However, I still really like you.
On the plane, Lu Zizheng and Lian Xuan sat side by side. Lian Xuan seemed to be in a good mood, with a smile in her eyes and brows. She smiled and asked Lu Zizheng, who was looking out the window with her head tilted, “Sorry, I was on a business trip yesterday and didn’t get to see you. There was quite a bit of material, and time was tight. Thank you for your hard work.”
Lu Zizheng turned her head back, looking at the seat in front of her, and replied calmly, “It’s nothing, it’s what I should do. You’re too polite, President Lian.”
Seeing that Lu Zizheng had been frowning and had a cold expression since getting on the plane, Lian Xuan couldn’t help but ask, “Zizheng, you seem… not in a good mood?”
Lu Zizheng frowned. At this moment, tens of thousands of feet in the air, watching the plane pass through the clouds, she should have been filled with fear due to her acrophobia, but instead, her mind was occupied with other thoughts. She kept wondering, did Jiang Huaixi call her?
Hearing Lian Xuan’s question, Lu Zizheng slightly closed her eyes, appearing disinclined to converse, and coldly said, “No, President Lian, you’re overthinking it.”
Lian Xuan gazed at her for a moment, then sighed softly, closing her eyes to rest.
Over the next three days, Lu Zizheng and Lian Xuan interacted as if they were strictly on business. Aside from work-related matters, Lu Zizheng did not give her any opportunity for further communication. Lian Xuan felt that this time Lu Zizheng seemed much colder than before; the door to her emotional world was locked even tighter, and there was nothing she could do about it. A few times, when Lian Xuan invited her to dinner, Lu Zizheng coldly declined, leaving Lian Xuan to silently watch Lu Zizheng’s unyielding figure with a wry smile.
On the afternoon of the fourth day, after several days of earnest negotiations, the contract was finally signed. Lian Xuan obviously breathed a sigh of relief, her mood significantly improved. The repeated rejections had not diminished her enthusiasm for Lu Zizheng. After leaving the hotel, she took Lu Zizheng’s hand and smiled as she pleaded, “Zizheng, let’s have dinner together tonight to celebrate, okay? Just consider it my way of thanking you for your hard work these past few days.”
Lian Xuan’s face was full of sincerity, and her words carried an unconscious coquetry that Lu Zizheng was familiar with from years past. If it were last time, Lu Zizheng would have likely softened and given in. But now, Lu Zizheng felt completely exhausted, with no energy left to handle or feel sorry for Lian Xuan.
These past few days, whenever she encountered something novel or exciting, she couldn’t help but want to text Jiang Huaixi to share it. At night, when she was tired or unable to sleep, she would inevitably want to revisit her text messages with Jiang Huaixi. But as she took out her phone, she would sadly remember that Jiang Huaixi no longer belonged in her world.
Jiang Huaixi had taken seven years to cultivate a habit of relying on her. How long would it take her to break this habit? Lu Zizheng dared not think about it in despair. She couldn’t forget Jiang Huaixi, and the pain came from being unable to possess her; she wanted to forget Jiang Huaixi, but out of reluctance, she still felt pain.
Already overwhelmed with her own struggles, how could she care for Lian Xuan, who was uncertain if her intentions were sincere or feigned?
Lu Zizheng merely shook her head lightly, refusing, “President Lian, I’m tired and want to go back to rest first.”
Lian Xuan held Lu Zizheng’s hand, gradually losing strength and reluctantly smiled, “Alright then, take a good rest.”
Lu Zizheng returned to the hotel, handled some materials at hand, and then wearily laid her head on the desk, half-asleep and half-awake.
It was unclear how long it had been when she vaguely heard someone knocking on the door, which startled her awake.
Lu Zizheng rubbed her sleepy eyes and opened the door, only to see Lian Xuan dressed in a casual dress, a nervous smile revealing her cute dimples as she gently asked, “Zizheng, I heard that the cherry blossoms on the nearby mountain are in full bloom right now. I want to go see them. Would you like to join me?”
Lu Zizheng pressed her lips together, silently looking at her, and her refusal was very apparent.
The smile on Lian Xuan’s face gradually froze, and she awkwardly bit her lip, turning away to say lightly, “It’s okay, I must have disturbed you…”
Unexpectedly, Lu Zizheng’s calm voice suddenly sounded from behind her, “Wait for me a moment; I’ll change my shoes and go with you.”
Lian Xuan stopped in her tracks, turned around, and looked at Lu Zizheng, who was bending down to change her shoes. In an instant, her face lit up with joy, and she happily replied, “Okay.”
Lian Xuan said that the hotel staff informed her that they could drive up to the mountainside, so she drove them there.
On the way, Lu Zizheng remained silent, gazing out the window at the passing scenery.
