo, these years I haven’t for a moment stopped thinking…” That “you” was still in her throat when Jiang Wang calmly interrupted her, her voice frighteningly composed: “Baihan, today perhaps isn’t a good time to reminisce, let’s go downstairs first.”

Xu Baihan instantly felt despondent, in her bleak despair she didn’t hear the slight tremor at the end of Jiang Wang’s calm tone. Only Jiang Wang herself knew she was almost, fleeing. Xu Baihan’s sudden arrival was beyond all her expectations; she was not yet prepared, not prepared to remain as hard as ice regardless of what Xu Baihan said or did. So, she didn’t want to listen, she dared not listen, she was afraid that every word spoken by Xu Baihan in her tearful voice would accidentally tear apart all her calm masks, shattering all her rational plans.

Many years later, today, Jiang Wang finally faced herself honestly. Indeed, she still loves her, just like she did many years ago, loves her very much. However, expectations have accumulated into hurt through repeated disappointments.

I still love you, intertwined with an unclear and indistinct hatred. But, what does that matter?

Heartbreak is always inevitable, so why care about that little warmth?

Xu Baihan, amidst Jiang Wang’s calm indifference, finally lacked the strength to argue, opening her mouth but unable to make any sound. The two looked at each other in silence and went out the door silently, with Jiang Wang pushing Xu Baihan’s wheelchair, walking slowly, and Xu Baihan sitting in the wheelchair, deeply pondering.

As they approached the hospital entrance, Jiang Wang finally heard Xu Baihan, with some desperate, do-or-die hope, pleading to her: “Yun Bo, I love you, can we start over again?”

In that moment, Jiang Wang’s hand slightly trembled, her footsteps paused for a moment, and she stumbled slightly.

Xu Baihan slightly turned her body, with misty eyes full of hope, looking at Jiang Wang, waiting for her answer. If all words are pale and powerless, then she is willing to use actions to prove everything.

But from beginning to end, Jiang Wang only silently pushed her forward step by step.

As they were about to reach the car waiting for Xu Baihan, she finally heard Jiang Wang’s soft laughter. She slightly tilted her head and saw Jiang Wang’s face with a faint smile gradually approaching.

Jiang Wang bent down, close to her ear, and murmured a low sigh: “Baihan, you always arrive so fashionably late…”

In the next moment, the world spun, and Xu Baihan could only watch powerlessly as Jiang Wang decisively and indifferently turned and left, step by step, walking out of her sight, out of her world, as tears blurred her eyes.

Echoing in her ears was Jiang Wang’s cold and slightly mocking words: “Sorry, I don’t need it anymore…”

At that moment, it felt like ten thousand arrows piercing her heart, shattering it like snow…

That night, Jiang Huaixi decided to change Lu Zizheng’s usual bad habits. Before even ten o’clock, she turned off the lights and urged Lu Zizheng to go to bed.

Because of the resolution she made during the day, Lu Zizheng was no longer as restrained as the previous night. Without much hesitation, she climbed into bed, burrowed under the covers, and consciously nestled beside Jiang Huaixi. Just like the previous night, she extended an arm to encircle Jiang Huaixi’s slender waist and then noticed Jiang Huaixi’s body unintentionally tremble lightly.

In the faint moonlight, Lu Zizheng saw a hint of shyness on Jiang Huaixi’s face, which made her smile lightly with some delight.

Jiang Huaixi slightly furrowed her brows, quietly cleared her throat, and pretended to naturally turn her body slightly, removing Lu Zizheng’s hand from her waist, and said softly: “When the weather gets hotter, we’ll probably need to change the quilt.”

Lu Zizheng looked at Jiang Huaixi’s beautiful silhouette turned away from her, softened her gaze, and softly responded: “En.” She kept her gaze fixed on Jiang Huaixi, with no trace of sleepiness in her eyes.

After a moment of silence, Jiang Huaixi turned back, lay flat, and glanced at Lu Zizheng. Seeing Lu Zizheng staring straight at her, her heart skipped a beat, and with a faint smile on her lips, she teasingly said: “I know I’m beautiful, but you can’t look at me with such a ravenous gaze; I’ll be too scared to sleep.”

