Peaches and Plums Don’t Speak – Chapter 14

Raising a child is not an easy matter

Anzhi was pacing anxiously in her room. Yan Qi didn’t bother closing the door when she came in; after all, they were the only two people on this floor.

“Are you angry?” Anzhi asked, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. She didn’t even dare to sit down, just stood there with her head tilted up, staring at Yan Qi with a pitiful gaze.

Yan Qi remained silent. In her mind, this was an extremely serious matter. Leaving without a word—running away from home. She had to make it clear that this was wrong, but Anzhi was already like a bird startled by a bowstring¹. She couldn’t be too gentle, nor could she be too harsh. What if I say something too severe and she runs off again?

“Do you think…” Yan Qi began, but cut herself off with a sigh. She had no idea how to even start this conversation. After all the time they had spent together, couldn’t Anzhi trust her? If she hadn’t been so lucky just now… if she’d been hit by a car, or kidnapped… If Yan Qi hadn’t found her in time, where would she have spent the night?

The thought alone left a lingering fear in her heart².

Anzhi grew more panicked. She bit her lip as tears began to fall, pat, pat, pat. She reached out a small hand and tugged on the corner of Yan Qi’s sleeve.

Yan Qi placed her hand over Anzhi’s. A bitter, sour feeling welled up inside her.

Was I forcing this? Should I never have brought Anzhi home in the first place? I’m completely incapable of taking care of a child.

Yan Qi’s heart was filled not only with bitterness, but with uncertainty.

She admitted bringing Anzhi home had been an impulse. She knew raising a child wouldn’t be simple, but it was turning out to be even harder than she had ever imagined.

The door was still open. Grandfather Yan and Grandmother Yan came in, one after the other. They found the older one looking stunned and the little one crying softly. The two exchanged a glance, and Grandfather Yan smiled. “What’s happened here?”

Grandmother Yan stepped forward and scooped Anzhi into her arms. “Little Anzhi, come on, talk with your Great-grandmother.”

The two elders acted in perfect concert. Grandmother Yan carried Anzhi away, while Grandfather Yan stayed behind, watching Yan Qi with a gentle smile.

“Xiao Wu,” he said, “when was the last time I saw you with red eyes?”

Yan Qi’s eyes were indeed stinging. Teased by her grandfather, she turned her head away, embarrassed.

“The child is back safe and sound, so what are you crying your nose³ for?” Grandfather Yan sat down and leisurely crossed his legs, raising Erlang’s leg⁴.

Yan Qi touched her nose sheepishly. “I’m not crying my nose…”

She hesitated for a moment before surrendering to her grandfather’s gaze that seemed to see through everything⁵. “I just don’t know if my decision was the right one…” she mumbled.

A flood of memories came back to her: her iron-willed decision to break up with Gao Jiming, no matter how he begged her to reconsider; giving up her guaranteed graduate admission⁶ to start working instead; and now, bringing Anzhi home only to fail at taking proper care of her.

Grandfather Yan said, “Do you remember your first year of high school? You fell in love with photography. You were always skipping class, running off to the countryside, the suburbs—anywhere you could take pictures. You completely ignored your schoolwork…”

“Your teachers called me and your grandmother for parent-teacher conferences at least five times.”

“Your rank plummeted from the top three in your grade to the top thirty, then the top fifty, then the top hundred.”

“Back then, no one could talk any sense into you. Not your brothers, not me, not your grandmother. You wouldn’t listen to a word we said.”

“And what did you say? You said that since you had made your decision, you would bear all the consequences that came with it.”

Thinking back, Yan Qi laughed and tapped her head. “But at the end of the semester, right before the three-school unified exam⁷, my Homeroom Teacher gave me an ultimatum. She said if I kept skipping class, I’d be kicked out of the key point class⁸ for sure after finals, so she might as well just do it then…”

“So I spent the entire week before the exam pulling crazy all-nighters and just barely managed to hang on to my spot.”

“I was a walking corpse, moving meat⁹ for a whole week… That was a steep price to pay…”

Yan Qi understood her grandfather’s point. She frowned slightly. “But you can’t compare that to this…”

Grandfather Yan looked at her. “But you’re not fourteen or fifteen anymore, are you?”

“I understand what you mean,” she said. “You’re telling me that since I made a decision, I have to bear the responsibility that comes with it.”

Yan Qi’s expression was troubled. “But I don’t know how to raise a child… Grandfather… I feel like I’ve been trying my best these past few weeks, and an accident like this still happened… I’m afraid that when I run into more difficulties later, I’ll get impatient or lose heart. That would hurt Anzhi even more…”

“Grandfather… when you were raising us, did you ever worry like this?”

“Raising a child has never been an easy matter. It’s always harder than you imagine. The kind of person someone becomes is inseparable from the environment they grow up in. You can arrange everything, plan everything, thinking they’ll grow in the direction you hope for, but more often than not, matters go against wishes¹⁰.”

“Your grandmother and I were very strict with your father when he was young. He had a great talent for music, and we were set on him pursuing that path. But what did he do? He chose architectural engineering…”

“It took us a very long time to convince ourselves that children have their own thoughts, and all we can do is respect them.”

“And that’s not all. During his junior year of college, your father suddenly ran home to tell us he was going to marry your mother!”