A few years ago, when she was still an intern, the president of the translation agency had high hopes for her and took her to Japan for a business trip. She had been on edge the whole time, busy with work, and didn’t even take a moment to see the famous cherry blossoms in Japan. After returning home, she immediately went back to her house to let her mother know she was safe, and then brought the gifts she had bought in Japan to Jiang Huaixi’s dormitory at school.
At that time, when Jiang Huaixi opened the door and saw Lu Zizheng, her surprise was evident because Lu Zizheng had returned a day earlier than she had told her.
Lu Zizheng saw that there was an easel set up in the living room. Jiang Huaixi was painting? She leaned over to take a look and saw that Jiang Huaixi was painting a tree full of splendid cherry blossoms.
Jiang Huaixi looked at her painting and asked Lu Zizheng, “Were the cherry blossoms in Japan beautiful?”
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Lu Zizheng was taken aback for a moment and then stammered with a bitter smile, “I didn’t see them; I was too busy with work to have any time.”
Jiang Huaixi couldn’t help but curve her lips into a smile as she teased Lu Zizheng, “You’re such a top employee, really a fool…”
The laughter lingered, but the circumstances had already changed…
The car drove up to the mountainside, but they couldn’t go any further. Lu Zizheng and Lian Xuan got out of the car together. Once they were out, Lu Zizheng noticed that Lian Xuan was wearing at least seven-centimeter high heels. Following behind Lian Xuan, she watched her waver as she walked up, feeling a bit anxious.
Sure enough, just before reaching the summit, Lian Xuan suddenly exclaimed, “Ah!” and stumbled down. Lu Zizheng reacted quickly and rushed over to support Lian Xuan.
Lian Xuan, still shaken, grabbed Lu Zizheng’s hand, inhaling sharply in pain, struggling to stand upright.
Lu Zizheng frowned and asked, “Does it hurt a lot? We should go back.”
However, Lian Xuan shook her head while holding onto her hand, insisting, “It’s fine. We’ve come this far; it would be a shame not to go up just a few more steps. Let’s go…”
Lu Zizheng saw Lian Xuan frowning yet looking determined, so she had no choice but to support her with both hands and continue walking up slowly.
When they reached the summit, what greeted their eyes was a sea of vibrant red, like falling into a sea of flowers. Lian Xuan found a large rock and sat down to rest, feeling a sense of relief, while Lu Zizheng walked a few steps forward, staring blankly at the pink blossoms covering the mountains, trees, and ground.
She finally remembered seeing the cherry blossoms in Japan, but it seemed even more sorrowful now.
She took out her phone and snapped a few photos, with the last one, as usual, featuring a peace sign in front of the camera. Then, she sent this photo to her mother. This had been her habit for many years—whenever she traveled for work, she would send her mother a local photo with a “peace” gesture to let her know she was doing well and to not worry.
The photo was sent, but Lu Zizheng still stared at the sending interface, unwilling to leave. She wanted so much to tell that person who had once laughed at her for being foolish that this time she took the opportunity to see the cherry blossoms, and she was with her boss, being quite clever, right? But… before she could finish her thoughts, her phone appropriately shut down due to low battery.
Lu Zizheng looked at the black screen and let out a bitter laugh.
Lian Xuan didn’t know when she had moved behind Lu Zizheng and gently called out to her, “Zizheng…”
Lu Zizheng turned her head and looked at her indifferently.
Lian Xuan fixed her gaze on Lu Zizheng, her eyes like water, and spoke softly, “Zizheng, it was all my fault back then. I’m sorry, those words were not my heartfelt words.”
Lu Zizheng, however, stared at her blankly for a moment, then slightly lowered her eyes, her expression cold. She put away her phone and did not respond to Lian Xuan’s apology but said calmly, “It’s getting dark soon, and your legs aren’t convenient. Let’s head down the mountain early.” After saying that, she reached out to support Lian Xuan.
Lian Xuan looked at Lu Zizheng’s lack of response, her expression somewhat desolate, but she just nodded in agreement.
Going up the mountain was easy, but coming down was difficult. Lian Xuan walked with a limp, her expression growing increasingly pained. Seeing her struggle, Lu Zizheng finally couldn’t bear to watch any longer. When they reached a slightly flatter path, Lu Zizheng let out a heavy sigh in her heart, grabbed Lian Xuan, squatted down, and said calmly, “Get on, I’ll carry you down.”
Lian Xuan stared blankly at Lu Zizheng’s actions, looking quite surprised, and the next moment, a smile blossomed on her pale face, which was strained with pain. “Zizheng, thank you.”
Lu Zizheng walked at a steady pace, with Lian Xuan on her back, her arms wrapped around Lu Zizheng’s neck. Unable to suppress her joyful smile, after a long silence, Lian Xuan couldn’t help but ask her, “Zizheng, you liked me in high school, right?”