Lu Zizheng couldn’t help but arch her brows and said with amusement: “Do you know what exaggeration means?”

Jiang Huaixi curved her lips into a proud smile, raised her brows, and calmly said: “Anyway, not like me.”

She looked at Lu Zizheng’s vivid, exquisite, charming, and gentle face so close to her, and her heart couldn’t help but soften repeatedly, feeling a moist warmth within. The first sight upon waking and the last before sleep, seeing this face that haunts her dreams, isn’t it also a beautiful dream she has longed to fulfill but dared not? Countless times, she wanted to reach out and embrace that soft, delicate body; countless times, she wanted to nod in response to those hopeful, bright eyes; countless times, she could hardly restrain herself…

But, Zizheng, if now you and I fulfill this beautiful dream, one day, when the dream ends, and you find me no longer by your side, never to return, would you resent today’s indulgence and infatuation?

The wind gently blew in from outside the window, refreshing and soothing, as Jiang Huaixi slightly closed her eyes, glanced towards the large floor-to-ceiling window, and gazed at the vast night sky, with an extremely faint smile on her lips.

She extended her hand from under the quilt, her slender fingers lightly pointed, gesturing towards the distant night sky, and softly asked: “Zizheng, do you see those seven stars arranged like a spoon? That’s the Big Dipper…”

Lu Zizheng followed her finger to look, but saw only a patch of dark night sky, not even a few ordinary stars, so she hesitantly responded: “Um, I don’t seem to see it…”

Jiang Huaixi just faintly smiled, gestured a bit lower, and continued: “You see, a bit below it to the south, shining like an inverted question mark, that’s Leo… Do you see it?”

Lu Zizheng involuntarily leaned closer to Jiang Huaixi, rested her chin on Jiang Huaixi’s shoulder, and together they looked at the night sky. She couldn’t help but softly whisper in her ear: “Where is it, why don’t I see anything?”

Jiang Huaixi turned her head, curved her lips, raised her brows, and smilingly replied: “Maybe it’s because you’re a bit dumb?”

Hearing this, Lu Zizheng unhappily poked Jiang Huaixi’s slender shoulder with her pointed chin as a sign of her displeasure.

Jiang Huaixi’s eyes held a hint of uncontrollable indulgence and tenderness as she watched Lu Zizheng’s childish action. She softened her voice and said seriously: “When I was young, I liked to pester Dad with Huaichuan to teach us to recognize stars, like the Big Dipper, Leo, and the North Star. They’ve always been in my heart, so I can see them, always by my side, accompanying Dad’s gentle whispers.”

Lu Zizheng paused slightly, quietly gazing at Jiang Huaixi. She saw Jiang Huaixi’s eyes, bright as stars, and a gentle smile appeared at the corner of her lips. She reached out and gently covered her heart, saying to her: “Zizheng, Auntie is here, do you see?”

Lu Zizheng only gazed at her intently.

Jiang Huaixi raised another hand and covered Lu Zizheng’s eyes, softly and gently guiding her: “Use your heart to see. Do you see, in your heart, there is a little house where Auntie lives, safe and sound, gently watching you, accompanying you, always…”

Lu Zizheng’s eyes gently moved, her long eyelashes fluttered, brushing across Jiang Huaixi’s palm, softly tickling, making Jiang Huaixi’s heart tremble.

After remaining silent for a long time, a light smile finally appeared on Lu Zizheng’s lips.

She gently pulled down Jiang Huaixi’s hand from her eyes and turned her gaze to Jiang Huaixi, her eyes more gentle than the night. Under Jiang Huaixi’s startled gaze, Lu Zizheng placed Jiang Huaixi’s hand by her lips and lightly kissed her palm.

She said: “Huaixi, I saw Mom. I also saw that, besides Mom, the house is filled entirely with you, Huaixi…”

LP: Re-translated on September 07, 2024