“Back then, college students weren’t even allowed to get married. It wasn’t that we objected to them falling in love, we just felt they were still too young to start a family.”

“But not long after that, your father announced that your mother was pregnant with your Eldest Brother… I was so furious I nearly decided to sever our father-son relationship¹¹! The shame I felt, on behalf of this old face of mine…”

Grandfather Yan shook his head.

This was the first time Yan Qi had ever heard the “grand saga” of her parents. She found it so amusing she couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

“Then it must have been much easier for you and Grandmother when you were raising us, right?”

“Easy?” Grandfather Yan scoffed. “Your Eldest Brother loved to get into fights in elementary school and hated studying. Then in middle school, I don’t know what got into him, but he declared he was ‘seriously dissatisfied with China’s exam-oriented education¹²‘ and led most of his class to hand in a blank paper¹³ on a test… He made his Homeroom Teacher—who’d just started her career—cry her eyes out…”

“Your Second Brother, after learning about electricity in his second year of middle school, became obsessed with tinkering with the household appliances. He dismantled everything he could get his hands on! Once he was done with the appliances, he started on the electrical sockets. Your grandmother was terrified. She started shutting off the main switch¹⁴ every night, afraid he’d get up to no good while we were all asleep.”

“And your Third Brother, when he was nine or ten, I don’t know what wire got crossed in his head, but he decided he wanted to be a girl. He loved wearing dresses… Your grandmother and I were so worried…”

“Huh? No way, that actually happened?”

Grandfather Yan sighed. “Later, your grandmother and I realized he just thought it was fun. It wasn’t some unhealthy hobby or a sign of a different gender identity. We were this close to accepting that we had a granddaughter…”

Yan Qi laughed so hard that tears streamed down her face. “My Third Brother is really… his painting style is clear and strange¹⁵…”

Still catching her breath from laughing, she turned to her grandfather playfully. “Grandfather, I was the best-behaved one, right?”

“You?” Grandfather Yan gave her a sidelong glance. “You were the most mischievous of all! Most of my flowers and plants met their doom at your hands. And whenever I tried to scold you, you’d just fake cry and act pitiful. You were the one who gave us the most headaches!”

Yan Qi covered her face, still laughing.

“Of course,” Grandfather Yan said, carefully observing her expression, “if you feel the pressure is too much, you can always send Anzhi back…”

Yan Qi’s expression faltered.

Her grandfather continued, “After all, she’s not related to you by blood, is she? You don’t have any real responsibility…”

“But if you’re going to stick with your decision, then see it through. No one can say whether it’s right or wrong, and you can never be completely prepared. All we can do is take one step, and then another. Maybe you’ll end up at an unexpected destination. Maybe you’ll find a lot of beautiful scenery along the way.”

Yan Qi smiled. “Grandfather, that’s a little too much chicken soup¹⁶!”

Her grandfather chuckled. “See? You’re not crying your nose anymore.”

Yan Qi gave an embarrassed little cough.

“Let’s go check on your grandmother and Anzhi,” Grandfather Yan said, leading the way. “You know, you’re the adult here. You need to control your own emotions, or you’ll only make the child more anxious…”

Upstairs, Grandmother Yan was holding Anzhi, coaxing her gently. “No, no, it’s not your fault. Just think, wouldn’t it have been much worse if Yan Da Pang had eaten the peaches somewhere outside?”

Anzhi sobbed in her arms.

“But you can’t just run off like that again, understand? The grown-ups were so worried! There, there, don’t cry anymore. You’ve cried your face into a little flower cat¹⁷…”

Grandmother Yan carried her over to the piano. “Didn’t I teach you how to sing Little Star¹⁸ last time? Do you remember? Come, play the piano with Grandmother…

Do Do Sol Sol La La Sol¹⁹…”

“Yes, that’s it, play with Grandmother… Twinkle, twinkle, little star…“

Anzhi’s attention was captured. Her crying slowly subsided as her small hands followed Grandmother Yan’s, pressing the piano keys.

“Good, very good. You’re so smart,” Grandmother Yan praised her with a wide smile.

She turned and saw Grandfather Yan and Yan Qi standing there watching. “Old man,” Grandmother Yan said cheerfully, “look how well Xiao Wu is playing.”

Grandfather Yan knew her memory was muddled again. “That’s not Xiao Wu,” he said gently. “That’s Anzhi.”

Yan Qi added, “Grandmother, I’m over here…”

Grandmother Yan paused, then touched Anzhi’s cheek. A look of sudden realization crossed her face. “Oh, look at my memory. This is Xiao Wu’s daughter…”

Grandfather Yan sighed with a smile. “Alright, alright, you should get some rest too. Come on…”

“Let the children solve their own problems.”

He walked over and took Grandmother Yan’s hand, and the two of them slowly shuffled off to rest.

Anzhi slid down from the piano bench. She tilted her head up to look at Yan Qi, her eyes still watery and full of caution.

At some point, the rain outside had started up again, a soft drizzle that was threatening to grow heavier.

Yan Qi suddenly asked in a soft voice, “Are you hungry?”

Anzhi just stared, stunned.

“I didn’t get to finish my dinner, and you only had a little bit. Let’s go to the kitchen and see what we can find…”

Yan Qi took her hand. Like a little rabbit, Anzhi gave a small nod. “Okay.”

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The author has something to say:

Just curious, are there any old readers here?

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