Lu Zizheng’s steps paused slightly, and she let out a soft snort from her nose before coldly replying, “That was just back then.”
Lian Xuan, however, gently sighed in her ear and seriously yet tenderly asked her, “What should I do, Zizheng? It seems that I still really like you.”
Lu Zizheng’s body clearly stiffened. She bit her tongue hard to suppress the impulse to throw Lian Xuan off her back.
Years ago, she had also thought that Lian Xuan’s affection was as serious as her own, treating feelings as something to be valued in life. But what was the answer Lian Xuan gave her later?
In the first year of high school, that day, after she had been unable to sleep again all night, when the physical education teacher dismissed the class for free activities, she and Lian Xuan went to their usual small lawn to rest. Sitting on the grass together, inhaling the familiar scent of Lian Xuan, Lu Zizheng felt at peace and gradually began to feel sleepy.
Seeing her getting drowsy, Lian Xuan playfully covered her eyes with both hands, letting her lie down on her legs, and gently smiled as she said, “You can take a nap; I’ll be the knight for the sleeping beauty princess and give you sweet dreams without worries.”
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Lu Zizheng lay down on Lian Xuan’s legs, slightly closing her eyes as she looked at Lian Xuan’s gentle smiling face before gradually drifting off to sleep.
She had light sleep and found it hard to fall deeply asleep. In a daze, she felt a warm and soft sensation on her lips. Lu Zizheng opened her eyes in confusion and saw Lian Xuan’s long, delicate eyelashes fluttering in front of her, closed eyes. At that moment, Lu Zizheng hurriedly closed her eyes again, feeling the warmth on her lips, her heart racing with a rush of sweet joy.
She thought that Lian Xuan had finally seen the true feelings she had lowered to the dust. She heard the sound of flowers blooming in her heart and believed that Lian Xuan would be her sun, dispelling all shadows in her life, and from then on, spring would bloom, and the sky would shine brilliantly.
But that evening, during self-study, Ji Yao came to find her and said, “Lu Zizheng, don’t take yourself too seriously. Lian Xuan is aware of those disgraceful things in your past. The reason she initially approached you was because she lost a bet with her friends and was punished to do this big adventure. I’m not sure what kind of feelings you have for Lian Xuan now, but I just hope you can see your position clearly. Don’t have any unrealistic thoughts and stay away from her; the paths she walks and yours are different.”
Upon hearing Ji Yao tell her about Lian Xuan’s initial intentions for approaching her, Lu Zizheng was momentarily stunned and flustered. She had long noticed Ji Yao’s dislike and veiled hostility toward her. Lu Zizheng was not accustomed to believing in herself or being brave; she was used to evading and retreating. But at that moment, she thought of the tender feelings Lian Xuan had imprinted on her lips that afternoon and suddenly felt an infinite courage and determination. Gritting her teeth, she retorted, “I’m not clear about Lian Xuan’s initial intentions for approaching me, but I believe that her feelings for me now are genuine. She will surely believe me and know that those past things are nothing but fabrications.”
Ji Yao looked at her with a hint of sympathy, as if she thought of something, and mocked, “Genuine feelings? I already said, you and Lian Xuan are not the same person. How could you possibly understand how much weight genuine feelings have in Lian Xuan’s world?”
At that time, Lu Zizheng still didn’t believe Ji Yao’s words.
But two days later, Lian Xuan made her fully realize it.
And today, after many years, Lian Xuan said to her again that she really liked her, presenting herself as if she was offering her absolute sincerity. Ha, what adventure and what bet is this time? Or did she never get enough of playing with her in the past? Lu Zizheng suddenly couldn’t contain the anger rising in her heart. She abruptly set Lian Xuan down, gave her a cold glance, and said coldly, “President Lian, how much weight does your so-called liking really have? I don’t believe you. What can you use to prove that your so-called liking is not fake?”
Lian Xuan looked at Lu Zizheng, who spoke coldly to her, in disbelief, and for a moment felt a wave of sadness. Feelings, what can be used as proof? Knowing full well that she shouldn’t like her, yet still unable to help but be moved, telling herself a thousand times to stay away, but still wanting to get closer—does that count as real liking?
She remembered that year when she carefully stole a kiss from Lu Zizheng, full of tenderness, and was afraid to wake her. After reluctantly leaving her lips, she hadn’t even had time to feel joyful before looking up and seeing Ji Yao standing not far away, coldly watching her, and in that instant, it felt like she had fallen into an ice cellar.
Ji Yao asked her, “Don’t you know how much pressure Old Master Lian is under and how much hope he has for you?”
Lian Xuan fell silent, wanting to escape.
But Ji Yao struck straight to the point: “Lian Xuan, you’ve just returned from England with great difficulty. Don’t you know how many eyes are watching you? Aren’t there enough rumors about you and Lu Zizheng in the school? If Old Master Lian finds out, what do you think he would do to set your feelings straight? Wouldn’t he rather choose to send you away again?”
Lian Xuan’s expression finally softened, her lips nearly biting into her flesh, but in the end, she was left speechless.
That night, she looked at the secretly taken photos of Lu Zizheng on her phone, sobbing and unable to sleep all night. For her, feelings were indeed too luxurious. When dawn broke, she deleted all the photos of Lu Zizheng with red eyes. It was better to end it quickly than to suffer a long pain.
But she still couldn’t find the opportunity to end things with Lu Zizheng, until that day when Lu Zizheng begged her again due to her uncle’s situation, giving her a chance.
That day, Lu Zizheng desperately pleaded while holding her hand, and Lian Xuan clearly felt her own heart soften and ache. Afraid of compromising, she desperately tried to shake off Lu Zizheng and leave. Lu Zizheng chased her for how long after the car; Lian Xuan endured tears in the car for just as long. She didn’t even have the right to cry, fearing the driver might notice something unusual and report it to her grandfather.
Over the years, Lian Xuan had kept Lu Zizheng deep in her heart, considering her the most untouchable and beautiful dream of this lifetime. She had been deceiving herself, believing that as long as enough time passed, she could forget it all completely. Yet she never expected Lu Zizheng to appear before her again. From the very first moment of their reunion, she began to stir her heartstrings.
In these years, she had acted in plays and kissed others, but she had never again experienced the heart-thumping joy and sweetness of that year. In this lifetime, what she cherished and desired was only the fleeting warmth she felt on Lu Zizheng’s lips that year. Could this not prove that she truly loved her?
Lian Xuan drove back to the hotel in silence. When it was time to get out of the car, she seemed to have finally made up her mind and said firmly, “Zizheng, believe me, I will give you my proof.”
Lu Zizheng glanced at her but remained silent, opening the door to get out. As soon as she stepped out, she immediately saw a handsome man standing at the hotel entrance with a bouquet of flowers. Upon seeing Lian Xuan, he quickly approached and warmly hugged her, calling out, “Xiaoxuan…”
Lu Zizheng recognized him as the man who had dined with Lian Xuan on Christmas, Lian Xuan’s fiancé, whom she was about to get engaged to.
The moment Lian Xuan saw Zhou Zhong’an, her face paled. She instinctively looked at Lu Zizheng’s expression, but all she saw was Lu Zizheng looking at them with a calm demeanor. Eventually, she revealed a slightly mocking smile, nodded at them, and walked into the hotel first.
In that moment, Lian Xuan’s heart sank to the bottom.
In the elevator, Lu Zizheng laughed silently in disbelief. She didn’t know who Lian Xuan truly held in her heart, but she knew who she was embracing. She wondered if Lian Xuan herself even realized it.
Lowering her head, she recalled the moment when Jiang Huaixi threw the roses into the trash without hesitation, telling her, “I would rather waste them than settle.” A gentle smile gradually appeared on her lips.
But in less than a moment, that smile slowly turned bitter.
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So, Huaixi, is that why you are unwilling to settle for me?
In this world, who could be so fortunate to receive your refusal to settle?
She had always regarded “to gain is my fortune, to lose is my fate; to gain calmly, to lose indifferently” as her motto. But at this moment, she clearly felt a feeling called jealousy taking root…
Lu Zizheng returned to the hotel, charged her phone, and turned it on, only to find multiple missed calls from a strange number. Normally, she wouldn’t pay attention to calls from unknown numbers, but due to the frequency of the calls, Lu Zizheng couldn’t help but speculate whether Jiang Huaixi had discovered that she had been blacklisted and was unable to reach her, so she changed her number.
After hesitating for a long time, she still couldn’t resist the urge and nervously called back. She told herself that she just wanted to see who was calling; it didn’t necessarily mean the caller had anything important to say.
The phone rang for a long time before finally being answered. On the other end, Lu Zizheng heard Jiang Huaixi’s familiar, cold voice asking, “Is this Zizheng?”
At that moment, Lu Zizheng couldn’t help but smile. Didn’t this prove that Jiang Huaixi, like her, cared about each other?
But in the next instant, Lu Zizheng’s smile vanished in an instant.
Jiang Huaixi, using that voice that Lu Zizheng longed for, spoke in a calm but hoarse tone, delivering the devastating news that made Lu Zizheng feel as if the world were spinning: “Zizheng, are you still in Japan? Come back first. Auntie is seriously ill and currently in emergency care; the doctor has issued a critical condition notice…”
LP: Oh come on, give my girl a break!!!
Re-translated on August 21, 2024
My heart. My lung too.
My heart. My lung too.